Things settled, and Suzanne became nearly a family member. It took many visits, but she became more and more open and less defensive.
And Cordra began to grow moody. I studied both women and was grateful that I’m a man. Being such, I don’t have the multitude of looks, pouts, and etcetera that seem to be a part of everyday female life. However, my life was not going to remain smooth for long, and Cordra’s moodiness set me in motion to discover why and correct it before she had a thicker wall than Suzanne.
Three months of observation and a renewed reading of my earlier writings, led me to play with them one evening. Suzanne entered the kitchen in her boisterous mood, kissed Cordra on the mouth by the sink, patted her butt, and then came to kiss me at the dining room table.
"Now for the best family member who I don't see. Where's Red Hawk?"
“So, you’re ovulating,” I said.
She frowned. “What?”
I loved that clueless look on her face and enjoyed putting it there. “I said you’re ovulating, probably today.”
“Which means?” she asked, the wrinkles deepening.
“Didn’t you take biology in school? It means your body’s getting ready for getting pregnant, like in having a baby.”
Suzanne looked blank, and a swift glance to Cordra showed her staring at the ceiling, but I knew her mind raced to determine where I would go with that left-field conversation start.
“That’s a weird thing to say. Why did you do that? How do you know that anyway?”
“It's very elementary, my dear. On that day, when you visit us here, or we visit you there at your home; you kiss Cordra on the mouth, and you give her butt a pat. For me; you give me a nice French kiss. Then your next stop is to find and play with Red Hawk until dinner is ready. That’s how I know. You tell me it’s happening.”
“Wow! Is that a bad thing?”
“No. I’ll bet that when this happens at work, the men in the office pay a lot more attention to you. Possibly even the women do too.”
“You’re right. The guys today sucked up to me more than usual. They wanted to give me the most insignificant comfort things they could think of. Fetch me coffee, do copies for me. Ask me for dates. I’m doing that without knowing?”
“Yes you are. Your body doesn’t ask permission. It just does what it’s designed to do. You don’t know it, but it works and the men around you respond. Believe me?”
She grew thoughtful. “Yes. And this time I said yes to one of them. I have a date with Doug on Saturday night.” She smiled and sighed. “Look, when I finally get serious about someone, if I ever do, will you and Cordra check him out for me? You both seem to be psychic in some ways.”
Cordra gave a thumb up and a too anxious smile.
“Yes we will. You want me to tell you when you start your period?”
“You’re pushing it, buster,” she said then retracted it. “Okay, smart guy, I’ll bet you five bucks on that one.”
“Will you confirm it if I get it right?”
She grinned assuredly. “No problem. I doubt seriously that you’ll ever get that one right unless you shack up with me for a few months.”
“Then the bet’s on, and Cordra’s the witness. Red Hawk is upstairs in his room. Go and play with him.” I rubbed my hands briskly and blew across them.
“You’re getting into this, aren’t you?” Cordra asked as she sat in the chair I vacated to get a glass of iced tea.
“I love it. I also love the fact she has a date. Miss Bad Attitude is about to have an adjustment and enter life fully. She needs it. And yes, I like this analyzing women-folk and people in general. I haven’t done that in a month of Sundays, but I’m correcting that now.”
“Well you got that one on me.” She sighed and turned, gazing out the window. “I never realized she did that. She does kiss me sometimes and pat my butt, but I never knew why or wondered about it until now.”
“Oh well, that’s nothing of major importance.” I sat the glass on the table and stood near her chair. I rested two fingers on the side of her neck and lightly tapped her skin. “What I’d like to know is what the Lakota Women’s Council had to say last week?”
“Nothing.”
She said it lightly, but she did tense when I asked.
“What? You mean twenty plus women get together and not a word is said? I find that hard to believe.”
“You should believe it. We had a Quaker meeting. We said nothing for over an hour and then left without even a goodbye.”
“Hmm. That’s odd. I’d figure they’d have something to say about you not getting pregnant and about the cloud of doom and worry you seem to carry lately.”
The tears started instantly. It was like make a statement, add water and get instant tears.
“Oh, gosh! How did you know that? I didn’t want you to know that! Oh, gosh.”
