Chapter Four
We didn’t get to see as the result of the silence. She attended the wedding and I attended another. I thought of calling her friends for help but it would be inappropriate, even disrespectful to call Candy because I haven’t reached out to her since Lizzy and I got close. However, Toni and I chatted often, and so calling her was easier. I dialed her number and she didn’t pick. I was about redialing when she called back. I was sincere with my explanation, and she was a good listener. When I was done she simply said to me,
“Be calm dear. Give her time, she will come around. If she doesn’t want you to choke her, you should really consider approaching this with diplomacy.” I expressed my gratitude for her advice and returned to my drawing board. Where did I go wrong? What didn’t I do rightly? I read through our previous chats and I realized that I might have been deaf to her yearnings. I remembered how she had told me about her many needs, and that I did nothing. It wasn’t like I chose not to; I just didn’t have what it required. I was silly to think she understood, even my younger sister wouldn’t. All girls deserve to be pampered. Truth is, that passing moment was stormy. I thought I did well by hiding it from her.
I took Toni’s advice and stayed away until one morning. I pinged her and she replied by dropping three job links. She didn’t say hi or good morning. I said thanks but she didn’t reply. I wasn’t sure of what to make of her action, and so I ignored it and went ahead to apply. I opened every link and found out that the applications closed two days before. It made me feel bad. If she hadn’t waited for me to ping her, perhaps I could have been lucky enough to apply. I couldn’t bear to hold back anymore. I decided to express myself to her; at least to see the reason for her actions. I mailed her a letter and sent her a text to inform her about it around 6am that morning.
Lizzy,
Not good enough? Perhaps for other girls; I simply aspired to be the best, for you. But even then, Rome wasn’t built in a day. How could you give up on me like our friendship was just a blab? In over 60 days we hit the climax of a true union; attention, loyalty and support. How can we toss that to the dust in just 60 seconds, like all of it meant nothing? How can we possibly walk away from our midnight chats, lengthy phone conversations, teases, abuses and shared secrets? Who pushed the wrong button? Was it me or you? Maybe it’s us. Whatever the answer is, I’d absorb the blame.
The spark in our friendship is too real to be a lie. If not, who was the actor? I refuse to believe it was a waste of our time. I was ready to yield to your warning, I understood your fears, but you mistook my sincere intention for infatuation. You never cared to ask how, what, or why. I was simply maximizing every moment I got to share with you. I wasn’t blind to your emotions; I have my fears too, but you chose not to see them for what they really are. I understand now that I was being too sweet. How could I have forgotten that even sugar has its side effects? I understand now that we can’t have a perfect relationship. I just didn’t guess we’d stay this long without talking to each other. What’s friendship without imperfection anyway?
I am never too proud to put the past where it belongs and forge ahead,