Chapter 15
The house is silent and slightly cold, but that doesn't stop the thoughts from rushing inside my head. I'm far from happy about the fact that I'll have to learn the wolf way by someone that I can barely stand, let alone talk to.
There has to be another way surely?
I'd take lessons with Bane first before learning anything from Ryder after what I saw tonight. Max's face will again be on my mind for a while, and until I find out all the answers that are left unresolved, I'm left feeling incomplete - I can't think of anything as to why Ryder did what he did.
I lie wide awake in my bed when I hear the door to my house closing downstairs. I lie awake most nights just to hear my mum coming through that door at ridiculous hours, and yet she still returns to the hospital. She loves doing what she does best - the things she can do mesmerizes me.
I turn to my side; away from the door and shut my eyes ready for sleep to overtake me.
When I hear the door to my bedroom open gently, I smile happily to myself. Not once has my mother forgotten to check on me straight when she comes home. In a way, I think she does it to reassure herself that I'm still here with her.
She never says anything to me, she has a quick look to see if I'm asleep and then leaves quietly, and she never closes the door. So when I hear the door start closing and footsteps approaching my bed, I know something isn't right. I swiftly turn the lamp on placed on my bedside table and turn to face whoever's entered my room.
It doesn't matter how many times I see him, he'll always make me feel nervous, but for some reason seeing him here right now, makes me forget about the argument we had earlier.
Ryder stands unmoving in the middle of my room - his clothes soaked from the wet weather outside. He wears black skinny jeans with a white shirt sticking to him that makes out his bare muscular chest underneath. His hair is slicked back with droplets of rain falling every so often on his face, and he also breathes heavily like he's been running to get here.
I'm frozen from the position in my bed wondering what has brought Ryder here in the middle of the night.
“Ryder, what are you doing?”
“Is it true?” Ryder asks in a gravelly voice which in return makes my heart skip a beat.
It takes me a couple of seconds for me to answer him. “Is what true?”
Ryder crosses his arms over his chest, causing the muscles of his biceps to bulge through the sleeves. “What Kellan said to me.”
I shake my head. “It was no big deal. Max kissed me and...”
“That's not what I meant.” “Oh.”
“I was told that you don't feel as though you're a wolf.”
I don't hesitate. “Yeah, it's true. I don't feel any different. At all.”
Ryder thinks for a moment then goes to lean on the wall right beside my window. “You'll come to my house tomorrow.”
“Excuse me?”
Never in my life have I ever had someone order me around like that other than my mother.
I don't know whether I like it or not....
“You need to learn fast. The full moon is in two weeks and we can't waste another day. Now, this could be because you fought the first transformation, or it's just because you're shutting your wolf out without realising it. Trust me doing that is the worst thing you could do. If you shut her out she's just going to disobey you on every decision you make, and that will make her go feral.
Making her feral could result in you never changing back into a human.”
“It's not my fault that I can't summon her. I'm new to this and I have no idea what I'm doing wrong.”
Ryder slowly approaches the bed and stands at my side; looking down at me. “I'm not gonna to say that it's not your fault because it is and deep down you know it too, but you need to let her run free because it's what she needs and wants. She's probably pacing around right now in irritation with you, and I bet she's one pissed off wolf.”
I don't say a word as he talks to me about how it's my fault that I don't feel connected to my wolf like I should be. I know that it's my fault and I feel guilty about it, but with him reminding me all the time for making that wrong decision, it's just going to make me feel worse than I already do. I want her to run free and give her the freedom that she needs, but I'm consciously worried about someone or something hurting the two of us. I'm new to this whole thing so maybe showing up at Ryder's house tomorrow wouldn't be such a bad thing, I mean, I'll be learning how to be a wolf and I'll see what amazing things I can do just like Kellan told me.
“I don't want her to be pissed off with me. Ever.”
That's the last thing I'd ever want..
Ryder places his hand firmly on my thigh. “Come tomorrow and I'll teach you everything you need to know, and we'll take it slow and steady. Most likely she's gonna be hard work, and she's going to think that she's in control, and considering that you're an Alpha too, you're gonna have a short fused stubborn son of a bitch of a wolf on your hands. So, we're going to need numbers.” “You're making it sound like she's feral already.”
Ryder backs away to look out the window. “I can sense her emotions right this second, and I'm telling you she is not happy. I don't know how I didn't pick up on it sooner.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
A second ticks by when Ryder sighs. “Your mom's home. I better leave before she thinks her daughter's up to no good.”
The bright lights of the headlights shine on Ryder's form as my mother turns into the driveway.
I get out of the bed, approach Ryder and place my hand on his arm. “I'll be there.”
He looks at my hand wrapped around his arm, moves to look at me then nods. “Good.”
I drop my hand from his arm as he moves to open my window when I remember the conversation we had earlier, I call his name but he doesn't turn around.
“About tonight, I just want you to know that I don't judge you for what you did.”
He turns to face me with his piercing green eyes. “Which part? The one where I beat the shit out of your friend or the fact that you caught me kissing Silver?”
I'm taken aback and look at Ryder with a frown. “I don't judge you for kissing her.”
Ryder leans right into my face. “Then answer me this, why do I feel so guilty that it was you who walked through that door?”
Before I have a chance to reply, the door downstairs closes and our little moment is broken too quickly. He looks at me one last time, turns and jumps out the window. I rush to it just as I see him remove his shirt and running away from my home in the pouring rain.
I don't hear the door to my room open, I just stare into the night and at the spot where I last saw Ryder before he disappeared into the woods.
“Alice? You're awake.”
When I meet my mother's eyes she smiles warmly at me. “Yeah, I couldn't sleep.”
“You okay?” She looks at me with worry written on her face.
I turn away from the window to look at her. “Yeah, I'll be fine.”
“Well, I for one can't wait to lie down.”
I chuckle. “I bet it's been a long day for you.”
My mother shrugs. “It's what you sign up for if you wanna save lives, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“How was the party? Did you have a nice time?”
I look back at the events of tonight and try to think of anything that did make it a good night, but I come up with absolutely nothing.
“It was okay. I didn't really stay there long.” “And Sam? Is she here or did she go home?” “She went home.”
“Oh, I thought she would've stayed here. I mean, she's always welcome to stay here. We've got plenty of room.”
I just nod. “I know.” “Okay, well goodnight.”
Just as my mother turns to leave my bedroom, I really want to ask her this one question.
“Mum?”
“Yes, honey.” She faces me with a tired look in her eyes but she still smiles.
“Do you know a woman who works at the hospital that has the surname Fields?”
She thinks for a few minutes while murmuring the surname to herself over and over again, then she shakes her head. “No.”
“Are you sure?”
She thinks for a little while then nods. “I'm absolutely positive. We have no one working at the hospital with that surname. I'm the person that's in charge of arranging the shifts, and I've never come across that name.”
My heart has already stopped beating as my mother confidently tells me that Max's mother does not work at the place like he said. I knew something was wrong the minute I saw him in that hospital chair and called his name to see an expression that looked a lot like he didn't want to be caught.
And now that I know the truth I can't help but think why he was there in the first place?
“Is there a reason for this, Alice?”
I smile at her reassuringly. “No, I just needed to know something that's all.”
“Well, I hope that it was useful information.”
My mother turns away and goes to her own room where she'll stay for the rest of the night.
“It was.” I say to myself just as I get into bed hoping to have any kind of rest to get through tomorrow's big day.
I was wrong.