CHAPTER 23
Saturday! Natalie Matthews disliked Saturdays intensely. This one had been busier than usual, raising her level of dislike to a new height. Thank goodness the day would soon be over and fractious, impossible shoppers would go home. She was on late turn today, which meant that she was on duty until the shop shut. Tomorrow was a free day for her, a decided relief.
Oh no, here was a last minute customer, if it was a customer at all. A man on his own. Not a totally unknown sight, but surrounded as he was by row upon row of the departmental merchandise, intimate apparel for the modern miss, he stuck out like the proverbial sore thumb, just like the rest of them. She really didn’t know which was worse, giggling youth, or the middle aged trying to recapture past glories, or more likely, lost illusions. She glanced around. Almost predictably, her younger colleagues had disappeared.
Natalie put on her brightest professional smile - always make the customer feel valued - as the man approached her.
’Good evening sir, can I be of assistance?’
’Yes please. I could use a bit of help and advice. It’s not so easy for a man on his own to choose items from this area. Even these days it must look a bit odd. The thing is, if I can explain, I’m here on a week’s holiday and I want to take something back as a present for my daughter, something she has asked for. To be more exact, she has asked for several things, not precisely the world and all that’s in it, but quite a variety anyway. Well, I’ve got everything else except the underwear. What she wants is something fashionable, with a bit more passion than the usual Marks and Sparks. Now as I’m not in the habit of inspecting young ladies’ underwear at close quarters, I throw myself on your expertise. Just what is it that seventeen year olds are wearing nowadays? There’s her size. I’ve got it written down.’
Natalie glanced at the slip of paper with a neutral expression and a sense of distaste in her mind.
’Well now, if you’d like to follow me, sir, I’ll take a look at the stock and see what I can suggest. Do you have any particular colour in mind, black, white or anything in between?’
She tried to keep the distaste she felt out of her voice but without complete success. She was aware of him looking keenly at her.
’She said blue, if possible. Powder blue for preference. If not, then black would be quite acceptable.’
Natalie sorted through the racks with unseemly haste.
’This is a popular line,’ she said. ’It’s maroon, I know, but you can see the style and I’m certain we have the blue in our stockroom. It’s a see through design if that’s what you are after, popular as I said.’
The man’s answer came immediately.
’No, not see through, at least not as transparent as that. I don’t suppose it matters particularly about the top, but the briefs need to be a good deal more modest. As a parent, I suppose I have a natural concern about that sort of thing. In any case, it’s not what she would choose herself, for various practical reasons.’
Natalie wrapped the goods eventually chosen, conscious of the amused eyes of her half hidden colleagues, knowing what they were thinking and hating every moment of it. The customer paid in cash the sum asked for and walked out in apparent satisfaction. He didn’t even have the grace to be embarrassed she thought moodily, not even the merest suspicion of a blush. Well, that was the last one for the day. Time to go home.
Driving back to the village in which she lived, she pondered much on human behaviour, particularly that aspect of it which drove men to buy women’s underclothing. Well, certain men, anyway. She had to be fair. Perhaps, she mused, it was as well she had never married, even though she felt herself to be a domestic type that would be happy just running a household. She wasn’t really career minded, even assuming any sort of career was possible in a none too large department store. In any case, she was inoculated against marriage now, having come so close to it that one time. Close, but not close enough. Forget that, she admonished herself. It’s over. Let it be. Let it stay where it belongs, in the compost heap of bad memories.
Admonishments or no, she went to bed that night feeling more depressed than she had done for a long time.
Morning brought little improvement. More angrily than she would admit, she bustled round, tidying an already immaculate house, then preparing food for the casserole she intended to eat later that day. With a gesture of annoyance, she realised she had made far too much. Bother it, she said under her breath. Still, it’ll do for Monday as well.
A deep toned bell started ringing outside, attracting Natalie’s attention. Now there was an idea. She didn’t go to church very often, not being deeply religious, but liked to attend from time to time for the sense of timeless peace it invariably gave. Today seemed to call for it. She looked at the clock, hurriedly turned the oven on, putting the casserole inside, then washed and changed quickly. A few minutes later she was stepping down the street, heels clacking faintly on the pavement.
