An intense need to relieve myself is what wakes me. The first thing I notice is that the room is darker and colder than I’m used to. Wondering why I forgot to shut the windows last night, I find my way to the light switch. When the light comes on, I see that I’m in a different room.
M is sleeping on the bed.
I am still in my clothes from yesterday. I remember how M carried me here from the car last night. So sweet!
The pressure in my bladder increases, and I rush into the en-suite bathroom. After relieving myself, I take my time to survey the bathroom. In the large mirror, I take a good look at myself and raise my finger to observe the new addition.
The large, ruby stone glints in the centre of the gold band. Embedded all around the band are five, different, precious stones, including a diamond. On my finger, they wink like little stars of different colours under the bathroom light.
M surprised me when he produced this unique, custom-made, beauty.
I’m still reeling from the effects of his surprise. I never thought of having a ring because of our practical arrangement.
It happened that M had had this ring done in secret, even though I’d said we didn’t need rings. He insisted on giving this to me during the ceremony, and I caved.
How can I not be impressed with a thoughtful, creative man who knows me so well? Only Misbah can know that a regular diamond ring would cause me to yawn so wide, I’d tear my mouth.
Really, in getting married, I couldn’t do better than M. I know his heart, and it is the biggest in the world.
Perhaps if we don’t ruin everything, I could just stay married to him. We already care deeply about each other.
I wouldn’t even bother with anyone else, per the initial agreement. I’d treat him well—better than any witch he might fall in love with.
There’s no passionate, romantic love between us but not every marriage has to have passionate love, right?
There could be a hitch with the intimacy business. I know M will expect intimacy if we’re to work out any kind of lasting arrangement. As things stand, he has been getting a little provocative lately—more than a little flirtatious. The good thing is I already know from M’s famous experiment that it could work between us. So hopefully, I won’t be grossed out by it when the time comes. Maybe I’ll even enjoy it. When we shared a brief kiss during the wedding ceremony, I felt something, something delicious. That gives me some hope. In any case, I still have a year to figure out that stuff and get more used to the idea.
Curious, since I’ve only been in this bathroom once or twice, I open one of the cabinets and find an assortment of cans and bottles.
As the scent of M’s perfume hits me, it reminds me of him, making my tummy clench. Uncomfortable with my reaction, I hurry out of the bathroom. I look around the bed for my shoes, but I do not see them.
The cold is starting to make my teeth chatter, so I hurry to the glass windows, slide them shut, and drop the heavy drapes.
I step out quietly, taking off my clothes on the way to my room.
The light is on here, just as I always leave it, but the bed is a total mess.
I was in a hurry yesterday morning and it was difficult to find something suitable to wear. In the end, I was pleased with what I eventually found. From the looks M kept sending my way, he was pleased as well. So, the scattered room was worth it.
Not that I wore it for him, of course … or maybe I did, since I was marrying him.
I fling the balled clothes in the general direction of the hamper and sigh when the items fall short of it.
Rummaging through the pile on the bed, I find an extra-large, black T-shirt.
Since I can’t sleep on this bed and I cannot fix it now, I return to M’s room.
As soon as I shut the door, Misbah rolls onto his back. He peers at me with one eye open and one eye shut.
‘Sorry,’ I whisper and switch off the light. ‘I forgot to switch it off.’
‘Where did you go?’ M asks in a sleepy voice. Both eyes are now open and following me, as I feel my way to the bed in the dark.
‘Just went to change. Go back to sleep.’ I raise the blanket again and adjust it around me, though the room is a tad warmer than before.
Misbah rolls to his former position and soon becomes still.
I close my eyes and try to sleep but the sleep doesn’t come. My mind circles over the events of the previous day and what might happen in the future. I roll onto my left side and open and shut my eyes, but my mind just keeps going. After a while, I turn onto my right side, facing Misbah, and try again. Still circling.
‘Go to sleep, love.’
‘I’m trying,’ I answer with some frustration.
‘Come on.’ M raises his arm.
After a moment’s hesitation, I shift under the blanket.
M wraps his arm around my back and pulls me closer, bringing my body into contact with his.
‘Now, sleep.’ He tucks my head under his chin. After a short while, I hear his breathing even out.
Unused to this kind of situation, I remain stiff at first and then gradually relax. My head is leaning right against Misbah’s chest and I can hear his heartbeat clearly.
The regular ticking, the warmth from his body, and the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest soothe me.
In no time, I find the ever-elusive sleep.
***
A loud sound wakes me.
Battling irritation, I open my eyes.
M stretches his hand over me. He locates the alarm and switches it off.
I don’t mind that M is half over me, because I’m enjoying the warmth from his body. However, when he shifts to return to his former position, I feel something foreign dragging lightly on my belly. Startled, I shoot upright and look around, but I find no foreign object on the bed.
