David by Raymond Hopkins - HTML preview

CHAPTER 21

That night, and ever after, they slept together in David’s bed, falling into each other’s arms, pushing the nightmares of the previous months and years more deeply into the subconscious than flesh could reach into a compliant and eager young body.

The following morning, David drifted lazily upwards to consciousness to see Alison standing by the bedside and holding a tray from which delicious breakfast smells came wafting to his nostrils. She put the tray on the bed, then hitching up the fringe of a scarlet embroidered nightdress that only just covered her hips, climbed on to the bed and sat cross legged with the tray between her knees.

’Cereal. Coffee. Toast and marmalade,’ she announced as she removed the cover from the tray, then lifted a piece of toast and offered it to him.

There was a long and companionable pause, neither thinking too much, but content to let the moment drift as they ate.

’David, will you tell me something?’ asked Alison, seriously.

’If I can.’

’The night you picked me up... er... how much do you think you would have been willing to pay me, assuming only a sexual encounter.’

’That’s hard to say,’ David replied after a short pause, and looking at her to confirm that it was a serious question. ’That was never in my mind, of course.’

’But just supposing.’

’Well,’ he said, reflectively, ’I’ve never paid for that form of human activity in my life, and never likely to either, so I have no real guidelines. I suppose it depends on whether it’s a quick thrash against some convenient wall in a back street, or indulging in the comfort of a hotel bedroom for the night. And then a virgin should rate higher, but there’s no way a man can know that beforehand, or possibly even afterwards either. I guess fifty pounds has to be the absolute limit, but that’s only a wild guess. I really don’t know.’

’Yet you paid for a hotel room for me, plus a couple of meals, and settled my debt at the boarding house, as well as paying the travel costs to your house. The total must come to well over two hundred pounds.’

’I wouldn’t know. I wasn’t keeping count.’

She made a face at him. ’I don’t believe you. You don’t mind spending money, but you are well aware of its value, and know where every penny goes to. If you don’t know what I cost you, then you’ve been leading me astray. That’s when I knew I was going to be safe.’

’What, when I led you astray?  I somehow got the impression it was the other way around.’

Alison blushed, rather prettily. ’Well, I will admit that on this occasion it was the woman who tempted. What I meant was that when you paid all that money I knew you weren’t simply after sex. I’m hardly the right person to judge how much I’m worth in bed, but not even my most inflated ego can stretch to what you actually paid, and without getting anything in return either.’

David leered at her. ’It might have been my intention to bring you to a lonely place, use you in various unspeakable ways, then dispose of you in such a horrible fashion that even the rag newspapers would have had difficulty in expressing their outrage. If they ever found out. No-one would have missed you. Not even the taxi driver who brought you here.’

She put her head on one side, thinking. ’You know, that idea never crossed my mind. I suppose it should have done, and it probably would if you had been another sort of character. Anyway, you weren’t like that. You never made any advances at all.’

’I seem to have made up for it since then,’ David reminded her lightly.

She shook her head in mock derision, sending her long black tresses flying in a way that sent David’s senses awry. ’Sir, I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. It still seems an awful lot to pay,’ she protested. ’I never believed that people did things without any thought of repayment, not until I met you. The idea still takes some getting used to.’

’Most people are like that. There’s a vociferous minority which urges us to a greater competitive spirit, but the majority don’t take much notice. They get along very nicely with varying degrees of cooperation. It pays in the long run, too. I’ve found that out for myself when I was in business. By helping you, I’ve been given so much more. I’ve acquired a loving companion, and a real friend. A short term mistress, if you’ll excuse the term, although it’s not meant to be anything but complimentary, and a long term wife, since I think we should get married as soon as we can organise the formalities. I thought I had nothing much to look forward to except a lonely old age, but thanks to you, it turned out to be rather different.’

’That’s a lot to live up to,’ she said, soberly.

’Not more than you can manage, my dear.’

