Orpheus Looks Back by George Loukas - HTML preview

4

GOOD-BYE U.S.A.

The next morning as soon as the kids were off, I started collecting my affairs. After that, a quick shower, breakfast and off to Boston on foot. First stop, the airline office. I changed the date of departure. It was off-season and seats were available. I had to be at the airport by noon tomorrow. A convenient time. The plane would be leaving at two. Perhaps, if I were lucky it would blow up over the Atlantic.

The second stop was the post office. I sent my parents a telegram with the date and time of my arrival. In previous letters, I made it clear that they should be standing by for bad news. My mother would appease my father. She would also be a great comfort to me. With Lizzie so much on my mind I hardly thought of her these last few days. Yet I counted on her support to help me through my initial difficulties. I called Lisa at the coffee bar. It was the only phone number I had and I was afraid that if I called her later I might not find her. Thankfully, she was there.

'Hi Lizzie. It's Michael.'

'Hi.'

'Listen Lizzie, I'm in town. I just changed the date of my departure. I'm leaving tomorrow.'

Silence.

'Lizzie are you there?'

'Yes.'

'So, Lizzie, I'm leaving…. I don't know what else to say.'

'I don't know what to say either.'

'I cannot bear it here any longer.'

'I understand. When will I see you?'

'Lizzie my love, I think it's better if we don't see each other. It's bad enough over the phone.'

'If you think that's best, okay.'

'I have your address. I shall write to you.'

'I shall answer your letters. When is your flight leaving?'

'The plane leaves at two and I have to be at the airport by noon. I'll probably leave college by about eleven, to be on the safe side.'

'Have a good trip, Michael. Good luck. I love you.'

'Good bye my love. Thank you for telling me you love me even if it isn't true.'

I put down the receiver. I was emotionally drained. I felt I wanted to go to bed to sleep for days and days, which was out of the question. The one last time I go to college will be tonight. To sleep and wake up tomorrow to say good-bye to America and the heartbreak it gave me. It was freezing cold and I could not just walk around aimlessly. I decided to go to a movie. I started searching for a cinema and I found one eventually. Without bothering even to find out what film was playing, I went in. The theatre was practically empty. I watched a while but when the main feature began, I went to sleep and woke up half way through. I could not get interested in the story but stared at it indifferently, most of the time thinking of other things. I must have slept again because at one point I looked at my watch and saw it was eight o'clock. I left the movie house, walked to a hamburger joint and had a king-size burger and an ice cream. By the time I reached college, it was past ten. To my relief time was running fast, it was running out. I went up to the dorm and for a few minutes interrupted the studying. I exchanged addresses with a few boys and we promised to stay in touch. After that, I packed most of the rest of my belongings and tried to sleep away my misery and forget the lovely smile that haunted me, while the kids continued their studying. The exams were on the last lap.

In the morning, I woke up with the students, showered, dressed and had breakfast with them in the refectory. Then, I went upstairs and finished my packing. I had two medium sized bags. Not too heavy either. I had eliminated all inessential items. They would not be a burden carrying them around. My roommates came and we shook hands before they left. They were nice. We wished each other good luck. By nine o'clock, the dormitory was empty. The phone rang. I was the only one present and I picked it up. It was the desk downstairs. There was a young woman for Michael. My heart started beating fast. I rushed down the stairs not waiting for the elevator. There at the desk was the most marvelous woman I had ever encountered. I ran up to her, put my arms around her and kissed her.

'Lizzie darling, why did you come? Do you want to break my heart completely?'

'I got you the pictures.'

'What pictures?'

'The ones you asked me for.'

'Oh lovely. That's terribly sweet of you. Thank you so much.'

We looked at each other, smiling. I took her by the hand and we went and sat down in the lounge. It was empty at this hour and I kissed her on the mouth. I could not resist the impulse. I could not wait for an invitation. I loved her so much. It was not a good idea because it aroused us and we had to stop. I caressed her face and held her hand. She was radiant. I wondered if she were at all sad.

'Are you ready, Michael? All packed?'

'Yes.'

'Let's go upstairs to bring your bags.'

'But it's still early. What about your work?'

'I took the day off.'

'But I don't want you coming to the airport. I don't want you to return alone and sad after I leave.'

'I came to see you off and that's what I'm going to do.'

'Okay, I'll go get my bags.'

'I'll come with you. I want to see where you lived these last three or four months.'

'Oh who gives a damn where I lived? Well, okay, come on, let's go.'

We walked to the elevators hand in hand. No one was around. All the inhabitants of the dormitory were sweating it out in the main university buildings. We entered the elevator and as soon as the doors shut, Lisa squeezed me tightly in her arms and put her mouth on mine. We started kissing hungrily while ascending. My darling, my lovely Lizzie, I shall pay dearly for this happiness. We reached our floor and the elevator doors opened, then after a few moments closed again. We remained inside. All the sweetness of this world was in my mouth and my arms.

'Lizzie, we'd better stop.'

'I love you, Michael.'

She said it on her own. For the first time. 'I love you too, my angel.'

'Open the doors. Let's go to your room.'

