Epilogue
My Mother-in-law’s intuition had been right and eight and a half months later, I gave birth to a beautiful baby daughter named Kimberley (the first grandchild on Kishore's side of the family and the third on mine). I was secretly pleased I had a girl. I reveled in the joy of having not only a baby, but a baby girl.
Countries such as India and China have such a sad history of male babies being preferred to female. History has shown that the woman is often blamed for the outcome of the gender of the newborn when, in fact, it is the Father who determines the sex of the baby.
Kishore and I carried on living with my Mum and Dad while we saved for our first home. We finally bought a house (close to Mum and Dad) when Kimberley turned one. With Mum gladly looking after her, I was able to go back to work part-time. The delightful celebration of our first home was topped off with me finally graduating as a Vet Nurse.
It had always been on our minds that Kishore's siblings (as Sunil had already mentioned) would want to immigrate to New Zealand or go anywhere else in the world, and we knew we would support them in any way we could.
When we returned to New Zealand the second time, I contacted Nina about Sunil. The two of them began writing letters, exchanging photos, and talking on the phone. Sunil eventually flew to New Zealand to meet her. They got on very well, in fact it was a match made in heaven. In keeping with Indian tradition, they consulted an astrologer with their birth dates, he gave them a favourable match. Due to their charisma and the auspicious astrological results, they decided to marry.
Following in Kishore’s and my footsteps, Sunil traveled home to India with his fiancé to have a wedding in the garden in the front of his parent’s home. The advantage Nina had over me was that her Indian relatives could attend. Kishore and I decided not to go, we didn’t want to take yet more time off from our work or take Kimberley on such a long journey.
Upon their return, the happy couple, Sunil and Nina, lived with us for a year until they felt they were stable enough to rent a house for themselves, and during that time we all grew very close. Nina and I became great friends, kindred spirits, as we still are today. I discovered she is a great artist, and like any creative person she hopes to one day 'make it' with her talent. With his business degree, Sunil gained employment as he wished in a bank, following in his Father’s footsteps. It is kind of funny that all four men, Kishore, Sunil, their Father, and their Grandfather have all worked in one way or another in commerce. Kishore, with his commerce degree, became an accountant and their Grandfather was a bookkeeper for their village.
Kishore climbed the corporate ladder and eventually became a partner in his accounting firm. From an immigrant who arrived in New Zealand with $20.00 in his pocket, I for one, am very proud of him.
I continued temping as a Vet nurse; I owed it to my work as they had been so great with me. Firstly, for taking me back after I left them to work at O.S.W, then, asking for time off for our second trip to India and soon after going on maternity leave.
When Kimberley was two years old I gave birth to our wonderful son, Reece. We decided to have only two children, both of our kids are very beautiful as they often are in mixed race marriages, but then again I am biased.
With India's population explosion, Kishore and I know that two children are enough, regardless of the fact we have one of each. There are so, so many babies born into this world into families that can’t look after them. We want to be sure that we can provide all that we can for our two little bachos (children in Hindi). Maybe one day, if we wanted to have another child, we could adopt one from India.
Linda and Lance are still together, they never married or had kids but are happy as love partners.
Kishore's sister, Ranjini, graduated university with a BA and became a teacher. India is changing but regardless of my encouragement for Ranjini and Saras to become professionals, it was still hard at that time for girls coming from middle class families to achieve more than becoming teachers or nurses. Although there is nothing wrong with these professions, they seem to be the categories most Indian girls fall into. If that is what they want then that is fine, but to do this only because they believe that is all they can be, then that is not right.
Ranjini eventually settled in Canada after marrying a Doctor in a modern arranged marriage, they met through friends of friends of both of their families, as is the way with these types of marriages. Saras followed closely in her sister’s footsteps by also becoming a teacher and also marrying a Canadian Indian man. They live close to one another in their new country and have each other to lean on.
I continued temping throughout Kimberley and Reece’s young years as I still do now.
Kishore's Mum and Dad come to New Zealand when they can. They now divide their time between India, Canada and New Zealand. Lucky for them, they don’t see any winters, planning their trips to see their children and grandchildren around the seasons throughout the year.
Kishore, Sunil, Nina, and I occasionally get together to attend Indian functions. They have two sons a few years younger than my own children. Nevertheless, no matter how many Indian gatherings we go to, and although it has been twenty years, I still feel out of place. Even now I can't decide if I feel more comfortable wearing Indian clothes or English clothes, but I have come to the conclusion that no matter what I decide, I should not worry about it because it will not change anything.
I always feel welcome at these parties and Nina always stands by my side. Kishore usually stays with me, but there are times when men go off to talk to men and I can’t deny him that. Us girls stick together and gossip, chat, and natter about anything and everything.
Regardless of being married to an Indian man, and Kishore's Mother trying to teach me some basic Indian cooking, I have never really learnt to cook Indian food properly. The first time we came back to New Zealand and lived with my parents, we slotted back into familiar old routines, busy with work, saving money, and generally living life.
When Sunil and Nina came to live with us, she taught me more Hindi words and some Indian cooking so I have learnt a lot. But because I am not Indian by birth and the culture has not been ingrained in me, I suppose I will always feel a little on the outside of things. I guess I think I can never live up to 'real' Indian cooking and feel embarrassed about not getting the taste ‘just right’.