She was late, as she had known she was going to be and the service had already started. She slid into a pew at the very back so as not to disturb and found the appropriate place in the hymn book. The calm that descended upon her was rudely ruffled as she glanced around and caught sight of a familiar looking figure at the other end of the bench, her last customer of the day before. Or was it? He turned his head slightly. Yes, there was no doubt about it. Bother! Odd though. If he was really the sort of man she had supposed him to be, then a church was about the last place he might be expected to be seen in.
The service drew to a close. Natalie waited until the man, her customer, should leave, not wanting to risk being too close to him. Strangely, he didn’t move, except to shift position on the hard wood of the pew. The church was all too soon deserted apart from the two of them and still he didn’t move. With a touch of impatience, Natalie stood up and began to edge her way outside. She glanced at him with curiosity as she passed. He looked drawn and tired, ill even, not at all the confident man she had served only hours earlier. Her impatience faded, her natural compassion surfaced and she touched him lightly on the shoulder.
’Excuse me. Are you all right?’ she asked.
The man came out of his thoughts suddenly, startled.
’What? Yes. Yes, thank you. I’m all right.’
She regarded him doubtfully. ’Are you sure? You don’t look very well.’
’Everything’s fine. It’s probably this building I suppose. It seems musty and rather stuffy. I just need some fresh air, that’s all.’
He stood up and made his way to the ancient oak door, pushing it open to step through into the porch. There were stone seats on each side, bathed in the warm sunshine that flooded in at this time of the day. He sat down rather heavily on one of the seats. Natalie sat on the seat opposite and regarded him with concern.
’You really don’t look well,’ she said. ’In fact, you look awful. Would you like a doctor?’
’No, no honestly, I am perfectly healthy. It’s just...’
’Just what? I’m sorry, forget that. It’s none of my business.’
’That’s all right. What I was going to say was that it’s just my daughter I was thinking of.’ He gave a little smile. ’You remember, I was talking about her yesterday to you.’
’Yes, I remember.’ Her suspicions flooded back.
’I’m simply tired, that’s all. I’m supposed to be here on holiday to recharge the batteries and I can’t help worrying about her.’
’Well,’ said Natalie, ’seventeen year olds are usually capable of looking after themselves. You did say she was seventeen, didn’t you?’
’I know, but not this one. She’s in a wheelchair, you see and needs constant help. At the moment, she’s in residential care, only for the week of course. Naturally she has the best of attention there but it’s the first time we’ve ever been separated like this and I can’t help being concerned. The whole thing was her idea, a week’s care for herself and a week’s holiday for me. Somehow I’m not enjoying it as much as I was supposed to. I can’t wait to get back home.’ He sighed. ’My apologies, I shouldn’t be a burden to a total stranger.’
Natalie’s suspicions faded somewhat and her natural kindness surfaced. ’That’s all right. You know, sometimes it helps to talk, even to a stranger. Is she disabled, then, or simply ill?’
The man gave a wry smile. ’You could say that. A bit of both, as it happens. Well, quite a lot of both, really. She was involved in a road accident when she was a little girl and her legs were crushed quite badly. The surgeon was magnificent but there proved to be limits even to his skill. Gabby’s legs look reasonably normal, a bit thin maybe as a result of some muscle wasting, but she’ll never walk properly again. She can sometimes manage inside the house by clinging on to the furniture but that’s about all. It got more difficult for her as she got older and hence heavier.’
’Gabby?’
’It’s what I call her. She’s actually named after her grandmother. I call her Gabby after her non stop chatter, but to everyone else, she’s Gabrielle.’
’That’s lovely,’ said Natalie.
’She’s a lovely girl and a very modern one. Bright, lively, self confident, knows what she wants out of life. She likes the latest fashions, even though she doesn’t get out so much. Short skirts are in this year, so she wears short skirts. That’s why the underwear couldn’t be transparent, you understand. She has a tendency to slump in her wheelchair. That doesn’t matter, but unfortunately, as she goes down, the skirt has a tendency to stay where it is.’
