YOU:
SO YOU’RE STILL RECEIVING SECRET NOTES
FROM A “SECRET ADMIRER” AND YOU’RE OKAY
WITH IT. WELL, IF YOU’RE OKAY WITH IT THEN I’M
OKAY WITH IT.
SO DID YOU HAVE A GOOD THANKSGIVING? I
HOPE SO. WE ALWAYS HAVE PLENTY OF FOOD
AND I LIKE OUR FAMILY TRADITION OF EVERYONE
GOING AROUND THE TABLE AND NAMING SOME
THINGS THEY’RE THANKFUL FOR BEFORE WE ALL
DIG IN AND EAT. IT’S A GOOD TRADITION. DOES
YOUR FAMILY HAVE ANY THANKSGIVING
TRADITIONS YOU REALLY LIKE? WHAT ARE THEY?
I COME FROM A CHRISTIAN FAMILY SO WE
BELIEVE THAT EVERY GOOD THING COMES FROM
JESUS CHRIST. SO AS WE COUNTED OUR
BLESSINGS LAST MONTH, I’M EXCITED ABOUT
PAYING BLESSINGS FORWARD THIS MONTH DUE
TO THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY. DON’T BE TOO
SURPRISED IF I ASK YOU LATER IF THERE’S
ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR THAT YOU MIGHT LIKE
FOR CHRISTMAS.
45
I WAS THINKING I MIGHT GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF
MUSIC. ANY FAVORITE BANDS YOU LIKE? MAYBE
YOU COULD THINK OF SOME IF YOU LIKE
LISTENING TO MUSIC. I KNOW I LOVE LISTENING
TO MUSIC. YOU ALWAYS SEE ME IN THE HALLS IN
BETWEEN CLASSES HOOKED UP TO MY PORTABLE
MUSIC PLAYER LIKE IT’S AN I.V. LIFELINE (ONE
THAT JUST DRIPS BEATS OF BLISS INTO MY EARS)
AND NOW YOU KNOW WHY. I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT
GREAT MUSIC!
THERE ARE A FEW MORE MINUTES UNTIL THE
FIRST CLASS BEGINS AND I JUST SAW YOU FOR
THE FIRST TIME TODAY TURNING DOWN A NEARBY
HALLWAY. I WAS GOING TO WRITE SOMETHING
ELSE BUT I LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. WELL...
IF I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT I WAS GOING TO
WRITE BEFORE I SAW YOU, THEN AT LEAST I CAN
SAY THAT YOU LOOK GREAT TODAY (AS USUAL)!
YOU’RE NEVER A DISAPPOINTMENT, THAT’S FOR
SURE.
MAYBE I SHOULD ASK YOU ABOUT YOUR SECRET
ADMIRER. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS OF WHO IT
MIGHT BE? AND IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO HE
IS, DOES THIS MEAN THAT YOU LIKE HIM? OR
DOES IT JUST MEAN THAT YOU LIKE GETTING THE
SECRET NOTES BUT YOU’RE NOT NECESSARILY
INTO HIM? JUST WONDERING.
46
MAYBE I SHOULD WRITE A NOTE TO YOU AND
SLIP IT INTO YOUR LOCKER SOMETIME. BUT, OF
COURSE, YOU’D KNOW IT’S FROM ME BECAUSE
YOU ALREADY KNOW MY HANDWRITING BY NOW.
SO THAT’S OUT.
BUT IF I DID DECIDE TO SLIP YOU A NOTE IN YOUR
LOCKER TODAY, MAYBE IT MIGHT READ
SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
DEAR YOU,
YOU KNOW ME BECAUSE WE SHARE A
COUPLE OF CLASSES. SO I WAS
WONDERING IF YOU MIGHT SEE IT AS
PARTICULARLY ROMANTIC IF WE SAT
TOGETHER AND ATE LUNCH TODAY. WHAT
DO YOU THINK?
LOVE,
YOUR NOT-SO-SECRET ADMIRER: ME
BUT THAT KIND OF NOTE WOULD PROBABLY MAKE
YOU YAWN AND SAY “WE ALWAYS EAT LUNCH
TOGETHER. BORING.” AND, OF COURSE, THAT
WOULD CRUSH MY TENDER HEART LIKE A
HAMSTER SITTING DOWN ON A PIECE OF
CHOCOLATE PUFFED CEREAL. (CAN YOU HEAR THE
CRUNCHING SOUNDS NOW? OH! . . . PLEASE! . . .
