Ten
"You look gorgeous, by the way." Gavin’s blue-gray eyes are all I see and a shy smile comes to my mouth. He takes my hand and kisses my wrist, pulling back while he looks down at it for a long moment.
A pit of fear forms low in my stomach.
"I wanted to ask you about these, baby. Don’t think I didn’t notice last night."
I gasp in response. Hearing his voice so domineering is both exciting and worrying. My eyes drop to the four long cuts along my wrist from when my grief from Jeremy and the rejection and blame of my mother and myself got to be too much. The pain helped at the time, but I’ve never told anyone that. They’re faded now, but they’ll always be there to remind me of my weakness at the worst time in my life.
Gavin’s hand gently grasps my chin and lifts my gaze to his clear blue eyes.
"Aria?" I see the concern and maybe anger in his eyes as he gazes down at me, his hand holding my wrist while his other cups my cheek.
"Can we talk after? Do you need to get back to work right away?"
He exhales, shaking his head. He wants to talk. I know he does.
"I’m free till five. We do need to talk, though."
I nod, placing my hand over his on my face.
"We will. I promise."
Gavin is quiet as he drives my Jeep back to my apartment, his hand in mine our only contact. The pit in my stomach feels like an abyss that only gets deeper over time. I’m terrified of hearing the words I know are true. This is too much, too soon.
"Babe?" My voice shakes, betraying the fear lingering inside me.
His eyes dart to mine, darkened in the Chicago sunset. My heart races and I bite down on my lip, afraid of the inevitable. He’s only met me just weeks ago and I have so much baggage, he wants to end it.
I’m sure of it. As I realize that I could never hold a man like Gavin with my broken past, tears sting my eyes and I force myself to look away from him.
"Never mind," I murmur as I close my eyes, preparing myself for the blow that will shatter my fallen heart.
***
"Is anyone home?" Gavin asks, pulling into my complex. I flick my eyes over to his and shake my head.
"Are you okay, beautiful?" His voice is soft, worried, I think.
I grasp the handle next to me, thinking rather than saying how I feel.
He stops me when I push the door open, pulling me to him, his hands cupping my cheeks and his wide, all seeing eyes piercing into mine. I can't hide my emotions from him that show so clearly on my face.
"You’ve been crying?" Gavin’s smooth voice caresses me, and I can’t bring myself to look him in the eyes now.
I dip my head, dropping my gaze from his to my scarred wrist, wondering what he thinks of me now that he’s seen them.
"Beautiful, no." Tears well in my eyes as he cradles my face in his hands and presses his lips to my forehead, leaving them there as he speaks softly.
"I’m not mad at you, baby. I’m just concerned. I thought we were honest with each other last night and then I saw these this morning. Why didn’t you tell me?"
I nod, twining my hands in my lap and lift my eyes to his.
"I didn’t want to scare you away, Gavin. You’re just about the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I don’t want to ruin it with all my baggage."
He binds me up in his arms, not letting me hide from him, and then presses a kiss to my knuckles as he looks into my eyes.
"You don’t have to worry about scaring me away, Aria. Trust me, when you meet my mother you’ll see I’m not perfect. I have an ex who’s in Rome right now and quite a few friends that you’ll meet who will bore you to tears. I get jealous easily, I work way too much, and I can’t stay away from you. You can take your pick. You aren’t the only one with baggage and a less-than-perfect past. It’s okay. We just need to be honest with each other."
I can’t take my eyes off him while he caresses my face and his eyes soften.
"I thought it would be too much, Gavin. I don’t want us to mess this up."
He presses a tender kiss to my mouth, not saying anything for a moment. Slowly he dips his head, grasps my wrists, and trails his mouth along the marred flesh there.
"We won’t, baby. Come on, let’s go inside."
***
Gavin crawls onto my bed and pulls me onto his lap, kissing my hair. "Tell me why, Aria."
I sigh, finding my words.
"When Jeremy died, I came out of his intensive care unit and told my mom and Kel he was gone. She was so upset and angry, she started to break down, yelling that it was my fault, his death, the accident, everything. I couldn’t take it. I went home and just…broke, and I wanted to shut out the world. I knew my mom didn’t mean what she said, but I started to blame myself. I started drinking, but when that didn’t help, I reached for a razor. I think I just wanted to shut off the pain and the loss. I didn’t want to hurt myself. It helped. The pain, the release of it, helped me cope at the time."
Gavin grazes his lips up my face, pressing a kiss to my temple.
"Was that the only time you did it?"
I nod, snuggling deeper into his embrace.
"You have to know that none of that was your fault. Your mom was grieving and I’m sure she didn’t mean what she was saying."
I know he’s right, but in a way I still blame myself for my brother’s death. It’s seemingly the only way I can justify the way Mom treated me.
"I know. I miss him, though. And I miss my mom. She changed after Jeremy died. She buries herself in work." She left when we needed her the most.
Gavin tucks my head under his chin and keeps me close. His warmth comforts me.
"Give her time, beautiful. She'll come home when she’s ready."
I nuzzle my face into his neck and whisper into his skin, "I hope you’re right."
He strokes his hand up my back and smooths my hair from the back of my neck. I’m so lost in his touch that I almost don’t hear his whispered words.
"Are you okay?" Gavin's fingers wrap around my middle, holding me close.
I sigh, resting my hands over his forearms that rest against my hips.
"Yes, now I am." Having him to lean on means so much to me.
He tightens his hold on me and lifts one of my hands to his mouth, kissing it softly.
"Tomorrow is Saturday, the anniversary of his death, and I don’t want you to be suffering with your grief anymore, baby. If you’ll let me, I want to be here for you."
Something in his voice stirs me and I turn in his arms, my hands going to his chest when I see his smoldering eyes.
"Oh, Gavin. Thank you," I whisper, my mouth pressing to his jaw twice before I drop my face to his neck, breathing in his heavenly mint scent and something else that’s distinctly HIM.
He rubs his hand up my back and strokes my hair, holding me to him for an immeasurable moment of time. He tugs my hair gently so I lift my head to look at him and when I do, I smile back as I feel my heart race with the sincerity I see in his eyes.
"Babe," I whisper, my hands clutching the fabric of his shirt as his breath parts my lips. He runs his fingers down my cheek and ever so slowly dips his head toward mine.
"I want to make love to you so bad right now."
I pull away from his lips, breathless and wanton for him.
"Yes..."
He chuckles softly and begins to kiss my jaw, his mouth trailing down to my ear and the oh-so-sensitive spots along my neck.
I moan, moving closer as he grasps my hips and ravages my neck with soft nips and teasing kisses.
"I have a meeting with Techtronic’s in twenty minutes," he whispers as he kisses down my shoulder and unzips my hoodie before pulling it off my body and tossing it on the floor.
When his lips graze my nipple through the fabric of my polo shirt, I groan, opening my legs eagerly.
"That’s plenty of time."