’Yes, I see,’ said Natalie.
’And with the surname Vickers, you might imagine the scurrilous rhymes made up by the ill educated and not terribly compassionate.’
Natalie put her hand to her mouth to hide an involuntary smile.
’The rhymes we’ve heard are bad enough. We don’t need any extension of what passes for a thought process amongst such people.’
’So in a sense, you are both on holiday?’ said Natalie.
’If you can call residential care a holiday, then yes, I suppose we are. There wasn’t really any other choice, you see. We live on our own, there are only the two of us, and while the house is well fitted out for a disabled person, the option of getting someone to live in for a week wasn’t very practical, as Gabby has to be carried everywhere. If not in a wheelchair, then by hand. She’s only small, but she gets heavy by the end of the day. So residential it had to be.’
’And you are the one who normally does the carrying, then?’
’That’s right. One reason why I’m rather tired now. It’s been like this for well over ten years and it’s not easy to stop.’
’No, I can imagine. Do you find the same thing happens every holiday?’
’I wouldn’t know. This is the first for over ten years. But I’m not complaining, even though it may sound that way. Gabby’s worth all the effort in the world. But enough of my problems. The stomach is sending out familiar signals and I should find somewhere to eat. I came out for a walk after breakfast, and walked rather further than I had intended. That was one reason for attending church. It was somewhere to sit down. Not the best reason in the world, perhaps, but I was grateful enough for it. Is there anywhere open here today, do you know, or do I have to go back into the town?’
Natalie considered the question. ’No, I don’t believe you’ll find anything here, apart from the pubs and from what I’ve heard they’re not really to be recommended. I don’t think they offer much more than sandwiches anyway.’ She hesitated, a sense of horrified wonderment spreading through her. ’Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but I can offer you a meal if you like.’
’Well, that’s very kind of you but I can’t put you to that bother.’
’It’s no bother. In fact, you’d be doing me a favour. You see, I made a casserole this morning and my thoughts being elsewhere, prepared far too much. I don’t really want to eat it again tomorrow. Besides, I’d like to hear more about your daughter. She sounds wonderful.’
’Then how can I resist? Talking about Gabby is one of my favourite occupations. Also, I must admit I didn’t really want to trail back to the town again.’
’You don’t need to. Actually, there is another reason for the invitation but maybe I’ll tell you about that afterwards.’
As she led the way to her house, Natalie felt disturbing palpitations running through her body. What on earth was she thinking of, to take a strange man into her home, a man she knew very little of and that only from his own mouth? Oh, and from her preconceived prejudices, as well. Well, she seemed to have misjudged him once. If she had misjudged him a second time, she could be in serious trouble.
’My name’s Donald Vickers, by the way,’ he said as he settled in the chair she had indicated. He looked at her expectantly.
’Natalie Matthews,’ she responded. ’Excuse me a moment, while I check the food.’
Donald’s eyes wandered around the room with interest, noting the general layout and in particular, the decorations. Everything was neat and clean, the sign of someone living alone with nothing much to do during their free time. Only one photograph was visible, that of an elderly couple, possibly her parents.
She called through from the kitchen. ’It’s ready and not too burnt. Actually, not at all. If you’d like to come through, I’ve set a place for you.’
Donald followed her voice and sat at the table, where a steaming dish was resting, ready to be served. It was good, and he told her so.
’Excellent food,’ he said. ’Much better than I get at home, but there I’m the cook, so I have nobody else to blame.’