HAVE MERCY! . . .)
47
OF COURSE, I CAN ALSO HEAR YOU SAYING,
“THE HAMSTER’S BUTT, WITH ITS UNIQUE
COMBINATION OF FAT AND HAIR, HAS A MUCH
LARGER COMPARATIVE RATIO THAN THE TINY
CHOCOLATE PUFFED CEREAL PIECE SO MAYBE IT
WOULD ACTUALLY MAKE NO CLEARLY DISCERNIBLE
SOUND AT ALL.” THANKS. THANKS A LOT. YOUR
SENSITIVITY IS SO MOOOVING. (NOT.)
BUT DESPITE YOUR OCCASIONAL SEEMINGLY
SCIENTIFIC WAYS OVER MATTERS OF THE
HEART. . . I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW
ONE OF THE THINGS I SAID I WAS GRATEFUL FOR
OVER THANKSGIVING: MY ASSOCIATION WITH
YOU.
THE DAY THAT YOU STOP SHOWING UP FOR
SCHOOL IS THE DAY THAT I NOT ONLY START THE
LARGEST SEARCH EVER COMMANDED IN UNITED
STATES HISTORY, BUT ALSO THE DAY THAT I
WONDER HOW IN THE WORLD I’LL EVER BE ABLE
TO REPLACE CONVERSATIONS ABOUT PUMPKIN
PANCAKES, A YOUNG WOMAN WANTING TO VISIT
AN EMPTY MEN’S RESTROOM AND MYSTERIOUS
SECRET ADMIRER NOTES THAT KEEP APPEARING
IN THAT AWE INSPIRING SPACE KNOWN AS YOUR
SCHOOL LOCKER.
BUT, THANKFULLY, YOU’RE HERE AT SCHOOL
TODAY. SO I’LL TAKE APPROPRIATE ADVANTAGE
OF THE OPPORTUNITY THAT IS BEFORE ME TODAY
BY ASKING YOU A MAYBE NOT QUITE SO USUAL
48
BUT STILL SORT-OF CHRISTMAS SEASONAL
APPROPRIATE QUESTION: WHAT KIND OF
FLOWERS DO YOU LIKE? AND ARE THERE ANY
THAT YOU DON’T LIKE OR ARE ALLERGIC TO?
THIS QUESTION MAY BE FOR MY OWN CASUAL
CURIOSITY OR I MAY BE ASKING ON BEHALF OF
THE GUY THAT IS YOUR SECRET ADMIRER. SO
THOSE ARE SOME THINGS FOR YOU TO THINK
ABOUT: MUSIC AND FLOWERS AND MAYBE WHAT
I’D WRITE YOU IF I PUT A NOTE IN YOUR LOCKER
TODAY. (BUT I WON’T PUT A NOTE IN YOUR
LOCKER TODAY SINCE I MUCH PREFER TO JUST
HAND YOU THIS IN PERSON RIGHT BEFORE OUR
CLASS TODAY.)
OR MAYBE YOU COULD JUST TELL ME IF YOU LIKE
RED ROSES OR IF THOSE ARE TOO BORING FOR
YOU. LONG-STEMMED RED ROSES ARE ONE OF
THE MOST EXPENSIVE WAYS OF SAYING “I LOVE
YOU” THAT EXISTS IN THE FLORAL INDUSTRY. SO
IF ANYONE EVER GETS YOU EVEN A SINGLE RED
ROSE, GET READY BECAUSE THEY JUST MIGHT BE
TESTING THE WATERS TO SEE IF YOU’LL LET THEM
BUY YOU SEVERAL MORE LATER.
HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY!
LATER!
ME
49
[5th anonymous note put in your locker.]
December 9
Title: “True Love Never Ends”
You haunt me
Your voice haunts me in the daytime
Visions of the beauty of your face
Visions of the beauty of your body
Haunt me in the dreams of the night
You mesmerize me
Your voice travels into my heart
Your eyes pierce deep into my soul
Your spirit touches mine and love takes control
I can run but I can’t hide
I can try and forget
But the memory of you keeps rushing back
To grab hold of me deep inside
I can pretend you’re just a friend
I can pretend it’s all a game
But the facts prove over and over
My heart will love you until the end
Until the end of eternity
And all because it’s love
And some say love ends
But I’m inclined to strongly disagree
Because when it’s true love
It can’t really be denied
That true love never ends.
True love never ends.
