“I’m not wearing that!”
It’s Saturday night and we’re getting ready for the masquerade ball. As luck would have it, I left Mel to dress me and with the dress she’s given me, I might as well walk in there naked.
“It’s Prada for chrissake Soph. Just put it on and you will see how stunning this piece is.”
I look down at the thin veil of lace and sheer material lying on my bed. “Okay I will try it on. But I swear if I feel too uncomfortable in this, I’m wearing one of my dresses. And I don’t care if that’s not fancy enough for you!”
I take the dress and head to the bathroom. I carefully slip the black silk and lace number over me, taking off my bra due to the plunging neckline. I step back into the full length mirror and am rendered speechless.
The dress is a halter neck that skims just pass my knees. It has a split up the right side extending all the way up my thigh. The front shows off my ample size breasts almost making them a centrepiece. Somehow though, the dress doesn’t make me look slutty. Only Prada can get away with that I guess.
I let my long wavy hair cascade around my face and do a swirl. I decide to keep my jewellery minimal. This dress deserves the attention.
I wear a couple of gold costume bangles and diamond stud earrings. I always wear my signature red lipstick keeping my eyes minimal. I apply some bronzer and blush and finish with swipe of black liquid eyeliner giving me that Cleopatra look and some lashings of mascara.
I feel like a sexy goddess to be honest. I slip on my gold and black Jimmy Choos and walk out to see Mel’s reaction.
“Fuck me sideways and then the other way. Sophie you look like sex on legs. My god, even I want to fuck you. And they make your tits look Ah-mazing. Tell me you love it?” She pleads.
I smile at her. “Actually I do love it Mel. I can’t believe your letting me borrow this. It’s stunning. Thankyou.”
She just smiles and blows me a kiss whilst pouring me a glass of champagne.
“Here’s to our friendship and a wonderful evening,” She says while clinking glasses with me.
*******
I enter the venue with my lace mask and take in the scene. It is exactly how I planned it would be.
Burlesque dancer’s writher in every corner of the room, and candles are littered all over the place. It has a sense of sex and mystery. I notice the sea of black tux’s and women in varying lengths of dresses and everyone is wearing masks, making it difficult to pick out who’s who.
As I walk out of the large dining hall into the outside courtyard, I’m just as blown away.
There are fairly lights scattered everywhere, complete with fire breathers and juggling acts. It truly is beautiful and I feel like I’m stuck in some fairy tale somewhere between Alice in Wonderland, a Burlesque Show, and a Circus.
Even with all the entertainment around the hundreds of people, I can feel eyes scanning my body from every move I make. Men and even women gawk at the revealing dress I have placed on my body and I immediately start to feel uncomfortable, now wishing I’d worn something more covered up.
I decide to call Em otherwise Mel and I will never figure out where he is amongst the sea of masks.
“Hey we just got here. I can’t make you out. We’re outside in the courtyard near the bar,” I tell Em over the phone.
Less than a minute later Em steps over to great Mel and I. Em looks more dapper than I’ve ever seen him. He has on an intricate gold and black mask on with a black tux. He looks downright sexy.
“Sophie, my, my, my. Look at you. One word. Stunning. And sexy,” he says looking me up and down and making me do a twirl for him.
“Doesn’t she look fabulous,” Mel says in agreement.
“She does. If she only knew the amount of eyes that are on her right now,” Emmanuel chirps in.
“I tell her all the time Em. She doesn’t see it. I thought a killer dress would make her realise her potential.”
“Guys, I’m right here!” I say to them both.
“Oh yes we know Sweetie,” Em says sarcastically.
I shake my head at both of them and then do a quick scan of the place.
“This place is amazing Em. Honestly, it’s exactly how I planned it. I feel like I’m in another world.”
Em also does a quick glance around the venue and nods his head in agreement. “You did an awesome Job Soph. You really did. We’ve had more sponsors turn up this year than any other. And I reckon it’s due to the wonderful theme you came up with,” he says with a quick wink.
