Lucy and Sara had their usual breakfast chitchat before she dashed off to work. Sara had a duty to perform, today. One she dreaded like a trip to the dentist. She could hear her mother’s belittling voice as she rehearsed the entire conversation in her head. She exhaled and pushed her phone aside. She imagined Kaye had been rehearsing her lecture, about Sara’s wanton ways, since the first time she’d called.
She took a shower, got dressed, and did whatever housework that needed doing - anything to stall for time. Finally, there was nothing left to do, and she’d run out of excuses. She sat down at the kitchen table, selected her mother’s number and prepared for the worst. Kaye answered after two rings. “Hi, Mother. Lucy said you’d called, and wanted to talk to me.”
“Which time would that be?” she asked in a flat voice.
“Look, Mother, I’m sorry I wasn’t here the last couple of times you called but….”
“You haven’t been there any of the times I’ve called,” she interjected. “What’s going on? And don’t say you were at the movies. You don’t like them that much, but I didn’t expect my sister to tell me the truth.”
“Don’t blame Lucy. It’s not her fault. She didn’t want you to get all upset over nothing. I, um, I met this guy and we’ve been….”
“I knew it! I knew this was going on. Sara, don’t do something stupid!”
“I’m not, Mother. It’s not like that. Well, we’re more than friends but….”
“You better just behave yourself young lady and be there the next time I call,” she broke in. “I didn’t let you run off up there so you could shack up with the first boy who…..”
“Mother, you didn’t let me come!” Sara interjected. She grimaced. Her voice was rougher than she’d intended. She knew better than to use that tone of voice with her mother. It only made matters worse, but Kaye knew how to ruffle Sara’s feathers. “Mother, we’re close, but I’m not sleeping with Jared,” she said in a softer voice. “He’s not that type of person. He’s sweet and polite and,” her voice trailed off.
“And?”
“He’s Navajo.”
“You mean he’s an Indian!”
Sara sighed. Her mother had reacted precisely as she’d expected her to. “He’s Native American. His family lives in Arizona.”
“I see! Kaye hissed. “And just how did you meet this, Jared?” She asked, making his name sound like a disease.
“He owns Raging Storm, the….”
“And just what is that? A race horse?” she broke in contemptuously.
She rolled her eyes. “No, Mother,” she sighed. “It’s the name of the country rock band Luce and me,” she broke off and winced. Kaye didn’t like using casual names for elders. “I meant Aunt Lucy, and I are a part of….”
“Just as I suspected!” Kaye interjected. “Your music again. Sara, you can’t make money with it. You’re good, honey, but singing is not a sound career choice. Have you found a job yet?”
Sara’s nostrils flared. “Not yet,” she said tightly.
“Have you even looked?”
“Not yet.”
“You need to get a job, Sara, and help your Aunt pay some bills. Pull your own weight, instead of sitting on your butt and expecting my sister to do everything for you.”
She clenched her fist. “Mother, I’m not gonna sit on my butt – honestly! Give me a little credit. I’m not a child.”
“You might look like an adult but deep down you’re a little girl, one who could easily be taken advantage of. You just better be careful, young lady. I won’t have a bunch of your little bastards running around my house. If you get yourself into trouble, you’re on your own! Do you understand me?”
Sara fought to hold on to the last strands of her frayed nerves, but was rapidly losing the battle. Her mother’s voice was beginning to sound like fingernails on a blackboard. “Mother, I told you, I’m not sleeping with Jared.” Not that I would turn him down.
“You might not be now, but if you do, you better get yourself some protection!”
“I’m hanging up now!” she exhaled. “I thought we could have an adult conversation about this, but I was obviously wrong.”
“Don’t smart mouth me little girl. I’m your mother. You will respect me, whether you’re under my roof or not and furthermore….”
After last night, Sara was in no mood for confrontation. “I love you. Bye, Mother.” She ended the call in the middle of Kaye’s comment and switched off her phone. There would be hell to pay, but that was it. She couldn’t deal with it anymore. She was still confused at how suddenly Jared’s mood had changed yesterday.