At the time of writing this, being Indian is the ‘in’ thing. Indians – both men and now women – are becoming leaders as they graduate as professionals all over the world in science, medicine, and IT (information technology).
Indian people, especially those in customer service or international employment roles, are taught how to speak with an American or English accent. Many Indian born people I have met here in New Zealand do not even have an Indian accent.
At the moment, the movie Slumdog Millionaire is a box office hit and people are heard singing ‘Jai-ho’ which is from a popular song from the movie.
India is now promoted as ‘Incredible India’ for tourism, and Bollywood is huge. Unfortunately, some of the classic Indian culture is becoming lost as more Indians are being mixed in western ways. The coyness of girls and boys of the era when I first met Kishore is disappearing. Today, Indian movies are almost the same as English movies, with half-naked girls shaking their bodies in front of men and the camera. It is not wrong, it is just sad to see the innocent nature of Indian movies has almost vanished. Every DVD shop has at least one shelf dedicated to Bollywood/Hindi movies.
Indians who immigrate, or any immigrants from any country for that matter, do not experience the same culture shock that Kishore went through. The emergence of computers, the internet, and mobile phones has made the world a smaller place. Anyone traveling to another country has inside information before they go there. McDonalds, Pizza Hut, KFC, and huge shopping malls can be found in any country all over the globe, although in India the only meat available at McDonalds is chicken.
On our most recent trip to India we were lucky enough to see the Taj Mahal again. In the aftermath of 9/11 it showed us just how things have changed. Lining up to enter the monument, men and women must stand in separate lines. Our bags were inspected as we entered, as were our bodies – male security guards searched males, and female security guards searched females.
I have also learnt in recent years about animals that are used for tourist purposes, such as riding elephants. Usually, the only way these animals are trained to do what they do is to begin their training from a very young age. How do people train them from a young age? In most cases the only way is for the animal to be stolen from its Mother. The Mother certainly would not give up her baby, and often the Mother is shot and killed so people can keep the baby and train it to do what they want.
I have recently started going to Hindi classes. This is also a new thing that was unheard of when I first met Kishore. Hindi classes are designed to teach the Hindi language. The students are mainly Kiwi born Indian children or husbands or wives of Indian people. Knowledge of the Hindu culture is also taught, which might include Bollywood or classic dance clubs, musical instrument (tabla, sitar) lessons, and prayer meetings.
As for Indian and vegetarian food, the world over has certainly changed. Vegetarian food is everywhere, every lunch bar has a no-meat option. Indian takeaways and restaurants are in every mall, butter chicken is a favourite dish amongst English people, and guess what? Butter chicken is not even an Indian dish! It is an English adaptation of an Indian dish. You would not find butter chicken in India. Indian spice and specialty food shops are in almost every suburb, and sell many types of certain foods available in India. Dried spices, such as masala, turmeric, chilies, fennel, cardamom, and lentils/dahls are available, as are other foods required in Indian cooking like chapatti flour, poppadum’s, bulk rice, and mustard oil. Also on sale are women’s and men’s clothes, Hindi newspapers, and women’s fashion accessories.
Hindi speaking radio stations as well as a Hindi speaking TV channels are also available.
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We have now been married for more than 20 years, yes, 20 years. Kishore and I have grown together as we have grown older. Our relationship is as strong as it was 20 years ago, in fact, it is now stronger. We have learnt to love one another more as we accept each other’s ways, and as we see ourselves in our growing children. We have endured good times and bad, and have become more committed with our devotion to each other.
Interracial marriages are more common, with various cultures and races getting together. English men and women who are married to Indian people mostly tell me how wonderful it is to marry into the Indian culture. I know that! I knew that more than 20 years ago when I was being told I was weird!
We did eventually buy two 24 carat gold wedding bands. I like to wear my one with the ring Kishore put on my finger at our registry office wedding. They often remind me of our two ceremonies and the mix of cultures we brought together. When I look at them, I also think of Ying and Yang and am taken back to the hippie that day on the Shatabdi Express.
Kishore still comes out with the most amazing romantic words. He has expressed many times that he is such a lucky man to have the most wonderful wife a husband can have. He often comes up behind me, kisses my neck, and sings a little verse from a romantic Indian song, calling me his precious Julie jewel.
He is always reminding me of our first date when I wore a khaki green scarf, and still asks me how did I know that was his absolute favourite colour? He believes me wearing the scarf on that day was a sign of our destiny… in fact it was probably THE sign, that we were meant to be.
As for having a white wedding, I have never regretted not having one. We were married twice and after all these years are still extremely happy. Sometimes we talk of renewing our vows on one of our significant wedding anniversaries, maybe then I will wear a white wedding dress.
From the time we were married, until today, Kishore and I have continued a special nightly ritual. As we lay next to each other, before going to sleep, we reach for one another’s hand and hold it. This is a special bond for us, a nightly tradition. We know that no matter what the day has thrown at us, even if we have argued, whatever tomorrow may bring, when we lay next to each other at the end of the day and clutch one another’s hand, everything is forgotten but that bond of our love which will last a lifetime.
Jai-ho!