Chapter 44
I was driving Nans Mini Cooper that Granddad brought her, I was very jealous I loved this car. I had finally stopped crying and controlled myself when I was driving along the countryside’s, listening to Westlife I started crying again.
Why do we do that? When you’re upset you listen to upsetting music which just makes you more depressed. Normally I listen to something rocky but believe it or not that’s not the type of music my Nan has in her car.
It was raining heavy now but in this new car everything was so easy to drive. I could see a small figure in the rain on the side of the road waiting at the bus stop. When I got closer the figure looked really familiar but through the rain I couldn’t make out who it was. I slowed down to see if I could make out who it was standing there with a suitcase on the floor next to them.
Coming to a full stop I was shocked to see Kate standing in the rain soaked through.
“Oh God! Kate?” I called, she jumped but when she saw it was me she looked so relieved moving to my window. “Get in!” I called. She jumped in the car after putting her case in the boot.
“What the hell? What are you doing out there?”
“It’s a long story. What are you doing out here?” she asked back.
“It’s a long story” I repeated. “Where you going?” I asked adjusting the heat for her to get warm and started driving again.
“Back to London, you?” she asked I looked at her and saw her eyes were as red as mine and I think she thought the same by the look she was giving me.
“Same but I’m making a stop at my Nans and Granddads you want to come?” I asked.
“Thank you” she smiled sadly at me then sighing. I started driving again turning the heating up higher to help Kate get warm.
“Ok so you first tell me what happened?” I asked seeing as we have two hours to kill.
“They know. Jakes parents, they know everything, Jay being gay, me being paid to be his girlfriend, me and Jake” she said the last bit in a whisper.
“God, how did they take it?” I asked.
“Well they were shocked, upset that Jay didn’t tell them before about him being gay and know that they would love he not matter what. But they were more annoyed about him bringing me into the family and lying to everyone. His mother hates me” She said sadly.
“I bet that’s not true” I said no one could hate Kate she’s too sweet.
“She called me a ‘money grabbing whore’ and some other stuff about warming my way into her family”
“Oh” I said
“Told you. Wait it gets better, the whole family was there when everyone found out and Jake didn’t like the way that his Mum was talking about me so he said something’s, which then lead to them finding out about me and Jake. Jay went mental, Lilly had a few things to say, then his Mum went off about how I wasn’t good enough for her sons and everything was my fault” her voice was getting quitter and breaking a little.
“Oh Kate” I said squeezing her hand.
“Jake kept defending me and telling them all that we were going to be together but his Mum said she’ll never talk to him again”
“…and what did he say?”
“He just kept shouting at her telling her, he wasn’t letting me go and if she never speaks to him again that’s her loss. I didn’t listen to the rest, I just left” I could see the tears rolling down her cheek as she turned to look out the window.
“Why did you leave?” I asked “He said he wanted to be with you” I reminded her.
“How could I do that? How could I live with myself knowing that it was me that brock him up from his family? I can’t. I know what you’ve been through with your family… Paul told me” She saw the shocked look on my face that she knew.
“How did Paul know?” I asked shocked that it seemed everyone knew that my family hated me.
“Ben told him” she said. Those boys are worse gossipers than the ‘Lose Women’ I thought to myself.
“Anyway I’ve never had a family my Mum and Dad died when I was five and my step parents hated me. After this week seeing Jake’s family and Chris’s, seeing how close they are… I can’t be the one to ruin that for him. He’ll hate me forever for that and so will his family. It’s best if I just walk away now before there’s any heartache”
“Other than your heart aching”
“It’s the sacrifice” she looked down at her hands in her lap now just letting the tears fall.
“Do you love him?” I asked without really thinking.
“I wouldn’t be walking away if I didn’t”
“So tell me your story”
I was just about to tell her everything when someone’s highlights shinny in my back mirror hooting their horn as well.
“What is this guy doing?” I slowed down and moved more to the left so he could overtake me. God I hate drivers that thought they owned the road.
“Oh God” I heard Kate whisper looking back at the car.
“What?” I asked confused back at her just as the car overtook us.
“That’s Jake’s car” she said turning white as a ghost. What?! Jake! What the hell was he doing driving out here?
He over took us but then stopped making me stop to. It was still raining hard outside as he jumped out his car and started walking towards the Mini. I just sat there stocked, not really knowing what to say or do. But thanks to Kate I didn’t have to, as she got out the car to meet him as quickly as he got out of his.
As I sat in the nice warm car and I watched them argue at each other in the pawing rain, I couldn’t hear much because the rain was hitting the car so hard. I only heard Jake really.
“What are you doing here?” she asked as she walked towards him.
“I came after you” he shouted. Oh God that’s so romantic! He came after her; he must really care about Kate. This cold feeling ran through me that I never felt before, it felt painful in my heart and I notice it was a sudden stab of jealousy came over me. I was jealous, I was jealous that Jake had come after Kate, I was jealous that they were standing in the pouring rain together, I was jealous because Chris hadn’t come after me.
“Why did you leave?” he shouted but I couldn’t hear Kate. “I don’t care what my family think!” he shouted angrily.
“Well I do!” Kate shouted louder. I couldn’t work out what they said next so I tried turning off the heating taking away the extra noise. I know I should have just put some music on and given them their privacy but the drama was too good to ignore.
“I love you” she shouted at him and I could see his mouth, as well as mine had dropped. If only I had some popcorn. Finally she told him. Things had gone pretty silent and I could see her shaking her head and turning to walk away back towards me.
WHAT! No! Go back to him. I thought but just as she started walking away he grabbed her and pulled her into a kiss. YES! Ok now I was jealous, here’s me broken hearted in my Nan’s Mini Cooper watching two of my friends kissing in the rain in love. I was planning on just going home and watching the Notebook crying my eyes out but why do that when the real things right in front of you.
I could feel a tear running down my face not sure which built up emotion it was broken hearted, jealousy, angry or happiness for my friend. I didn’t really want to work it out now so I just wrapped them away just as Kate walked back over to the car. She was dripping wet but with the smile that was on her face she didn’t care.
“Hey is it ok if I go with Jake?” she asked like a child that wanted to go play with their friends. I laughed and showed her that I didn’t mind atoll.
“Its fine Kate honest I’m just happy you worked things out” I smiled.
“Not all worked out yet but thanks Leah. Are you going to be ok?” she asked.
“Yer I’ll be fine it’s only an hour away to Nans and I’d like to be on my own anyway. Honest I’m ok but call me and will meet up in London soon”
“Definitely! Thanks Lea” with that she shut the door and grabbed her bag from the boot. She ran over to Jakes car waving at me. I hated that that jealousy crept back up at me when I saw how happy and in love she was. She was my friend and I love that she’s happy but I couldn’t help but be a bit bitter about the whole thing and that made me angry at myself.
I was in my own fantasy thinking that everything was going good and well for me. Like everything was right and perfect in the world. But I was seriously miss-informed.
Who was I kidding? Why would things ever go well for me? They never have in the past and they never will now! Why is it when one thing goes wrong everything just follows like a domino effect?
How did I think a guy like him would ever like a girl like me? And I believed his lies about loving me! Jess was right he was just an act. But if that was so true why did I feel so safe with him, why did I see fireworks and feel every sign of love in his touch, see every sign of love in his eyes.
What kind of person takes someone's heart in their hands and breaks it to dust?
All these unanswered questions that a part of my heart needs to know... but there is still another part that just wants to never hear why, wants to say naive to the guy that has broken me in bits. I don't want to hear why I was just a game to him. I don't want to know why he told me he loved me... when he didn't.
I don't want to know why I still love him!