Thank our loving God it never ends.
Love,
Your Secret Admirer
50
DECEMBER 12
YOU:
LOOKS LIKE YOU AND I LIKE A LOT OF THE SAME
MUSIC! SWEET! SO I’VE GOT A PRETTY GOOD
IDEA OF WHAT I’LL BE GETTING FOR YOU THIS
CHRISTMAS. I’LL BE BRINGING GIFTS NEXT WEEK
ON THE SECOND TO LAST DAY BEFORE THE
CHRISTMAS BREAK TO BE GIVING TO OUR
FRIENDS. THAT’S GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN! I
CAN’T WAIT!
SINCE YOU SAID YOU’RE A FAN OF LONG-
STEMMED RED ROSES, DO YOU THINK IT’S A BIT
TOO MUCH IF A GUY GIVES A GIRL HE LIKES A
LONG-STEMMED RED ROSE BEFORE HE ASKS HER
OUT? JUST WONDERING.
I JUST LOVE THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY! AND YOU
LOOK DEVASTATINGLY BEAUTIFUL IN CHRISTMAS
RED, I MIGHT ADD. (I LOVE THAT SWEATER
YOU’RE WEARING TODAY!)
MY DAD SAYS THAT GUYS DON’T COMPLIMENT
WOMEN ENOUGH WHEN THEY LOOK GOOD. I
ASKED MY MOM AND SHE SAID IT’S TRUE AND
THEN SHE ADDED, “BUT YOU MEN NEED TO BE
MORE SPECIFIC. DO YOU LIKE THE DRESS OR
JUST THE PEARLS ONLY? OR DO YOU LIKE THE
51
PEARLS WITH THE DRESS?. . . BE SPECIFIC
BECAUSE WE’RE DRESSING FOR YOU.” THEN MY
DAD WHISPERED LOUDLY TO ME, “THAT’S NOT
TRUE. THEY DRESS FOR THEIR GIRLFRIENDS AS
MUCH AS – IF NOT MORE THAN – THEY DO FOR
MEN.” TO WHICH MY MOM QUICKLY REPLIED,
“WELL, WE’D DRESS MORE FOR MEN IF THEY’D
COMPLIMENT US THE WAY OUR GIRLFRIENDS DO.”
SO LET ME BE ONE OF THE FIRST MEN YOU’VE
EVER MET TO TELL YOU SPECIFICALLY THAT I
REALLY LOVE THAT SWEATER YOU’RE WEARING
TODAY. EVERYTHING YOU’RE WEARING TOGETHER
LOOKS GREAT!
BUT I WILL SAY THAT PROBABLY ONE OF THE
REASONS US GUYS DON’T GET SPECIFIC IS
BECAUSE, 1) OFTEN WE HAVE NO FASHION SENSE
OF OUR OWN TO BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE
SPECIFICS, AND 2) FRANKLY, WE ARE CONCERNED
SOMEONE MIGHT THINK WE’RE GAY AND IF THAT
“SOMEONE” HAPPENS TO BE A YOUNG LADY WE
LIKE, THEN WE DON’T WANT TO BLOW THAT
CHANCE TO MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS WE’RE NOT
ONLY STRAIGHT BUT VERY LIKELY ATTRACTED TO
HER SPECIFICALLY.
YOU SEE, GUYS HAVE NO PROBLEM KNOWING
AND BEING SPECIFIC ABOUT WHICH FEMALE WE
MAY LIKE, BUT WHAT SHE MAY BE WEARING THAT
DAY IS NOT NOTICED AS MUCH BECAUSE OFTEN
WE’RE SO MESMERIZED BY HER BEAUTY THAT ALL
WE NOTICE IS THE WHOLE PICTURE INSTEAD OF
52
DETAILS OR SPECIFICS.
GIRLS ARE BETTER AT THOSE DETAILS BECAUSE
YOU’RE PRACTICALLY TRAINED FROM THE WOMB
TO BE BETTER AT THOSE THINGS BY EVERY
FASHION MAGAZINE IN EXISTENCE. BUT GUYS, WE
CAN SPELL THE WORD “FASHION” AND THAT’S
ABOUT THE EXTENT OF WHAT WE KNOW
REGARDING THE SUBJECT. (AND SOME OF US
CAN’T EVEN SPELL FASHION CORRECTLY.)
ANYHOO . . . ENOUGH ABOUT FASHION.
