Thirty Two
I hear voices as the weight of darkness starts to ebb away from my mind and body, replaced with such pain in my face, hands, and stomach that I struggle to pull one small breath of air into my lungs.
"Is she going to be okay?" I know it is Gavin’s voice with all my heart. I would recognize his voice anywhere. His voice is laced with such fear that I want to reach out and comfort him, hold him. But, I can’t.
My eyelids are too heavy to open and my limbs are impossible to move with such pain ratcheting my body.
My mind is foggy and all I feel is Gavin's hand holding mine, squeezing tight and keeping me from falling back under the darkness.
"She's been beaten badly, but thankfully we got to her before anything worse could happen to her.
She has broken ribs, cuts and bruises, but they will heal. It could be hours until she wakes up and then we'll be able to tell if she's suffered any emotional or mental damage. We'll do some tests to make sure she hasn’t lost any blood we're not aware of and that there hasn't been head trauma." I recognize the voice, Nurse Maggie whom I met at Memorial the night of Gavin's accident. My entire body wants to sleep, my eyelids heavier by the second and though I yearn to stay awake and squeeze Gavin's hand in mine or to hear his voice again, I drift.
The sound of monotone beeping wakes me from the heavy fog covering my body, and when I hear his voice again, I struggle with every ounce of strength I have inside me to open my eyes.
"This is all my fault, Mom. I left her alone and now, Fuck, what if he-" I hear the anguish in his voice when it breaks. When I hear his muffled sobs, I can’t take the sound. It tears at my heart to hear him so upset.
I struggle and I fight the dark cloud of unconsciousness even more so I can find a way back to him.
"Shh, honey. She's going to wake up, I promise you."
With the last shred of strength I have, I lift my heavy eyelids and the blindingly bright light makes my head pound in agony. But then everything clears and I see Gavin, dressed in a white button down dress shirt and a dark pair of denim jeans, his brown hair tousled and messy and his face is pressed into his mother’s brown hair as she holds him tight by the doorway. I try to clear my thoughts. A million questions come to the front of my mind. Where am I? How did I get here? What’s happening?
I see Gavin’s mother whisper something in his ear and then he lifts his head and turns around to face me in the next second. His blue-gray eyes that are filled with so many conflicting emotions-love, fear, guilt, worry, sadness-meet mine and it feels like coming home. Love is so evident in his steely gaze; it banishes all thoughts from my mind as we stare at each other for long moments. Inwardly, I rejoice. He’s really here with me.
He runs straight toward me, then drops to his knees right next to me, his eyes fierce upon mine as he grasps my hand in both of his and kisses my palm gratefully. The contact makes my pulse thrum faster and I barely feel the pain when he strokes my face with gentle fingers.
"Aria, baby, thank God, you’re awake." I gaze up at him and I see tears running down his ruggedly handsome face. I yearn to reach out to him, but both my hands are captured in his. I open my mouth, wanting to say something, but all I can do is squeeze his hand in mine infinitesimally and mouth "water"
to him. Gavin nods, his hands leaving mine for a matter of seconds as he goes to the foot of the bed and pours me a glass of water from a navy blue pitcher on a table. I see the wrinkled shirt he’s wearing and realize what he must have gone through. God, how long have I been out of it? What Gavin must have gone through, my body shakes in such dread at the thought of it.
"Here, baby. Take it slow, your throat might be a little dry after the pain medication you've had over the last few days," he says, his voice laced with such happiness and such fear at the same time. He lifts the tip of the cup to my lips and I drink, almost moaning at the relief of the cool replenishing water down my dry throat. When he pulls it away and puts it down on the table once more, he grasps my hand again and tears build in my eyes at the relief of his touch.
"G-Gavin" is all I can get out before a sob slips out of my mouth and I feel the dam start to burst open at the overwhelming feelings threatening to consume me. He looks absolutely shaken, but the love in his eyes is stronger than ever.
"Beautiful, no."
He leans forward and presses a soft kiss to my temple, wiping away my tears as I take a deep breath, trying to grasp reality.
"Shh, please don't cry. I'm here, and I love you so goddamn much. Please baby, don't cry."
I clutch onto him as he gently wraps his arms around me and presses his nose to my hair. He breathes me in and a shudder goes through his body.
"I am so sorry, baby," Gavin says and pulls back to gently cup my cheek. The concern in his eyes makes me want to close my eyes to hide from it.
"What happened, Gavin? Why am I here?"
His eyes blink as if he’s surprised and he looks back to his mother before answering me. She steps forward and comes to the side of the bed next to him.
Gavin looks up to the ceiling for a moment, as if saying a silent prayer and then dips his head to kiss the top of my head.