She went to her room and put on some soft classical music. She laid on the bed on her stomach and unlocked the diary. Inside the cover, on what was usually a blank page, he’s drawn all kinds of intricate designs and abstract art. She turned to the first entry and began reading. She frowned and flicked through the other pages. “That’s odd – no dates!”
Jared’s immaculate penmanship and articulation made reading the diary more like reading a novel or an autobiography. These were private thoughts, his thoughts. Sara felt like an intruder.
~ ~ ~
Entry 1. Girl is around 10 years old:
Well, until last night, I thought Granddad’s silly stories were just that, stories. I woke up this morning, more cheerful than usual. I can’t understand why, but I have a feeling it has something to do with my conversation with Granddad, and a very vivid dream I had last night about a stranger, a pretty girl.
I’m not sure whether Granddad’s story is what provided the paint for my elaborate dream, I suppose it could’ve been. He has always told me the legends about how our tribal leaders dream about their perfect match. Then it’s our duty to find this person in the world of the waking. When we do, we’ll know them.
I really hadn’t believed him, and I’m not sure I do now, but I certainly had a dream last night about the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. She had long, silky brown hair that hung almost to her hips and deep golden brown eyes that reflected the sunlight. She couldn’t have been more than ten years old. Her hair had been done up in two ponytails with red silk ribbons tied on both of them.
I was standing on the side of a cliff, looking out to the horizon when this girl, about the same age as me, maybe five or six years younger, appeared beside me. I asked her where she came from, and she said, “From your destiny.” I asked her why she was there, and she said, “Because I’m for you.” She must’ve been about 10 or 11 years old.
We sat on a rock and talked for hours. Although she was a total stranger to me, I found it easy to talk to her. I felt as if I could tell her anything. She told me how she’d be waiting for me to find her and when I found her, she would be free.
I can’t explain the feeling I got sitting and talking with her. It was like talking to someone you’ve known for years. It was so easy.
I spoke to Granddad about my dream and about her, and he said what visited my dream was her inner spirit. The part of her that was eternal and knew no boundaries. I explained how, at first she was a little girl, about 10 years old and then she changed to someone closer to my age. He said that was because she was coming to me from my future.
He said, in my future, she already knew about me. She also knew exactly when and where I would find her. He said, because I hadn’t met her yet, her inner spirit was bound to her body and through her dreams was the only way she could communicate with me.
He said, the girl herself, didn’t know any of this because our inner spirits aren’t allowed to reveal future events to its physical self. We’re only allowed to share that information with others connected and concerned with the event. He also said, she probably would never tell me her name. She wasn’t supposed to.
When I told him she didn’t appear to be one of our people, he said that was why she was so eager to reveal things in my dreams because she probably couldn’t see the visions as I did, unless she had the gene from our people. He said because I was not able to affect her dreams as she did mine, should I choose a different direction, I could not alert her so that she would no longer feel the need to communicate with me in my dreams. Because I was Dine'é Kay-Yah, and of royal blood, I alone possessed the power to end my visions if I willed it. If I chose another mate, I could stop her from visiting my dreams. I would never do that! I don’t want another mate. I want her! No one else!
I guess I’ll just have to be content to wait for her to visit my dreams instead of me visiting hers. I’m not sure I believe the stories he told me, but if they are true and she does exist somewhere other than in my dreams, and if she’s out there waiting for me to find her, I will find her. If it takes the rest of my life and I have to follow her to the ends of the earth, I will find her. I’ve never felt so strongly compelled about anything before. I know, no matter what, this is something I have to do!
Entry 2. Girl is about 13 years old:
It’s been a few years since I dreamed of the girl. I wasn’t really expecting to ever dream of her again, but last night, I did. She looks to be around 12 or 13. She’s at some kind of party, maybe her birthday party. She’s opening gifts and eating cake. She seems happy. I’m glad for that. I want her to be happy, even if it’s not with me.
She’s able to bring me into her dreams as both a participant and a spectator. I’m watching her now. I don’t think she knows I’m here. She hasn’t acknowledged me yet.