I’M CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS
SECRET ADMIRER OF YOURS. I ASKED YOU
ABOUT A WEEK AGO IN A NOTE ABOUT IF YOU
THINK YOU KNOW WHO HE MIGHT BE AND YOU
HAVEN’T SAID ANYTHING.
THEN I ASKED YOU AT LUNCH RECENTLY AND YOU
SORT OF GAVE A DEEP THINKING KIND OF LOOK
BUT YOU NEVER ACTUALLY ANSWERED THE
QUESTION. (OF COURSE YOU ALSO HAD A
MOUTH FULL OF FOOD WHEN I ASKED AND THEN
THE CLASS BELL RANG.) SO, NOT TO PRESSURE
YOU TOO MUCH BUT . . . ANY IDEAS OF YOUR
OWN AS TO WHO THIS FELLOW MIGHT ACTUALLY
BE? ANY IDEAS IF YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY LIKE HIM
IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO HE IS? OR DOES
THE MERE THOUGHT OF WHO HE MIGHT BE
CAUSE YOU TO THROW UP A BIT IN YOUR
MOUTH? (OKAY. . . MAYBE IF THAT LAST ONE IS
53
THE CASE THEN MAYBE I DON’T WANT TO KNOW
EITHER.)
YOU JUST SEEM LIKE YOU’VE BEEN TALKING TO
YOUR GIRLFRIENDS MORE THAN WITH ME MORE
LATELY SO I’M JUST WONDERING IF HE’S THE
MAIN FOCUS OF YOUR CONVERSATIONS WITH
OTHERS. BUT MAYBE THAT’S REALLY NONE OF MY
BUSINESS BECAUSE I DO BELIEVE IN RESPECTING
YOUR PRIVACY. SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL ME
IF HE’S WHAT YOU’RE TALKING TO THEM ABOUT.
THAT’S FINE WITH ME.
OKAY. IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT?
UGH! IT’S REALLY KILLING ME NOW. I’M JUST
SOOOO CURIOUS.
NO... WAIT. . . IS IT SOMETHING THAT I DID OR
SAID THAT’S MAKING YOU TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS
MORE THAN ME? DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?
PLEASE TELL ME AND I’LL WASTE NO TIME IN
FIXING IT. WHATEVER YOU WANT. JUST LET ME
KNOW. I’M A BOZO SOMETIMES. WE BOTH KNOW
IT. SO JUST TELL ME HOW I SCREWED UP . . . LET
ME FIX IT. . . LET’S PUT IT BEHIND US . . . AND
FORGIVE ME.
SO, DID I SCREW UP SOMEHOW? IS THAT WHY
YOU’RE NOT TALKING TO ME AS MUCH AS YOU
ARE YOUR GIRLFRIENDS? JUST LET ME KNOW. I’M
54
HERE FOR YOU. YOU KNOW, I’M ALWAYS HERE
FOR YOU.
OR MAYBE IT’S BACK TO THE FASHION THING.
BECAUSE YOU KNOW US GUYS DON’T HAVE A
CLUE WHEN IT COMES TO FASHION. WE ALWAYS
HAVE TO GET HELP FROM OTHERS WHETHER
THAT’S THE LADY AT THE STORE OR ONE OF OUR
GAY FRIENDS THAT’S HELPING US TO DRESS WELL
ENOUGH TO MAINTAIN OUR STRAIGHT
REPUTATION WHILE ALSO NOT DRESSING SO WELL
THAT OUR GAY FRIENDS THINK WE’VE FLIPPED
AND ARE AVAILABLE FOR THEIR PURSUIT. (THAT’S
A FINE BALANCE TO STRIKE IN THE WORLD OF
HETEROSEXUAL MALES, YOU KNOW.)
SO IS THAT IT? DOES MY SUIT COAT NOT REALLY
GO WITH MY JEANS? IS THE TIE TOO MUCH? OR
WHAT ABOUT MY HAIR? YOU KNOW S. B. IS
ALWAYS FLIRTING WITH ME BY COMING UP TO ME
AND RUNNING HER FINGERS THROUGH MY HAIR
EVEN THOUGH WE BOTH KNOW THERE COULD
NEVER BE ANYTHING BETWEEN US.
