Ch4
I was running on endless seashore. Neal was running after me. My sister was walking alone mumbling words after she argued with our father, and my parents were talking about a house. I do not even remember which beach it was. All I remember was that we were in California (I am pretty sure Neal would remember). I am too old to remember the details, but that memory has been coming to my mind recently. I really liked the texture of sand on my feet. Neal laughed and I laughed along with him. I jumped into the sea. The water came to my nose, and the waves took us further away from the shore. It was fun, and we laughed all day. That beach we visited in 1960 was beautiful. That memory is paradise. Sometimes, when I am drunk and about to fall asleep, I hear the sound of the sea. Every time I take a sip of beer, I see that blue sky, I see the seashore, I can feel the texture of sand, I can smell the sea, and I can hear Neal’s laugh. My body starts sinking, as if I am in the water. I am at complete peace. This is one of the reasons why I cannot stop drinking. It takes me to my paradise.
I will go to that beach again. If I can go there and walk in that place again, I feel like every bad memory would disappear, just like it never happened. Only peace will remain in me. After I retire, I will buy a house near that beach, and I will go out and walk every day. I will walk and walk, and then, I will die while I am walking.
-R-
“Mr. Mitchell. You’ve got a visitor.” It was a call from the secretary desk. Robert was surprised, because he did not expect anyone to come. Who is it? It might be from the insurance company. “Who is it?”
“She said her name is Nancy.” Robert face turned white.
“I am busy. I can’t meet with her.” Robert was furious just hearing his ex-wife’s name. The woman he never loved, who betrayed him. Robert thought marrying her destroyed his entire life. He blamed Nancy for making his children hate him. He could not help but despite her.
“She said it is urgent.”
“I can’t! I can’t meet her, Jenna.” Robert replied.
“Ok. I will tell her.”
After three or four minutes, Robert’s cell phone started ringing. Robert did not even realize that he brought it. Nancy’s name was on the phone. Robert exhaled and shook his head. He slowly answered the phone.
“What?”
“I know you don’t like talking to me.”
“If you knew that, you wouldn’t have called.”
“Robert. I need to ask you a favor.”
“What? Seriously? You want me to do you a favor?”
“It’s urgent. We need money.”
As soon as he heard the word money, Robert got upset.
“I don’t have money! I already gave you plenty.”
“You have to listen to me.”
“No, I don’t. Why don’t you ask Gary or something?” When that name came up, Robert felt anger because it reminded him of the affair that had happened for months before he ever found out.
“It’s not what you think…”
“I don’t have money!” Robert hung up the phone roughly. He felt hot, and bad memories were crawling up in his mind. All of a sudden, he recalled things that he had been trying to avoid; the day he was divorcing her, how his children did not like him, when his brother died, drinking alone at home on Thanksgiving day, and so many other things that made Robert sad. Heavy and dark feelings choked Robert. Robert badly wanted to drink, but he couldn’t.
He left the building in a storm. He walked toward the park. He started running; he wanted to throw up those memories. Give her more money? Why? How dare she! She took everything from me, but still she wants more! If only I hadn’t met her! If only I hadn’t met her! Everything would be fine. My life would be much better. Robert was getting angry; he could not run anymore, so he stopped running and breathed heavily. He realized some of the people in the park were looking at him. It probably looked weird seeing an old man wearing a suit and dress shoes running around the park.
It was not always bad when they were married. Nancy was a beautiful girl, and many men were jealous of Robert. Maybe Robert was married to the attention, not Nancy. Robert realized later that it was totally different marrying someone pretty and marrying someone he actually loved. His marriage failed. He was not a good father, he knew this, but when both children wanted to live with Nancy, it hurt him. He checked his watch. It was already an hour later.
When he came back to his office, he found out that Nancy called him twice after that. He took his pills and put aside his cell phone and tried to focus on work.
When he finished his work, he was almost calm. However, he nervously kept checking his phone. On his drive home, he saw Sara talking to a tall young man. Robert slowed down a little bit without thinking. Sara was wearing a blue shirt and jeans holding flyers. The guy looked familiar. He was holding a flyer and it seemed like they were talking about something. Robert passed them, but he checked on Sara through the mirror. For some reason, he wanted to know if she was smiling. She was, and that made Robert feel much better.
“Boldo Lovel is coming to town! The best psychic in the world is coming to Apple Blossom! He will do an open performance! We will randomly pick five people and solve their problems! You can apply…”
“Psh, if that kind of crap can solve problems, no one would be suffering.” Robert was eating his dinner. He drank a sip of beer. The television kept showing local advertisements, and many of them were about Apple Blossom. He realized the picnic was next week. He remembered the promise he made with Dr. Albert. He gave Robert an invitation, and told him to come, over and over again. Robert imagined himself in the park surrounded by people that have depression and all kinds of addiction problems. Robert tried to think of a good excuse to not go. When the psychic was on his television again, he changed the channel. He was sick of hearing about it. He thought it was stupid to listen to a psychic.
Knock, knock, knock. The rapping at the door caught Robert’s attention. He slowly turned his head to the door. Robert stood up and walked to the mirror to check himself. He did not like how his hair was pushed back.
Knock, knock, knock.
Robert walked to the door and his hand shook as he grabbed the doorknob. He tried to smile. He roughly opened the door.
“Hi!” It was not Sara. It was Michelle, Sara’s roommate.
“Oh…how can I help you?” Robert still tried to smile.
“Me and my friends are opening a shop at the festival,” Michelle handed him one of the fliers.
“You mean Apple Blossom?” Robert glanced at the flyer. There were apples and candies on it. It said, “Sweet Memory in Apple Blossom.” On the bottom he could see people on the poster, including Sara. She seemed very happy in the picture.
“Yep! Please come by our booth. If you come with your grandkids, we will take a picture of you.” The word ‘grandkids’ made him feel disappointed. After he closed the door, he heard people talking. He looked outside of the window. He saw Sara talking to neighbors while she was passing out flyers. There was something special about Sara. It was hard to explain, but it was some kind of energy that she possessed. After Sara disappeared from his sight, he came to the living room and left the flier on the table. Maybe I should go, since Dr. Albert asked me to come. Apple Blossom would start the following week. Robert did not change the channel anymore when event advertisements came on.