‘My wife does not need your card. Take it back!’
‘Misbah!’ I gasp in horror at his blatant rudeness.
The other diners are starting to look at us. Conversation is becoming hushed. I see someone with a phone looking suspiciously like they’re recording us.
Misbah’s face and tone must speak clearly to Mr Harun, because the man gives a gentle nod. ‘Apologies.’
‘I am so sorry, Mr Harun.’ I pass him the card.
‘I understand completely, dear.’ With a slight smile, he nods and leaves without another word.
Misbah watches the guy return to his table. He then turns his hard eyes on me.
Before either of us can say anything, Priyé comes bouncing, yammering. ‘Can you believe this place? Like, there was a line in the restroom. A line!’ She scoffs. ‘I am never coming back here to eat again.’
Her gaze lands on M. ‘Hey, Misbah. Reana called you, huh?’
‘Hi, Priyé, Reana’s leaving.’ M throws a few bills on the table and grabs my hand.
‘Sorry, Priyé,’ I say with regret. ‘We’ll talk later.’
‘Ah ... okay.’ She sends me a look and then smirks at Misbah. ‘I was going to pay and this cash is too much, but thanks.’
Misbah pulls on my hand.
With stares openly following us, we exit the restaurant.
It is already dark.
I take a deep gulp of the chilly air, struggling to get my feelings under control. The thin gown I wore in the late afternoon is not going to be sufficient to hold off this cold.
Misbah opens the black Jeep and hands me in. He is gentle, which is a surprise, seeing as he is angry. Thankfully, he turns on the heater, but, then, he drives a little recklessly.
After about a minute of silence, I turn to him. ‘Misbah, I know you’re angry. I didn’t know you were calling me because my phone was on silent in my bag.’
Misbah remains silent.
‘I just think, regardless of how you feel about me, you really did not need to be so rude to that gentleman.’
I take another breath when Misbah remains silent. My guilt grows in proportion. ‘I didn’t even plan to go out, but when Priyé called me, I agreed that it would be nice to see her again before she left town.’
Silence.
‘Are you going to talk to me, Misbah? Or is this going to be a whole silent-treatment thing?’
He grates out in a low, icy tone. ‘I called you over ten times.’
‘M, I’ve already explained what happened.’
‘After the first few tries,’ he goes on, ‘I went to your little house, but you weren’t there. I thought maybe you had lost your phone. Then, I thought, no, it was a kidnapping for sure. Then, I thought you must be dying in a ditch somewhere, and if I kept calling, maybe someone would hear your phone ringing and help out. Then … I’m sure you’re getting the point.’
‘I see how that might have been frustrating, Misbah.’
‘Do you remember Eric? Remember what he did?’
My heart skips at the sound of the name. I recall the envelopes Priyé gave me.
‘We had a deal, Reana. Go nowhere without me until Eric goes away. How hard is that?’
A sigh escapes. ‘I know, okay? I forgot. Priyé really wanted to hang out and I was free. I didn’t think it would hurt to go for an hour or so.’
‘You couldn’t wait for me to get home first so we’d go together?’
Wait for someone who didn’t think about me, didn’t call me all day until when he couldn’t find me at home?
I maintain a calm voice, not letting my irritation show. ‘How was I to know when you’d get home, when you never even called to check in? I could not wait for you indefinitely. I mean, I’m hardly a prisoner.’
‘Prisoner?’ Misbah sounds baffled. ‘Where is this coming from, Reana? We agreed on this for your protection.’
Typical male; he’ll never hear what one is saying.
‘I’ve already apologized, Misbah. I don’t know what else you want me to do.’
He parks the car and we go into the house.
I can’t believe we spent the entire drive home arguing.
I am on my way to my room when Misbah pulls me by my arm into his room.
Time for round two. God help me.
I take a deep breath. ‘Misbah, I understand you’re feeling frustrated, but you need to get yourself together. I am losing my patience here. What is the matter with you?’
His low tone is now heated in contrast to the earlier chill. ‘Perhaps if you were honest with me-’
‘Honest? How am I not being honest?’ I cry out.
Misbah disrobes in jerky motions while speaking, as though taking out his anger on his clothes. ‘Tell me exactly why it was so important for you to have left at the time you did.’
I was missing you terribly, you fool.
I say nothing.
‘Perhaps if you weren’t in a hurry to flaunt yourself in front of other men, you would have been more willing to wait for me.’
Hiding my hurt at M’s accusation, I keep my voice casual. ‘So, this is about the guy you saw speaking with me?’ I shake my head. ‘I never took you for the insecure type, Misbah.’
‘Insecure?’ He pulls his arm violently from his shirtsleeve and flings the shirt across the room into the hamper. ‘My new wife leaves the house without letting me know. She refuses to answer my calls and she knows very well she has a stalker on her heels. I suffer terror thinking something’s happened to her only to find her blatantly flirting with some slimy-looking ogre. And you have the nerve to call me insecure?’