’It won’t be through want of effort, I can assure you of that,’ she said, popping the last piece of toast into her mouth. Carefully, she lowered the tray to the floor, losing balance in the process, and kicked wildly in an attempt not to fall out of bed, nightdress falling around her neck. David grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back to safety. She fell, laughing, on top of him, and buried her face into his, kissing him wildly wherever she could reach, pressing herself into him in an effort to be as close as possible, to meld and be as one.

Only a few days later, David lifted Alison in his strong arms and carried her over the threshold.

’Trite, perhaps,’ he said, as he set her on her feet, and kissed her with tenderness, ’but traditional, and none the worse for that. I know that you’ve been here before and that you know your way around rather better than any unmarried lady has the right, but welcome to your home anyway. This time as a married woman.’

’It’s strange,’ mused Alison. ’Nothing has really altered, and yet it all feels different. I can’t say how, but it does. It must be something to do with my change of status from mistress to wife.’

She reached up and stroked his scars gently, tracing their outline with her sensitive finger tips.

‘Poor David,’ she said. ‘It must be awful to go around with scars like these.’

He smiled down at her, grasping her hand in his and pressing it to his cheek.

‘These aren’t so bad,’ he said. ‘It’s the scars inside, the ones that don’t show that hurt the most. You know a bit about that. You have scars of your own. That’s something else we have in common. They will always remain, but at least we can share the load.’

She gave a deep and satisfied sigh, putting her arms around his neck and exchanging kiss for kiss, pressing close to him all the while, pushing in a way that was intended to leave him in no doubt about her feelings and desires. David disengaged with difficulty, and took a deep breath.

’It’s my understanding,’ he said, ’that a newly wed woman needs the privilege, dubious or otherwise, of a honeymoon. Where would you like to take it?’

’I hadn’t thought about it,’ she said, pressing close to him again. ’You mean, to go away somewhere?’

’That is, I believe, the conventional thing to do. But you choose.’

Alison pondered a long while, a process made more difficult by the fact that David’s hands ran continuously over her body, stroking and caressing, squeezing and kneading whenever he came to bare flesh.

’Honeymoons are really for people to get to know each other in relaxed surroundings, away from crowds,’ she said at last. ’Would it be too selfish of me if I asked to stay right here?  Oh, I don’t say I wouldn’t appreciate a little excursion now and then, but honestly I can’t think of anywhere better I’d like to be. It’s quiet and peaceful, and that’s something I’ve never had to get used to before. No-one ever disturbs us here. You have a lovely home, David.’

’We have a lovely home, you mean.’

Alison’s face softened further as she took in the meaning of his words. She said nothing, but took his hand and squeezed it in appreciation of what he had said.

’Everything I have is yours, Alison, and rightfully so. It’s not simply a question of being my wife and hence next of kin. You’ve done so much for me.’

He stilled her quick protest with his hand on her lips.

’All right, so I’ve done something for you as well. Perhaps we each owe the other, if you want to think of it in that way. Just the same, whatever I have belongs to you without reservations, purely because I want it that way. It never meant so much to me, not as possessions, that is. In fact... well... no, not just yet. There is something connected with this, but I’ll tell you later.’

’I can hardly wait,’ she said. ’Married only a couple of hours and already there are secrets between us.’

’And the honeymoon?’

’Well,’ she said, running the tip of her tongue across her lips, ’I know what I would like to do today, if you agree. It’s lovely and warm outside. We could change clothes and take a walk up to the hill top at the back of the house and have a picnic there.’

’That’s a splendid idea,’ replied David with enthusiasm. ’We can make a day of it, at least until it cools down.’

’And if it gets too cool, you can keep me warm,’ Alison responded.

They changed for the occasion, Alison wearing only walking shoes and an incredibly brief, yellow coloured bikini that showed off her figure to perfection.

’It’s really too warm for anything else,’ she explained. ’Besides, I want to do a bit of sunbathing while this weather lasts. There can’t be many more warm days left this year.’