I pressed the button that opened the doors and holding her hand led her down the corridor to our rooms. The whole floor was deserted. The dormitory separated into small apartments. My room, which I shared with my roommate Timothy, was across a tiny hall completely bare of furniture. Inside our room to the left was another door, which led to yet another room where two other freshmen lived. Timothy was a practical joker and after one joke too many our neighbors installed a lock on the door and a bolt on the inside, which he soon found a way to pick and duly taught me as well.

I led Lizzie inside and began explaining the sleeping arrangements. She was not interested. She hugged me again and we plunged into a long-drawn kiss. We were working each other up. Suddenly she stopped kissing me and asked, 'Do you make your own beds?'

'What?'

'Does someone come in to make your beds and clean up?'

'No. We make our own beds. The janitor who cleans up comes once in a blue moon.'

'Well my sweet, I hope today is not the day of the blue moon.'

'I don't understand.'

'What about this room?'

'It belongs to two other freshmen. It's locked.'

'Then, it can't be opened.'

'It can.'

'Can you open it?'

'Yes.'

'Well, come on. Open it. Hurry.'

It was then that I suspected the drift of her thoughts. I opened the door with a piece of wire that Timothy kept handy. We went inside. Lizzie glanced around and spotted the bolt.

'Oh what a lovely bolt,' she said. 'Worth its weight in gold. Is anyone likely to come at this hour?'

'I doubt it very much.'

'Then bolt the door, baby. We have one hour to kiss our way to heaven.'

Smiling, she pulled the curtains to shut out the harsh sunlight and came up to me. We kissed again, passionately. She pulled back at one moment and put her hand on my forehead.

'Michael dear, are you well? You have a temperature.'

'It's not fever. I'm just pining for you.'

'Then kiss me, my sweet.'

In a delirium, I kissed her mouth, cheeks and eyes. Bit her lips, ears and neck.

Took off her jacket and blouse and with a thumping heart helped her take off the rest of her clothes. Fondled her breasts, bit her shoulders, licked her armpits and suckled her nipples. I undressed quickly pulled her to a bed and lay beside her with heaving breath. And for every caress there was an answer, for every cry an echo, for every word of love a word of worship, for every movement a moan, for every moan a meaning, for every look a smile, for every smile another. Over and over and over again until the gates opened and together we entered paradise and roamed with the angels back and forth up above and down below to the left and to the right with a heavenly music of moans and cries. Louder and louder until one could almost feel the primordial tension of the universe concentrated on the head of a pin ready to explode in the big bang, until it did.

A little later, we rose from the dead, exhausted and soaking with perspiration, calmly caressing and kissing each other. In peace and in love. For a moment forgetting our pitiless destiny. We were not aware how much time had elapsed. We heard some voices in the corridor and some laughter. It was some distance away but it frightened us and we got up and started dressing. I looked at Lizzie as she was putting on her clothes. A Goddess. A Goddess of love. Nothing less. The perfection of her body was breathtaking. It matched that warm beautiful face. Those lovely green eyes. The thick black hair.

After we dressed, we went to the bathroom for a quick refreshing rinse. Lizzie arranged her hair and I just watched her while she was combing it. In our room, as I started picking up my luggage she took out of her bag an envelope and gave it to me.

'The pictures,' she said. 'Put them in your handbag.' I made a move to open the envelope.

'Not now, my sweet, we haven't got time. You can look at them on the plane.'

We really had very little time left. It was already a quarter to twelve. I picked up my bags and Lizzie took my handbag and after a last look at the room, which I entered four months earlier with such high hopes and was leaving it in such low spirits, we walked to the elevator, crossed the lobby of the boarding house and out of the front door. I was thankful the place was still empty and we did not meet any of the boys I knew. Soon, an empty cab passed by and we were on our way to the airport.

Logan airport is not very far from Boston. The traffic was moderate and although we started late, we were in no danger of losing the flight. As we were getting nearer, I felt a tightening of my insides. My stomach folded upon itself and felt like a ball the size of my fist. The smiles were no longer gay. We had practically stopped talking and were only exchanging glances. Finally, we reached the airport and stepped out into the freezing weather. Tomorrow, I would bask in the sunshine with a frozen heart.

I checked in at the airline counter. The flight would be called in half an hour. We walked to one of the lounges and found a seat, which we shared. It had become difficult to talk. There was nothing to say. No plans to make. Our future, vague and distant. There was nothing to comfort us. No false promise we could voice to delude ourselves. There was only the fact of love and it was about to be beheaded. We were holding hands with a tight grip. Clinging to one another.

'Lizzie, my angel, you see we can't talk anymore. Everything sounds so pointless. I just want to tell you that you'll be on my mind and in my thoughts all the time. I shall never forget you. If you ever need me I shall be there to help you whatever the circumstances, whatever the cost.'

'I know it, my sweet. I want you to believe that I love you too.'

We kissed again, desperately but without passion. One cannot kiss passionately with his insides in a knot and with his mind in turmoil. Suddenly, it was time. The flight to London now boarding. We walked slowly to the gate. We stopped to say good-bye. I could not speak. It was something akin to panic. I opened my mouth and nothing came out. I embraced her, kissed her on the cheeks and I left her. I walked in a daze to the gate and turned around to see her. She was crying.

Lizzie, you do love me after all!

I entered the customs and passport control and I could not see her anymore.