"It’s going to be OK. I promise you, Beautiful."
***
I watch silently as Dr. Lee, the very same doctor who treated me only a few short months ago, checks my girl over. When he lifts her chin to examine the yellowing bruises across her cheek bone and eyes, I want to jump out of my skin knowing she’s in pain from that fucker. Bryce Williams. When we found the abandoned cabin where he was hiding Aria, all I was focused on was getting her out of there alive. But Spencer knew to be prepared. I see Aria’s eyes close as she flinches away from the doctor and I know if Spencer hadn’t shot the man responsible – I would have. I would have killed him.
Blowing out a breath, I start to pace up and down the hospital corridor, impatient to go back in there with her. Being away from her after the torture of these last twenty four hours is almost too much to take. Christ, I could have lost her.
"Mr. Thomas?" I hear the doctor’s voice and turn to face him. Shadows cover his face and somehow I know the news he has for me will be worse than I can imagine. Wringing his hands together, he clears his throat and steps forward.
"I wish I didn’t have to tell you this, Mr. Thomas but your girlfriend-"
"I’m so sorry, Mr. Thomas. Aria-she lost her baby. With the trauma of the accident, there is no way to know when-"
Suddenly, it feels like my mind is splintering apart in an effort to un-hear what he is saying. His words are like a foreign language and I struggle to piece them together to make any sense. Aria lost the baby…the baby... God, please don’t let this be happening…
I drop to my knees and feel as if my entire world has been taken from me before I captured it. My heart stops for a few beats in an effort to protect itself from the pain of what I am trying to come to grips with. Aria, Christ she was pregnant. Pregnant. She’d been carrying our child and that monster caused her to lose it. Blinding, unrelenting rage overwhelms me, strips me.
"Fuck!" I yell and slam my hands to the wall for support. My shoulders shake violently as I sob for the gift that was stolen from me, from Aria.
I don’t know how much time passes before the doctor places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it gently. As if to tell me everything will be OK. But how could anything be OK again? I let this fucking happen. I’d vowed to protect her and I had failed.
"I take it you didn’t know?"
I look over at him with water filled eyes and barely shake my head. I can’t remember the last time I truly cried, but finding out that we’d lost our child brings the worst kind of pain. The weight in my chest has a vise grip around my heart and keeps squeezing. It is unbearable.
I will get her through this, I’ll get us through this and then I’ll give her as many babies as she wants. No matter how long it takes, I won’t ever let go.
My hands shake as I open the door and walk straight to where Aria is sitting up on her uninjured side. Her hair is pulled back into a bun, the way she always wears it after a shower or the rare mornings she indulges in a bath. The memories of those times give me strength for what’s to come.
"How are you feeling, baby? Any pain?" I lean down and kiss the soft skin of her forehead and she reaches up to slide her fingers through my hair. They massage the back of my scalp as she sighs in contentment.
"No, they gave me something for the pain. Gavin-"
She pulls my face back and cups my cheeks in her hands. The tenderness of the way she does this gets to me right in my chest. This girl is so beautiful, inside and out. Knowing what I have to say will break her heart; it brings tears to my eyes.
"Gavin," she whispers and I can’t stop the kiss that she gives me. As her mouth meets mine, we are a tangle of love and need, yearning and relief. The kiss sweeps into my bones with the depth of it. My tongue sweeps along hers as I drink her in, gently and reverently but still with the need I can’t hide from her.
"I love you so much, Aria. I thought I was happy before I met you but – you, you are my happy.
My life. Please don’t ever forget that." My voice cracks at the end and when her eyes widen, her hands tightening in mine, I hate that she is reliving what that monster put her through.
"Oh God, Gavin… h-how did you find me? Were we at the penthouse?" Her emerald green eyes fill with a mix of fear and worry and the fact that she’s worried for me in all of this makes me love her even more.
"He replicated our bedroom in the cabin he’d found. We found you there. Aria, I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you the way I promised. I should have known it was unsafe-"
She presses two fingers to my lips and gives me a teary smile. She’s so fucking beautiful and so very strong. I don’t think she realizes how strong she is.
"You did everything you could possibly do to protect me, Gavin. Don’t you dare blame yourself for this."
Her words are like a balm to my soul. I know the events that happened are my fault, I caused them.
But her undying faith in me makes my heart soar with the force of it. Slowly, she takes her hand off my mouth and her eyes fill with the fiercest love for me. I envelope her in the gentlest embrace I can muster.
"I love you," I hear her murmur in my ear and it gives me everything I need knowing she still loves me after all that has happened.
"Forever," I whisper back and bury my nose in her hair, never wanting to let her go.