Packing was rapidly done and two figures walked slowly hand in hand along the narrow and almost overgrown path that led at length to the top of the rise overlooking on one side the house from which they had come, and on the other a magnificent view of hill after hill rolling away into the distance. A single large backpack carried all their needs. Food, drink, light reading, a tablecloth to spread out what promised to be a feast, and a blanket large enough for two to share in comfort. As always, it was quiet at the top. No cars to be seen or even heard. A few sheep across the valley were all that was visible to indicate any form of human activity. No people. No industrial haze. No houses, except for their own. No roads, and precious few natural tracks across the contours. Even the wind had died to the lightest possible cat’s paws, creating a welcome cooling effect, but making no sound at all. Only the occasional peewit could be heard sounding off in the far distance.

It was the woman who broke the silence as they stood together watching out in front of them.

’Of all the places I have been to with you, I think this is my favourite,’ she said. ’Any place where you are is good, of course, but some are better than others. You certainly chose a beautiful spot to live in. What made you decide to come here?’

’Oh, there were a variety of reasons,’ answered David. ’Mainly the reasons for which you seem to like it, though. The sense of peacefulness most of all. It’s one of those virtually undiscovered places, a tiny corner of the country that no-one ever comes to. There’s no cause for anyone to come nearby. The nearest thing to a road is the track that leads to the house, and walkers are guided over the other side of the valley, away from the young forest plantations. I’ve never seen one in this area at all, which is just as well, since I haven’t been able to face humanity for a long time. Longer than is healthy, I suppose. And then, my current work demands solitude and a lack of disturbance, especially when I’m struggling to meet a publisher’s deadline. I’ve worked hard enough, and though we can’t be classified as the richest in the country, there’s enough in investments to make us very comfortable indeed, especially when running costs are so low. But why am I talking about money matters at a time like this?’

He stood behind her, putting his arms around her slender body, and nuzzling the soft hairs at the base of her neck as she leaned back to rest against him, both watching the dappled clouds drifting lazily across the landscape, before sitting down to eat.

After a while, Alison clasped her knees in her arms and studied her husband. Sitting like that, David thought, it looks as though she’s wearing nothing at all. Quite nice too. Now, I wonder.

’You started telling me something just before we came up here,’ she said, breaking into his train of thought. ’You promised to finish later on. Well, this is later. I’ve been counting.’

’It means talking about high finance again,’ he said, struggling to drag his mind away from the vision he had of her at that moment.

’That’s all right. I don’t mind.’

’Well, it’s just that I already made out my will and left everything I own to you. Really it’s a formality, as you will naturally inherit now, but it makes everything clear. Not that I intend to die for a long time yet, but in the normal course of events I will do so before you. You should have married a younger man, you see.’

’No thank you,’ said Alison. ’I’ll stick with you, if you don’t mind. Or even if you do. Not that I want to sound greedy,’ she continued, carefully, ’But I have to admit it sounds better than leaving it all to a cat’s home or something. Just a moment, though. When did you have time to do that?  You’ve literally not been out of my sight for more than a few minutes since you carried me upstairs to your room a few days ago.’

’That’s right,’ he said, studying the landscape with nonchalance. ’I did it almost a month ago.’

Alison gasped, her already large eyes widening in amazement. ’You thought that much of me then?’

He gazed at her fondly. ’I still do. You’ve done nothing to make me change my mind.’

’Why did you do it, David?  Leaving me your money, I mean. After all, you had no reason to do so at that time.’

’Why did you offer me your virginity?’ he countered.

She looked slightly embarrassed. A faint pink glow spread across her cheeks.

’Well, there were lots of reasons. Because I thought it would please you, for one thing. Because it pleased me, for another. Because, although I had very little to give you, apart from my body, I wanted you to have it. Because I love you. Oh, I see. Yes, now I realise. But what about your sister, and your niece?’

’They have their own lives, and successful lives at that. They don’t need my money. In fact, they probably have more than I do. Both their husbands are something in business. I’m not quite sure what, but considerably higher than the office boy in charge of offering the coffee and biscuits at board meetings. Vice presidents I think, if that means anything at all. You’ll meet them one day, then you’ll understand. You’ll like them, I know. More importantly, they will like you.’