“Hey, love, you live with me, and I’ve gotten to know you. I might not bring up every single little detail, but I did realize this. It’s okay.”
“It’s not!” She turned on the chair, facing me as she wiped her eyes.
I handed her a tissue and listened.
“I want another child. I want, maybe two more children from you before you’re too...” She moved so swiftly I had no time to react to where the sentence was going. One second she was there and the next I saw her back disappearing into the living room.
“Bingo,” I whispered to myself. “But I should have stopped before I got her too frustrated with tears.” I took another drink and followed her.
She sat on the sofa, crying into a cushion. I sat beside her and rubbed her back.
She groaned. “Go away! I don’t want to see you now.”
“I’ve nowhere to go. It’s okay.”
“It’s not. It’s not what I think or feel. I don’t know why I said that. Oh, gosh! I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to be apologetic, just truthful,” I soothed her. “Come on and sit up.”
“No. I don’t want to see you,” she repeated. “I try so hard. You know? I realize that you’re not getting, I mean, there is a time factor to consider, I mean. I don’t know what I mean or where that came from. Oh, gosh! I can’t believe this.” She cried some more.
“That could be one of the chief factors here,” I said, still rubbing her back. “You’ve set a goal, and you’re working toward it, and because it’s not instantly achieved, you get frustrated and try harder and get yourself into a never-ending loop where you defeat yourself with more frustration. Relax. Calm down. Don’t nuke the river to burn the bridge. Just strike a match, drop it on some kindling wood and watch it burn slowly.”
She paused her crying and blew her nose. “You’re probably right. I thought things would go as planned, as we did with Red Hawk. It just didn’t and then too many things got in the way, and I know. I need to relax.”
“So, is what I said very different from the LWC?” I had to ask.
“No, Doctor.” She stuck out her tongue. “They said to relax. To drink green tea, to burn some sage and sweet grass and let myself relax.”
“Great. So, start tonight. Stretch out here, right now, and take a nap. I’ll finish dinner and then wake you.”
She lay face down and I massaged her shoulders, back, and feet. “You think that’s the only problem I have?”
“That’s a good start. I’m on your case now. We’ll get to the bottom of it. I promise you that. You’ll have what you want.”
Five days later, Suzanne entered the kitchen, and I greeted her. After the amenities were over, she headed for Red Hawk’s room.
“You started your period today,” I said.
She stopped in her tracks and shook her head. “I took biology, but not sex education. I don’t remember anything about this in biology class. Cutting up a frog and inspecting his sexual organs is not the same as studying my body from a distance and learning what it’s doing; when I don’t.”
I put on my Cheshire cat grin and held out my hand. “I'll explain after I receive five bucks, please. Money always loosens my tongue.”
She opened her purse and took out a crumpled bill. “Here is the payoff. I’m sure I’ll regret this but how did you know? Or is it just a lucky guess and my honesty?”
“Should I tell her, Cordra?”
“By all means, honey. You got my curiosity up also.”
“During the entire month you dress carefree, never caring on the surface to what you wear. However, it's consistently light pastel colors in any combination of shorts, slacks, blouses, halter tops, and such. Then five to six days after you’re so touchy-feely with the guys in the office, your friend visits, because there is no pregnancy. On that day, and for the duration of your period, three to four days, it’s always a combination of red and black or dark navy blue tops and bottoms. Then it’s back to normal. You're very consistent. You announce what your body is doing to the world. All the world has to do is pay attention. And like most men, they seldom do. They get close to you during ovulation, hoping to score. Then they avoid you during your period, and chalk up your hands-off-buster mood to PMS.”
“You’re amazing. Simply amazing. You’re right, but even I didn’t know that. Why did you do that? I mean, explain that to me.”
“I’m not sure. I know that after we started interacting, I had the strong desire to help you break out of the Bad Attitude and hopefully make you aware of the world and love, things like that. The more I studied you and we talked in depth, I remembered of my conversations with a spirit a long time ago. Then the conversations came back and I applied them to you. And without conversation with you, I learned a lot about you. It’s nothing bad though. It just is. And by knowing and teaching yourself, you can accomplish a lot in life, without consciously striving for it.”