I give him a quick smile, showing my gratitude. “I’m just glad we pulled in more sponsors,” I say to them both.
“Well tonight is for a good cause ladies so I want you to enjoy yourselves and have a good time! I gotta run and speak to some other people but I will catch up with you both later,” Em says kissing us both on the cheek and running off.
Not long after, Nate and his friends have joined us.
“Sophie look at you, how do they say it? You’re the belle of the ball.”
I can’t help but laugh. I do like Nate, he seems like such a genuine guy and Mel does look happy with him. “Actually this is Mel’s dress; she let me borrow it for the evening.”
“Baby, when am I going to see you in that show stopping dress?” Nate asks Mel with adoration in his eyes.
Mel whispers something -probably dirty- in Nate’s ear because his eyes nearly fall out of his head.
“Damn Mel, I think we should get outta here,” he says looking around smiling like a Cheshire cat.
“Argh get a room you too,” I say playfully
“Oh we plan to,” Mel says back at me.
I look over at Mel and Nate and can’t help but smile at how happy they both look.
Nate is whispering something private in Mel’s ear and Mel is looking down with a smile on her face that’s about to turn into hysterical laughter. A private Joke. They look so happy. Nate seems like a good guy who makes Mel happier than I’ve ever seen. Secretly I envy that. I wish I could let my guard down enough, let my vulnerability show through enough for a man to accept me. But I can’t. I feel like a lot of my anxiety holds me back. But I know that’s an excuse. I hold myself back because I let my anxiety get the better of me. And the one guy I did give my heart to –Steve- broke it. He belittled me for my anxiety and told me to ‘get over it’. That it was ‘all in my head’. So many times he’d call me ‘crazy’, and for a while, I really thought I was crazy.
It was hard enough to trust and show my vulnerabilities again after my life in high school and what Ryan did to me. But after letting Steve into my life how he betrayed me, I realised that I just wasn’t emotionally able to let anybody in. I couldn’t go through the hurt again, the humiliation. The fear. I couldn’t handle it. And so after therapy, I just kept to myself.
Sure I met Mel and Emmanuel, but that was it. And I never would have pursued my business venture if it wasn’t for the love, support, and belief these two friends had in me and my designs. And if these two would be the only people in my life for the rest of my life – well I’d be okay with that. Better to stay single and not get hurt rather than allow someone else in and give them the opportunity to hurt me like Steve did.
I know that sort of thinking would be frowned upon and I would be given the whole spiel of me “Living a life in fear and that’s a life half-lived”, but I’m not ready. And I’m not looking. The furthest I’d go is a couple of weeks with a guy where I could walk away. The ironic part about walking away before he did was that I was left feeling even emptier inside each time.
Before I could melancholy take over, I’m interrupted by Micah who I had to admit, looks incredibly handsome dressed up in a tux.
“Hey Sophie,” he says whilst letting his eyes roam up and down. “Wow, you look incredible.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. This dress really did attract a lot of attention. I was just glad that I was doing it justice.
From the corner of my eye, I see Mel and Nate walk over to the dance floor when Bruno Mars’ ‘Treasure’ comes on and I stand there a little awkwardly with Micah.
‘So you care to dance Sophie?”
I looked into his brown eyes and blond hair. Micah is tall and has a nice build on him. He is smart and good-looking. He seems like a good guy with good intentions.
“Sure why not,” I respond.
He takes a hold of my hand and walks me over to the dance floor.
As we dance, Micah got close enough to me where I allow him to let his hands rest on my lower back. He’s gentle and he never once lets his hands wander.
I start to relax; somehow being with Micah feels easy and non-threatening. He seems like a sweet guy who would be good company for the night.
Suddenly, the music slows down to Drake’s, “Just hold on (we’re going home).”
This is what I didn’t want. For Micah to hold me, it’s too intimate. But he holds me anyway. He holds one of his hands in mine with his other resting on my lower back. I turn my head and rest it on his shoulder, more so because I don’t want to have to look him in the eyes and get all serious. Micah seems to take my head on his body as a sign to move closer, as he pulls his body closer to mine.