The meal over, Natalie stacked the dirty dishes in the sink to be dealt with later, then taking a tray containing a pot of coffee, joined Donald in the living room. While she was still in the kitchen, Donald let his eyes and his mind wander. It was a pleasant looking house, much better on the inside than it appeared to be from the outside. A comfortable house, a house where it was possible to relax. He considered his boarding house ruefully. It hadn’t been a good choice at all but he felt disinclined to change when he was there for only a week. It was clean enough but the cost of an overnight stay was hardly reflected in the service and facilities offered. A hotel might have been better, except that hotels were too impersonal for his taste. He didn’t see so many people that he had got tired of human company. Unfortunately, the boarding house couldn’t even offer that, being practically empty. Considering the hole in the floor in the bathroom, gaps on the walls where radiators had been removed, leaving sawn off pipes sticking through the floor in what almost seemed to be an obscene gesture and a breakfast that he had tasted only once before deciding to eat out, the emptiness was not so surprising. Natalie entered the living room with a tray, setting it down on a small occasional table. Donald wondered what the table became on the other occasions.
’So,’ she said. ’Tell me more about Gabrielle. You said she was ill.’
Donald brought his musings under control. ’Yes, unfortunately, it’s not very pleasant to listen to on a Sunday afternoon though.’
’I don’t mind,’ she said. ’Don’t tell me if you’d rather not.’
’Oh, it’s no secret,’ said Donald, recognising with some amusement that what he was doing was meeting a man’s natural need to talk things over with his wife. ’Some time after her accident, when she was back home again and leading a more or less normal life, at least as normal as it is possible to get in a wheelchair, she was diagnosed as having cancer.’
’Oh no.’
’Cancer of the womb at that. As far as I can gather, it’s not exactly common amongst girls of that age but that’s where she had it anyway. Another operation was called for and one she had to have, even though she was heartily sick of operations by that time, there being so many required on her legs, you understand. It turned out to be the last one. She won’t have any more. If she did, they wouldn’t do the slightest bit of good. The problem is that the cancer reoccurred and is fairly widespread throughout her body. She has some time left, but not a lot. That’s why I want to get back home. A week away from my daughter is too long. It’s a week out of her life that I will never see.’
Natalie’s hand fled to her mouth, but not to hide a smile this time. Her eyes opened wide and she gave a little gasp of consternation.
’But Mr. Vickers, that’s truly dreadful. Does she know?’
’Donald,’ he smiled at her. ’Yes, she knows. I’ve always been honest with her. The doctors haven’t necessarily agreed that the truth is the best policy but I’ve long thought that if a person knows the truth, they know how to face it. It’s part of life after all, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to wrap part of it up in a neat and sterile little package marked ¨death¨ and pretend it isn’t really there. People are stronger than is commonly supposed, even young girls. I don’t say the thought doesn’t bother her sometimes and those are the times we stay up all night doing things together, playing chess, or listening to music, but generally she is quite equable. She has learned to cope with the idea that where we all have a fixed term of life, hers is a little shorter than average. Well, quite a lot shorter, really’
’That must be quite a strain on you.’
’Not half the strain it is on Gabby. Some days are better than others, of course. On her good days she can get herself out of bed and even dress herself.’
’And on the days she can’t manage that?’ asked Natalie.
’Then I carry her around, from the bedroom to the bathroom, down to the dining room and back again. If she wants to go out, I dress her.’
’You dress her?’ asked Natalie in amazement.
’From the skin outwards. Who else would do it? There is no-one. Some interfering busybody in the social services got a bit worried about that at one time but the roasting I gave them was nothing compared to the roasting Gabby came up with. I wasn’t aware she knew such expressions. Something in her upbringing, I suppose. We’ve been left alone since. My wife died a good few years ago, of the same cancer as Gabby now has. Her grandmother was the same, although she got over it. It presumably runs in the family, you see, at least in the female line. That’s one reason we don’t try to sterilise death. We’ve seen it before. I don’t pretend it’s easy but we manage. We have to.’
’Don’t you have relations who can give a hand occasionally?’
