Living for your marriage.
The following suggestions should be implemented anytime you want to rekindle the romance that has gone away. They are simple but very powerful!
Make a list of the special days that you celebrate together, such as the day you met, a monthly or yearly anniversary date, or even the anniversary of a special date from your past. On these days make a point to spend some time quality time together. Cook a special meal. Buy a card, write a short letter and let your spouse know that you didn't forget.
Toast each other when you sit down to dinner. It doesn't need to be over bubbly or wine, but even a glass of water or iced tea. Tell your mate something you love about him or her and then drink to it!
Let your spontaneous side show through. Taking someone for granted can be the result of getting stuck in a bad routine. Break the routine by meeting up after work if that is something you don't normally do. Allow for more romance in your life.
Take pictures every day. Don't save the camera for holidays and special occasions. Create a visual scrapbook of your everyday lives together. Better still, set the timer and pose together. You will both appreciate the warmth of the moment when you see these snapshots in an album down the road.
Set something aside for your spouse every day. It might be an article from a magazine you read during your commute, a link to a website you came across, or even a story you heard at the office water cooler. They will appreciate that you took a moment to think of them during the course of your day.
Do something thoughtful every day. Maybe it’s making a cup of hot cocoa in the morning, sticking a surprise note in his brief case, or leaving a chocolate 'kiss' on the night stand before bedtime. Everyone loves a romantic surprise.
Be generous with your compliments. It's always easier to practice flattery at the start of a relationship, but also easier to forget to say later on. Remember that everyone loves a sincere compliment and your partner is no different.
Let him or her see you at your best. It's ironic that we dress up to meet total strangers but let ourselves go around our nearest and dearest. Most men love to see their woman in attractive colors, in well fitting clothes and perhaps wearing a hint of their favorite fragrance. Keeping a tidy appearance is simple but most important.
Be honest if you are feeling stressed or under the weather. Your spouse will appreciate your honesty and will know not to take it personally when you are in a bad mood.
Trust your partner's decisions. You may not agree with everything your partner does, but truly having trust in another person requires that you accept the decisions he makes.
You may not always agree with the way he handles a crisis situation for example. While it is your responsibility to talk about your concerns, it's also your responsibility to step back and not argue once a decision has been reached. And if the outcome doesn't play out as he anticipated, avoid saying "I told you so."
Get back in touch with each other. In the beginning, couples often touch each other: holding hands, stroking hair, hugging, putting their arms around each other. When romance falls away from a marriage, often the only times people touch is when they want sex. This can make your partner feel used and unloved.
Why does the touching disappear after marriage or once you have been intimate. During courtship, most couples refrain from intimate touching. It’s proper to practice physical restraint in the early stages of a relationship. But once you are given the green light to touch in a sexual way, the impulse for affectionate touching may ebb. After the intense pleasure of sexual touch, a simple hug can pale by comparison.
But women need that non-sexual touch. As children, be it girl or boy we like to be cuddled. Think of how good it feels when your partner snuggles up against you. Women never lose that strong need to be held. Men need to be tuned into this desire and start that touching again. She will respond in ways that you’ll be happy with and when it comes time for the sexual touch, she’ll be much more receptive!
Remember that compliments are free. When you are dating, chances are that the compliments were free-flowing. After you’ve been married awhile, the compliments start to go away.
Why? Maybe you stop noticing your partner’s appearance. Perhaps you just don’t take the time to really notice your partner. This can cause your spouse to feel hurt and rejected. It can even cause them to stop taking care of themselves and trying to be attractive for you. Even worse, it could cause them to try and look especially nice for other people. We all know what that can lead to!
As we grow older, our bodies change. It’s inevitable. Just as our bodies change, our relationships change. It can be a huge help to your relationship if you reassure your partner that you still find them attractive and sexy. Don’t assume that your partner knows this – tell them!
This is where communication is important. One woman who had been married for ten years simply came out and asked her husband, “If I ask you how I look, would you say that I look beautiful?” He asked if he should say that even if he didn’t feel like it. She told him, “Yes, I would. It helps me feel better about myself.” Her husband did this for awhile and they found their marriage improving dramatically from just a simple compliment.
Some women feel like their husbands should compliment them on their own, but sometimes men feel uncomfortable doing this. It’s kind of humorous, that when dating, men are fine with complimenting their mate, but once married, those compliments seem to dry up. Don’t let this happen in your marriage! Compliment your mate – even on the little things.
Most husbands are really bad about offering up compliments to their wives; wives have learned to take anything they can get. For example, one day a wife spent the whole day cleaning the house, everything sparkled and she was very pleased with herself. When her husband came home, he told her how nice everything looked, it made her feel wonderful. So guys complimenting your partner dose not cost you anything, but it can do wonderers for your marriage.
