The worst pain imaginable is having someone that you love tell you that they don’t want to see you anymore. I, personal y, would rather have my legs amputated without anesthesia than go through this type of pain. It’s happened to me, it’s happened to you and just about anyone else who has ever been fortunate enough to fall in love.
As you are sitting around with your heart feeling like it’s been ripped out of your chest and fried up with liver and bacon, like something Hannibal Lector would eat, people wil be tel ing you the following: You wil get over it
He/She was no good for you
Time heals al wounds
Move on (my personal favorite)
It is his loss - you were way too good for him (or her, however the case may be).
These are al tried and true things that people say to try to make you feel better. Some people wil be bold enough to start trash talking your ex lover and tel ing you how they never liked his ears, how he was always burping in front of people and how he made a play for them when he was drunk at last year’s Christmas party. This does not make you feel better. As a matter of fact, nothing that anyone says can make you feel better.
Let’s face it - your heart has been ripped out and trampled on. And no one can say anything to change that except me. I can tell you something that can make you feel better because I can tell you how to get your ex lover back.
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The first time I tried this, I was 19 years old. I had a boyfriend who I liked but I could tell that his interest in me was waning. I immediately felt that this was because of the fact that I wouldn’t put out. But the truth of the matter was that I was too clingy. I began by liking him a little, started to like him a lot and started to show my feelings.
The more he pulled away, the clingier I became. It realy didn’t help matters that he lived across the street. It also didn’t help matters that his mother seemed to want us to get married and would often tel him what a great cook I was and how I helped my mother around the house. This was especial y shocking because I was neither a great cook and never lifted a finger to help my mother.
His mom liked me, though and I guess wanted to get her 20 year old son out of the house.
Anyway, I could feel him pulling away but seemed powerless to do anything about my clinginess, although I was smart enough to know, even at that young age, that it was driving him away. The night final y came where he said the fatal words - “We have to talk.”
I knew what was coming and, at that moment, decided to enact a plan to get him back. Even as he was giving me the axe, so to speak, I was thinking of a way to get my ex lover back. Technical y, he was not my lover, I was good girl, but you get the point.
When he told me that he wanted to stop going out, I shrugged it off http://mybreakuptomakeup.com
and said “okay, no biggie.” Inside, I felt like a he put a knife right through me, but I managed to keep my cool.
He was shocked. He had been so sure of the fact that I was clingy and needy (and I was, so he wasn’t wrong) that he was real y taken back. He then told me how he didn’t want to get married. I told him that that was not my intention; I was only 19 and had a lot of living to do. I then proceeded to get out of the car and walk to my door.
Before I could get to the door, he grabbed me and kissed me. This was odd, but I continued with my plan. I wasn’t sure how this was going to work, but I knew that whatever else happened, I stil had my pride.
The next morning, I stayed home from work and spent the day throwing up and alternately looking out the window for his car. I was determined to get him back, but didn’t know how.
I made a few mistakes. I made myself too available at the house because I was friendly with his sister. He saw me there and I acted nervous when I saw him. I also visited with his mother. She was on my side. He seemed aloof.
Something interceded that helped me, although I didn’t know it at the time. I met another boyfriend. I started to go out with the other boyfriend and took my mind off of my ex lover across the street. One day, I was outside washing my car and he came over to chat. And low and behold, he asked me out on a date!
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I wasn’t even trying to get back with him at that point. I told him I was busy on the night he asked me out but could make it another time. Again, I acted unimpressed, but inside my heart was leaping. He asked me out for another night and I said “sure, I don’t care.”
We got back together. This time, I vowed not to act clingy or needy. The relationship did not last, but when we parted ways a year or so later, we did so as friends and it was a mutual decision.
When someone breaks up with you, they often break your heart. The last thing you want to hear is how you wil mend. Yes, you wil mend eventual y, but this is not the time for anyone to say things like “time heals al wounds” because it real y doesn’t help at al . You are better off dissing the ex.