“You know Sophie; I would really like to get to know you better. I would love to take you out on a proper date,” he whispers softly to me.
I think about it. Was it a good idea? Was it time to finally let my guard down, could I even do it? Was I ready? Was there ever a right time? Micah seemed like a nice guy and maybe one night out with him wouldn’t hurt.
But just as I start to become comfortable being so close in his arms and telling him I’d love to go out with him, I hear a deep male voice speak over us.
“Mind if I cut in?”
I turned my head.
Jase.
Ohmygawd.
“That depends on the lady. Sophie do you know this guy?” Micah asks me protectively.
I look over at Jase and see his jaw clench at Micah’s words. Before I can answer though, I become momentarily lost for words as I take in Jase’s commanding presence.
He’s dressed in a simple black tux, and it is the first time I have seen him so dressed up and he looks dashing. Put simply, he is absolutely hands down, gorgeous. He looks like he just spent the past hour hanging out with his Russian Mafia buddies, having a good old boxing match out in the sun, and then realised he had to attend a charity event. Maybe that explains why his chest looks even more solid in that suit, or why is green eyes look so intense, and why is skin looks like the richest shade of olive I have ever seen. He looks like deadly assassin who slays women left right and centre.
“Sophie?” Micah asks again.
Dazed, and a little embarrassed at my micro-second fantasy of Jase, I finally begin to speak up.
“Ah, yeah sure. Um Micah this is Jase, a…umm…friend of Emmanuel’s. Jase this is Micah,” I say awkwardly.
The two men don’t shake hands. They just eye each other off.
Micah finally let’s go of me and walks away. But not without adding a bit of fuel to the fire. “I’ll catch up with you later, Sophie. And let me know when you’re free so I can take you out.”
I know he said it more to try and piss Jase off.
Before I can say a word, Jase’s rather large and strong hand holds one of my hands and his other rests just above my ass. Slightly lower than where Micah placed his. I feel so tiny being held by Jase, almost like a rag doll in his arms.
With Micah I was able to rest my head on his shoulder, allowing me to avoid eye contact. But Jase holds me so I have nowhere to look but his eyes. I feel totally out of my element.
Jase moves his lips closer to my ear, whispering words that make my head spin. “You look stunning Sophie. Every single guy in here can’t take their eyes off you. I’ve never seen such a gorgeous woman.”
His words send tiny electric shivers throughout my body which turn into goose bumps. How he’s able to do that just by speaking to me terrifies me a little. This person is so much trouble. The kind of guy who would drop me so fast on my ass that my butt cheeks would continue to hurt several months after. He’s the guy your friends tell you to have a good time with because he’s only going to hurt you. He’s the person your mother warned you about.
I turn my head away from him, not knowing what to say.
His looks over at me and his eyes are filled with unidentified emotion as his jaw tightens. “So who was that guy you were dancing with before…he seemed pretty interested in you?”
Why does he even care? What is he even doing here?
I decide to change the subject. “What are you doing here Jase? I had no idea Em had invited you.”
Jase finally smirks and says in that deep voice of his, “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were trying to ignore my first question, Sophie.”
The way he says my name, and the way he’s gazing into my eyes makes my heart skip a beat.
But before I go any further in my panic induced thoughts, I become a little annoyed. Jase seems like the guy who always gets his way. Well screw that. I’m not one of those girls. I refused to be lulled in by his looks. He would break my heart in a second. I don’t even know Jase, who does he think he is?
“Actually his name is Micah. And he was just talking about taking me out this weekend before we were interrupted by you,” I say looking straight into his eyes.
See, I can play this game too.
“He’s not right for you, Sophie,” he says looking away; his eyes taking on a dark glean.
Argh! The audacity!
“How would you know who is right for me and who isn’t? You don’t even know me.”