The sun climbed high and slowly went down again. A slight breeze stirred the few trees on the other side of the hill. With great reluctance, man and woman packed away the remains of their picnic and made their way down the track to their home, well satisfied with the first day of their honeymoon.

Days, even weeks passed. How many, they could not later have said. Neither were they certain precisely how that time was spent. One day merged into another and became inseparable from the day before. No one day appeared too long, even though little seemed to happen within it. Eating and sleeping as the mood took them. Long conversations about nothing in particular, mainly light, frothy stuff, forgotten as soon as spoken. Long silences which were as instructive as any of their frequent lovemakings, and which tied them just as closely. David’s publisher sent several messages, but for the moment, they were ignored. There were other walks on the hills. Their first picnic was repeated several times, including on one unusually warm evening when they climbed the rise and slept the night away, bathed in the light of the stars  and a romantic looking crescent moon, returning home only when the sun gave the first hint of dawn. To Alison’s delight, David turned out to be a much better amateur pianist than he had first confessed to, and played for her often in the evenings, giving her a greater understanding of music than she had been able to accumulate in her earlier life. They were simple pieces her played for the most part, by composers unknown to her, such as Wilton, Kabalevsky and Goedicke. Baroque, Classical and modern, all were romantic, or felt so to both of them. Every note he played told of his love for her. One evening, in a sombre mood, he played a piece by Oskar Merikanto, the same that Laura had heard, and teased him about so often. Understanding why he had chosen just that piece at just that time, Alison came to sit in his lap, and holding him close, blended her tears with his. In spite of the tears, or perhaps because of them, they were supremely happy and infinitely content.

It was during this time that David made several pencil sketches of his wife in various poses, some of head and shoulders only, others half body, as well as the occasional full length portrait. He professed himself dissatisfied with all of his efforts, but Alison would not hear of their disposal and gathered them together in a file for later viewing. All except one, that is, a full portrait of her in a typical posture, almost waif like in appearance, sitting on a high backed chair with knees bent and legs to one side. Hair fell in waves across her shoulders and down to the tops of her breasts. Her lips were slightly parted and her eyes gazed contentedly into the distance. The lines of her body, she had posed naked, were subtly drawn, practically blending into the background. It was one of David’s best efforts. Although far from being of professional quality, as Alison herself realised, it gave her enormous pleasure, and she bought a matching frame for it, hanging it on the living room wall where it could be readily seen, to David’s none too secret gratification.

’If we ever have visitors,’ he said one day, teasing her, ’you’ll have to turn that picture to the wall or they’ll be wondering what sort of woman you really are.’

’They may well wonder what sort of a man encourages his wife to sit for rude pictures, ’ she retorted. ’They won’t know you drew it. It’s even possible, though admittedly not very likely, that they’ll see it as an expression of a deep and abiding love, which is what it is. Since I don’t mind who knows that, the picture will stay exactly where it is.’

Opposite the drawing, and on top of a low bookcase, were two photographs. One showed a young, slightly built woman standing in front of a lake and surrounded by trees. The other was of a child, a girl who bore a marked resemblance to David. The idea of having Laura’s and Helena’s photographs on display troubled David not a little, but Alison disabused him of the thought that there was anything disloyal to her in the act. She explained her thoughts on the subject to him.

’You loved Laura, didn’t you?  And Helena too.’  Without waiting for an answer, she continued. ’Laura helped you to become the sort of man you are. By your own admission, you were never still, you could never relax. She showed you how to do that, and in the showing, you changed to something quite different. You became the person I have grown to love. Laura did that for you, and I’m grateful to her for it. I think I would have liked her. I hope she would have liked me. I’m not the slightest bit jealous, David. I can’t be. I don’t know how to be. You haven’t forgotten Laura, and you mustn’t forget either. It’s simply not possible. You have a picture of your wife and daughter in your mind already. They are part of you, a part that will never go away, and shouldn’t go away. There’s no reason why there shouldn’t be a picture of them on the bookshelf as well.’

’I couldn’t bear to look at the photographs until you came here, you know that,’ said David. ’I had them on the wall for some time, but had to take them down. I found it too distressing.’

