I ’ve aleadymentionedsome “Don’ts”in the previous section,buthere are some otherthingsyou should avoid.
1. Don’t rush things. Some people who come to us for advice are in this scenario: they have only been together with their long distance boyfriend for a week or a month, and they think their boyfriend/girlfriend should be okay with their high expectations that they have for the relationship early on. Either they are talking about moving to be with them a week after starting their relationship, or are so demanding in other ways that they end up pushing them away early in the relationship. In their minds, they think they are married at the start! And they don’t get why their boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with them… please…
2. Don’t expect them to always answer their phone. This is another problem people come to us with. Just because they don’t answer their phone, doesn’t mean it is a giveaway that they are cheating or are intentionally ignoring you. Don’t get yourself riled up. They are more likely than not too busy to answer their phone or their phone is in different room and they don’t hear it. Don’t have high expectations like this, period.
3. Don’t put yourself in certain situations. Although people in long distance relationships don’t cheat any more than people in same city relationships, cheating continues to be a big concern in LDRs. To avoid being accused of cheating, avoid putting yourself in situations where cheating might actually be tempting. Don’t hang around others that you know are into you or that at some point were interested in before you started dating your long distance boyfriend/girlfriend. Just don’t hang out alone with someone that might be a sexual interest. Don’t put yourself in any situation that might be suspicious if your girlfriend/boyfriend found out about it. You will save yourself a lot of trouble.
4. Don’t lie. Obvious, but don’t lie to avoid your girlfriend/boyfriend. For example, if your boyfriend/girlfriend calls and you don’t want to talk to them because he/she called you 5 times already today, don’t tell them you’re busy writing a paper, or grocery shopping, or whatever to get out of a conversation with them. Just tell them you don’t want to talk to them and you need a day to do whatever you want. Long distance relationships can be draining of course and we all need some space, even in a LDR. It’s okay to ask for space, but don’t overdo it.
5. Don’t let them control your life, and don’t control theirs. We’ve seen some ridiculous stuff that we can’t believe others have let happen in their relationships, or why people would even stay in these relationships. They are in a long distance situation, and their boyfriend/girlfriend tries to control them. This can be somewhat innocent such as people asking us how they can make their boyfriend/girlfriend go to a certain school that is close to them, how to get their EX boyfriend/girlfriend to go back to them after many months, or how to make their boyfriend/girlfriend do nice things for them. It can also be extreme. For example, people have had so much control over their boyfriend/girlfriend that they have manipulated them to send money to them on a regular basis. That certainly isn’t a healthy relationship (and if you’re in that situation, get out of it!). For the more innocent things, such as wanting your boyfriend/girlfriend to do nice things for you, do nice things for them first. Don’t make them do them. Make them WANT to do them.
6. Do not have a “break.” I personally don't think having a break helps any relationship. Nothing gets "fixed" and you return to the relationship with the same issues because you didn't work on them together, all you did was avoid them. Problems have to be sorted out together, not apart. Being able to successfully work out problems is a test for every relationship, and something you need to be able to do as a couple.