The funny thing is that people break up and get back together al of the time.
This is no big deal. My son just got back with his ex girlfriend who he dated for over a year and with whom he had broken up with for nearly a year. He was devastated at the breakup, but used the advice in this book and won her back.
Think about it - if someone liked you enough to go out with you for a while and continue a relationship for more than a few dates, there was something there.
There can be a variety of different reasons why he or she broke the relationship.
In most cases, one person is moving along too quickly for the other person. In other words, you are not both on the same track. The person who is moving too quickly has to slow down and get on track with the other party and get them to move along a little in order for the reunion to work. This is not difficult and http://mybreakuptomakeup.com
happens al the time.
This book wil take you step by step and teach you how to get your ex lover back. This is not “stalking.” This is not obsession. This is not even unhealthy.
This is simply about getting giving yourself another chance at something that you want.
The mindset to “give up” is not a good one to have. You need to be a little persistent if you want to get things done in life. You also have to know where to draw the line at persistence. You certainly do not want to give your attention to someone who is tel ing you to get lost. Follow the examples of this book and you wil understand exactly how you can go about getting back your ex lover and keeping him or her for good.
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Chapter One – The Break Up
How you handle the break up is an important aspect as to the strategy that you wil have to take when getting back your ex lover. If you cried, threatened suicide, got violent or pretty much caused a scene, you did some damage to your chances at a reunion. Although you did not make it impossible to get your ex lover back, nothing is impossible if you set your mind to it.
The break up should not blindside you. If you are in tune with the relationship, you wil see it coming a mile away. He or she wil suddenly be “busy” a lot of the time. They wil not cal you as often or return your cal s. They wil seem emotionally distant.
Naturaly, the more they behave this way, the more you want to be assured that they are stil in love with you. You wil start pushing them and they wil continue to back away. This is the dance of death in a relationship.
If you can manage to stop this dance of death and back off, you may have a chance of avoiding the break up. Your lover wil be perplexed at your sudden change of heart and may start to actual y pursue you. However, if you are like 99 percent of people, you wil find it very difficult to control your emotions in such a case. You know you shouldn’t cal , but you can’t stop your fingers from dialing.
So the fateful day comes and he or she tels you that they need to “talk.” This is if you are lucky. Some people today are breaking up by e-mail and by text message as a cowardly way to avoid confrontation.
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If the person is truly worth getting back and you have been dating them for a significant amount of time, they wil have the decency to tell you to your face.
Whenever you hear “we need to talk,” it is usual y not good news. It usual y means that your lover wants to end the relationship. This is a big cue on which you have to pick up. It also means that you put phase I of your plan on how to get your ex lover back into action. You have to think quick in order to do this.
Act like the breakup doesn’t concern you. Do not cry. Do not plead. Do not do anything that resembles begging. You are not a dog and he or she should be lucky to have you. Think like that and act as if it is no big deal. It wil have an impact.
If you are afraid to do this because that you think if you plead and beg they wil see how much they mean to you and change their feelings, they won’t. There is only one way to get them to change their mind and that is to throw a wrench into the works. They think they have you al figured out. You throw them for a loop with your nonchalant attitude towards the entire thing and they are total y taken off guard. This takes some acting, but you can pull it off. Just think of your goal, which is how you are going to get them back.
You can add the “I hope we can stil be friends” bit in there. This is always good for good measure. And it helps if you are not threatening them with curses and physical abuse when you say this. The “we can be friends” is a nice, adult way to end a romantic relationship. It also keeps the door open.
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Most men wil say this automatical y, unless you have behaved like Glenn Close’s character in “Fatal Attraction.” Men rarely like to toss anything out, especially women. This is why they have little black books. Women, on the other hand, are less apt to want to “stay friends” with a guy with whom they’ve broken up.
They may say this, however, but not mean it.
