4

Beginnings

 

The bed jostled. I opened an eye and squinted into the night. I managed to see Ruby wriggling up between us.

“What’s up?” I whispered.

“It’s my birthday,” she whispered back.

“I know.” I draped an arm over her. “Happy birthday.”

“I’m excited for my party. I’ve never had one before.”

“It will be awesome. But let’s go back to sleep before we wake Daddy.”

She touched a finger to my hair. “I can’t sleep.”

I yawned. “You want some hot chocolate?”

“Yes, please.”

I peeled back the blanket and slid my feet into my fuzzy slippers.

She followed. “Can I get marshmallows, too?”

“Yep.” I scooped powdered chocolate into two mugs.

“Will there be balloons and streamers?”

I nodded as I stirred in some milk. “And horns and hats—” I retched. A hand flew up to cover my mouth.

“Are you okay?”

I retched again. Could I make it to the bathroom in time? I spun. My vision distorted. I heard Ruby calling me.

Then everything went black.

“Mon.” Troy’s distressed tone pierced the veil.

I felt his hands brush over mine, the linoleum cool against my skin.

“C’mon, Mon.”

“Urgh.” I pulled myself up. My stomach convulsed.

He held a bowl to my chin as half-digested cheesy bread and ravioli gushed from my throat.

“You’re white as.” The back of his hand pressed against my forehead.

“Must have caught a bug. Can I get some water?”

“Sure.” He filled a glass. “You hit your head pretty bad.”

Ruby was curled next to me. She refused to meet my eyes.

“Maybe you should get checked out,” he said.

I chugged some water. “Nah. I’ll be fine.”

“Do you pass out a lot?” He helped me stand.

“Only when I’m about to puke. Something about a drop in blood pressure.”

He nodded. “Let’s get you back into bed.”

Ruby took my other hand. “You’ve gotta get better for my party!”

“I will be, don’t you worry. I’m looking forward to cake.” I managed a grin. The thought of the sugary dessert disgusted me.

“That’s all she cares about, Rubes.” He shook his head in mock disappointment.

I slid onto the mattress.

“We’ll let you get some rest.” Troy shut the door behind them.

I hugged the waste basket to my chest. Were there other symptoms? My mind wandered to the scrambled eggs. Thought they were bad. But maybe I am sick.

Whatever it was, I hope it passed quick.

Troy appeared beside me. “How you feelin’?”

“Nauseous. And a little hungry.” Is that even possible? I stabbed eight glittery candles into the icing.

“Don’t throw up on the cake.” He chuckled.

I managed a laugh. “I won’t, I promise.” Throwing up again was the least of our problems. “Mind if I pop out for a bit later?”

“You’re not thinking of getting out of clean-up duties, are you?” He winked.

“Never.”

“I thought so.”

“Might go to the doctors.” And grab a second lunch. Ooh, a burrito. Yum.

He nodded, stern. “Good.”

I knew he was concerned. The sooner I sorted myself out, the quicker it would clear up space for him to worry about other things. Lauren has refused our help so far. But it was only a matter of time before she cracked again.

Two burritos?

I carted the cake into the dining room, Troy close on my heels.

“Okay everyone, cake time!” I slid it onto the table. My eyes roamed. “Where’s the birthday girl?”

Ruby stepped forward, waving an arm.

“Ah, there you are.” I bent to whisper in her ear. “Having fun?”

“Tonnes!”

“Did you want everyone to sing Happy Birthday?”

“Yes!”

“Cool.” I straightened.

Troy handed out lolly bags. And, as I led the worst rendition of Happy Birthday To You ever, it hit me.

I’m pregnant.

I paced in the cubicle. Come on Mon, you can do this. You have taken on rabid monkeys, jealous ex-girlfriends and today, twenty ankle-biters. You can pee on an effing stick! I tore open the packaging, my hands shaking.

Troy and I hadn’t discussed having a baby. How will he take the news? Am I destined to repeat my mother’s parenting pitfalls?

You can do it.

In the next cubicle, a phone beeped. The conversation caught my attention.

“Taylor is so cute,” said the girl, “I mean, hello, have you seen those abs?”

I breathed a sigh. Just do it already.

I dumped my bag on the hallway table.

Troy noticed me and switched off the vacuum. “What’d the doctor say?”

“We are having a baby,” I said.

“What?” Joy and surprise flashed across Troy’s features. He crushed me to his chest. “That’s so great! Ruby can have a little sister or brother!”

