Angel......
“You want to be treated like another one of my whores,” Manic throws me on the bed. No I can’t let him do this to me again. I have to wake up. “Then I’ll treat you like one” he rips my shirt open. “Noo,” I scream as I push him off me. His hand comes crushing against my check breaking my lip. Oh God Angel wake up! Wake up! Don’t let him do this to you again. Please wake up. “Stupid bitch I don’t give a fuck if you don’t want to be my old lady you’re my fucking property” he pulls down my jeans. “Please wake up” I cry to myself. I can’t relive this again. I feel his hot breath on my neck as he settles in between my legs. Oh god this is really going to happen again. He is going to take me without my permission. I can’t go through this again I don’t know if I can survive it.
“Angel wake up” I hear someone say. I look around the room but don’t see no one just me and Manic. “Wake up wake up”. I open my eyes and quickly wrap the sheets around me it takes me a few seconds to focus. “Babygirl,” Hope whisper causing me to flinch away from her. My heart is beating like a drum inside my chest, I am trying to catch my breath, and my hair is sticking to the back of my neck. “You’re okay,” Hope tries to confort me but I don’t want to be touch right now. I pull my knees to my chest and hug them.
I can’t fucking deal with this no more. I break down for the first time in a long as time I actually break. I feel Hope’s arms go around me as I sob. When it first happen I was in denial. I tried telling myself it wasn’t really raped because I’ve had sex with him before, for a moment there I actually believed it but then it started to catch up to me. Something inside of me changed. Every night when I lay down and close my eyes the first thing I see is his face then I swear I can smell his breath on me. I know it’s my fault for putting myself in this situation. If I would have never went home with him that first night this would of never happen in the first place. “Shhh,” she hums “You’re okay baby girl you’re okay”. I wish that was true but the truth is that I am not. I cried until I had no more tears left in me.
“Do you feel better?” Hope asks when I finally calmed down. I cleaned my stuffy nose with the back of my hand “Yeah” my voice comes out hoarse. “Good do you want to tell me what happen?” she asks worried. I looked down to my hands avoiding her stare. I feel like a complete jackass right now. I’ve been walking around like I had everything under control but this break down proves me wrong. “Let me guess” she places her hand on top of mines “Your nightmare has to do with Manic”.
What the fuck? How did she know that? “I knew something was going on with you and knowing you like I do I knew you will never come out and tell me so I did some research online” she answers my un ask question. Of course she did some research. “And in the research it said that victims suffer from depression, nightmares, lack of sleep, stress, eating disorder, well the list goes on so I’ve been observing you” she adds.
“You sound like my doctor am I your patient?” I joke trying to lighten the mood. She shakes her head “No, but you’re my best friend and I care for you,” she looks at me with her big brown eyes. They are full with sadness and worry. They are begging me to open up to her.
“I can’t stop reliving it Hope,” I give into her. I thought I was getting through it but I am not. She squeezes my hand for me to look at her “It’s okay we can get help,” That’s not going to work. I can barely tell her what I feel what makes her thing I would be able to tell a complete stranger? “That won’t work” I shake my head. “You don’t know unless you try it” she says. I don’t feel like fighting with her right now all I want is to be left alone. “I’ll think about it” I lie for her to leave me alone. “You will?” she croaks her eyebrow at me. I nod my head and settle back into bed “I am going to sleep now okay”. I close my eyes pretending to go to sleep again but there is no way I am going to be able to fall asleep.
I don’t know how long I was awake for but before I knew it I was sound asleep. I woke up before Hope so I decided to make breakfast. I made blueberry pancakes my favorite and chocolate pancakes Hope’s favorite. Hopefully she won’t bring up what happen last night I don’t feel like talking about it. I would rather go on like nothing happen. “Mmm something smells great,” Hope walks in dragging her slippers. Her hair is all over the place. “Good morning sunshine” I sang as I fixed her breakfast. “Morning” she looks at me strangely “how are you feeling?”
I know she is talking about last night but I don’t feel like getting into that right now. “I am great like Tony the tiger how about you?” I start cleaning the mess I made. I am such a messy cooker that’s the reason why I don’t like cooking in the first place. I hate cleaning the mess I make. I feel Hope’s eyes on me the whole time I am washing dishes. I turn off the water and turn to her “What?”
She shrugs her shoulders “You’re cleaning” she states the obvious. I know I don’t do it often but it’s not that serious “And?” I shrug my shoulders. I don’t see where she is going with this. She locks her fingers “You only clean when there is something bothering you”. What? I feel my face turning red. That is not true. “That’s ridiculous” I turn back to dry the dishes. What the hell is she talking about? I clean all the damn time just last week I cleaned the whole house. “You need to stop over observing me I am fine there is nothing wrong with me just some stupid nightmares”.
I don’t want to keep talking about this and I hope she gets the hint. I am pissed off that she is watching over me like I’m a damn kid. “I think that plate is as dry as it could get” she points out. I throw the plate inside the sink and turn to her. “I’m going to work” I grab my car keys from the table. “But it’s 2 in the afternoon” I hear her say as I walk out the door.