“Agreed. You’re still amazing, even if you have a pet lizard that tells you the secrets of the universe. Thanks.”
I changed the subject. “How did the date go?”
“Just great. We’ve got another one planned on Saturday. I don’t mind so far if he fills up every Saturday. He’s very kind and up to now understanding. The subject of petting or trials haven’t happened yet. I’m still a little nervous about that. I’m just taking it slow, and if he rushes me, I’ll come up with something to slow him down until I can maybe ask for help.”
“Not a problem. I’m glad to hear that.”
And she was faring well, and Cordra was sad because her friend visited her also. And from her mindset, time was running out. Women. Glad I’m not one.
Then Suzanne was on her ovulation cycle. Her body prepped for getting pregnant, and she visited us, jubilantly. Red Hawk, bless his heart, adored her when she visited in her condition. He ran downstairs when he heard her that night and jumped into her open arms. He wrapped his legs around her waist and kissed her all over her face. He's a lucky guy, even if he doesn't know. I can’t do that without becoming an eunuch.
However, I didn’t pay attention to them since it was normal behavior. I observed Cordra watching them from where she stood in the kitchen, and I could scarcely believe what I saw. She was so intent that she didn’t see me, but I saw her every move and gaze.
Okay, Lakota Squaw, I thought to myself. This is a problem. This might cause some more tears, but I cannot let this pass. No way.
sabuSuzanne gave Red Hawk a giggling piggy-back ride to his room, and a frustrated Cordra sat on the chair by the window.
“This chair is a good place for you, for anyone with troubled hearts," I said. “When your butt sits on it, truth is lurking round the corner.”
She flashed me a frown but said nothing.
“So, what did the LWC have to say this week?” I asked.
“Nothing. Just like they did last month. Nothing. Once more they had nothing to say. Sometimes they are useless. That’s the reason for my sour mood. Okay?”
“I find that odd,” I used the opening line from the last time. Use a sure thing more than once if you can get away with it. “They said nothing at all about your jealousy? I saw the rolling eyes. The dagger stuck in Suzanne’s heart. The gagging motions in the kitchen.”
Her face snapped around. “You’re wrong! Suzanne French kisses you. So what? She does the same to me sometimes. So what? I’m not jealous of you and Suzanne. Why is everyone on my ass these days? Ignoring me is an option! Why not use it?” She returned her gaze through the window. “So, go away and leave me alone!”
“I wasn’t talking about Suzanne and me. I was referring to Red Hawk, when HE kissed Suzanne.” I lightly touched her neck.
“Why are you doing this to me?” She snapped on me and then laughed and turned on the tears again.
“Why do the women I love want to know why I do things to them? Tell me. Why do you ask that? Don't you know the answer already?”
“Because you love me! Okay?”
“And my loving you can’t drive you to correct yourself when you make a mistake like yours does me?”
“Oh, gosh! I’ve created a monster with my love. Why, oh why did I ever kiss you the first time?”
“But I’m a good and loving monster, I might add, and I will. Give credit where credit is due. You made a good love machine here.”
She groaned and took the tissue from me as she tried unsuccessfully to smile through the pain. “Okay. I’m jealous. Are you satisfied now?”
“No. Why are you jealous?”
She groaned again.
“You’re getting good with that groan, but it won’t stop me. Out with it.”
“Red Hawk, our son, is a Lakota Warrior. He reminds me of that, frequently. With me, he’s a warrior. He doesn’t need help with a bath, with getting dressed, with too much of anything. He’s a man, and men can’t let women help them. About all I can do is cook for him and clean his clothes, a woman’s job. With her, he sucks up to her every whim and desire. What he doesn’t think of, she does, and it’s enough to make you, me, puke. Kiss her all over her face? How about me? Shake my hand. How nice. Sit in her lap, squirm around and snuggle against her stomach, rub his head over her chest, and me? No. He’s a macho warrior with me. He can't be caught by the elders doing that.
Sometimes, I hold him on the bed and kiss him anyway, just to piss him off. Little prick! Suck up to her, and she can’t breast feed him. But he doesn’t care. I’m a slave squaw. She’s a woman. She’s ovulating. That’s all that matters! Little prick!”