’So perhaps I’ve taught you something of value as well,’ said Alison. ’If so, I’m rather proud to have been able to do it. Do leave the photographs there, David.’

It was with a sense of wonder that David did as Alison asked, and gradually the hurt that he had felt for so many years diminished to bearable proportions.

Slowly the days shortened and the nights became cooler. The sun rose with ever greater reluctance and was ever later in striking the house with its early morning beams. The time came when it was no longer possible to pretend. Summer had disappeared. An occasional light frost lay on the ground in exposed places.

It was Alison who broached the subject.

’I’ve been so happy here on our homebound honeymoon, David, I feel a real resentment at having to face other people again. But I do need some warmer clothing. What I’ve got is all right for the summer, but it’s really inadequate for the autumn and winter, even when you’re not taking it off me. I know I’ve slept outside in my bikini more than once, but I don’t think I’d care to do that until summer comes again.’

’You’ll need to go to a bigger town. There’s not enough choice locally,’ he said.

’Would you take me today, please?’

’Of course. Some of our food stocks need replenishing as well, so it’s an opportunity to do that at the same time.’

Alison began to choose her clothes in a large department store, sending David off to the basement some time later on the grounds that while she appreciated his advice and comments, she had to have something that would come as a surprise to him later on.

After only a few minutes she joined him, bags rustling against her coat.

’Finished already?’ he asked in surprise.

’No, not yet. Look David, I’m sorry to seem to be one of those women who can’t make up their minds, but can we go somewhere else?  Immediately.’

’Problem?’ asked David, noticing the sound of stress in her voice and steering her towards an exit while he waited for her explanation.

’Not exactly, but I’ve just seen my mother, and I don’t want her to see me. What she is doing here is more than I can imagine. This isn’t a town she normally visits. I never told you, but when I left home I didn’t have a lot of money, so I emptied my stepfather’s wallet and my mother’s purse. Wrong of me, I know, but I wasn’t thinking too clearly at the time. I thought she owed me that since she was willing to let me be raped in her own house by her own husband, though I doubt if she would see it in quite that way.’

’Vindictive?’

’She’s very lax about many things, but doesn’t forgive easily, and it didn’t happen so long ago that she’s likely to have forgotten. She’s quite capable of turning me over to the police. Oh no, she’s on this floor now.’

They moved quickly, and they were soon sitting in the back room of a nearby high class restaurant, ordering a meal and catching their breath.

’How much did you take from your mother?’ David asked.

Alison strained her ears to catch any hint of censure in his question, then answered. ’I’m  not really sure. It can’t have been very much. Less than a hundred pounds anyway. There was more in my stepfather’s wallet I remember.’

’Well, if it bothers you, when we get back home, send your mother one hundred pounds back. In notes. No cheques that might give her a clue as to where you are.’

She drew in her breath, then let it out slowly. ’You are a remarkable man, David. Here I am, a self confessed thief, and your only reaction is to offer to repay the money.’

’Not quite,’ he mused. ’I don’t think your stepfather deserves any recompense. Besides, from what you told me, he was probably too drunk to remember much.’ 

There was a pause as the waitress came to serve their food.

’I think my mother was mainly to blame,’ said Alison. ’My father spent more time in the pub than was good for him or for the family finances, but I really do think that my mother drove him there, especially after he became unemployed. She liked money and the things it would buy, you see, and she never forgave him for not finding another job as good as the first, and that in a town where there were no jobs to be found.’

’Yes, one of the worst unemployment rates of any town in England,’ said David.

Alison continued.

’I know he had been well paid once, but after losing the job we became rather poor. When he took to excessive drinking we had to move to a cheaper part of the town. Later still, when my mother remarried, we moved to an even cheaper area, not quite in the slums, but close to it. It didn’t suit mother at all, who had delusions of grandeur. She was greedy and bad tempered, always envious, always checking up on what the neighbours had so she could demand the same or preferably better. She turned out to be a thoroughly unpleasant person altogether. I suppose I should have left home years earlier, but it was convenient in many ways, and besides, my own job was never very secure. In fact, I was unemployed when I left home. I could hardly have afforded a place of my own, and if I had, then I would never have met you.’

