Part 1:
The first and most obvious sense common to nearly all of us is sight.
When we want to find true love, our first instinct is to start looking around for candidates. This is OK. But we forget that, before we can see such prospective mates, we ourselves must first be seen.
The ideal mate will only appear to the one who can himself or herself be seen as an equally ideal mate.
Being seen
We human beings are programmed to scan our surroundings every day for objects that we want. And whenever we see something we want, we subconsciously take a photographic image of it and store it in our minds as a memory. Anything that’s “out of sight” often means it’s “out of mind”.
As a seeker of true love, you can use this natural human programming to your advantage. You simply make yourself visible or “within sight” to all prospective mates. Be striking!
And yet being visible to your prospects isn’t just a matter of looking good. You also have to be very noticeable to the particular type of mate you want. Your whole appearance should be so memorable to the sort of mate you’re looking for that the first vision of you is forever burned into his or her mind.
This means you have to first be:
1.) confident about who you really are
2.) clear about what sort of person you want to pair yourself with.
Being confident
Getting yourself seen in a positive light starts from working on yourself from within. Imagine your mind as a hidden jewel or oasis you must cherish. Filling your mind with healthy images and thoughts is one way of nurturing this treasure. You must strive to banish from your mind all negative thoughts you’ve programmed yourself tocarry. Learning from past mistakes or making amends for any wrong you’ve done is one thing. But psychologically berating yourself for being a failure, long after everyone else has moved on, is a terrible thing to do—don’t do this, for life is too short and precious to waste time on such destructive thinking!
You must also strive to reflect how you think and feel about yourself, in your appearance, actions and lifetime habits. Remember that other people have to see that you have positive thinking.
Pay close attention to your physical health, personal grooming and hygiene, fashion sense and habits. Do these reflect your personality and character? Does your grooming and the clothes you wear flatter and enhance how attractive you are to people? Does how happy or content you are, with yourself and with life, show up on your face and body?
Conversely, how you take care of your health and attractiveness also has a positive psychological effect on your personality and character. Liking what you see in the mirror, and being liked by the people you want to attract to you, helps reaffirm your own worth as a human being.
And don’t stop at your physical appearance alone! Appearance needs to be backed up by inner sincerity. If you want to be seen by your dream mate, you will also need to reflect your inner positive thinking in your outward actions. What sort of positive character traits must your dream mate want to see in you, which you must demonstrate? Think about depth of your character and the quality of your heart. How would you demonstrate the goodness of who you are, with every breath and move you make? How will such actions attract the attention of a potential dream mate, and keep his or her gaze riveted to you?
While first impressions are important, it’s consistency between your inner thinking, actions and physical appearance that makes the people you attract stay with you. Don’t dress and act like a promiscuous sophisticate or a loud mouth punk if, deep inside, you realize you aren’t one. Be consistent with who you really are, and make this consistency visible to everyone.
And when you take the trouble to maintain this kind of consistency, you will develop self-confidence. This is the secret to nurturing your own confidence.
Knowing who you want
Once you develop consistency and self-confidence, you will become clearer and more confident about knowing what you want out of life.
You’ll know what’s specifically good for you! You will know what career to pursue, who your real friends and allies must be, and what situations to avoid. Through your eyes, you can observe and “read” every situation you come into. You should value your own time, and put yourself only in places or with people that offer you the most benefits.
It then follows that you will know what your dream mate should be like.
Take the time and energy to reflect on the type of character you want your dream mate to have. Be realistic, but don’t short-change yourself either. Remember that it’s your dream mate’s character you ought to be envisioning most of the time—and not so much the size of his or her wallet or car.
The reason for making the image of your dream mate clear in your mind is for you to control yourself from becoming too desperate in your search for true love. With such an image in mind, you will clearly remind yourself that your “fantasy partner” should be good enough for you—your dream mate has to have everything to go the distance with you, for a long-term relationship! Don’t even waste your time considering anyone whose character falls short of this image.
When you know who you want, you can begin preparing yourself. You can make yourself as attractive and likeable as possible to the very sort of dream mate you want to have. You know who you want to target. So make yourself visible to the sort of mate you want!
Ask yourself specific questions about how you ought to appear before your dream mate. What would make an arresting, unforgettable impression on your dream mate? What sort of fashion sense or behavior would attract and keep such a mate—and what would drive him or her away?