SHE’S ALWAYS PAYING ME THE SAME
COMPLIMENT LIKE A BROKEN RECORD IN THAT
SAME FLIRTY TONE OF VOICE, “SO I SEE THE GUY
ON THE LATEST COVER OF GQ MAGAZINE IS
FOLLOWING YOUR CUE BY HAVING THE SAME
HAIRSTYLE AND CLOTHING AS YOU. DON’T YOU
THINK IT’S ABOUT TIME YOU STARTED RETURNING
THE CALLS OF GQ SO THEY CAN FINALLY PUT THE
55
MOST WANTED MAN IN OUR SCHOOL ON THE
COVER?”
SO MAYBE THERE’S SOME INSIDE JOKE GOING
AROUND SCHOOL THAT I’M NO LONGER THE
BIGGEST TEEN HEARTTHROB ANYMORE (THAT
COMES FROM THE PICTURE THAT WENT AROUND
DURING LAST YEAR’S SCHOOL DANCE WHEN LIKE
TEN GIRLS WANTED TO BE IN A PICTURE WITH ME.)
SO MAYBE I’M NOT THAT GOOD-LOOKING
ANYMORE. THAT’S OKAY. I CAN HANDLE IT.
(MAYBE.)
LOOK, MAYBE I’M OVERREACTING HERE BUT I
JUST CAN’T HELP BUT TO NOTICE THAT WE’RE
NOT TALKING AS MUCH LATELY AND I JUST WANT
TO MAKE SURE THINGS ARE GOOD BETWEEN US.
THAT’S ALL. IF I’M ANNOYING, TELL ME HOW I’M
BEING ANNOYING AND I’LL STOP IT. OR AT LEAST
I’LL TRY REALLY HARD TO STOP IT. (BECAUSE YOU
KNOW ME, GOOD-LOOKING OR NOT, SOMETIMES
I AM ANNOYING. SOMETIMES I HAVE NERDY
HUMOR.)
WELL, THAT’S ABOUT THE LONGEST LETTER I’VE
EVER WRITTEN ANYONE IN MY LIFE SO I SUPPOSE
I SHOULD STOP HERE AND CALL IT A DAY FOR
LETTER WRITING.
HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY!
DID I MENTION THAT YOUR SWEATER LOOKS
56
GREAT ON YOU TODAY? YES. I’M LOOKING BACK
OVER THIS NOTE AND IT SEEMS I HAVE, IN FACT,
COMPLIMENTED YOU SPECIFICALLY ON YOUR
SWEATER TODAY – APPARENTLY NUMEROUS
TIMES.
LATER!
ME
57
DECEMBER 16
YOU:
WHAT A RELIEF! ONE OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS JUST
BROKE UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND SO YOU WERE
SPENDING MORE TIME GIVING HER EMOTIONAL
SUPPORT. THAT’S GREAT!
I MEAN, IT’S NOT GREAT THAT SHE AND HE BROKE
UP AND I’M NOT SAYING THAT’S GREAT LIKE I’M
INTERESTED IN HER BUT WHAT I MEANT WAS
THAT’S GREAT THAT THERE’S NO PROBLEMS
BETWEEN YOU AND ME. EXCELLENT!
(OH, AND SEND YOUR FRIEND MY SYMPATHIES
ABOUT HER RECENT HEARTACHE. UNLESS I’M
NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT IT AND THEN
JUST . . . UM . . . KEEP GIVING HER YOUR
SYMPATHY AND SUPPORT. YEAH... KEEP DOING
THAT BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO AND
YOU’RE A GOOD FRIEND AND I SUPPORT YOU
GIVING HER YOUR SUPPORT. OKAY. CLEARLY I’M
TALKING IN CIRCLES ON THAT ONE SO. . .
ANYHOO. . . MOVING RIGHT ALONG. )
SO, HOW ARE YOU TODAY? (AND FEEL FREE TO
NOTE THAT I’M SO GLAD THINGS ARE GOOD WITH
US THAT I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK YOU
ABOUT YOUR SECRET ADMIRER FRIEND. JUST
READ THIS WHOLE THING AND THAT LAST
58
SENTENCE WILL BE THE ONLY TIME I EVEN
MENTION HIM. SO NO WORRIES SINCE I KNOW
YOU HAVEN’T SAID ANYTHING STILL SO THAT
TELLS ME YOU STILL WANT YOUR PRIVACY AND
I’M COOL WITH THAT. I’M COOL. NO WORRIES.)
YOU ALSO ASKED ABOUT MY OPINION OF
REFINED AFFECTIONATE FRIENDSHIPS (OR R.A.
