Part 2:
When it comes to creating a seductive first impression, hearing is just as important as seeing. In fact, after you make that good first impression, it’s the proper use of the sense of hearing that actually hooks and reels your dream date in!
Right from the beginning, your dream mate has to hear all the right things about you and all the right words from you. This means making sure that you are both: 1.) a completely attractive auditory experience, and 2.) a wise and generous ear.
Listening
You must learn the skill of listening to others before you can become someone your dream mate would love to listen to. People won’t be willing to hang onto every word you say, if you don’t know how to listen to them first.
Every person wants to feel understood. Whenever someone takes the courage to speak about what they feel or know, he or she will always need to feel that other people hear them, and that what they have to say is valued by others.
Of course, being listened to and understood by others is an experience you can’t always have 24 hours a day, seven days a week. This is why a listening ear is such a precious commodity. Just imagine what an attractive, precious jewel you’d be to any potential mate, if you become that listening ear!
Your dream mate will always want to feel that you believe and understand every word that comes out of their mouth. He or she will want to feel you are open to hearing who he or she is at the core level. It means understanding your dream mate. It means making sure you “get” everything he or she stands for.
And you need to make sure your “target” dream mate knows that it’s so, right from the start! Here are a few important tips on how to do so:
1. Do not judge or ridicule.
Whether you’re talking or listening to your dream mate, avoid making fun or contesting whatever opinion he or she has about things—no matter how strange or odd thy may be.
I mean, what’s the point? If you find your “dream mate” has intolerable views about certain aspects of life or morals, then you’ve simply made a mistake and this person isn’t truly who you want to be with. You can say goodbye to him or her, and move on.
If, on the other hand, you find nearly everything about your “dream mate” acceptable or near-perfect, you must ask yourself just how important is it for you to shoot down or take a shot at your dream mate’s opinions or feelings about a particular issue. Is it truly a major issue, or not? If it’s only a minor issue that has nothing to do with morals (examples: weird choice of music; off-kilter fashion sense; a fear of dogs, etc.), it should be easy to accept.
Just imagine what would happen if you fail to show you accept these little quirks in your dream mate. How would he or she feel, if every now and then a disparaging comment could be heard coming out of your mouth? It’s safe to say that your dream mate will eventually prefer not to be with you.
And so: make sure you let your dream mate hear that you accept his or her opinions, without every judging or ridiculing them. Don’t ever let your dream mate hear any negativity aimed in their direction!
2. Remind your dream mate you’re always listening.
Make sure that your dream mate knows at all times you hear him or her.
In fact, rather than verbally reminding your target mate of your willingness to listen, demonstrate that do you listen. Your dream date should never feel the need to amplify his or her voice with you. You should make him or her feel so comfortable that he or she want to share all their deepest secrets with you, and you should elicit this comfortable feeling consistently. Try your best to highlight your ability to hear and understand everything, in this manner.
3. Encourage—and protect—the spilling of secrets.
When you master the art of listening, your dream mate will start trusting you within a short span of time. Don’t push for this trust to develop; be patient. Along with sharing information about everyday stuff, slowly but surely encourage your dream mate to tell you his or her deepest desires. If you’ve earned the trust you deserve, he or she will start divulging even the most sensual, intimate details.
Once you have your dream mate’s secrets, take care to keep them. You should tell no one else about these secrets. Make him or her feel like you’re the exclusive confidante.
4. Remember spoken details.
Pay attention to the stuff your dream mate says—and doesn’t say. Listen well and read between the lines he or she spills out, in order to have a deeper understanding of who your dream mate truly is.
Try to remember all the stories, names, places, events and other anecdotal details that your dream mate shares with you. It will help you gain a better picture of his or her whole life.
Being heard
By listening effectively to what your dream mate says, you will subsequently arm yourself with the wisdom to make him or her listen to you as well.
Getting someone to trust and listen to you is the cornerstone of real seduction. This is how you get into someone’s head and heart, and stay there. Here are a few tips to make sure your dream mate listens to you:
1. Become the voice of warmth.
Make your voice sound like an auditory version of warm chicken soup, a warm bed, a soothing stream, or comforting wine.
It’s more than just dripping honey in your dream mate’s ear. The warmth and comfort in your voice has to come straight from your heart. In fact, be warm to the point of being sensual (note: this means being sensitive and sexy, not crass or crude).
Merge deep kindness with sexual passion or sensuality. It’s the best way to give depth to the seduction.
2. Have a sense of humor.
Having a sense of humor is one of the sexiest charms you could ever have.
The kind of wit and humor I’m talking about here is one that your dream mate should appreciate greatly. You must be funny by being intelligent, not snooty. You should be down-to-earth, not crass or crude. And your humor should be less disparaging of others (including your dream mate!), and more self-deprecating.
