More ways to reconnect with your spouse.
Spend lots of time dreaming together. There is something wildly attractive about merging our hopes and dreams for the future with someone else's. And working toward the realization of shared dreams contributes dramatically to the level of romance in marriage.
Indeed, the best relationships involve people who have a well-formed vision of the life they are pursuing together. I encourage you to have a dream for the next year of your marriage, another for the next five years, and another for the next 10 years.
Emphasize physical affection. Obviously, sex is an important component of any married couple's romantic relationship. But there is so much more to physical affection than intercourse. Do you and your partner regularly hug, hold hands, smooch, nuzzle, and walk arm in arm? Touching is a ready-made reservoir of relational energy and intimacy.
Place a high priority on laughter and levity. Laughing together creates a magical bond. When you and your partner find humor in the same thing, you are fused together at that moment. Relive funny events from your lives, swap stories, watch wacky movies together — whatever makes you laugh, do it often.
Regularly communicate your mutual significance to each other. Look for every opportunity to tell your spouse, "You are the most important person in my life."
You can convey this verbally, in writing, or through acts of kindness. This can be something small like bringing home your mate’s favorite ice cream or buying them a book with a touching inscription inside. These small gestures assure your partner that they are in your thoughts when we're apart, and this draws you closer to each other.
A couple been married some time, but still their passion burned for each other. The husband worked night shift, and when he came home the next morning. His wife was greeted by some yellow wildflowers in a drinking glass sitting on the kitchen table. Now, they were ragweed blossoms, his wife was allergic to flowers, so when she asked him what those were, he told her, “he saw them by the side of the road and thought they were pretty – just like her.”
She took a Claritin and smiled that her husband was thinking of her while he was toiling away at his job. It didn’t matter what kind of flower it was, it was the gesture that meant the most. He got huge brownie points for that one! Even if her eyes did swell up!
Eat by candlelight. It doesn’t matter if it’s a Domino’s pizza or a five-course gourmet meal, candles can present an atmosphere that is amazingly conducive to romance. Have you ever eaten pizza by candlelight? Try it! You’ll be surprised at how romantic it really is!
Pay attention when your spouse mentions things he or she likes or expresses interest in something that could make a good gift, such as a new CD, a book, or theater, concert, sports tickets.
Be on the lookout for ideas for birthday, holiday, and anniversary gifts, plus "no reason" surprise gifts. It's very flattering to know that someone really tried to find a gift that was just what you wanted.
Frequently offer foot massages, shoulder massages, and full-body massages to your spouse. You'll get plenty of romantic brownie points in your "relationship bank account" if you keep some great-smelling lotion handy and take ten minutes to massage your spouse's tired feet at the end of a long work day.
Note: If you expect to be rewarded for your efforts by sex, you won't accumulate any points for being romantic. Your spouse will just think you have an ulterior motive when you offer a massage in the future. Do this unselfishly and enjoy the rewards!
Giving sweet cards and letters to your spouse can be romantic, as can emails and phone messages that share your feelings and passion. Handwritten letters sent through the mail are becoming more and more of a rarity. That's good for you because that means your spouse will think you're really romantic for taking the time to write a love letter by hand and mail it. That will make more of an impact than just sending an email if you want to get extra brownie points.
Another way to be romantic is to look for opportunities to pamper and spoil your spouse. That might be letting a spouse sleep in late while you watch the kids, or it could be telling your partner to sit down and relax while you clean up after dinner.
The key is in the delivery of the offer. You might say, "Nothing's too good for my sweetheart" or "You're such a love. It's fun to pamper you." You can accompany your words with a hug or kiss Talking in front of your spouse to someone else about your partner's good points is romantic. Take full advantage of opportunities to say, 'I'm so lucky to have such a supportive wife (or husband)-she's such a treasure. I'm a lucky man."
You can also do this when you're talking on the phone and know that your spouse is within listening range. If you're not sure your partner heard you, when you get off the phone ask, "Did you hear me telling my sister what a great husband you are? I was really bragging on you!"
In the romance department, flowers, plants, candy, or a special home-cooked meal never go out of favor. Many females love to receive beautiful fresh flowers or a box of delicious chocolate candy. Both husbands and wives can appreciate the efforts of a partner to put together an intimate, special home-cooked meal by candlelight with music playing and flowers on the table.
Surprise your spouse with a framed picture of the two of you in a setting that will bring back pleasant memories. Another option is to frame a picture of your spouse that shows him or her in a flattering way and let your partner know how much you love the photo.
Keep it on your nightstand, computer, dresser, or desk and let your spouse see you looking at it admiringly. We talked about taking surprise getaways. Why don’t you take the initiative to plan a surprise weekend outing? Call and make all the arrangements ahead of time.
The outing doesn't have to be expensive or complex. It might be as simple as planning a picnic at a nearby scenic spot. You might prepare the surprise picnic lunch when your spouse is in the shower. Or you might make arrangements for a restaurant to pack a gourmet lunch for the two of you that you could pick up on your way out of town.
Music that you and your spouse both like can set a romantic tone. If you see a movie that you both enjoyed a lot, you might consider buying the sound track as a surprise gift the following week. You could also select a song that you both like and decide to make it "your song." Or you could pick a song and tell your spouse that it reminds you of him or her for some positive reason.
Celebrate every occasion you can think of-the anniversary of the day you met, when you became engaged, your marriage anniversary, your birthdays, seeing the full moon, and anything else you can come up with.
You can toast with champagne (or non-alcoholic champagne) and perhaps have a celebration meal. But it can be just as fun to make a big deal out of going out for an ice cream cone to celebrate.
There are hundreds of men and women out there who don’t feel like they can be romantic. It goes against their every feeling of comfortableness and ease. It feels foreign and wrong, but being romantic is important in re-kindling those feelings you had when you first got married.