‘Was that why you were so rude to that gentleman?’ With a light laugh, I begin to disrobe as well. I am not going to remain in these torturous shoes while Misbah gets comfortable. ‘Okay, two things. One, that guy was fine. He was tall and slim and had a really attractive smile. You have to admit it. Oh, and his voice was really sexy.’
‘Two, we don’t have a real marriage. Per our agreement, I have the right to talk to other men. So, you can stop saying “my wife” in that tone.’
He folds strong arms across a broad, naked chest and glowers at me. ‘So, this is what you plan to do? Go around meeting men behind my back?’
Hurt even more by his words, I respond as sassily as I can manage. ‘You’re forgetting I don’t have to do it behind your back. It’s too bad someone made me return the card.’
I throw my headscarf on the bed. I pick up my shoes and fling them one leg after the other to different corners of the room. Maybe the mess I am creating will jar him and divert his attention.
Misbah moves so fast, he has my arm in a tight grip before I can blink.
My desperate measure does not seem to be working.
His eyes are blazing with heat. ‘I don’t care what you think the agreement was, Reana. The next time I find you flirting with any man, it won’t go well for any of us.’
‘Get your hand off me!’ I jerk my arm to free myself but remain in Misbah’s grip. This infuriates me further. ‘I was not flirting with him. I was only being polite. Even if I had been flirting, it is not your place to talk to me like this.’
‘You were not flirting? I saw your smile and it was flirtatious. We are married, Reana, in case you have forgotten. That means I get to say something when you behave inappropriately.’
‘We don’t have the kind of marriage where you can be jealous or give ultimatums, Misbah! How many times do I have to repeat this for it to get through your thick skull?’
His grip tightens.
‘I swear, if you don’t let go of me right now …’
Misbah narrows his eyes. ‘Listen here. I am your husband, Reana, and you are my wife. I will not allow my wife to disgrace me like this.’
‘Then maybe you shouldn’t be married to me any longer.’
‘Is that so?’ Misbah’s eyes narrow even further. An unamused smile appears on his face. ‘I bet you’d like that. That should give you the freedom to pursue as many men as you want.’
‘Actually, I was thinking I don’t want to be married to an idiot who thinks me a whore. But, you know, now that you mention it, pursuing men doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.’
‘I never called you a whore.’
‘You might as well have,’ I snap back. ‘For the last time, Misbah, let go of me.’
‘No.’
‘No?’ My voice has gone soft; a sure sign of my anger.
‘No,’ Misbah repeats. He comes even closer to me and looks down at me from his height. There’s only about a few inches between us, but that move is meant to be intimidating. ‘What will you do?’
To avoid punching Misbah in the throat as I imagine myself doing, I close my eyes and do something I haven’t done in decades. I scream as hard as I can. It’s a childish act, but it is effective in helping me let off steam. I’d rather be childish than abusive anyway.
Misbah lets me go. There is an utterly shocked look on his face as he moves in a stagger to the bed.
I feel a short moment of triumph, which soon turns into worry when I look at him very well. ‘Misbah?’
Sitting on the edge of the bed, he lowers his head into his palms.
Wondering what’s going on, I move closer.
He seems to be having some sort of episode. His entire body is trembling.
It scares me. I have never seen Misbah like this. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Fine.’ His voice is muffled.
‘Do you need something? Pills?’ I make sure to keep my voice low and calm.
‘Leave me, we’ll talk tomorrow.’
I sit beside him and place my hands on his shoulders. ‘You don’t look well. Should I call your doctor … or Omar?’
Misbah shakes his head in jerky motions, still trembling. ‘I am fine. Leave me alone.’
Pushing down the rising terror, I pull down his hands with some effort and with a grip on his cheeks, I raise his head. His eyes are shut.
Misbah is always healthy, even when he’s ill. Sometimes, he can be annoying, like tonight but never have I seen him this weak.
I have to do something. Going with my gut, I wrap my arms tight around Misbah’s shoulder.
He gives a feeble resistance initially. Then, gradually, he becomes less stiff, and his arms wrap around my back.
Like a drowning man holding on for dear life, he buries his face in my neck, and his arms grip my body tight. It feels as if he’s trying to stop the shaking with sheer will and stubbornness, instead of by taking comfort. He is going to break a rib or two if he keeps squeezing me so hard, especially since the trembling is not stopping.
‘It’s okay, darling. You’re okay.’ Trying to calm him, I rub one hand slowly up and down his back. I massage the back of his head with my other hand, crooning, ‘you’re okay,’ while rocking gently to relieve my straining back.
It feels as if it is taking forever, but the trembling begins to decrease and so does his deathlike grip.
The trembling stops.