She finished her speech with a loud slap on her knees. “Oh, I truly hate that sometimes! Love to fling him into the next block and forget had proud warrior ass!”
“Wow! Is there an invisible truth serum syringe in this chair? It zapped you thoroughly that time, didn’t it?”
“Screw you too, little prick!” She laughed and cried again. “What am I doing wrong?”
“Wow!” I repeated. “If you want, I’ll squirm around in your lap and rub my head all over your chest. I don’t mind. Really.”
“You’re impossible.”
“But you love me. I’ll even let out my dragon and he’ll bat your nipples around with his flaming head. Zip. Zap.”
“Why don’t you just leave me alone?” she asked and her hands shot up in defense. “I know; I know; I know. Because you love me, you won’t leave me alone. I’ve trained you too well. And you’ve learned my techniques inside out without me knowing it. You’ve learned to hit all my buttons with a simple word or a touch on my neck and resistance is shattered. Every part of me is naked before you, whether I like it or not. Gosh! Love to fling you with him!
“What am I doing wrong? Help me get it right. Please? You helped Suzanne. Can’t you help me? Can you talk to him? I’ll hide in the closet and take a blood-oath never to tell his friends. No one will know that I hug and kiss him.”
I knelt and hugged her. “Look, love, I’ve dug out many of my old notebooks from the German Period of my life. That’s where the conversations with the spirits happened. Some of them are uncomfortable, but I made five dollars from Suzanne, and I’m sure that somewhere in the dreams, and conversations lie the key for you. Patience. Don’t set time limits on your goals and desires. I’m sure I’ll hit on it soon, since Suzanne is very stable for the moment. Relax and let me continue my search. Okay?”
“Yes.”
“However, for tonight, after dinner, tell Suzanne she can get the warrior ready for bed and tuck him in for the night. And tell her she can leave without disturbing us. She’ll understand and both, she and Red Hawk can have a thrill. Can you dig it?”
“Yeah. He’ll make tents in the sheets for a week. Great idea.”
“You’re bad,” I said and ruffled her hair. “Truthful, but bad.”
True to my word, I began to read more of what I had written earlier in my life. And slowly I started to see a pattern of what Cordra was experiencing in her environment. She was changing from the stable woman who bolstered me when I was at the bottom of the pit and now she was sliding down into her own and one passage about a woman Cheyenne warrior finally brought it together for me. Here is that passage from The Book of Cheyenne, Part Two:
Cheyenne wanted to help a woman she loved who was in a coma, losing blood, and dying. She sat on the floor near the bed and prayed sincerely. Her prayer was answered by meeting her father in the clouds. After he questioned her, he let her take the pain from Kate.
It was debilitating and she writhed on the ground. Her father let it go for a time then stopped her before she could injure herself. He picked her up and dropped her over the edge of a cloud.
She fell screaming through the clouds and flung her arms wildly hoping to slow her descent. She looked to her right and left side. She felt surprised to find them covered with feathers. She opened her mouth and squawked as her eyes displayed a vast area of ground beneath her. She moved her wings and began a wide circular drop toward the ground. From somewhere behind her vision, came a tiger to the meadow that approached rapidly. She continued down and found herself on a collision course with the tiger.
She landed on the tiger's back and slipped inside so easily that the transition went nearly unnoticed. Then she took stock of the new and powerful body that glided gracefully and steadily across the meadow. She delighted in her nostrils flaring and pulling large amounts of air into herhuge lungs. She enjoyed many scents that made her keenly aware of her world. She crossed the meadow and leaped across a small creek. She darted into the shallow forest on the opposite side and turned to the left. She paused a moment to discern the location of a feeble voice calling. She moved slowly and cautiously in that direction. She found the newborn lamb and inspected the area. She approached it swiftly and grabbed in her powerful jaws. She swallowed it whole, and continued her running.
She stopped near a white bench that sat underneath a rose Arbor,covered with red and yellow roses. Kate sat there, waiting peacefully.
"Hello, Cheyenne," she said.
Cheyenne was again Cheyenne.
"From the eagle to the tiger to the lamb," said Kate.
"Kate," said Cheyenne. "I didn't mean this to happen."