“You’re taking the news well.” Better than I imagined. “You do realise there’s a lot of sleepless nights and busy days ahead and — oh, how am I going to run Ruby Publishing now?”

“Breathe.” He rubbed circles into the back of my hands. “Sure, it’s a little earlier than expected but, we’ll manage.”

I nodded.

“You’re pale. Sit.”

I moved to the couch. He’s always so calm. Why am I freaking out?

“You’ve got concerns?” he said.

“That things won’t be the same between us.”

He chuckled once. “Mon, this isn’t high school any more. A lot of things’ve changed.”

“True.”

“We’ll be fine.” He pressed his lips to my temple. “Who should we tell first?”

My mouth fell open with a pop. “You are kidding, right?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“I hardly have had time to adjust. Actually, I’m still freaked by the whole idea.”

“I understand.”

“I thought we would get a puppy first. And if that survived ...”

“You’ll be a great mum.” He thought for a beat. “You are a great mum. Ruby adores you.”

I snorted. “There’s something wrong with that kid. She’s so nice.”

“I apologise for raising an amazing child.”

I chuckled with him.

“We’re gonna be fine.” He held me close. “We have each other.”

“And we can still get that puppy. I mean, if I can take care of a baby, I can take care of an animal, right?”

He was silent.

“Right?”

* * *

The sun streamed through the blinds. I yawned and rolled over. Troy grinned at me.

“Oh.” I sat up. “How long have you been awake?”

“A couple minutes.” His grin widened. “Sleep well?”

I nodded.

His hand stroked my belly. “Hey there, Peanut.”

I covered his hand with mine. “I was thinking more of a Lily or a Kaleb, but Peanut’s cute.” My smile widened. “Peanut DeGaris. Original.”

He chuckled and brushed his lips against mine. “You’re one-of-a-kind.”

“I know.” I flopped into the pillows.

He nuzzled my neck. “I was thinking breakfast in bed.”

“French toast?”

“Mmm.”

“And a croissant.”

“Don’t think we have any,” he said.

“Freezer. Behind the Brussels sprouts.”

He chuckled again. “Cheeky.”

I yawned. Content, my eyes fluttered closed.

What seemed a moment later, Troy nudged me awake. “Hey, Badass, rise’n shine.”

The scent of butter and toast entered my nose. My eyes fluttered open.

Troy slid a tray onto the bed. “Apple cinnamon pancake, French toast, croissants.” He handed me a mug.

“You are too good to be true.” My lips tugged into a smile as I sat up.

“Anything for the mother of my child.”

I eyed the single rose. “You are going to spoil this kid rotten, aren’t you?”

He shrugged a shoulder. “Don’t really spoil Ruby.”

I tore a croissant and smothered it in jam. “She’s going to be so excited.”

“What’re you doing today?”

I let him snitch a wedge of pancake. “I have another appointment at the doctors. Then I’m stopping by the hotel.”

“How’s your mum gonna react?”

“She’ll be ecstatic.” I hope.

“I’m gonna take you shopping tomorrow.”

My eyebrows arched. “For what?”

He shrugged again. “Whatever you want.”

“Awesome.” Bookshop here I come.

That afternoon, I rode the elevator to the sixth floor. I smoothed out my dress and raised my fist to knock on the suite’s door.

It swung open. “Darling!” Mum embraced me. “Come in. Let me take your coat.” She ripped it from my shoulders.

“Careful. My arms are still attached.”

“Sorry. I’m just excited.” She paused. “Where’s Ruby?”

“Visiting Lauren.”

Her face dropped. “You promised I’d see my granddaughter.”

“I do have some news.” I perched on the sofa.

“Wine?”

“No, thanks.”

Her eyes roamed over my face and body. “You’re pregnant.”

“Oh God. How did you know?”

She shrugged a shoulder. “Took a shot.” She handed me a cola. “So, another grandchild. Aren’t I lucky?” She chuckled.

“Very. Are you sure you wouldn’t be more comfortable staying with us?”

“And miss out on room service? Besides, you no longer have a spare room.”

The thought of my brand new office being turned into a baby’s room was disheartening. “Julie’s house?”

She petted my shoulder. “Please, let me have another couple of days of pampering before I make any decisions.”

“Sure. But give her a call when you’re ready. She would love the company.”

“Do you have time for some cake?” she said. “We could go down to the café.”

“I’m always up for dessert.” I stood.

“Today’s special is toffee crunch, I believe.”

“Let’s go.” I shrugged into my coat and followed her out.

Five minutes later, we were seated by the window, looking out onto the ocean.

