Chapter 45
I woke feeling like someone had stepped on my head countless times with only the banging of my head for sound. I could feel that I wasn't lying down straight like I was supposed to be but sitting leaning with my back to what must be a wall. I could feel my eyes trying hard to open but with the bonding of my head they wouldn’t. I tried to bring my head open to rub my eyes awake but they felt too heavy.
Ok there was no denying I was suffering from a very bad hangover or I was still drunk. I managed to open my eyes to find myself on the floor of the bar. I squeezed my eyes tight again trying to clear my vision from the brightness of the room, it wasn’t daylight, more dusk but I could tell it was early.
I looked down and saw that I looked a state; my suit was creased with spilt drinks all over it. I looked like I was back at UnI waking up still drunk in some bar.
What happened last night?
I tried to think back to when I started getting myself in this state but the only memory that came to mind was Lea leaving my room last night heart broken. She thought I was a player, she thought that I wanted to be with other women but she couldn’t be any more wrong.
I was angry that she said ‘Once a player always a player’ it was true but hearing it from her lips made it feel that bit more painful. I was angry, not at her but at myself. I knew this would happen, I knew that my past would stop me from making her happy and I would end up hurting her. Now look how things went. I ruined everything.
I took the bottle of Jack Daniels that was lying next to me like it knew what I needed, like fait had wanted me to keep drinking until the pain of losing her was gone. I took another sip of the whiskey enjoying the burn of the liquid run down my throat but I knew however much I drank the pain wouldn’t go away and seeing as Lea would never take me back after last time I would just have to get used to it.
I should have handled things much better last night, I should have fought for her more, instead of letting my anger over power me. I should have got down on my hands and knees and begged for her back or ran after her instead of staying here and getting drunk.
With that I drank the rest of the bottle next to me I could feel my whole body starting to feel warm and my brain was starting to forget what an idiot I was last night and my heart just kept on thinking about Lea… in my arms. How had everything gotten so bad? Only twenty-four hours ago I was lying in a warm bed with her body wrapping around my own and now… I had no idea where Lea was and I was lying on a dirty hotel bar floor.
For some strange reason I started singing too myself the song Lea sang in the bar the other day.
“Baby you’re… a fireeee a workkk! Bla bla something what yourrrr worth something… something ah ah ah… la la la…”
“Chris?” a voice squelched sharp in my head. I must have fallen back to sleep as I found it hard again to open my eyes to the person standing in-front of me. After rubbing my eyes open I saw it was Lea’s Nan standing shocked looking down at him on the floor. I was yelling at myself for looking so pathetic, I didn’t want her thinking that of me. But either my body or my brain seemed to know what it was doing.
“Maggieee!” I grinned bring my arms out wanting to hug her.
“What happened to you Chris? Are you drunk?” she asked moving closer towards me.
‘Would YOU like to… know what...? WHAT…Happened to me… lovely Margaret? Your enchanting Granddaughter happened that’s what” I said in a dramatic tone to her. My words where coming out slurry and at different volumes and levels that I couldn’t seem to control.
“What happened with you two?” she asked putting her hands on her hips just like my Mum used to do when I was a kid and done something wrong.
“I HAPPENED TO HER!” I didn’t mean to rise my voice at her it was just the drink still in me “I…knew I should have gone near her but I was too… selfish and wanted her so much. I knew I would break her beautiful big warm heart but everyone kept saying ‘no you wouldn’t do that Chris you love her too much’ but do you know WHAT!
That’s what would have made me hurt her more because we hurt the ones we love more than anyone because you love them so much… you know what I mean Maggie… She gave me her heart and I took it from her to never give back leaving her empty. I must have because that’s how I feel now! Empty” I said then picking up the empty Jack Daniel’s bottle next to me showing her.
“Just like this glass. My mother always says ‘Chris, you’re hard on the in outside but inside your full of love’… well you know what? She was wrong… I’m just like this glass hard in the outside and empty in the inside”
“Chris, tell me what happened” she came down to look at me on the floor. Her eyes were so warming and caring which reminded me so much of Lea, I knew they weren’t blood related but they were very simpler I don’t know if that was the reason why but I opened up to her telling her everything that happened last night up to the point of the drink.
LAST NIGHT
“Are you okay?” I asked grinning down at her beautiful face as we danced around the ballroom, I loved having her so close in my arms where everyone could see knowing she was with me and now one else.
“I love you and there is no one I'd rather be with” I felt my heart do some suit of backflip at her words as I looked deep in her eyes. I didn’t understand… how did I get so lucky? It scared me… it wasn’t right for someone to be this happy… I was scared something was going to take this moment away from me… I just wouldn’t let it. I thought to myself. I forgot that I was just staring at Lea like a crazy person. She looked worried, probably thinking she said the wrong thing as she started nibbling on her perfect red lips, I took her face in my hands and kissed those amazing red lips of hers.
“I love you too” I said against her lips.
Excuse me Mr Howard?' some guy interrupt us and I couldn’t stop a groan leave my lips.
“Yes?” I snapped at the young waiter.
“I’ve been asked for a moment of your time if you would just like to follow me Sir” the waiter smiled and nodded at both of us before walking slowly towards the exit expecting me to just follow him. I didn’t know who wanted to speak to me and I didn’t really care I just wanted to get back to Lea as soon as possible.