Remember, birds of the same feather flock together, so dress, groom and conduct yourself according to the type of person you want to attract. For example, look and dress the part of an intelligent, sophisticated, artistic, generous, healthy, and wise man or woman. You will attract people who aren’t intimidated by attractiveness and wisdom in one package. Don’t look or behave like a hooker or gigolo if you don’t want the sort of people who actually prefer mindless hookers or gigolos.
Seeing
Once you’ve prepared yourself to be seen by a prospective mate, it’s time to know how to see which particular prospect you want to draw in.
This is the part where you practice the skill of seeing the truth. People’s real motives and characters are often hidden behind flashy personalities and “décor”. Learn to be patient and observant when it comes to people, and you will begin to discern who’s good or bad for you.
Look with your eyes, but look closely! Not every single prospective date or physically attractive person you see is a good choice. You need to pay attention to the little behavioral cues or words that people say or do which give away their true nature. You can use these little clues to discern who your best dream mate prospect will be. Again, be patient, for you will learn discernment through trial and error.
And when you finally realize who your dream mate is, you can zero in your efforts on one particular person at a time—instead of chasing after every single good-looking man or woman who comes your way.
If you’re still searching for Mr. or Ms. Right, go look in the right situations and places. I doubt if you’ll see him or her in places like a singles bar—if you’ve been practicing discernment, you’ll know what I mean when you see how bars like these are filled with too many desperate individuals who may or may not be “single” at all.
Instead, try looking for him or her in venues or situations where people are more inclined to show their true selves to you. For example: charity events, community volunteer projects, coffee-and- book clubs, art clubs, comedy clubs, sports teams or events, fitness or martial arts clubs, religious gatherings, etc. You can even try walking your dog along a beautiful pathway in a park or nature reserve, and watch out for physically-fit individuals who clearly value themselves, their health, and the beauty of the world around them.
Though most people would try to be on their best behavior in these events or situations, and not show their negative side, at least they won’t be in a “hunt for a date” behavior mode.
Casting a spell
Let’s say you finally spied your particular dream mate, and he or she has noticed you in turn. So how do you burn a memory of you into their minds and snag their heart forever?
Forever? Gulp. But I’m not joking! If you’re serious about achieving real seduction of a particular person, forever is the only level you can aim for.
We all are born with a sexual drive that pushes us to fantasize about the person we want but don’t have yet. Such fantasies sometimes take over us, making even the simplest tasks in life difficult because our minds are distracted. The same is true of your particular dream mate. If you can implant the most compelling vision of you in their mind, you will have no trouble reaching their heart and staying there for good!
Here are a few tips on how to cast that spell in your dream mate’s eyes.
1. Look deeply into your dream mate’s eyes.
The way to a person’s soul is through the eyes, or so the old saying goes, and it’s true.
When someone looks deep into your eyes, your heart starts beating a little faster, and you become less in control of yourself. The same is true when you maintain eye contact with your dream mate.
But please, don’t mistake this for a silly teenaged staring contest. When I say you should look deeply into your dream mate’s eyes, I mean do it to discern his or her feelings, and to signal sincere interest in what he or she is saying.
Yes, this also means that you will let yourself be vulnerable. For as you look intently into your dream mate’s beautiful eyes, he or she can easily look back into yours and see your true feelings about them.
Be careful: you don’t want to “scare people off” by staring too hard at them. In the wild, prolonged eye contact with some animals prompts confrontation. People are no different; they’ll feel uncomfortable if you stare at them like a maniac.
If you know when and how to use eye contact at the proper time, and what sort of emotion should be expressed in your eyes, you can use eye contact as a means of arresting someone’s attention—and eventually seducing him or her.
So what’s the “right” sort of gaze? One that’s warm, kind, and sparkling—and sometimes smoldering! Imagine that your gaze alone had the power to caress your dream mate’s body and soul!
2. Allow your happiness to sparkle through your eyes!
Since we’re talking about the right kind of gaze, remember that a key component to it is happiness.
You have to show how sincerely happy you are when you are with your dream mate. Let your eyes lovingly “drink” in the sight of your dream mate! It will make him or her feel appreciated.
