17. Time to escape
Partly hidden by clouds the full moon seemed beautiful and omnipotent as its rays lit up the path like the golden steps towards heaven. Ben walked slowly towards the park, his feet dragging heavily behind him. He felt like a man condemned, like a deep depression had hit and engulfed him in its poisonous odour. Staring at the ground his eyes locked on the bright rays of light leading his way, it seemed strange, almost like a message from God.
Pausing he looked up to the sky, his gaze falling on a blanket of darkness impregnated with diamond like stars. Every night as a boy his mum had read to him and told him to look upon the moon to keep him safe. He had no idea why but now when he thought about it he could see the serenity that came from its milky luminosity, the only refuge from the bleakness of the night.
Pulling his gaze away he walked on towards the park, not knowing where he was going or what for. The park was a small affair, with only one set of swings, a slide and a roundabout. Long defaced by graffiti the park looked ghostly and eerie in the moonlight, the characteristic scrawls of the artists glaring like ghouls caught out with a torch. He sat on the swing his eyes staring off into the horizon. Beyond him was a large green field, fenced by hundreds of oak and elm trees, their leafy branches stretching far into the sky.
As he swung his mind fell blank, memories of a miserable past swamping over him. He thought life could be so easy, with his easygoing personality that he would soon be a Mr right to his Mrs. Only it had never happened, every date was a disaster or he’d been taking for a fool. He used to be able to look back and laugh, till now… Lola was everything he could have asked for but he couldn’t let her settle for second best. If she did, one day she would look back and wonder how feeling sorry for someone could turn into marriage. He knew deep down that he was at his lowest point, that his lack of self-esteem and bad luck had sent him tumbling towards the hole in the crevice. He didn’t know how much longer he could hold on.
Gazing around him he realised his eyes were wet; the small tears rolling down his face. He stepped to his feet, heading for the park gates, walking blindly, the tears blinding his vision. Wiping his eyes he looked around him, he was in a clearing, the path on his right leading towards the main road, the left snaking deeper into the woods. He didn’t feel like going home yet, maybe taking a stroll down a path on a moonlit night would be just what he needs to clear his head.
Twigs cracked under his feet as he manoeuvred himself through the undergrowth, stumbling through the close-set trees to find the well-trodden path. Small drops of rain fell lightly through the sky, peppering Ben’s face and body with a light dampness. The air smelt heavy and he could sense heavy rain was on the way. A shrill wind whistled through the wood, blowing the smaller trees with a large ferocity. As soon as the wind picked up the rain increased, the small drops becoming increasingly fat and heavy, falling out of the sky like large grey pellets. He walked on a bit further, his pace increasing as he dodged from tree to tree trying to find some sort of shelter. Sinking down next to a large, dominant oak he sat for a second contemplating what he would do with his life. He’d already lived a quarter of his lifespan, what could he possibly do with the rest of it? Emigrate maybe?
Standing up he put his hands absent-mindly on the trees bark, felt the rough texture of an old rope swing. As soon as his fingers touched the wood a dark thought crept through his mind, growing stronger and more appealing as the minutes crept by. With wet eyes he stared at the rope, it looked strong, sturdy, with a huge knot tied on the end. He closed his eyes and for a minute he was ten again, running around with his friends, lighting campfires and making swings without a care in the world… there was even a chance this could be the swing he made all those years ago. Maybe it was fate… Without a second thought he grabbed the rope and began climbing the tree. This was his moment.
As a boy climbing trees had been fun but as a sixteen stone chubby man it was sheer torture. He breathed heavily, the sweat pouring off his face. Glancing up the rain fell in his eyes; blinding him briefly as his vision was filled with chasms of light through the sheets of water. He blinked once, twice, the eyelashes thick with moisture dripping down his face. Was this really worth it he thought suddenly? Should he turn back? With a sudden determination he shifted himself up, reaching for the next branch.
A sharp shrill ringing cut into José’s dreams, made him think the pretty girl smiling down at him had suddenly swallowed a phone. Groaning he pulled himself out of his happy dream, picked up the warbling phone.