A lady, perhaps a sister or an aunt has given her a guitar as a present. She must’ve wanted it bad. If I could’ve been with her, I would’ve given it to her long ago if I knew she wanted one. I would give her the moon if she asked for it.
She’s looked up and seen that I’m here. She’s walked away from her friends and family. She’s moving toward me. She’s smiling.
“It’s so good to see you again,” she said and hugged me. “I’ve missed you.” She gave me a strange look. “You haven’t been thinking about me lately, have you? You’ve been thinking about someone else, another girl named Eve.” Why, I don’t know, but I felt bad, almost guilty as if I’d cheated on her.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I thought you were just a silly dream brought on by my granddad’s old stories.”
She smiled and held up her hand. “It’s alright. I don’t mind. You’re older. Your life is passing faster than mine. Our paths have not crossed in the waking world. I don’t expect you to devote yourself to a dream. You shouldn’t feel guilty for loving someone, anyone. I know it’s just temporary, and if you change your mind about me, you will let me know. I don’t expect you to think of nothing but me. Live your life. Enjoy yourself. I know you will find me when the time is right. I’ve got a few more years of growing to do.
“When will you come to me again?” I asked, eager to know.
She smiled. “Oh, I’ll be around. Unless you start thinking about me or you need me, I probably won’t bother you again until there’s an important event in my life. Maybe for my 16th birthday. Would you like to share that with me as you have my 13th birthday?”
“Yes, I would,” I said. “I would rather have you with me all the time. It’s lonely without you.”
“Then I’ll spend my sweet 16th birthday with you. I’ve gotta go now.”
“What? No! Wait! Must you go so soon? You’ve just got here. What’s your name? The last time you visited, you didn’t tell me your name.”
“No,” she sighed. “I’m not allowed to tell you that, nor are you allowed to tell me yours. We will know that, only when we meet in the waking world.”
Mist gathered around us. She blew me a kiss. I blinked, and she was gone.
This is driving me nuts. Here am I, ready to ask Eve to be my wife, and now this. Perfect timing, dream girl. This is going beyond ridiculous. They’re nothing but old stories! They’re just dreams. Why can’t I get her off my mind? I won’t be guided by a figment of my imagination. I know what I want. I want Eve, and I’m going to marry her too. The girl from my dreams is probably her, although I don’t understand why her hair is dark, and Eve’s is golden.
~ ~ ~
Those last few words had hurt Sara. She understood how close Jared had come to choosing someone else. What if she wasn’t who he thought she was? Did she have the right to fill someone else’s shoes, someone by fate he was destined to spend his life with?
~ ~ ~
Entry 3. Girl is 16 years old:
The girl from my dreams is not just a figment of my imagination. She said she would come to me again when she was 16. I’ve counted off the years, and they match. I also know she spoke truthfully when she said my relationship with Eve wouldn’t last. I asked her to marry me, and she said no. I offered to move back to Australia with her, but she said she didn’t want to get serious. I can’t take this anymore. I’m so confused. I have to find a way to end this pain. I’m leaving in the morning. I can’t stand this ache. Does no one love me? Is there no one out there for me?
That was the last thing on my mind when I closed my eyes. It was nice to sleep out under the open sky. I didn’t even bother trying to find a hotel. I didn’t want to be around people. Almost immediately, as sleep took me, she was there, answering the question for me.
“Yes, someone loves you. I do. I always will. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You knew she would only be with you for a while. I told you. Don’t you remember? She’s not right for you.”
“You’re back!” I exclaimed. I was so glad to see her. I hugged her and held her in my arms, and before I realized what I was doing, I kissed her. I hadn’t really expected to feel her, but I could. Her lips were warm and moist, real. Her body was hot and solid against mine. She kissed me back.
“I thought I’d lost you,” I said.
She shook her head and smiled, “Never! As long as this body breathes, I’m yours. And even when I no longer live on this plane, I will still love you and wait for you to join me, should I go first. I will never leave you unless you tell me to. You’re closer to me now. Look for Cross Lake. Follow the green and purple tunnel. Go there and wait for me. I still have a few more years before I’m with you. Please, try and be patient. I’m as anxious to be with you as you are to be with me.”
“How old are you?”