3. Let your eyes pay attention to details.
You have to let your dream mate know you’re a very observant person when it comes to his or her life. Don’t ogle at your dream mate—instead, pay attention to little details, and let him or her know that you’ve noticed the “important stuff”.
You can pay attention to how beautiful her hair and lips are, or how neatly he keeps his clothes or his fingernails clean. Keep paying close attention to your dream mate every time you meet him or her, and pretty soon you’ll easily see when he or she is troubled with something even without you being told about it.
Then you can actually tell your dream mate what little details you’ve noticed. It signals that you really care. “How beautiful your eyes are, they’re like the color of mahogany,” you can say. Or, “Are you OK? Do you need anything? I noticed you look a little tired. What can I do to help you?”
4. Don’t forget to be visually appealing!
You should pay the same level of attention to how attractive you appear to a dream mate. Be neat and clean, well-dressed and well-groomed. Wear something stylish and interesting, to complement your looks. Wear a brilliant smile and have a relaxed, kind, and light-hearted attitude. Keep yourself physically fit at all times.
5. Don’t forget to be interesting!
You should also be acting like the truly interesting person you are.
Don’t go acting or looking like an immoveable and unapproachable Ken or Barbie doll. Nobody is truly seduced by a person who seem to be constantly “posing”—if you act like a ramp model in a club or James Dean, you will come across as two- dimensional, no matter how physically attractive you might be. (Yes, vacuous but gorgeous models get ogled at and approached by many people, but I doubt you would actually enjoy the sort of people who pay attention only to physical beauty.)
Instead, be a person of depth! A person with depth has great imagination, with a varied range of interests and activities. Just imagine how arresting a vision you’d be if, together with your good looks, the first glance people get of you will most likely be when you are in the middle of doing something intriguing or interesting.
In fact, you should orchestrate how people see you for the first time, in every situation—especially when it comes to your dream mate.
It all depends on the particular situation. For instance, if you’ve arranged for your dream mate to meet you somewhere in a restaurant, make sure you’re seated comfortably at a table under ideal lighting conditions that flatter your appearance. Or you can be “caught” doing something interesting or arresting by the time your dream mate arrives to see you—you could be picking colorful flowers, flying a kite with neighborhood children. You could be seen sketching what’s in front of you into your little sketch pad, while waiting for your dream date. You could even be seen playing a musical instrument.
Orchestrating things includes choreographing how you “make an entrance” into any room or venue. How you’re dressed, how you’ve visually put yourself “together”, down to how you carry yourself and walk towards your dream date, should be done in a way that captures his or her imagination.
No, this isn’t posing. You aren’t there to orchestrate things and pretend to be who you’re not. It means taking what’s already interesting about your true and fabulous self, and properly presenting it to your dream mate in a way you know will impress.
You should be an overall “easy on the eyes” package, so your dream mate becomes absolutely fascinated with you! Just imagine how far you’ll go with that sort of visual impression!
Extra visual associations
Once you’ve snagged someone through visual appeal, the two of you will naturally want to start dating.
Creating visual appeal doesn’t stop at making yourself “easy on the eyes”. You also need to choose the right ambience or venue whenever you and your dream mate meet. Much like an art director or cinematographer, you must pick the best “backdrop” or “scene” where the two of you can meet, talk, and have romantic moments together.
Picking the right venue is important. Remember, if your dream mate eventually becomes your spouse, the places you walk through or visit together become part of your treasured lifetime memories. These places start to mean something to you. You will associate them with the love you have for one another.
So get creative with your “scenes”! Don’t be lazy and just tell your dream mate that you’ll meet at the most convenient corner coffee shop or mall. (You might as well tell your date to meet you at McDonald’s!) Try your best to pick out a place so quaint, beautiful or singularly memorable that will have your dream mate instantly “imprint” the memory of it deep into his or her mind, associating it with you.
It also helps if the place is interesting enough for the two of you to do an activity that’s romantic and equally as interesting. So go ahead—go out of your way to pick a special tree to carve your names onto. Go find a waterfall or beach to stare at or swim in. Or, if you can afford it, find the next best thing to a Venetian palace or Shangri-La for the two of you to experience.
For it’s the combination of an attractive vision of you, and the context of a charming place, that creates a vivid image, forever tying you to your dream mate’s mind.