Guy and I very nearly didn’t move to the extremely lovely apartment building where I met Ben. I wanted to move somewhere else, somewhere cheaper and closer to my work, but Guy didn’t want to live too far away from his family. Therefore, we agreed on the ridiculously overpriced apartment, which was still close to the train station. I am now, of course, so glad he won that battle.
When I moved out of the new apartment, I hadn’t been paid at work in over a month. I tended to go back to the UK for weeks at a time, so at least half of my leave was always unpaid. Normally, that wouldn’t have mattered as I would just be very careful with my money upon my return, but that time the pressure was on. I needed to move out as soon as possible. Of course at the time I preferably wanted to move back to the UK to be with my family. I tried to ask Guy for money, but he flat out refused. I literally couldn’t even afford long term food for me and Coco, let alone airfares for us both to return to the UK. Along with the emotional heartache, the financial pressure was enormous.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was a little boy called Eric. The incident caused me to seek legal advice I was so angry. Eric was a World Vision child that I had sponsored for Guy the previous Christmas. At the time, I told Guy I would pay the first six months of his sponsorship as his present, and then suggested he take over the payments. After all, it was only $52 a month; not much to him in the scheme of things. Although he said he would take over the payments, he never did and so I continued to pay the $52 a month for the duration of our relationship. To be honest, I don’t think he really ever understood the present; he wasn’t the charity giving type.
After I moved out of the apartment and in with Elly, and with all the unexpected expenses I had, I knew Eric’s direct debt would bounce from my account so I emailed Guy and begged him to ring World Vision and take over the payments. Eric was in his name, so it would have been very simple for him to just give them his credit card details. When I didn’t get a response, I texted him and suggested he just put the $52 in my account that month to help me and Eric out. Again, he ignored me. I don’t think I have ever felt so let down by another human being in my life. I have no idea how Guy could have it on his conscience, but I couldn’t. After a long hard debate with myself, I asked Ben to lend me some money, and even though I had only known the man a few weeks, he handed me $1000 without even a second thought. I put the money straight into my bank account, and to this day, I still support Eric and his family. I still receive Christmas cards full of gratitude from the little boy. Annoyingly, however, they are still addressed to Guy. With difficulty, because of his pride, I eventually paid the entire $1000 back to Ben.
So, after that incident, I sought legal advice. Why the hell not? I thought. He doesn’t give a shit about me, or anyone else for that matter. Elly had been drumming into me for weeks that I was entitled to half of everything ‘we’ had. That obviously included his IT company. Although I obviously didn’t want the IT company, I knew we could use it as leverage to get me and Coco home to my family. Part of me thought it would be funny to see Guy’s reaction, part of me wanted to hurt him and a hell of a lot of me just wanted to go home.
I actually saw two lawyers before fate intervened and sent me the best divorce lawyer in Sydney. I had my appointment with the third lawyer (as I didn’t take to the other two) at 9am on a Friday morning. The traffic that morning was absolutely awful. By the time I even got to the train station, it was 9.05am and I still had a fifteen-minute train journey in to the city to go. I rang the lawyer’s office and even though I apologised over and over again, the receptionist was understandably less than impressed. I told her I’d be there at 9.30am. At 9.40am, after the train broke down in a tunnel, I finally turned up, absolutely covered in sweat and so stressed out I was about to cry.
The receptionist informed me that the lawyer I was supposed to see had had to go into her next appointment and I would have to wait until 10am to see the head of the law firm. I recall thinking to myself, Oh God, this is going to be expensive. However, the first consultation was free, so I thought I might as well wait and see what he had to say since I had nearly given myself heart failure getting there.
I am so glad I waited that day, but more importantly, I am so glad I was late. It’s so funny how fate works sometimes. A man in his early sixties came into the office where I was waiting, and I immediately I liked him. He was caring and down to earth and, most importantly, he listened to everything I had to say.
As soon as he saw me, I knew he liked me too. His name was Robert but he insisted I called him Bobby. He had daughters my age and later told me that his wife had died of cancer in the hospital, in the very ward, that I worked in. I think he also felt extremely sorry for me. After all, I just wanted to go home and be with my family. This man ended up saving my life, not because of any money but because of the support and belief he gave to me.
After going through every single detail of my story, he said we had a good case and he would write a letter to Guy and go from there. All I had to do was pay a $2000 deposit, which since I had now been back at work for two months was fine by me. Even if I just managed to piss Guy off and I lost $2000, I didn’t really care. It would be worth it, I thought to myself.
Of course, I knew he would react badly, but I didn’t expect him to do what he did. Bobby asked for $10,000 from him, in the hope that we would get $5000, $2500 each for myself and my lawyer, so that I could return to the UK, but instead my stupid idiot of an ex-boyfriend spent over $25,000 on legal fees fighting me! If he had offered $5000 on the very first day, I would have taken it. Hell, if he had offered me $1000 I would have taken it, to be completely honest! I only had a point to prove.
At first, he tried to claim Coco, which obviously just made me more determined. Bobby had already told me he didn’t stand a hope in hell in claiming her as he hadn’t showed any interest in her since our breakup. After eight letters back and forth and a mounting legal bill on both sides, we met in court. Unfortunately, Bobby couldn’t make it that day; I guess he had some million-dollar deal to negotiate, and so it was me and his assistant. Although she was a lovely girl, she was no match for Guy’s high flying fancy lawyer; but as the hearing was just to set a date for mediation, I didn’t mind. Much to my surprise and horror, Guy actually took his three sisters to court with him that day (obviously, I went alone) and they hurled abuse at me the whole time, to the point where they had to be removed by security.