She laughed. “Don’t you believe anything I tell you? Think about, when I said I would visit you again. Don’t be deceived. Others will cloud your path as they have before. The closer you get to me, the fewer clues I’m allowed to give you. Everything must be done according to your choosing.” She pulled away. I could feel her fading.
“You’re leaving again, aren’t you?” I asked. She nodded and began to cry. “I wish I could be with you now,” I said. I tried to hold on to her, but there was nothing to hold.
“I know. I wish I could be with you now too. Don’t be troubled. What you see is only for now and not for the future. He will not last, just as Eve did not last. We will be together soon. Remember,” she said with a wave goodbye, “patience is a virtue.” Then she was gone again.
Entry 4. Not Part of my dream girl – Just an update on my life leading up to what I hope will be to find her.
I found the place she told me to, Cross Lake. It took a while, but thanks to the Internet, I was successful. At least I hope I have the right one! There were several entries, but knowing how this thing worked, I chose the first one. Shreveport, Louisiana.
I’ve applied for a job at the hospital as an emergency doctor. I made friends with a genetic engineer named Dr. Gary Browne. He runs the research department of a place called D’Netics, over near LSU-Med. He’s a freaking genius when it comes to DNA and gene therapy. Someday, that guy is going to make history. I can just feel it.
I spent the next couple of weeks looking for a place to live. I’ve got my eye on an old plantation house that Gary told me about. It’s kind of out of my reach right now. The darn thing is tied up in some kind of an inheritance dispute, but the old lady is at death’s door. Maybe it will be up for sale soon. Hopefully, her son won’t want the house then. I’ll bide my time and hope. I don’t know why I feel so drawn to this place, but I have a feeling this is where I should be. Maybe it has something to do with her, my dream girl. I really miss her.
A couple more weeks have passed. I got the job I wanted, and the salary was to die for. Apparently, it has something to do with the fact I’m Navajo, or so they think. Funny, I never thought me being what I am would work to my advantage but apparently, I’m a minority. Hey, I can live with that. I can really bring Raging Storm out now, and I can start putting some money away for my house. I will have it! My dream girl still hasn’t shown up. I’m beginning to think she’s never coming again, but I’m still hopeful. I have so many things I want to share with her.
I’ve been drawing sketches of my dreams. Some are a little fuzzy and could use a little clarity, but I’ve drawn them the way I saw them. It seems the clearer my dreams are, the easier it is for me to sketch them. I wonder if they will help me convince her she’s for me when I find her. I want her to see my secret place. I would never show it to another living soul. That’s my place, our place, just ours!
Well, I’ve got one hell of a country rock band going. Steve and Carl’s neighbor, Lucy Ripley has joined. She’s hot, but she’s not my type. I don’t like blondes anymore. I guess I’m just doomed to live the rest of my life without finding my dream girl. At least I’m staying busy.
Entry Five: Wisteria Hall
Oh, man could my luck get any better! OK, I know I’m a doctor, and I’m supposed to live for the preservation of life, but the passing of this life has given me another piece of my dream. Thanks to Gary Browne and his cousin, Donna Rigden, Wisteria Hall is mine!
Just got a good look at the inside of the house and the rest of the grounds. This won’t be easy, but I’m going to enjoy it. I’ve drawn up the plans, hired the crews and work has begun. Each thing I do here, reminds me more of her, my dream girl. I can’t wait to show it to her. I can’t wait to share it with her.
Well, it took almost a year, but it’s done. I thought the house was my crowning glory, now I have a fully equipped recording studio out back. The band really enjoys working here and so do I.
Lucy said something about her niece coming to live with her when school was out this year. I wonder what she’ll be like. Maybe I can spend some time with her. I’m really getting lonely. I’ve spent all this time on the Hall, and now that it’s finished, I don’t have anything to do with my time. I need something to do.
Kim at work has been giving me the eye. And then there’s Donna, Gary Browne’s cousin. She sounds like a nice girl and all, and she does look a lot like the girl from my dreams, but then too much doesn’t fit. I appreciate her help in securing Wisteria Hall for me. From what Gary tells me, I think she kind of has a crush on me, because of the band, but, what kind of relationship could we have, if I’m still in love with my dreams?