“This won’t take long” I promised quickly kissing her cheek and walking away toward the waiter.
“Sorry for the inconvenience Sir but the lady said it was very important” the waiter apologised.
Lady?
The boy took me to one of the empty sitting rooms where Mary, Jessica’s friend was waiting. I thanked the waiter and then walked closer into the room looking confused.
“Mary, right?” I asked her. She looked like a nice enough girls but as she was friends with Jess you could never be too careful.
“Yes” she said nervously. Something was obviously troubling her and I’m guessing she wanted help with it or something. I didn’t really know want I was doing here I hardly knew the girl.
“You know Paul, right? I think I remember you from a couple of years ago” I asked remembering that I think Paul and her had a little thing in the past. Her eyes widen and she looked quickly away.
“I knew him. I don’t anymore” she answered quickly. I had enough of playing friendly.
“So what is it that you wanted to see me about Mary?” I asked seriously at her.
“You really pissed off Jessica you know” she snapped at me.
“This is about Jess… God I can’t be dealing with this” I said moving closer to the door to leave.
“Wait! This isn’t about Jess; I know what she’s like…” I interrupted her
“Then what is this about?”
“I have a son” she said quickly looking at me shocked what she just said. I was a little shocked first because I just didn’t know and two because I didn’t understand why she thought that this was important for me to own unless I was the child’s father which was impossible as I’ve never been with Mary, that I’m aware of.
“Ok…”
“Paul’s the father” she said. Well that was a shock, I can’t believe Paul was a father, didn’t think he had it in him. I can’t believe he hasn’t told anyone... “He doesn’t know” she informed me.
“Right… why is that?” I asked.
“Paul hates me, when we broke up… it wasn’t on good terms so I couldn’t really go back a month later and tell him I was pregnant could I and now Jess knows about Sam…”
“Is that your son’s name?” I asked
“Yes his name is Sam and he’s nearly two years old. Now Jess knows she said that everyone will find out and the press will get hear of Paul’s legitimate child and it will ruin Paul’s chances of starting up his career again. He already hates me enough I don’t need that as well”
“Paul has a right to know about his son”
“I’ll tell him but I can’t chance not staying in Jessica’s good books to save me son from the press. I’d do anything for him and I’m sorry Chris I have to do this. It’s the only way to keep her happy and for her to keep Sam from the press… I’m… I’m sorry” she said near tears. What was she talking about?
Just when I heard a door opening behind me Mary jumped up on me and wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled her lips on mine. I was in complete shock of what was going on but after a long ten seconds and pulled my arms to her shoulders pushing her away looking at her like she was crazy. What was she thinking of kissing me? The only one who I want kissing me was Lea.
I heard a little gasp come from behind making me turn to see Lea and Jess standing near the door.
“Ah Mary! How could you?” Jess said sounding more evil than ever but my thoughts weren’t on her right now. They were on the beautiful heartbroken looking woman next to her. I couldn’t move I couldn’t speak scared that I’d make things worse. My own heart was breaking the more I looked into her eyes.
No! No this is not happening! I’m not losing her because some stupid plot… but I still couldn’t manage out words as I looked at her.
“Lea” was all I could say before she ran away from the room. I was quick on her heels and managed to hear Mary say.
“I’m so sorry Chris!” she cried.
“Save it!” I said and then started running up to our room hoping that’s where she would have gone.
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I told Maggie about the fight in the bedroom and Lea walking out.
“Now she hates me and I don’t even know where she is to go talk things through with her and make her understand how much I love her” I said closing my eyes and turning my head up. There was a long silence as we just stand there on the floor, Lea’s Nan taking in everything I told her.
“Right” she said moving on her feet. “Up now I’ve had enough of being on the floor” I looked up at her confused, I just told her my depressive life story about how the love of my life hates me and she just wanted me to get up? I wanted some sympathy, someone to just say ‘that stucks’ and pad me on the shoulder. However childish that sounded that’s all I want… well another than Lea.
Pulled myself to my feet which became harder than I thought obviously forgetting how much I was drinking last night… and this morning.
“You are going to, go get dressed and washed you smell like an old Tavern bar and as soon as your sober I'll take you to Leah” Maggie said. She knew where Leah was! My eyes widened at the news and pulled her into a tight squeeze.
“Thank you!” I said still hugging her.
“That’s all right, I can tell that you love her and I don’t think its right Jessica should ruin her life again. Just don’t break her heart again”
“I wrote trust me if she gives me a second chance I’ll never let her out of my arms again” and with that we left the bar and I went to clear myself up before the guess all come down to leave.
It was arranged that we wouldn’t tell Lea that I was coming so she won’t have a chance to leave before I get there. Also Maggie told me that she hadn’t said anything to Rupert about what had happened which I was very pleased about because I hated the idea of him thinking badly of me expressly after he had just given him his blessing on marring Lea in the future… if that ever stands a chance at happening. Maggie told him that Lea had gone back to their home because the holiday was over and she didn’t want another ran in with her Mum or Dad who had managed to stay away from Lea this week and of course Jess hadn’t and Lea had had enough. She thought it would worry him if he knows the truth if there was no need to know.
This was it, this was the last chance I had to turn and make things right.
I couldn’t lose her again, I couldn’t.