I couldn’t help it. I was getting madder by the second. Who did this guy think he was? His arrogance was beginning to grate on me.
“But I want to get to know,” he answers, his intense eyes burning holes through mine, reaching right into my soul.
I don’t have a comeback to what he’s just said. I’m rendered speechless.
“What’s the matter Sophie, cat got you tongue,” he whispers a little too close to my lips.
Before I can respond, Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” blasts through the speakers and the whole crowd screams with excitement.
I don’t know how we both transgress from that last conversation, maybe it’s the song, maybe it’s the alcohol, or maybe it’s the fact the Jase is actually singing the lines of the song to me that breaks the tension between us and I can’t help but laugh at his goofiness.
We both start singing to one another acting stupid and just having a good time. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard mimicking a song to a guy. Especially not a man like Jase. The fact that he’s being just as flirty and silly with me cracks me up. Especially when he’s trying to hit those high notes Pharrel can it. Trying being the operative word here. Everything is so fun, and for once my hair has really been let down. Jase makes me feel free, or maybe it’s the alcohol drowning out my better judgement.
Giggling at his absurdity, (who knew he had a less serious side to him?), I start dancing closer to Jase and sing the lines of the song right back with him. Jase grabs me from behind with his hands tightly holding my hips and begins to sway with me in a rhythm to just the right beat.
I can feel his breath on the back of my neck and I could swear his lips have gently grazed my ears. I’m like putty in his hands. My neck and ears stimulate all my other private zones and I’m immediately turned on. He could do whatever he wanted to me right this second and I’d let him. I inch closer to him, pushing my ass into his crotch. His hands slide lower on my front thighs, his hands resting just under the split on my dress, and gently squeezing my skin with his thumb. I can feel myself start to get wet and I swear if his hands go anywhere else, I’d probably do him right there.
Before things can get any steamier, the song mixes into Justin Timberlake’s “Tunnel Vision.”
Jase lets my body go for a second before coming back to face me. There’s a line I’ve crossed with him and we both know it. And the sexual tension between us only grows stronger. Things are still boppy between us, we’re still having fun and laughing, but something has changed. I just can’t put my finger on what it is.
Both sexually charged, Jase grabs the back of my head and grabs a fistful of hair so that I can’t look anywhere but into those green eyes that seem to own me. I don’t realise why he’s doing it until he slowly mimes the lines of JT’s song:
“I look around and everything I see is beautiful 'cause all I see is you,
And I can't deny it and I stand by it, and I won't hide it anymore…
A crowded room anywhere, a million people around, all I see is you there
Everything just disappears, disappears, disappears, disappears...”
He doesn’t take his eyes off me with those lines, and he’s holding my neck not even allowing me to turn away from this intimate exchange. My body is getting warm in places I totally forgot about and my heart starts beating faster.
In the back of my mind, I can hear myself screaming to get away, but that voice is so small, like it’s being drowned out by Jase’s presence. I can feel a pull to him in a way that I have never felt before, and the way he’s holding me so close, ever so slightly grinding together on my sex-only just- is making me crazy. My knees go weak and a small moan escapes my mouth.
Jase continues to devour me with his eyes.
Never flinching.
“There you are,” he whispers to me.
I can feel the kiss coming; I can see his face come closer. And I’m helpless. Because I’ve been trying to fight my attraction to him for so long, but I know I’m about to give in. To hell with the consequences. Because right now in this moment, in this space, with Jase, I am free. I am happy. And I want to revel in it. Because I know it won’t last.
“Ok Ladies and gentleman, can we please have everyone seated inside so we can begin dinner and speeches,” some guy bellows out loudly on the microphone.
The crowd begins to groan a little but soon enough, they all begin to make their way inside the dining area.
Jase ever so slowly lets go of my body. I don’t know what to say, as I don’t even know what just happened there between us.
I slowly turn my body from his and walk away. I need to get away from him. I need to gather myself. He’s trouble. My mind is reeling. I’m almost trembling from his proximity.