’No. Well, we have, but they live a long way off, in the West Country. No, Gabby’s my responsibility, and one I’m very happy to accept. There are friends nearby, well, more acquaintances really, but they have lives of their own. Besides, it’s a privilege to be with her. Luckily I can do that. I describe myself, not very accurately, as a self employed writer, so I’m always at home. Not that I do so much writing nowadays, life’s a bit too busy for it but I have been reasonably successful in the past and we have enough to live on. Besides, there have always been people willing to give Gabby an outing in the wheelchair, especially now she’s old enough to attract the boys. There is one, in fact, who calls round constantly, even stays the night sometimes. I tell you, nearly all his spare time and a good deal of his spare cash goes on Gabby. He knows it’s no good, of course, but we can’t seem to get rid of him. Not that we want to. He’s a decent type and if things were different, I’d be pleased to have him as a member of the family but that he will never be. I feel sorry for him. He deserves better. Come to that, I feel sorry for Gabby. She will never have a family life of her own. Neither will Tom, unless he looks around for someone else. In the meantime he helps quite a lot and that gives me a break, especially at night when she can’t sleep.’
Natalie raised her eyebrows in interrogation. ’So he spends a lot of time alone with Gabrielle? Don’t you sometimes worry about it?’
’As it happens, no. Under other circumstances I probably would. Certainly I’m old fashioned enough to think that a young man should not be permitted access to a girl’s bedroom for hours on end, especially at night but that’s where Gabby is for most of her waking hours and it would be a bit difficult to carry on a conversation through a brick wall. He would do nothing to harm her or cause her distress that I know. In fact, he would probably kill anyone who tried, which would put paid to a very promising medical career.’
’Is he a doctor?’
’Not yet. He still has a couple of years to go. And then he wants to specialise.’
’Let me guess. In cancer research?’
’As you say. It’s become something of a personal thing with him, though I can’t be sure if that’s a good thing or not. There’s no doubt he is very fond of Gabby and she of him. In fact, I happen to know he would marry her if it was an option. Not that I’ve told him directly but she reciprocates his feelings too. She does look forward to his visits, even though she has to stay in bed for most of them.’ Donald smiled. ’That’s another thing. I doubt if they have advanced much beyond the hand holding stage. She’s not usually well enough for anything more but even if she was, she’s sterile. There are no risks of the usual sort. As it happens, she’s so thin that if she was ever to give birth, it would have to be by caesarean section. For that matter, I think she’d need a caesarean even to get pregnant in the first place. Still, as I say, that’s never going to happen, whatever they may get up to in private. I can’t say I would care so much for the idea, I guess fathers never do but I always knock on the door before entering any room they happen to be in. So far there hasn’t been even a hint of dishevelled clothing. Odd, I call it. I don’t remember being so slow when I was that age.’
The comment eased the increasing tension that had fallen upon Natalie as Donald spoke, and she laughed.
’He sounds to be a really nice person,’ she commented. ’But then, if you don’t mind my saying so, so do you.’ Now why did I say that? she wondered.
’Why, thank you. I may even deserve it.’
Natalie drew in her breath then let it out again in a short explosion. ’Perhaps more than you may realise. Maybe you remember my saying that there was another reason for inviting you to share a meal. Well, I feel that I owe you an apology and the meal was a way of making it up.’
’An apology? Whatever for?’
’Oh dear, it’s a bit difficult to explain,’ she said hesitantly. ’Well, here goes. It goes back to yesterday, when you came into the shop. We do get some odd characters in, men that is, especially in my department. Most are just looking at the goods while pretending not to. Others are more blatant. I... I thought you were one of those.’
Donald broke into hearty laughter. ’Yes, I can see why. My story must have sounded a bit thin. If I’d felt the need to make one up as a cover for anything more devious, I think I could have devised something that held together rather better. The thought never occurred to me, since the story I had happened to be perfectly true. Naturally, even now you have only my word for it.’
’I believe it,’ said Natalie. ’There’s too much detail for it not to be true. Besides, you couldn’t fake the emotion. I don’t have to ask if you love your daughter. You quite obviously do.’
’I do indeed and the sooner I return to her the better. In fact, I suppose I had better start packing, since I’m taking the evening train back. Thank you for a marvellous meal and for your company. I was feeling a bit miserable this morning but now I’m quite cheerful again. Almost normal, it might be said.’