If you can manage to get away from them without shedding a tear and looking back, you have passed the first step in “getting back your ex lover” with flying colors. You can then move on to step two.
If you have already had a breakup by the time that you have read this book, do not worry. Your step two might be a bit more difficult and you may have a tougher time, depending on your reactions at the breakup, but you can stil get back your ex lover. Unless, of course, you committed some sort of crime against him. Although that’s not total y true, either. There are plenty of people who have taken back someone who has done something drastic at the breakup.
Take the example of Bob and Elaine.
Bob and Elaine - A Typical Case
Bob and Elaine were dating for a few years. Elaine wanted to get married and Bob wanted to stay single. Final y, Elaine decided to give Bob an ultimatum -
either they get married or break up. Bob chose the latter. Elaine was devastated.
After three years of being together and believing that their future was http://mybreakuptomakeup.com
destined together, Elaine was more than a little angry at Bob. She tossed a rock through his window and wrote nasty words on his windshield with lipstick.
Bob knew that Elaine was behind the vandalism. However, he did not cal the police. Some of his friends advised him to get a restraining order against Elaine and cal ed her a psycho. Bob never talks to those friends anymore. The reason is because he and Elaine are now married and have two kids.
How did Elaine and Bob get back together after she damaged his home and car?
Very simple. Elaine used the tried and true tips in this book.
After she had her little rabbit boiling session (this is a metaphor from “Fatal Attraction,” Elaine did not real y kill a rabbit) she cried and got depressed like most women do. But something odd happened that might have been fate interceding on her behalf. Her phone went dead.
Elaine probably would have cal ed Bob and continued to cal him because she just couldn’t get over the fact that he could cal ously dump her. She didn’t cal him because she didn’t. The phone company had trouble on her line and her phone was out for nearly a week. This was before the days of cel phones so Elaine had no choice. She would frequently drive past Bob’s house but that was as far as it got. She never rang the bell.
When the phone was repaired, Elaine found that it was better not to cal Bob.
That she wanted to prove to him that she could get along without him. She real y convinced herself of this and, because they http://mybreakuptomakeup.com
lived in the same town, was also convinced that she would run into him and he would discover that he missed her as much as she missed him.
She decided to wait a month before caling him. She actualy marked this time on the calendar. A month went by and she called Bob. The phone conversation was like this:
“Hi Bob, this is Elaine. How are you?”
Bob is natural y surprised, but not upset or annoyed. In fact, he didn’t just forget about Elaine and did miss her. After al , something had drawn them together in the first place and kept them together for a period of three years.
He was actual y happy to hear from her. “Oh, hi,” he said.
“I wanted to apologize about my behavior,” Elaine said without incriminating herself in acts of vandalism. Elaine’s uncle is an attorney and Elaine is no dummy. “I just was thinking about you and wanted to see how you were doing as wel as say I was sorry for any trouble.”
Bob was stil in shock because he was completely taken off guard by the phone call. Never underestimate the element of surprise. He answered that he it was
“no trouble” even though it cost him $150 to have the glass replaced and had to worry about burglaries and that everything was cool. Then he asked Elaine how she was doing. She said fine and that she hoped someday they could manage to be friends.
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Note the “someday we can manage to be friends.” This is a good line. It works so much better than the “we can stil be friends” which is a nice way of tel ing someone to kiss off because it sounds sincere. Let’s be honest, Elaine was not going after friendship here. She realized that she went a week without talking to Bob or seeing him, and she survived. She did not sound desperate in her phone conversation at al and this made al the difference.
Then she finished her triumph by saying “wel, I gotta go. I have to run out but I just thought I would say hi.” She ended the cal first. This is another essential in the post-break-up cal . End the cal first.
Make it short and sweet and be the first to say goodbye. Always leave the audience wanting more.
Elaine was heartened about the phone cal with Bob. He didn’t hang up on her even though she vandalized his house and car and seemed pleasant. On top of that, he didn’t seem standoffish and even managed to ask how she was to keep the conversation going.