“Hello?” he groaned.
“Jose… it’s me…” Ben whispered.
“Ben, why are you whispering? Is something wrong?”
“I’m going to do it Ben, it will suit everyone in the long run.”
A cold chill tingled down Jose’s spine. He shuddered, tried to shake the feeling off.
“I hope you’re not doing what I think you’re doing. Where are you!” José said urgently.
“In the park. I just want to say I love you and I love Lola too. Look after her for me.” Ben said, his voice final and calm.
Anxiety flooded through José’s body, his heart pounding heavily in his chest. What was Ben doing?! “What park Ben? Is it where we used to play as kids? Tell me for gods sake!”
“Goodbye Jose.”
“BEN!”
Silence.
The phone beeped then an automated voice said the caller had gone. “SHIT!! SHIT!! SHIT!!” Jose shouted, throwing the phone on the bed.
He ran over to his wardrobe, shoved his feet into a pair of jeans and threw a jumper over his head. He might look a state but looks didn’t matter now, he had a friend to save. His heart was in his mouth as he fled his house, jumped in his little Mini Metro and swore while the freezing car sent the cold right through him. Shaking, his heart racing he struggled to fit the keys in the ignition, dropped them twice before he managed to start the car. He didn’t know how long he had, if Ben had already done what he had planned to do. Maybe he could stop him, he just didn’t know and that was the worst thing in the world… not knowing.
His eyes glued to the road, he pressed his foot heavily on the acceleration, driving dangerously fast through the dark, empty streets. As he approached the park all he could see was darkness. He had no idea this was the right park, or even where the hell Ben would be. Parking up he walked steadily through the children’s playground, his eyes examining each part of the park with a steely gaze. As he came to the end of the park he stopped, his eyes falling on the wooded enclosure just ahead.
His mind cast back over the years, remembered the two of them as boys. Running onto the swings, playing on the roundabout, making their very own rope swing. He froze, his breath condensing in front of him. He should have known Ben would go there; go back to the time in his memory where his world was colourful. As he ran the three hundred yards to the place where they’d had so much fun as boys a whole number of scenarios raced through his mind, each one more tormenting and devastating then the first. The reality however was very, very different.
Jose couldn’t quite believe his eyes. Rubbing his eyes he looked again. The image was sobering, and pierced right through him. Ben lay sobbing on the floor, the broken rope still wrapped around his neck. The weight that had tarnished his life had been what saved him from a painful death.
“The rope broke. I can’t even kill myself properly.” Jose smiled.
“Oh come on Ben, did you really think a 15 year old rope would support a grown mans weight?! You know you don’t use a rope swing with your neck don’t you?”
That knocked Ben for six. His eyes widened in bewilderment. “What are you talking about? I meant to…”
“No you didn’t. You wouldn’t do that to us, you quite simply forgot how to use a rope swing. Silly twerp.” Jose laughed.
“Well you know I was always one to come up with new ways of doing things.”
“Oh you certainly did that. Come on pick yourself up, you pulled me out of the best dream I’ve had in months and I would really like to get back to it!”
Ben smiled, looked down at his feet. The rain that had saturated his body was coming to a gentle spit. It was like the darkness had gone and sunshine would soon return. He couldn’t understand why Jose couldn’t admit to what Ben had done but maybe it was really for the best. He felt very foolish indeed, José was right; people would be lost without him!
Wiping his eyes Ben pulled himself to his feet wiped his eyes and smiled kindly at José. He always knew his best friend would be there for him in his time of need, and he was right. With a grimace he pulled the remaining part of the rope over his neck, dropping it onto the floor. He looked at it with amazement, amazement at what he had been willing to do just minutes ago. He couldn’t believe one irrational and thoughtless moment could’ve ruined everything. Sighing he turned away.
“So what was the dream about eh?” Ben laughed. “If I told you I would have to kill you…” “Maybe another night then.” Ben said lightly.
A smile crossed Jose’s face and he gave Ben a sharp pat on the back. The pair started to walk on, neither of them taking a look back. After all the past is the past.