’Have you considered the thought,’ said David, ’ that you are young enough to be my daughter?  Why, I might even have married your mother.’

Alison slipped off one shoe and reaching under the table, ran her toes lightly across David’s ankles.

’I could never have been your daughter, for three very good reasons. Firstly, if you had married my mother, then in the normal course of events I would have been a completely different person. Secondly, she would have never married you. Now that may be a severe blow to your self esteem, my darling, but it happens to be true just the same. She likes to have a good time, and her version of a good time does not coincide with yours. Certainly it doesn’t include long walks in the countryside and listening to Baroque music, however delightfully played. I happen to like that sort of thing, but she would be horrified at the thought. She prefers to visit the pubs in low class company, and round off the evening in the back seat of somebody’s car. Nor does she care whose it is. Not that she does it every night, but often enough, at any rate. Shocked?’

’Not really,’ said David. ‘People can be like that. And the third reason?’

’The man I called my father was anything but. I was born before my mother got married.’

David pursed his lips. ’Proves nothing. There’s many a good woman has fallen into that trap.’

’She wasn’t, isn’t a good woman, I keep telling you. You’re right, of course, it proves nothing, except that my putative father had red hair and was as white skinned as you are, whereas, as you must have noticed, although you’ve never mentioned it, I am not just Alison Brown, but light brown. I used to suffer from that joke when I was at school, but it comes in useful now.’  She hesitated. ’You never commented on that.’

’Of course not. After all, you’ve seen the photographs of Lucy. She’s about the same colouring as yourself, and I love her dearly. Her father is much darker of course, and I have the utmost respect for him. He told me once how he is described technically, about the colour, that is, but that’s in America, where such things seem to be important. It doesn’t matter to me.’

’So I guessed. But to get back to what I was saying about my father, I’m only very light in colour, but brown nevertheless.’

’So, unless that clever Mr Mendel has made some grave error...?’

’Exactly. I never knew my real father. I did ask mother once, but she refused to talk about it. It may be that she doesn’t know herself. I have two brothers and one sister, and I know that we all have different fathers, none of them either of the men my mother was married to. It’s probably that, as much as anything, that has kept me on what used to be called the straight and narrow in more prudish times. Not that I feel I’m any prude. I think I’ve given you enough evidence to prove that, but somehow I just couldn’t envisage dropping my knickers and opening my legs to all and sundry when I could see the results of such actions every day at home. There’s no love in it, not even lust. It’s just an action that becomes habitual. I’m a romantic, you see, and I wanted something better.’

She slipped her foot back in her shoe, rested her chin on cupped hands and regarded David gravely.

’I suppose at this stage I should beg your forgiveness for not confessing my illegitimacy earlier.’

’I shouldn’t waste your time,’ said David. ’It’s as irrelevant as your colour, which in fact, is a real source of envy to myself, as I can’t take too much sun without turning an unhealthy and rather painful brick red. Neither that, nor your illegitimacy mean anything to me.’

’I know that,’ she said, ’otherwise I wouldn’t have told you. Not in order to keep my murky past a secret, but so that you wouldn’t be hurt.’

Darkness was approaching as they arrived home. Alison’s head nodded in utter sleepiness as the car made its way across the yard to the front door. Letting herself in, she curled up on the kitchen sofa while David lifted in all their parcels and bags.

’Take my shoes off, there’s a darling,’ she almost whispered. ’My feet ache and my legs hardly seem to belong to me at all.’

He removed her shoes and knelt before her, caressing her feet and calf muscles. She gave a series of soft moans of pleasure and promptly fell asleep. David looked, listened, then kissed her on the mouth. No response. She was truly asleep.

For twenty minutes or so he bustled around, lighting the fire and putting away their purchases, except for his wife's clothing which he took up to the bedroom, leaving them for her to organise as she pleased. He came back to the sleeping figure, kissed her once again, and once again gained no response.

’That sofa is a bit narrow,’ he reflected half aloud. ’