then, but nothing much comes out of them. She grows lonelier each year.
Sarah was too scared of love and didn’t have the courage to take on the risks it entails. Her insecurity and loneliness clouded her mind and heart. In truth, she was more in love with being in love, than she was with Tony himself.
All this prevented her from having a lifetime of happiness with an ideal mate, who ended up simply walking out the door. Had Sarah dealt with the fear of being loved, and truly loved, she would have either married Tony, or attracted yet another man into her life who she could commit to. The strangest part was that, though she so wanted to have someone like Tony in her life, she was too scared of losing him to jump into a lifetime relationship with such a man—making her contradict herself.
In contrast, Tony was ready, focused, and grounded. He was courageous and persevering enough to start a relationship with Sarah by asking her out, and to try building a relationship with her for two years. He was also grounded and honest enough to know when it had to end. It takes strength to end a relationship, and to move on with life. When his relationship with Sarah was finished, Tony gave himself time to heal, but afterward remained open to receiving a new woman into his life.
Now don’t get me wrong: there’s nothing wrong with being single. There are actually people who prefer being single, and
are loving people in their own right who lovingly give of themselves to their beloved friends and families. You could actually be one of them, or become one of them for a certain period of your life.
However, there is something wrong with pining away for love, like a Juliet for her Romeo, while leaving your all excess baggage or demons unresolved. Do this, and you won’t get anywhere in your search for love. If you haven’t the courage to be enough to accept love and all its challenges, then you will remain single. It’s your choice.
It’s difficult, but it must be done: you need to become solid in yourself through your own efforts, and not by using other people as a crutch or as a means of filling up “holes” within
you.
It must be done. It’s difficult to dream about your future without becoming solid in yourself.
Try Dreaming Again
Once you’re solid about who you are and what you want to become, you will need all the imagination and fortitude you can generate in order to fulfill your dreams.
But do you find yourself still stumped as to what to do with the rest of your life? Let your imagination fly! Go ahead, dreams are free. Give yourself a day to imagine, like a child, what you want to be when you “grow up” again.
Take a vacation for a day, and make sure there’s nothing to distract or worry you on that day. No phones, email, faxes, bills, memos, knocking neighbors, etc.
Go into your room, or to a quiet park outside. Or, perhaps you’ll feel better going to a place where you can meditate or pray. Empty your mind of worries or care, and quiet down.
If you have a hard time quieting down, you’ll need to do some extra focusing. Find an empty room that’s as bare as possible, and free from distractions. Light a candle, and focus on it until you calm or quiet down. If you are particularly religious, use this as a time to pray to God.
If you need cry and release something you’ve been stressing over, do so, until you’re exhausted, silent and empty of any thought. Don’t be frustrated if this takes several hours, for you must empty yourself of worrying thoughts or memories. Breathe slowly, and deeply.
What you’re doing is bringing yourself to a relaxed state, much like half-dreaming, in order to allow your true self and your true dreams to come to your full attention. You may have buried them underneath years of fear and disappointment, and programmed yourself never to look for them again.