Remember when you first met and found yourself talking for hours and hours as you got to know each other? So often, when we marry, those conversations die off as we go about taking care of the business of life. We don’t make time to talk to each other like we used to. Your feelings about your spouse may not have changed, but you just express them differently.
In the beginning, you listen to the other person to learn more about them. Once you know these things, you may feel like you’ve run out of things to say and don’t find any need to really listen anymore.
However, women experience greater intimacy by sharing their thoughts and feelings. This might make most men cringe, but it’s a fact that most women are talkers – even if what they have to say might not seem important. This makes men feel like they have to solve whatever problems their wives are having putting undue pressure on them.
Instead of trying to get your partner to talk, try to get them to listen. When you just sit and listen to your partner without the pressure of having to provide solutions to problems, you will relax more and be more willing to share your own victories and losses. When you take the time to talk – even about the mundane things – you’ll realize that you’re in this marriage together and you will experience even great closeness!
You’ve heard people say that it’s the little things that mean the most in a relationship. When you’re trying to get your romance back, those little things can make the biggest difference in a marriage filled with romance or a marriage filled with angst.
What little things are we talking about? Taking out the trash, unloading the dishwasher, washing her car, rubbing his feet after a rough day. In the beginning, you might feel like this is the best way to show your love, but after the marriage, maybe the fact that you are sharing your income and lives are enough. Unfortunately, this is just not true.
Men and women alike appreciate the little things. When you can express your love by doing something small, your partner will know that you realize those little things can add up. You are making your partner happy and they will feel like you are really a team.
In early courtship, a man is on the hunt. He is completely focused on winning over the woman he cares for and will do whatever it takes to be successful. His ability to focus so intently makes a big impact on the woman who is the center of his desire. Problems begin only after he succeeds. Having won her, he relaxes and redirects his energy towards a new goal.
Most marriages start out very loving and both partners are happy as clams. Then, as months passed, one or the other might become disenchanted. You talk less and less. The change might be so gradual that you don’t even notice it. Eventually, it becomes clear that one of you is genuinely unhappy.
At this point, you have to realize that time is what your partner needs in order to feel loved and needed again. Try devoting 20 minutes exclusively to them. Make them the focus of those 20 minutes and shut out everything else that might try to distract you. Employ some of the tactics we’ve already talked about: listen to their concerns, talk about your day, dream about the future, and reminisce about the past.
Devoting this time to your partner will be freeing, liberating, and a moment you can share. Both of you will find yourselves looking forward to that 20 minutes and saving up your energy to reconnecting and reclaiming your passion for each other!
Be spontaneous with your partner, it’s a good way to help your relationship flourish, being spontaneous with your partner can enrich and strengthen your intimate moments. Try something that you have been wanting to do, don’t be shy, express yourself and see what works!
Spontaneity is the spice of life, or so they say, but sometimes the “fly by the seat of your pants” philosophy is the best way to live. It’s new, fresh, and fun! Do something out of the ordinary, surprise your partner and have fun doing it!
This doesn’t have to be something huge and monumental. It can be as simple as taking off for a day’s jaunt to the local museum. Maybe you’ll put together your mate’s favorite meal and serve it by candlelight. Better yet, serve it to them in your altogether! What a great way to show your fun side!
Talk, listen and laugh together become best friends. You will soon start creating a bond of intimacy. Be sincere open and honest. Communicate about love, sex and the relationship. You won’t be sorry that you did!
Create consistent times to talk about your relationship. When a couple feels like their marriage is dry and dull, think about what you usually talk about when you're alone. Most often it will be work, the kids, finances, and upcoming events. At this point, ask how much time you spend focusing on your relationship — on your love life. Usually, you’ll find yourself noticing that you focus very little time on your love life.
Romance is sure to wane if you spend the majority of your time discussing the mundane tasks and obligations of life. The next time you're alone with your spouse, focus on your marriage. Lovers who still have fire between them are in the habit of discussing their relationship, talking about how their love was born, and sharing with each other what they feel.
Don’t forget to date. That’s right; you can actually date after you’re married! Think back to your courtship, and recapture the excitement of those well-planned, anxiously awaited dates.
Wear your best clothes, go to a fancy restaurant, hold hands, and look into each other's eyes like you did when you were dating. You wouldn't have even thought about canceling a date before you were married, so don't let the mundane duties of life get in the way of time with each other now.
Go on a weekend getaway at least twice a year. As enriching as dates are, you also need extended periods of unhurried, relaxing time to nurture your love.
Go somewhere conducive to letting go of tension and daily concerns. Wherever you go, make sure times of romance are central to your daily schedule. That means walks along the water, long naps in the afternoon, and evenings filled with moonlit dinners and pleasant conversation In fact, there are many, many ways to rekindle romance in your marriage. Let’s look at some more ways to reconnect with your spouse and reintroduce romance into your marriage.