"It's really okay, Cheyenne. I thank you for your kindness. Death is not a hateful thing for the dead. It really is okay."
Cheyenne snapped back to consciousness.
I spoke to myself. “So, Cordra’s changing, but she’s changing too fast for her to adjust properly and instead of following the LWC’s advice and mine, she’s following her own competitive nature and missing the boat. Now, what to do about it. I’ve had this happen before, experienced it firsthand. But where? And what did I do to solve the problem? I know I did something. What? Okay, Creative Intelligence, Sage in my mind, bring me the solution.”
It took a week before I recalled and read the incident, the consequences, and the cure. It was during my stay at Dover AFB and the Air Force was following federal mandates (quotas) to add women to the military force. Fifteen women were suddenly (within a two-month period) assigned to the shop where I worked. Some were assigned to the flight line to work on the aircraft systems; one in the inspection docks, one to the battery shop, and the rest to in-shop repair section, formerly male only. During the first four months, the phenomena occurred. What happened was all the women unknowingly synchronized their cycles with one dominant female and all would suffer PMS and etcetera on the same day. Several would call out sick on the same day, and they would fight, sometimes viciously among themselves, and with the men. I found it humorous when it started. It was funny to watch the male managers groan and try to deal with the problems, but after six months, it was no longer funny at all. It began to affect the production and morale of the entire shop.
I remember several meetings about the synchronized PMS problem, and no one could arrive at a solution, except for me. I suggested simply separating them, like every six months moving them to different parts of the shop. That was rejected at first, because the male managers were afraid of complaints to the Human Relations department. I suggested it again, but to one of the women and she liked the idea. And then the male managers suddenly did that. It wasn't too long before the women were back on their own cycle. And peace reigned until the next problem.
I knew then what to do, but I realized that the two main injured parties in the deal would be Suzanne and Red Hawk. However, I figured they would both get over it, and it wasn’t going to be a permanent separation, just long enough for Cordra to calm down and catch up with herself. I waited until I knew it was time for Suzanne's ovulation cycle, and Cordra was getting moody when I chose to act.
“Hey, lover, why don’t you take Red Hawk and go visit Song Bird tonight? We might even consider letting him sleep over. And maybe you could join in the adventure,” I suggested before she started dinner.
She closed the refrigerator door and stood in the middle of the kitchen staring at me. “Why?”
“Because I think it would be a good change of pace for you and for Red Hawk. Anyway, I’m not too hungry, so, I’ll fix a sandwich and spend some time in the backyard swing, enjoying nature and quiet,” I said.
She blinked and then stared at me with taunting eyes. “What about Suzanne?”
“What about her?”
“She’s due to visit today, isn’t she?” she asked warily.
“Could be. If she does, I’ll entertain her, but I’d prefer you to take Red Hawk to play with Song Bird’s children, before she arrives.”
She frowned at the suggestion then. “Why? Why do you want to be alone with her?”
“You’re cute when you’re about to be mad for no reason,” I said casually. “You’ve already forgiven me for it, if it goes there. Remember?”
“B.S. I don’t like this. It’s too much pressure in my life right now! If I’m going to get the boot, then be up front with me. This sucks! You know? I can’t deal with it.”
“You’re still cute,” I said. I approached her and rested my hands on her shoulders. “I need to have a conversation, a very deep conversation with Suzanne and I’d rather not have her soul-mate present when I do. He has a lot of years ahead of him to learn about heartbreak.”
I paused a moment to let that sink in before I went on. “As for the latter suspicion, I have an enormous tolerance for many things, but I have my limits. I know you came between Carol and I and it bothered you, even though everyone reaped a great reward from it. If that happened in my tipi, I’d be up front with you, so, don’t ever mention that again. I’ll haul your ass before LWC and embarrass you in full Lakota tradition if you do. Let the wrath of the Lakota women correct your errant behavior. You want to try me?”
She shivered and shook her head. “So, what are you going to do?”
“Leave that to me, and trust me once more, or prepare for a redress you won’t forget,” I said.
“I’ll pass on that.” That broke the spell and she hugged me. “Sorry, your love is too precious to me. Don’t mean to be so possessive and meddlesome. Will you tell me what’s happening afterward?”