Steve tells me I should live a little. He says I’m using this mysterious dream to keep from getting on with my life. Sometimes, late at night, when I’m lying awake and can’t sleep, I wonder if he could be right. Maybe I should give Donna a chance, but then again, maybe not. It wouldn’t be fair to have her assume we might have some kind of future together when there’s another woman on my mind. No! I’ve held an angel in my arms and after that, nothing compares. I want my dream girl! She still hasn’t come again, but then she said she wouldn’t. I guess I should’ve believed her, but I want her with me. I desperately need her. There’s a missing part of me, and because of all the clues she’s given me, I’ll know when I’ve found her. Granddad, I’ll find that missing part, the other half of me. I wish I had her now. Guess I’m not being so patient.
Entry Six – She’s here! She’s here! She’s here!
I had given up on the idea of having my dream girl with me. I had completely put her out of my conscious mind. Well, maybe not completely. I guess it’s a good thing my subconscious held onto her because at last, I have beheld her, and now I know her name. It’s Sara Foster. She’s everything and more than the girl from my dreams. She is the girl from my dreams, I can feel it. When she stands next to me, it’s as if a missing piece of me has come home. The touch of her hand in mine makes me shiver.
I was across the street at Steve and Carl’s, just chilling, when a strange car pulled in behind Lucy’s. I watched her get out. I wondered who she was. She’d apparently come to stay with Lucy. She had a lot of what looked like heavy boxes, so I thought I’d be a gentleman and help them out.
Sara was bent over, digging deep into the trunk of her car, trying to reach some CDs. I noticed she had long dark brown silky hair. Could it be her? Come on, Jared, get it together. You’re losing it again. Just do what you came to do. Help them get the stuff in, say hello and get on with life. I stood there, watching her, something terribly familiar about her. “You look like you could use a hand,” I said, innocently.
She let out a little yelp and banged her head on the top of the trunk lid. I don’t like to brag, but I think she might’ve been dazzled by what she saw when she looked up at me. It was either my looks or the fact that she saw the blood on her hand when she touched her head. She looked like she was going to faint. “Careful!” I said and helped her to stand.
Her eyes met mine, and I thought I would lose it. I wanted to take her into my arms and never let her go. It was all I could do to dress her wound. It wasn’t as bad as it had looked. I decided she wouldn’t need stitches. Then, feeling desperate for a reason to keep her with me, I asked her to go for a walk and she accepted. She didn’t pull away when I took her hand as we crossed the street. Her hand in mine felt so natural. Almost as natural as breathing. How am I ever going to make myself leave her, but I have to. She told me I would have to take it slow. I really am trying to.
I’m not going to write anything else in here because I feel this journey has met its end. And, even if it hasn’t, and even if Sara might not be the girl from my dreams, she’s enough for me, everything fits. The girl from my dreams will just have to find someone else. I’ve found what I’m looking for, and I’m going after it!’
Jared loves Sara! Forever!
~ ~ ~
She read the last few lines again. She wiped her eyes and ran her fingers over the last written words as she read them aloud. “Jared loves Sara, forever.”
Slowly, she closed the diary and sat on the side of the bed. Her head was filled with so many confusing thoughts, she couldn’t think straight. “How am I supposed to take this? Who’s Gary Browne and Donna Rigden? If they’re Jared’s friends, why hasn’t he introduced us, especially Donna? He seems to have a soft spot for her. What if?”
Sara believed in love at first sight, but this went beyond that, far beyond it. This was even beyond scary. It didn’t happen in the real world, not in her world. It was filled with pain, loss and disappointment. “Jared, you’re wrong. Your love can’t be meant for me!” She swallowed hard. “What am I gonna do? I’m not his dream girl! If he’s meant to be with Kim or Donna, why didn’t he give them a chance? I wonder.”
She booted her laptop. She couldn’t search for Kim; she didn’t have her surname. From Jared’s diary, she knew Donna Rigden and Gary Browne, worked at a place called D’Netics. She entered the search terms and waited.