‘What?’ Misbah sounds concerned.
My mind conjures up images of reptiles, wondering how they could have gotten into the room. ‘There’s something on this bed. It could be dangerous.’
I pull off the blanket covering our lower bodies and jump down to turn on the light.
‘There’s nothing here.’ M is on his feet when I turn around. He looks baffled.
There is nothing on the bed, truly.
But there’s something off. M’s briefs looks disfigured.
While I’m wondering what that’s about, it hits me.
There, in Misbah’s briefs, is the foreign object.
‘What is that?!’ In shock, I point to that area of his anatomy.
‘What?’ M jumps back in alarm, checking the spot near his feet. When he realises what I am pointing at, he begins to chuckle and makes a gesture to it. ‘Well, now, that’s my p-’
‘I know what it is!’
‘You asked me, love.’ The laughter in his voice makes me want to slap him.
I take a breath to settle my tumbling tummy. ‘I mean, why is it like that … up … hard?’
‘Oh, you know, it’s morning.’
‘What does the morning have to do with this?’
‘This is not unusual in the mornings.’
Huh? As I stare at it, a liquid pull develops in my lower belly.
‘Hey, you want to see?’ Misbah asks suddenly. ‘You can touch it if you want.’
My gaze jerks up in horror.
Misbah does not look as if he’s joking. Probably taking my silence as agreement, his hands go to the waist band of his briefs.
The pull in my belly becomes stronger and more discomforting at the thought of what he’s about to do. ‘No!’ I turn around and head in the direction of the door.
‘Don’t you want to see it?’
Not responding to the shout, I bang the door shut behind me and lean against it.
What the ever loving heck was that?
That was completely unexpected. Shaking it off, I rush to my room, brush my teeth, and take a bath. I am getting dressed, struggling with my bra strap when I hear a knock on the door.
Before I respond, M enters with two giant mugs.
‘Why knock if you won’t wait for an answer? Thanks for the beverage but as you can see, I’m indecent. So, maybe leave it and go?’ I make sure my voice sounds flippant to hide my real thoughts. In reality, I am wondering what Misbah thinks of me in my lingerie. Although, I know what he sees; I saw it in the mirror a moment ago.
The see-through lace bra makes my breasts look full and teasing. The matching, high-waist underpants emphasize my small waist and make my legs look miles longer.
‘I brought you hot chocolate.’ M speaks as if he has not been paying attention to my words. His eyes openly trail my body from head to toe and back up.
I can admit to myself that since the day when M jokingly dared me to show him my underwear, I have secretly wanted to. I refused then but I guess I wanted to see what his reaction would be.
This reaction blows anything I might have expected out of the water but there is something extra that I did not predict.
Misbah’s scrutiny makes me feel beautiful but there is also something predatory about it.
Something just beneath the surface makes me want to run away.
Misbah lets out a whistle. ‘How did I not know you were this built?’ He sounds awed.
Hiding my pleasure, I roll my eyes elaborately.
When M comes closer to me, I collect the mug.
‘Thank you.’ I turn around.
M grabs my arm.
‘Hey!’ Thankfully, the mug is in my other hand.
‘Hold on. Is that a waist chain?’
I look down at the gold chain on my belly. ‘Yes?’
‘I thought you didn’t wear jewellery.’ His gaze meets mine briefly. ‘It looks like you’ve been keeping secrets from me, Ree.’ The intense look in his eyes increases despite the casual smile.
I struggle not to shiver. ‘Can I go and put on something now?’
‘Hold on.’ M sounds distracted. His gaze flicks down and up again. ‘You have … I mean, I always knew you had a lovely physique, but … Reana, your body is insanely sexy.’
M’s words and the look in his eyes do something to my chest. I don’t know what it is, but it feels unfamiliar and causes me some discomfort. ‘Okay. Can you stop looking at me like that?’ I pull my arm from his hand.
He lets go. ‘What’s wrong with my look?’
‘It makes me uncomfortable.’ With my back to him, I struggle to settle my nerves. I rummage through my open wardrobe and don my blue robe.
Smirking, Misbah comes close to the bed. ‘Sorry, goddess-bodied Reana.’ He looks around. ‘How did you create this much mess anyway? Are you the goddess of clothes? Or did a whirlwind settle on your bed?’
How can he make jokes while I’m scattered on the inside? ‘Mind your own business, Mr OCD.’ Slowly, deliberately, I arrange the room, hoping the task will calm me.
‘Mr Reana now,’ Misbah lets out a chuckle. The sound of the chuckle makes me want to jump out of my skin.
‘You’re just a barrel of laughs this morning.’
He says nothing but his stare is back on me, I feel it.