Misbah lifts his head. His hands go down and rest on my waist. He looks away at first, takes a breath, and then looks at me with haunted eyes. ‘I’m sorry about that.’ His voice sounds not nearly as hard as it was about a half hour ago.
‘You do not have to apologise for that, Misbah.’
Misbah tries to smile, but the smile looks more like a grimace than anything.
‘Are you better now?’ I peer closely at him as if to check the answer in his face by myself.
‘I am. Thank you.’
Wildly relieved, I grip his neck and rest my forehead on his. I shut my eyes for a moment. ‘Thank God. Don’t ever scare me like that again.’
‘Okay.’ He whispers back.
‘I’ll let you rest now. Call me if you need anything, okay?’
‘Okay. Thank you, Ree.’
I kiss his forehead in farewell. Instead of getting up, I kiss one cheek and then the other.
‘Ree.’
Ignoring Misbah’s call, I kiss his chin, his nose, eyebrows, and eyelids while I hear whispers in my head asking me what I’m doing.
Misbah whispers, ‘Ree, Ree.’
Suddenly overcome, desperate, unable to stop, I capture his lips with mine.
M pulls me onto his laps and kisses me back with a loud groan.
With my hands caressing his head and his hands moving over my waist, we devour each other’s lips hungrily.
Pushing M onto the bed, I lie over him.
His aroused gaze lifts to mine. M rubs my lips in the way he does. ‘I want you.’
The pleasure brought by his touch is followed by a liquid pull in my belly. As it usually happens whenever M says words like these, I feel a curious itch in my nether region. Deciding to sink into the sensations coursing through my body, I give myself over to the pleasure.
‘Ree,’ M sounds breathless. ‘Baby, if you need to stop ...’
‘No,’ I pull his mouth back to mine. ‘I want you too.’
***
Misbah rolls so that we lie sideways, facing each other. His face has a satisfied smile. His hand strokes my side from waist to hip and back to waist.
‘I guess that answers the question,’ I mutter with a yawn after a few minutes of silence.
‘Which one?’
‘The one about whether or not you know what you’re doing as a first timer.’
M dissolves into laughter.
Gosh, he has the sexiest laugh.
He sobers. ‘Thank you for giving me you, Ree.’
Did I give him me?
I don’t know how to respond to that.
‘I’m so sorry we fought before.’
‘I’m sorry too,’ I reply honestly.
Misbah waits a beat. ‘Ree, I don’t think I would be okay with you seeing other men.’
Huh?
‘But-’
‘I know,’ M interrupts. ‘We agreed, I know. But, when I saw you with that guy tonight, I … I can’t do it, Ree.’ Misbah shakes his head.
‘I’d told him I was married before you arrived. I took the card to be polite, but I told him I wasn’t going to use it.’
Misbah’s eyes widen. ‘I misjudged the situation.’
Feeling loose and relaxed, with my mind drifting already, I simply murmur in agreement.
‘Still, could you see yourself doing that, Ree? Being with me only?’
Is this not the same thing I’ve been thinking about?
‘I know I keep changing the rules on you, Reana. I know you weren’t planning on being tied down in marriage with me anyway.’ Misbah sighs. ‘But now that we’ve touched each other, it would destroy me to see you with another man. Yet I know a woman as beautiful as you will always have men approaching her and it would mean so much to me to know you won’t go with any of them. We could be happy together, Ree. I’ll try my best to be good to you.’
That’s it! M wants a real relationship. All this time spent wondering, and all I had to do was sleep with … wait a minute.
‘What if you meet someone and fall in love with her? What then?’
I can see that Misbah did not expect this question. He pauses for a second before giving a headshake. ‘I don’t believe that will happen.’
I sigh internally, slightly disappointed. ‘How can you say that for sure?’
‘I don’t know,’ M responds with a contemplative frown. ‘I feel certain in a way. I can’t really explain it.’
This is not the real relationship I want.
‘I’ll think about it.’
Misbah’s words are good but that pause was a second too long.
I could tell him I want the same thing, but I need more from him first. Although, I’m not sure I know what the more is. Maybe if I had some assurance of M’s commitment to me, to us. I don’t know.
‘You’ll think about it?’ M asks.
I give an absent nod. Then something else comes to my mind. ‘Is that why you were shaking? You were simply angry and … hurt?’ I’m not surprised when Misbah shakes his head.
The slight hesitation before the headshake does not surprise me either. Guilt flashes in his eyes. ‘I … Ree, I …’
‘You can’t tell me?’
‘I want to, believe me. I just can’t talk about it.’
Whatever.
‘Right, I’m going to my room.’
M pulls me close before I can move. ‘No. Please, stay with me.’
I want to refuse, but he looks so earnest.
Softening, I nod. ‘All right.’
Misbah grins boyishly, rubbing my lips.
I suppress a shiver.
‘Now,’ he moves closer. ‘Before we go again, a bath or a shower?’