The phone cal was a successful step in getting back her lover. The post break up phone cal is one of the first steps that you have to master when you are trying to win back your ex. If you blow it, don’t worry. Nothing is un-fixable.
In the next chapter, we wil learn exactly how to handle the post breakup cal and the al otted time in which to wait to place that call. We wil also talk about dos and don’ts of the post break up call. For now, let’s summarize the break-up:
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When you feel the break-up is coming, try to do your best to hold on to it.
While every instinct in your body tel s you to keep pushing your lover and trying to find out “what’s wrong,” you should be distancing yourself. Because the more you cling, the more needy you seem and the less attractive. No one wants a needy individual.
If the break up happens, try to think about what it wil take to get back with your ex lover. Nothing you can say at this point is going to work, so save your speeches and crying and begging. It wil only serve to drive him or her farther away.
There is an old episode of “Law And Order” in which they are trying a guy for murder and he has one of the best defense attorneys in New York. Natural y, he is a wealthy guy. Instead of the big shot defense attorney doing al of the questioning, he is working on a document during the trial and having an associate do his work.
Now either Michael Moriarty or Sam Waterston is realy perplexed at this until he realizes what the attorney is doing. The attorney already knows that the case is a loser. He’s letting his associate handle it, but he’s busy working on the appeal.
In the end of this episode, the bad guy actual y gets away with the murder because of the appeal. This is what you have to be doing. When the guy or gal is breaking up with you, start working on your appeal.
People break up and get back together al of the time. It truly is not the end of the world. Try to handle the breakup with some dignity.
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Act nonchalant about it as if perhaps you were thinking about doing the same thing or you are just not that affected. I guarantee you that you wil intrigue your ex lover, especially if we’re talking about a man.
Women have no trouble breaking up with men. We do it al the time and simply say “I don’t want to see you anymore.” For some reason, men would rather have their teeth pul ed out with pliers than break up with a woman. They real y don’t like confrontation so this is very difficult for them.
One word of advice here for the new age techies - many men are cowardly using e-mail and text message to break up with women. This is happening more and more often, especial y if the couple has not dated. Some women do this as wel . It is grossly disrespectful and reeks of cowardice. Personal y, I would not want to be bothered getting back an ex-lover who used this method to break up with me because I would lose respect for them. But don’t let my feelings sway you. Remember that many people choose to take the path of least resistance and may not have been brought up to do the right thing.
If someone breaks up with you by text message or e-mail, ignore the message.
Do not respond, no matter how much you want to “get even.” If you want to get back with them, do nothing. This wil work.
Handling the break up is the first step in getting back your ex lover. Many of you who are reading this book have already been through the breakup stage and handled it terribly. Many of you cried or pleaded or did drastic things. You may even have said a lot of hurtful things to your ex lover. Don’t worry. You can get past that. Breakups are
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emotional y charged and you can find people al the time who endured a nasty breakup and then later got married. I know two couples personal y who went through this 20 years ago and are still married.
After the breakup, you are ready for the post breakup phone cal .
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Chapter Two - The Post Breakup Phone Call Let me just say that the time that you have to wait before making the post breakup phone cal wil depend on how you stand right now.
Have you just hung up the phone and left a message for your ex- lover?
Are you doing the Princess Diana bit where you leave 40 messages a day for him or her and wonder why they don’t answer?
Did the breakup just happen and you have not spoken to your ex? How did you behave during the breakup? Were you cool or did you throw something at him or her?
Rule of thumb is to wait a month before the post breakup call. You do not want to cal too soon as it reeks of desperation, loneliness, neediness and crawling.
You do not want to wait too long because it gives him or her time to get used to being without you. Remember that people are very routine oriented and that your ex-lover is missing you. Even if he or she found another boyfriend or girlfriend, they stil miss the closeness they had with you. It is natural to miss a routine.