“If the price is right. For enough food and toys. Now, pack up Red Hawk and make tracks to Song Bird's”
Red Hawk was thrilled about the idea and never mentioned or thought of Suzanne; at least, I hoped not. He was smiling and babbling with Cordra when they left the driveway. I fixed a sandwich and retired to the swing with a glass of tea. I ate and watched the sun dropping into the western sky. I must have dozed off for I wakened when Suzanne sat beside me in the swing.
“Hi sleepyhead. Where is everybody?”
“Hi. The rest of the family went to visit Song Bird and her children tonight. I think Red Hawk is going to sleep over and probably Cordra will do the same. It’s been ages since she did. It will do both of them good.”
“Oh.”
“Just me and you tonight, buddy. I decided for a silent spell to clear my mind.”
“Good idea. Mind if I join you for a short time?”
“Please do.”
She kicked off her sandals, pulled her feet up and leaned against me as I set the swing in a slow motion.
“How’s Doug? I haven’t asked, and you’ve not bothered talking about him.”
“Doug’s fine. He’s really a great guy. I’m kind of glad the others aren’t here at the moment. I’ve wanted a chance to talk with you alone. Things are progressing and last week he kissed me. He kissed me a lot, and we enjoyed it until his hands started straying. I balked at that and got moody. Well, frightened. Sort of.”
“Did that turn him off?”
“At first. He wanted to know what my problem was. I didn’t want to talk about it. Then he got silent and asked if I was a lesbian. Is that a male thing? If you can’t score when you want to, chalk it up to lesbianism?”
“In this day and society acceptance, it’s in the forefront. So, what happened then.”
She smiled and snuggled against me. “He didn’t wait as long as you to get to the problem. That was the next question, and it stunned me and I didn’t answer soon enough. At first, he looked rather sad, and then he got angry. He told me not to compare him to other men in my life, in the present or from the past or in the future. He told me that he took pride in staying on the outside of the acceptable norm for today’s Macho Male Types. He told me that his mother had undergone the identical surgery, and that it didn’t change his love for her or his father’s love for her. And who was I to say he couldn’t love me under the equivalent conditions? Who was I to determine that?”
At first, my mind said it was made up, but she was too relaxed, and it was also spontaneous. “He really said that?”
“Yes. It blew me away. I was so scared when he kissed me and then, wham, that happened. He kissed me again afterward, and told me to relax, that he wouldn’t push me, but he wasn’t going to give up on having someone so gentle and affectionate like me in his life.”
“You are those qualities and you are worthwhile. Red Hawk doesn’t take to just anyone who walks through our door. You’re special. Glad Doug noticed that. I’d like to meet him someday soon.”
“You will. So, that’s one reason I’m glad you’re alone. I’d love to thank you for not giving up on me and breaking down my wall of hate.” She kissed my cheek.
That makes things easier, I thought to myself.
“The next thing I’d like to bring up is you and Cordra.” She returned her head to my shoulder. “At times when I’m here, I can’t help but think that there’s too much tension around the house. I love you. That’s a given, but it’s not a lustful situation. It’s like the love I’d give to my dad if he was still alive. However, I sometimes hear her crying and her voice too harsh and loud. Is she jealous of me and you? Does she think we’re having an affair?”
I chuckled and squeezed her. “No. You picked the incorrect guy and the wrong problem.”
She gasped. “Red Hawk! She’s jealous of us? Why?”
“Definitely. With her, he’s a Lakota Warrior to the max. He can’t accept affection or help or love. With you, he sucks up to you and overloads himself, and you do the same. You feed each other what you need and that’s really great for both of you, but it pisses Cordra off something fierce.”
“Wow!” She sat up straight. “That explains a lot. Is that the only reason?”
“No. The other is she wants to get pregnant again, and she’s worried that time is running out....”
“Because you’re getting older?” she interrupted. “That’s silly.”
“Not really, but the problem is your extreme sensuality. By you being in the house on a fairly constant basis, it’s brought out a competitive side of her and she’s gotten herself off cycle. Your ovulation and signals have caused her to do the same, but she’s too early