“A stranger would think you have someone on the inside.” I sipped my virgin piña colada. “So, Mum.” I leaned forward. “Are you sleeping with the manager?”

She smiled and tapped the side of her nose. A waiter glided over.

“Ah, Jimmy. Get us two slices of today’s cake,” she said.

He nodded and plodded over to the counter.

“Man of little words,” I said.

“Makes a damn good espresso. Too bad Troy knocked you up.”

“Hm.” No coffee, alcohol? This’ll be a tonne of fun.

Mum petted my hand. “Don’t worry, Dear. You can booze it up after the baby is born.”

I’m destined to become an alcoholic like my mother was? “How long has it been since you boozed it up?”

“Twenty years. When your father died it really sobered me.”

I don’t blame her for her issues. But I do not want to be like her. I felt my features harden.

Her hand retracted. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Do you recall when our house was on fire?”

Mum’s eyes clouded. “You were unconscious for a week.”

“You fled, leaving me inside. Maybe if I’d had a normal mother, we would have gotten along better.”

Jimmy delivered the cake.

I stood. “I’ll take mine to go.” I couldn’t bear to stay another moment, scared that I would talk myself onto a figurative ledge.

“Darling? If I said something wrong, please, tell me.”

I sniffled. “I have to leave.”

Troy was waiting on the porch when I returned. “Hey, how was—?” He took in my misty eyes. “What happened?”

“Genetics.” I plopped down next to him. “I’m going to be a lousy mother.”

“I don’t think so.” He draped an arm over my shoulders. “You’re Ruby’s number one fave person. That’s a highly coveted position.”

“It is?” I said. “But I had nothing to do with her upbringing. What if I suck at raising a child?”

“I think you’re so determined to not screw it up, that you’ll be totally fine.”

“Hm. I guess that’s true.” I sniffed at his mug. “Coffee.”

“Come inside. I’ll make you a pot of decaf.”

I trudged in and hung my jacket. “I’ll split my toffee crunch cake with you, if you would give me some real coffee.” I tugged the plastic container from my handbag and waved it under his nose.

He smirked. “Not even if you gave me a million dollars.”

I followed him down the hallway. “Two million?”

“Nope.”

“I’m a desperate woman.”

He swivelled. “I know.”

I sighed, tossed the dessert onto the counter and grabbed a cola. “I hate you.”

“Really?”

“No. How’s Ruby?”

“She wants to stay with Lauren tomorrow night.”

I froze. “What are we going to do?”

He tore the plastic open and handed me a fork. “I’m gonna let her go.”

“What?”

He shrugged. “She still has custody.”

Not for long.

Ruby danced in. “Hi, Moni.”

“Hey,” I said.

“We’ve got something to tell you,” Troy said to her.

“Now?” If Ruby tells Lauren, she’ll hurt her again, I was sure of it.

“There’s no better time,” he said.

Ruby’s eyes darted between us. “Tell me. Please.”

No going back now. I slid the cake towards her. “How would you like a little brother or sister?”

She thought for a moment. “I’d like a brother.”

“We can’t really guarantee that,” I said.

“A sister would be cool, too.” She forked cake into her mouth.

“Cool,” I said.

“It’s bound to be one of those, right?” Troy teased.

I unleashed an icy glare on him. “You are not helping.”

He hid a smile.

“Are you having a baby?” said Ruby.

I nodded. “Yes, we are.”

“That’s so awesome!” She hugged me.

* * *

“Got enough books here, Mon?” Troy pushed through the front door with an armload of bags.

“Yep. Have to fill my new book case.” I grinned.

“Remind me next time I decorate an office for you, to not build a wall-sized one.” He heaved a sigh.

I paused. “No backsies, I’ve fallen in love with it.”

“Ah-ha.”

“Speaking of, where are we going to put the baby when he-slash-she comes?”

Troy dropped the bags then fell into the couch. “Hm. Good question.”

I dragged a bag over. “Don’t suppose you have another spare bedroom hidden away?”

“Nope.”

“Big closet?”

“Might go to Narnia.”

I elbowed him. “Be serious.”

“Thought I was.”

“We need a bigger house.”

His brow arched. “How many kids you lanning’ on havin’?”

“I didn’t plan on having this one!” I pointed at my belly.

“Okay, okay.” His hands flew up in surrender.

I hauled out a stack of books and glanced at their spines. “Why did you let me buy two copies of Wuthering Heights?”

“You were in a book buyin’ craze.” He shook his head. “Plus I was afraid of losing an arm. You had that glint in your eye.”

