Mind maps aren’t static. They’re like snapshots of your present state of mind. A few years from now, you may feel the need to re-evaluate yourself and make another mind map—and you may find that your priorities have changed.
Wherever dating might fall in your present hierarchy of priorities, be sure to remember two little rules:
1. You should be clear and solid about who you want to be, and what you need to do in life, before you start looking for an ideal lifetime partner.
If you don’t know who you are and what you’re supposed to do, you won’t know what you need or want in an ideal partner. It’s as simple as that.
2. The higher up “dating” sits on your map of priorities the more you need to be sure about what your lifetime partner should be like.
Just as your life map can change over time, so will your idea of the ideal soul mate. (Hopefully, your idea matures along with you!) Don’t just say to yourself, “Yes, I already know who he / she is going to be like,” without actually sitting yourself down and re-examining what you want and need in a lifetime partner. Just do it. You might discover something new that you require.
Charity Brings You Love
We come to a particular method of expanding personal horizons that is frequently overlooked: acts of charity.
In this day and age, too much emphasis is placed on the self. It’s always about “Me, me, me!” We have forgotten that self-development always involves developing meaningful relationships with other people. And meaningful relationships require acts of charity.
What’s charity? Charity means a lot more than donating food or money to homeless shelters or orphanages. Charity is an understanding, tolerant love for other people. It’s giving from the heart, without expecting any reward.
It’s also that character quality that separates truly magnetic people from those who are merely attractive.
So what does charity look like in action? What sort of behavior would be signs of a charitable character?
• You’re not a snoot, and you’re courteous to everyone.
You smile and laugh a lot. You have your own sense of humor, which you use to laugh at challenges or problems. Sharing this sense of humor with people is second nature to you; you have this urge to make other people smile.
(And there’s a high probability that people find your jokes absolutely hilarious.) Strangers find it easy to strike up a conversation with you. You look so amiable that you’re always the first one tourists stop to ask for directions.
• You like children, and children like you. If a child’s dog or kitten was in trouble, you wouldn’t think twice about rescuing it and comforting the child. If the child were
drowning, you’d be the first to jump into the water to save him or her.
• You’re a natural-born teacher and mentor to younger people, who are drawn to your kindness and patient ear.
• You don’t like amassing more wealth or possessions than what you personally need to live comfortably. You often like giving away stuff that you don’t really need to people who need them, or to agencies that can distribute them to the poor. Some of the stuff you give away is really useful, beautiful, and cool.
• You get disturbed when you see social problems or injustice, and you’re passionate enough to commit some time and money to an organization that addresses these problems.
• You feel absolutely good about yourself—so good, you get an emotional high like a kid on a roller coaster—when you volunteer your time, talents, possessions or money to a good cause.
• When other people hurt or shame you needlessly, you have the strength and confidence to confront them immediately to let them know what you think—but you purposely do it in private, to avoid shaming them in the process.
• You tend to be open-minded and free from religious or cultural biases. You find it too troublesome or tiresome to judge people because they have different opinions,
especially if they don’t affect you personally. You’d rather just live and work peacefully beside them. “Live and let live” is your motto.
• Friends like running to you for advice, even as you rarely give it. You lovingly give time and attention to your cherished friends, and make them feel at home. In fact, you’ve got very close bosom buddies who’ve been with you through thick and thin, for at least a decade or half your lifetime.
• You are able to forgive loved ones or family members for any wrong they’ve done in the past. If one of them stumbles or makes a mistake in life (again!), you try to pull them up even as you become truly angry or disappointed. It’s because they’ve triggered your own memories of what it feels like to fail. You’re not a sappy pushover, though. You’re capable of providing tough, but dedicated love.
Reading through this list of charitable symptoms is enough for you to wistfully imagine what someone with all these qualities would be like.
Now imagine what sort of reaction people would have, if the same sort of behavior were found in a relatively good- looking man or woman.
Charity is the essential component to that real-life X- factor attractiveness, one that stands up to scrutiny and the
test of time, long after people have gotten tired of seeing a pretty face.
You can develop these charitable traits in yourself. This is how you will keep yourself grounded, completely open to receiving a person who is equally as grounded.
Here’s how you can start developing a charitable disposition:
• Stay positive. Surround yourself with as many positive experiences that you can. You need a wellspring of positive experiences where you will draw the energy to give to others.
• So give back some of the love you’ve received in life! Aside from family and friends in need, donate something to an organization that could use some help. You don’t have to give a large amount; you can start small. Donate anything that’s not currently serving a purpose to you, but may benefit someone else.
• No money? Then can you volunteer a few hours of work per week for a good cause? Charitable organizations or a social entrepreneurship ventures need people to run their operations, just as much as money or goods.
• We live in what I like to call a reciprocal universe. (Trust me, it is.) The more you give back what was given to you, without the expectation of receiving some