What they said didn’t affect me even one bit. It wasn’t even the fact that everyone was watching, but after five years together, I honestly still cannot believe he put me through that. However, looking back, it probably worked in my favour as I soon became the underdog in Bobby’s eyes and everyone loves an underdog! I left court that day feeling awful but determined to show them they could not bully me anymore.
A month later, at the mediation, the intimidation by the three sisters continued, but this time it was witnessed and reported to the court by Bobby’s assistant, as again Bobby was unable to attend. The mediation was probably the worst three hours of my life. While he had his whole family there to support him, I had no one. I was vulnerable and alone and his lawyer could see that. By that time, my lawyer debt was already $10,000 (very kindly, Bobby had not charged me anything since my initial $2000 payment) and the pressure his lawyer and the mediator put on me to settle and walk away with nothing but a $10,000 debt was unbearable. His lawyer even suggested I be forced to pay back Guy’s lawyer bill, which at the time was $20,000. I completely broke down and was so close to walking away with nothing when Bobby phoned me and gave me some much needed advice.
He firstly apologised that he could not attend that day and then said, ‘In situations like this, everyone thinks you are weak because you keep breaking down in tears. Therefore, the mediator will pick on you as the weakest party and put pressure on you until you fold. After all, the mediator just wants this settled and out the way so they can move on to the next case. You need to get up and just walk out and next time be the stronger party.’
For some reason, I trusted that man and so I did what he said. I put the phone down, grabbed my bag and without saying a word to anyone I got in the lift to leave, I remember Guy’s whole family and legal party just staring at me. His lawyer literally came running over, holding her hand in the lift door before it could close, and said, ‘You need to sign this before you leave to say we have settled and no further action will be taken.’ (She honestly thought I was settling on $0).
As the lift doors closed, I simply said, ‘Why? I’m not settling.’ For the first time in four months, I think his legal party was about to take me seriously.
For the next two days, I didn’t get out of bed. I was emotionally exhausted and drained. I was due to appear at court on the Friday again, to set a date for the final hearing, as we had not settled in mediation. I knew I wasn’t strong enough, so I rang Bobby’s assistant to tell her I just wasn’t ready for another showdown. I was a mess; how could I attend court?
Then, she said the words I had been waiting to hear: ‘Your lawyer is fed up with his whole attitude and so will be attending court with you this Friday.’ He couldn’t speak to me himself as he was so busy but he would meet me at court at 9am.
Although I still dreaded seeing Guy, or worse, his family, I at least had hope. When I got to court that Friday, I was a mess once again. I just wanted it to be over, but as soon as I met with Bobby, I calmed down immediately. He was so cool, calm and collected, he put me to shame. He only asked one thing of me that day and that was not to cry, not to show any emotion or weakness whatsoever. I couldn’t promise anything, but was I going to try.
As I entered court, I saw Guy’s face flicker. He obviously had no idea who that man was standing next to me. He, of course, had never seen Bobby before. I turned to look at his lawyer and she looked concerned. It was obvious to me she knew who Bobby was. As I watched them for a moment, his lawyer turned to him and said something. From what it looked like, it was something like, ‘We are in trouble.’ For the first time in a week, I smiled to myself.
As Bobby started talking, he took no prisoners; he was absolutely amazing. I slyly looked at Guy and he looked very pale. The judge obviously saw it too, and just like Bobby said he would, he began to pick on the weakest person; Guy. As the judge said, ‘Son, I suggest you go outside right now and sort this mess out,’ I felt like I was in a dream.
As we stepped outside, I saw Guy eyeing Bobby suspiciously, and I knew he was wondering who in the hell was this man and why was he helping me. It soon dawned on him and his lawyer that Bobby really liked me, wanted to help me and felt sorry for me; that was obviously a very dangerous combination for Guy. We sat there for two hours as Guy’s lawyer came over, time and time again, with some stupid offer. To me, however, it didn’t feel like that long at all, as Bobby and I chatted away. As Guy’s lawyer came over for the final time, she insinuated that Bobby had adopted me as ‘his own special case.’
Bobby gave nothing away, and when I was offered $10,000 ($20,000 in total, but half went to my lovely lawyer), double what I had asked for in the first place, I snapped it up (four times what I’d wanted, of course!)
As desperate as I was to go home, it had never been about the money to me, it was about proving a point and gaining that all valuable experience. In the end, I am so very glad Guy didn’t settle straight away; number one, I would have ultimately just got up and gone straight back to the UK if I had had the money. Those few months allowed me time to build a life in Sydney that I now adore. Number two, the whole process cost him $45,000!
Winning that day was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had. I was literally on a high for months afterwards. Obviously, it was an extremely stressful time for me but personally, and this will not be the case for everyone, I found the whole thing quite therapeutic. I don’t know what my life would have been like if I haven’t had entrusted Bobby like that, maybe it would have been exactly the same only Guy would have been $45,000 better off, but I know for sure that I wouldn’t have let go of so many feelings like I did that day when I won. I guess sometimes karma just needs a helping hand. Even now, when I think about what happened, I smile to myself. I was thinking about it in the street the other day, and a complete stranger walked past and said, ‘Someone looks happy; did you win the lottery?’
I replied with, ‘No. Way better than that!’ ‘Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same thing.’ — Unknown.