You read in the last chapter an example of a perfect post breakup cal. This ended up working well for Elaine and Bob as they later not only got back together, but actual y tied the knot. Bob missed Elaine, he just didn’t realize how much until they broke up. And the more she pushed him, the more annoyed he became. He was real y mad at the damage of his house, but part of him stil loved Elaine and didn’t want to see her get into trouble with the police.
Take a calendar out and start marking off days when you are x-free.
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Each day that goes by that you do not cal him or she is a triumph. It is getting you one step closer to your goal. You wil be doing other things that get your mind off of your ex during this time that wil help pass the time. Remember, you have to wait a month.
After a month has gone by, you can place the cal. Place it at a time when you know that he or she is at home. Then you can act as Elaine did. You are just cal ing to see how he or she is and tel them that you were “thinking of them.” Do not sound needy. Do not sound whiney. You have to sound nonchalant and confident - just as if you were cal ing a distant uncle or cousin and were just thinking about them. Get any sort of nervousness out of your voice.
Then you have to do the crucial thing and hang up right away. You have to go; after al , you are busy and have things to do. It was nice talking to him or her, but you need to get going. Talk soon.”
Be the first to end the conversation. Always.
You wil hang up and breathe a sigh of relief. Your ex wil be intrigued by the cal and flattered. He wil feel good that you cal ed because of the following reasons:
You did not sound clingy or whiney and sound like you have your life together (always attractive to a man or a woman)
You did not ask him for anything (always a feeling of security for a man -
most men break up with women who try to possess them).
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You did not threaten or swear at him (always a plus in any conversation)
You sounded like you had something else to do besides think about him.
And believe me, that’s the corker. Most women who get dumped do so because they begin to revolve their lives around a guy. This becomes a turn off for any man or woman as people tend to be drawn to independent people and not needy cling-ons.
This is a rough idea on how to handle the post-break up call. Be light hearted and pleasant. Do not mention the breakup or the possibility of getting back together. Do not start crying or sound otherwise needy in any way, shape or form. Be assertive and act like you are cal ing an uncle or cousin. Do not act like the sun rises and sets on this phone call.
The post break-up phone cal is one of several steps that you are going to have to take to get back your ex lover. If done successful y, you are well on your way to step two. If it fails, you have to go back to the drawing board, wait another month and then make another post-post break up phone call of essential y the same material.
Some ways that you know that your post breakup phone cal failed to hit its mark are the following:
He or she does not answer the phone (that darn caler ID) He or she tel s you not to bother them anymore
He or she sounds uninterested in what you have to say He or she says that they hate your guts and never want to see you http://mybreakuptomakeup.com
or talk to you again (this is a lot more promising than it seems - actual y it means they are stil thinking about you and have emotions for you. It also means that you real y meant something to them as only those we love we can truly hate).
Another woman or man answers and tel s you that they’re married (in this case, you have no choice but to move on. I hate to be a quitter, but this is not a good sign that you should continue trying to get back your ex-lover.
If any of the above occurs, do yourself a favor and go back to square one and wait to make another cal in a month. This is with the exception of the last item on the list, although with the way marriages last these days, you never know.
Do not do the fol owing during the phone cal :
Make up a phony excuse to see him or her, such as you need a book or an item returned. If you real y do need something from them, ask them to mail it to you.
Ask to see them.
Start crying (never good).
Plead with them in any way, shape or form. It just doesn’t work. You should also, after the breakup, resist any urge to send them flowers, a gift or anything material. You cannot buy back their affection and are wasting your money. It wil actual y be creepy to http://mybreakuptomakeup.com
them and more of a turn off. You are better off to donate to the homeless.
Assuming that he post-breakup phone call goes okay, you are ready to move on to the next step in the “how to get your lover back” lessons. “The Coffee Date.” http://mybreakuptomakeup.com