“Hmph. My husband’s afraid of me.” I thought about that for a beat. My lips pulled into a grin. “Cool.”

“Okay, I’d better pick Ruby up from school and drop her off at Lauren’s.” He touched his lips to my forehead and stood. “You’ll be okay here by yourself?”

“I will find a way to manage.”

Five minutes later, the landline rang. I danced into the kitchen and grabbed the cordless. “Hello?” Seconds passed. “Hello?”

Beep, beep, beep.

I shrugged and replaced the phone in its cradle. Must have been a wrong number.

A few minutes later, I heard the door slam.

“Mon?” Troy marched into my office.

“Yep?”

“Lauren’s upset, said she called and you yelled at her.”

I swivelled my chair to face him. “The only call was a hang-up.”

“Are you sure?”

“Why would I yell at her?” I said. “Are you sure Ruby’s safe there?”

“If she isn’t safe with her mother, then where is she safe?” His voice raised an octave.

I stood. “Here, Troy.”

“She won’t hurt her.”

“She’s unstable.”

He spun and stalked out.

“Where are you going?” I said.

“For a drive. I need some space.”

I followed him. “Troy, this is silly.”

He whirled around. “What’s silly is that my wife isn’t supporting me.”

“Come on, let’s talk about this.”

“I’m done talking. You can do whatever you want.” The door ripped open. He vanished through it.

My hands cupped my stomach. “Don’t leave us.”

Mum offered me tea.

I swiped at my eyes. “My marriage is doomed.”

“Oh, Honey.” She handed me a tissue. “I’m sure it’s not.”

“My husband hates me. It’s over.”

She rubbed my shoulder. “Give him time.”

“I’m sorry about the things I said to you.”

“A thing of the past.”

“Can I stay here tonight?”

Her arms wound around me. “By all means. Let’s order ice cream and watch some mindless TV show, eh?”

Me and my stupid mouth, always getting me in trouble. “I don’t deserve the special treatment.”

“Only one bowl of ice cream each then.” She winked.

I heaved a sigh. “Fine.”

She picked up the phone. “Hey Jimmy. Can you send up two bowls of ice cream and two bowls of malt balls?” She listened for a moment. “Ah-ha. Okay, thanks. See you soon.” She replaced the phone in its cradle.

“Jimmy again?”

She nodded. “He’s Ann’s nephew.”

“Ah, so he’s your connection to this place.”

“I told her I’d check up on him while I’m here.”

A sigh slipped from my throat.

“Sweetheart.” She moved next to me. “You and Troy are so in love. What happened?”

“We had a fight about Lauren. I don’t think it’s okay for Ruby to be alone with her, Troy thinks it is.”

“The first arguments are the worst,” said Mum.

“What do you think? Should Ruby be alone with her?”

She traipsed over to the mini bar. “You two have to work this out on your own.”

I rolled my eyes. She chose now to mind her own business? Perfect.

Someone rapped on the door.

“I’ll get it.” She jogged over and opened it.

Jimmy ambled in, carrying a tray.

“Just put in on the table here, thank you,” said Mum. She slipped him a five dollar note. “See you later.”

The door swung closed behind him. I reached for a bowl and spoon.

“Let’s see what movies are on.” Mum flicked through the channels. “Ah, Titanic!”

“There’s only so many times a person can watch a ship sink.”

“Okay. Twilight?”

“Not really in a vampire-y romance-y mood.” I mashed up the dessert. “How about something sci-fi? Horror?”

“Hm. We could watch Saw.”

“Okay.”

An hour into the movie, my phone buzzed. I peeled my hand from my eyes and peeked at the screen. It flashed Troy. I held it to my ear. “Hello?”

Mum muted the TV.

“Mon. I’m so sorry for what I said. You were right.”

A chill sliced through me.

“Ruby called a minute ago. She sounded so scared.” His tone was thick with emotion. “Terrified.”

“Where are you?”

“Home. Mon, I need you.”

“I’m on my way. Please, don’t leave without me.”

“Hurry.”

I disconnected. How could we be so stupid? I knew something would happen.

Mum slid a canister of pepper spray from her purse. “Let’s show that bitch she’s messed with the wrong women.”

“I think it’s best if you stayed here.”

Her eyes hardened. “I’m coming.”

I matched her stare.

“She’s my granddaughter.”

I blew a sigh. “Fine. But there will be no spraying unless it’s absolutely necessary, are we clear?”

“Clear as an empty wine glass.”

“Good. Whatever that means.”