I can’t handle this. ‘What is it, Misbah?’
‘What?’
Thankful for the task keeping me busy, I pick up the leg of a shoe and unwind a pink thong from its heel. I place the thong on a separate pile and search for the second leg of the shoe. ‘You won’t leave, you keep staring at me. What do you want?’
Misbah goes silent for long in that way that he does when he’s hurt.
Unable to handle the guilt, I turn to face him.
Misbah wears a confused frown. His gaze meets mine. ‘Did I do something?’
You’re checking me out. You’re making me feel things.
Not knowing how to answer this, I say nothing.
Misbah puts his mug on the nightstand beside mine and takes a step closer to me. ‘Reana, if this is about earlier, I did not mean to-’
‘No.’ I do not want to recall the incident. ‘You did not offend me.’ It is becoming more difficult to breathe with Misbah standing this close. I take one step back hoping for some space.
Misbah tilts his head sharply. ‘Why are you moving away from me?’
Remember to breathe.
‘Nothing. I’m just wondering what you’re still doing here.’
Shock covers his face. Misbah takes another step towards me. ‘Are you kicking me out of your room?’
Oh God! I can’t do this.
‘I just … I don’t know what … you keep standing there looking at me with those eyes, and I don’t know…’ Losing my breath, my words trail off.
‘With which eyes? What’s wrong with my eyes?’ Sounding genuinely baffled, Misbah takes another step, bringing us into close contact.
‘You keep staring at me as if …’
‘As if what?’
‘I … just need to be alone right now, so if you’ll excuse-’
‘Reana,’ M grips my upper arms. ‘This isn’t my first time in your room. I came to hang with you but you’re kicking me out? If I haven’t offended you, why are you being so weird?’
I have become exhausted from trying to hold myself together. I am done pretending. Shoving my hands into the pockets of my robe, I take a breath, lift my chin. ‘M, do you want to kiss me?’
Misbah blinks. ‘Excuse me?’
‘You have been staring at me as if you want to kiss me. Is that what you want?’
‘Reana, where is this coming fro-?’
‘Answer the question, Misbah.’
He sputters. ‘I was … appreciating your beauty.’
‘Good.’ Too tired for bulldust, I point to the door. ‘Please, leave. I need to be alone.’
M remains. His eyes narrow for a second. As if deciding, he gives a nod. ‘Yes.’
‘Yes?’
‘Yes, I want to kiss you.’ Letting out a sigh, Misbah shuts his eyes briefly. ‘I want to kiss you badly, but that’s my problem. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Ree.’
Hearing him say the words, something comes loose inside me. I do not feel jumpy any longer. Instead, I feel lightheaded, bold. ‘You may kiss me.’
It’s almost comical how wide Misbah’s eyes grow. ‘Seriously?’
‘I cannot guarantee that you’ll enjoy it but you know, I don’t mind.’
It proves impossible for me to stop a shiver when M places a gentle thumb on my lips and rubs. His other hand grips my neck. In one move, Misbah pulls me close: so close, that my body is up against his hard one.
The unfamiliar contact, the display of strength, the command, and the suddenness in the move all make my breath hitch.
‘These lips are so sexy. I can’t get over them.’
Before I am able to fully adjust to his touch, M, lowering his head, covers my mouth with his.
My body trembles, my eyes go shut. My arms rise of their own volition and go around M’s neck. I pull him closer, and I kiss him back. In that moment, I lose a part of my mind.
M’s hands cover my breasts with a gentle caress.
I let out a sigh. Actually, it’s a low moan that I’m unable to stop.
One hand moves down to my bare belly, playing with my chain.
When did my robe leave my body? Where did it go?
When the hand shifts to the lower part of my belly, rubbing my pelvis, I jerk away. The sensation is overwhelming.
We stare at each other in silence for a second or two while I struggle to get my body under control.
We speak at the same time.
‘M, I-’
‘I’m sorry.’
Then we both go silent and watch each other.
Feeling awkward, I look around to find my robe.
‘Here,’ Misbah hands it to me.
Averting my gaze in embarrassment, I put it on and tie the belt a little harder than usual.
‘I enjoyed it.’
Startled, I glance at M.
He looks solemn. ‘I enjoyed kissing you, Reana.’
How do I respond to that?
In a jerky motion, Misbah shoves his hands into his trouser pockets.
I guess he’s feeling a little awkward too, because in all the time I’ve known M, his movements have always been smooth.
‘Did you enjoy kissing me back?’
‘Ah …’ What do I say?
The look on M’s face changes from solemn to hopeful to … scared? He looks so vulnerable and open, that I feel I have no choice but to be honest in return.
‘Yes.’
With obvious relief, M takes a step towards me.
I move back a step.