If you don’t believe me, think about why a few women still find Woody Allen amusing enough to pay attention to him (longer than they would with a male ramp model). Think about why they placed Tina Fey on the cover of a magazine (even when some real-life fashion police make negative comments about her personal taste in clothes). It’s because their sense of humor makes them so appealing.
Laughter is always a good thing, and it’s especially true when trying to seduce your dream mate.
There’s too much sadness around. When you bring laughter to your dream mate, he or she will begin seeing you as a spiritual and sensual oasis in life.
3. Practice tact.
Tact means knowing what to speak, when to speak, and where the right place to speak would be.
Here you realize why sharpening your listening skills is key to getting yourself heard. People listen and believe in you if you practice tact when you speak with others. But you won’t know what’s tactful unless you spend time observing people in general, and the people you want to entice in particular.
You’ll know, either by instinct or by heart, what to say that will further endear yourself to the dream mate whose attention you’ve caught. You will know how to make him or her smile or laugh, or which kind words will comfort his or her aching heart. You’ll know what sort of approach to take that will turn your dream mate’s heart into putty in your hands!
You’ll know the precise time to say the right words. For instance, a time may come when your dream mate seems upset over something, you can put him or her at ease by guaranteeing you understand why they’re upset, and sympathize greatly. And you’ll know the precise moment when your dream mate’s ears and mind are open to positive suggestions from you.
4. Maintain a good reputation.
Unless you’ve purposefully been living as a cranky hermit in some remote corner of the world, word does get around within your immediate community (eg. your obvious dating grounds) about what sort of person you are.
You should act like your own personal public relations manager. No matter how small or wide your dating grounds are, make sure you develop and maintain a reputation for being a kind, trustworthy and interesting person to talk and listen to. Nothing ruins your chances or a potential relationship with a dream mate than a bad rep!
Extra associations
Beyond tips on listening and being heard, there are other ways to achieve real seduction by ear.
1. Music
You need to have music in your life. Every relationship has its appropriate “theme song” or soundtrack. There’s just something that music can express which mere sounds and words can’t. Usually it’s emotions that are too strong or wide for either one of you to articulate properly, without resorting to embarrassingly florid words.
But music can also create the proper ambience for the two of you to be in. This is especially useful at times when you can’t find the proper, visually-arresting place where you can spend time together. Simply set a picnic in the park, or park your car at a scenic view, and play the right music in the background. You don’t have to stick to one music genre—just be sure that it’s something that both of you will like and can derive meaning and pleasure from. You can then talk about the music—then segue into how you feel about one another. Just imagine what vivid auditory memories you’ll be making in your dream mate’s mind with this!
Tip: if you can play a musical instrument and/or sing, you already have a lethal seduction weapon right there! Go use it!
2. Natural ambient sounds
Zen is about peace and order. You can also employ a Zen-like approach to arranging which places you and your dream mate will spend time in.
Order isn’t just about visuals; it’s about being surrounded by appropriate sounds as well. You must pick a place that naturally has sounds that appeal to both you and your dream mate. The sounds must also be appropriate to the mood that both of you will most likely be in for the time you’ll be there.
For example, if both you and your dream date like children, a pleasant park where the sounds of birds and children in the distance would be a relaxing meeting place.
Another easy example would be any place with the sight and sound of water, like a fountain in a town square, running brook, garden pond, or beach. Even the sound of blowing wind can be romantic, reminiscent of any English novel—so go find the top of a building or cliff overlooking the city, a hill- or mountain- top.
Or if you both love the sound of a historic old quarter of the city you’re in, go there and soak in the sounds of talented street musicians and other performers busking for change.
3. Silence
Silence is golden, especially when it’s part of the seduction process.
When I talk of “silence”, I don’t mean giving someone the coy, silent treatment! I am talking about a golden calm or quietness inside you and around you. You should strive to achieve this state. Like birds to a peaceful sanctuary, people are drawn to persons who have that peace or inner silence—and who cause their own surroundings to acquire the same kind of peacefulness.
The same will be true of your dream mate. Create an experience of inner and outer calm whenever the two of you meet. You will find that it will help foster a silent, inner joy between you, one that your dream mate can’t help but return to time and again.
Becoming “the voice” of encouragement
It’s in the sense of hearing that your efforts to properly seduce your dream mate turns into a mutual seduction.
If you’ve been trying your best to listen and be heard, after a few meetings both you and dream mate will become each other’s one- man cheering squads. You’ll know when you’ve effectively caught the ear of your dream mate: both of you start looking at one another for verbal encouragement in times of doubt. That’s what you should expect from your dream mate. It’s also what you should practice yourself.
It’s at this point when you seek each other’s warm friendly voices first, above all others, whenever you seek encouragement.
You can easily give each one another gentle, friendly reminders when one of you is “out of line”.
Pretty soon, after a few encounters with one another, neither of you will hesitate to use that most intimate sound of all: that steamy, sexual voice that gets you thinking only of your dream mate, and everything they are saying they will do to you!