FRIENDSHIPS) SINCE THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE
WITH HER. SO HERE’S WHAT I THINK:
GOOD, HONEST PEOPLE WON'T HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH IT. I THINK IT'S GREAT AND I SUPPORT IT.
BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, SINCE WE LIVE IN A
HYPERSEXUAL SOCIETY, I THINK TOO MANY
PEOPLE WOULD SEE IT (R.A. FRIENDSHIPS) AS
MORE HOMOSEXUAL THAN PURE, SIMPLY
BECAUSE MOST AMERICANS AREN’T NEARLY
AFFECTIONATE AS ONCE BEFORE.
IT USED TO BE THAT IN THE 1800'S THAT TWO
MEN OR TWO WOMEN COULD WALK WITH THEIR
ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER’S SHOULDER
WITHOUT PEOPLE ASSUMING ANYTHING SEXUAL.
IT USED TO BE THAT TWO PEOPLE OF THE SAME
GENDER COULD BE MORE VERBAL AND
AFFECTIONATE AND LESS ASHAMED OF HAVING
DEEP FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE OF THE SAME
GENDER.
BUT THESE DAYS, AS LONG AS PEOPLE GET THEIR
VIEWS DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY FROM THE
59
INFLUENCE OF THE PORN INDUSTRY, IT WILL TAKE
SOME TIME FOR TYPICAL AMERICANS TO SEE
THAT IT’S POSSIBLE FOR TWO PEOPLE OF THE
SAME GENDER TO BE VERY AFFECTIONATE AND
LOYAL WITHOUT IT ALSO BEING SEXUAL (LIKE THE
NON-SEXUAL BUT DEEP LOVE AND MORE OPEN
AFFECTION OF R.A. FRIENDSHIPS).
UNDOING THE HYPERSEXUAL INFLUENCE TAKES
TIME AND CAN CAUSE UNNECESSARY GUILT LIKE
THE EXAMPLE IN THE BIBLE NEW TESTAMENT WHEN
CHRIST HAD TO TEACH ONE OF HIS APOSTLES
NOT TO CALL SOMETHING UNCLEAN THAT WAS
ACTUALLY CLEAN (THE LESSON BEING THAT THE
HIGHER LAW OF CHRIST MAKES THINGS CLEAN
THAT THE WORLD WOULD CONSIDER UNCLEAN).
I LIKE HOW T. M. MEEK PUT IT, “TOO MANY
OTHERWISE GOOD, CHRISTIAN HETEROSEXUALS
ARE TOO AFRAID OF THE STRENGTHS MANY
HOMOSEXUALS HAVE TO OPENLY EMBRACE THE
HEALTHY NEED TO HAVE A DEEPER EMOTIONAL
CONNECTION WITH SOMEONE OF THE SAME
GENDER THAN IS TYPICAL OF MOST AVERAGE
AMERICAN NON-AFFECTIONATE FRIENDSHIPS. TO
HAVE PURE AFFECTION EXPRESSED IN A SAME
GENDER FRIENDSHIP IS THE HEALTHY MIDDLE
GROUND THAT IS LARGELY ABSENT IN MUCH OF
HETEROSEXUAL AMERICAN CULTURE WHICH
TENDS TO LEAVE MOST OF US AS ADULTS WITH
ONLY THE CHOICES OF TWO EXTREMES:
HYPERSEXUALIZATION IN RELATIONSHIPS OR LOVE
WITH LITTLE OR NO TRULY INTIMATE AFFECTION –
60
NEITHER OF WHICH IS TRULY FULFILLING FOR THE
HUMAN SPIRIT.”
SO DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION ABOUT
MY OPINION OF R.A. FRIENDSHIPS? I HOPE SO
BECAUSE I THINK THEY ARE A BETTER TYPE OF
HETEROSEXUAL SAME GENDER FRIENDSHIP THAN
THE COLDER TREND THAT’S BEEN BUILDING FOR
OVER A HALF A CENTURY HERE IN THE U.S..
NOW TO OTHER TOPICS.
HOPEFULLY YOU’RE DOING WELL TODAY. MY MOM
TAUGHT ME OVER THE LAST WEEKEND HOW TO
MAKE THIS GREAT WASSAIL. IT’S NON-ALCOHOLIC
SINCE NO ONE IN MY FAMILY DRINKS ALCOHOL
SO I BROUGHT SOME TO SCHOOL TODAY AND
YOU CAN TRY SOME AT LUNCH IF YOU WANT.
I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’RE ALLERGIC TO ANY
FOODS SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IT
DOESN’T CONTAIN ANY STRAWBERRIES OR NUTS
OR BEE STINGERS IN IT (SINCE SOME PEOPLE ARE
ALLERGIC TO BEE STINGS). OF COURSE I’VE
NEVER HEARD OF PEOPLE COOKING WITH BEE
STINGERS OR BEE VENOM OR BEE ANYTHING –
EXCEPT FOR HONEY. THAT I’VE HEARD OF:
HONEY. BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE ANY OF
THAT IN IT EITHER. (I’M JUST TRYING TO COVER
ALL OF MY BASES HERE ABOUT ALLERGIES.)
I MENTION THE FACT THAT IT’S NON-ALCOHOLIC
61
SINCE I THINK MOST PEOPLE MAKE WASSAIL WITH
ALCOHOL IN IT LIKE RUM OR SOMETHING. SO
ANYWAY, NO WORRIES ABOUT US GETTING
KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL FOR DRINKING ALCOHOL
AT LUNCHTIME. AND NO GETTING KICKED OUT OF
SCHOOL FOR BEING MORMON NON-ALCOHOL
DRINKERS EITHER SINCE NEITHER OF US ARE
MORMON. (AT LEAST I DON’T THINK YOU ARE.
WAIT... ARE YOU A MORMON?)
OKAY, SO IN LIGHT OF THAT POSSIBLE GAFFE, I
HAVE NO HARD FEELINGS AGAINST MORMONS. IN
FACT, MAYBE THAT WAS AN INAPPROPRIATE JOKE
SINCE THEY GOT ABUSED AND KICKED OUT OF
LIKE THREE DIFFERENT STATES BACK IN THE
1800’S BEFORE FINALLY SETTLING IN UTAH.
THEY OPENLY CLAIMED A BELIEF IN THE LITERAL,
PHYSICAL RESURRECTION OF JESUS CHRIST (AND
STILL DO), BASICALLY SAYING THAT THE CHRIST
THAT DIED LIVES AGAIN AS ONE WHO IS NOW
IMMORTAL AND THAT GOD THE FATHER SPEAKS
TO US TODAY AND SO THEY GOT HARASSED AND
ATTACKED AND DRIVEN FROM PLACE TO PLACE.
THERE WAS EVEN AN EXTERMINATION ORDER
TAKEN OUT AGAINST THEM RIGHT HERE IN A LAND
WHERE FREEDOM OF RELIGION IS SUPPOSED TO
BE OUR MOST TREASURED HERITAGE AND AT THE
HEART OF THE VERY ROOTS OF THE INDIVIDUAL
LIBERTIES WE ALL CHERISH TODAY. LOTS OF
THEM WERE MURDERED BACK THEN.
62
I GUESS THAT’S A LITTLE LIKE THE JEWS, BEING
MURDERED FOR THEIR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS.
THAT’S MESSED UP, HUH? AT LEAST I THINK IT IS.
IT’S JUST WRONG. THANK GOODNESS PEOPLE
ARE A LOT NICER TO MORMONS AND JEWS
TODAY.
DID YOU KNOW THAT “MORMON” IS ACTUALLY
JUST A NICKNAME? MORMON'S ARE ACTUALLY
MEMBERS OF “THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST
OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS.” THAT'S A LONG NAME
FOR A CHURCH, HUH? BUT AT LEAST THEY'RE
CHRIST-CENTERED. JUST LOOK AT THE NAME OF
THE CHURCH. IT'S A GOOD CHRISTIAN NAME.
THEY'RE ALSO CALLED LATTER-DAY SAINTS OR
L.D.S. FOR SHORT.
THE PEOPLE THAT ARE NICE TO LATTER-DAY
SAINTS TODAY AND DON'T MOCK THEM OR
SPREAD LIES AND RUMORS ABOUT THEM ARE
THOSE THAT ACTUALLY GO AND TALK TO
SOMEONE THAT'S LDS THAT LOVES GOING TO
THE LDS CHURCH. THEY GET THE TRUTH ABOUT
THEIR BELIEFS AND PRACTICES BY GOING
DIRECTLY TO A CURRENT MEMBER INSTEAD OF
FROM SOMEONE THAT'S ONLY INTERESTED IN
SPREADING UNCONFIRMED INFORMATION
(MISUNDERSTANDINGS OR LIES).
AND USUALLY THEY FIND LDS PEOPLE ARE PRETTY