What was I thinking?
I can feel Jase’s presence slowly following me inside, but I don’t turn back. I can’t.
*******
I finally spot Emmanuel talking affectionately with Fredrick.
Looks like they’ve kissed and made up.
“Sophie! So good to see you,” Fredrick says giving me a kiss on each cheek.
“Hi Hun, good to see you again. I hope you and Em have managed to finally agree on a place together.”
Fredrick just rolls his eyes. “Oh please. He’s fussier than me. Don’t believe a word he says about me, Sophie. He’s the impossible one! By the way, I saw you and Jase looking rather cozy out there on the dance floor. Trying to romance one of Em’s clients?” he says wriggling his eyebrows like it’s a secret he’s going to keep.
“You saw nothing Fred. We were just dancing,” I say brushing him off.
“Okay honey, whatever you say. My lips are sealed,” he says before giving me a wink and running off.
Great, Fredrick loves gossip and the last thing I want is for him to tell Emmanuel I’m getting cosy with one of his clients. He’d kill me!
I push the thoughts aside as I find my table and take my seat. I’m on Emmanuel table, meaning we’re up close to the stage since he’s hosting tonight’s event. I see that Mel and Nate are also seated with us along with Fredrick, Micah and Jase. I realise that Jase is sitting on my right, and Micah is sitting on my left.
Well this could get awkward.
I realise how uncomfortable of a situation this is going to be for me. Not so much because of Jase and Micah. But because of all the people I’m surrounded by and knowing how anxious I get in social situations. I slowly sip my champagne trying to calm my nerves and take some deep breaths.
Mel notices how uncomfortable I’m feeling as she makes her way over and squeezes my hand. “I’m right here with you babe. You just say the word and we can walk outside to get you some air. But just breathe and don’t fight the sensations. Breathe through them. Accept them. You got this baby girl.”
I smile warmly at her. “Are you sure?”
As I look into her big brown eyes, I see so much. A lifetime of giggles and tears. She’s always been there for me.
“Promise. I’m right here.”
And just like, with her courage and belief in me, I begin to relax. I notice that now everyone has taken their seats and I see both Micah and Jase are sitting on either side of me.
They both look handsome, but Jase is in another league. Where Micah looks like the gorgeous boy next door, Jase has the face of a model, a body like a trained assassin, and he holds himself with an air of confidence, if not cockiness.
Mel eyes me suspiciously as she sees the two men seated next to me. I smile and nod at her letting her know that I’m okay.
Micah gives me a warm smile and brazenly puts his hand around my shoulder. It’s innocent enough but I catch Jase’s eye and he notices Micah’s arm on me and his eyes blaze with fury.
“Good Evening Ladies and gentleman and welcome to the 2nd annual Masquerade Ball in honour of supporting the Star Foundation,” Emmanuel bellows.
The crowd claps and a few whistles go his way.
“I’m absolutely delighted to be hosting tonight’s evening, and to raise awareness for those who suffer with anxiety and depression. The Star Foundation is working to reduce the impact of depression and anxiety in the community by raising awareness and understanding, empowering people to seek help, and supporting recovery, management and resilience. This charity event is especially dear to my heart as I have gone through this illness and I had no understanding of what was happening to me. Help only came to me through a very close friend. It just so happens this close friend of mine also endured this illness. She would be there for me telling me all the positive things in the world and telling me how strong I was. Sadly however, she thought she was weak for not being able to practise what she was preaching.”
Emmanuel then looks right at me, “But she is the most beautiful, the strongest, and one of the smartest people I know. I love her dearly, and she is a fighter. And it’s because of charities like this, that this dear friend of mine was able to find help and fight back,” he says with a slight crack in his voice.
Tears swell in my eyes at Emmanuel’s words for me. I have never felt so fortunate to have him in my life. He makes my heart swell. I notice Jase from the corner of my eye looking at me inquisitively.
“I love her. And it is a privilege for me to host tonight’s event. I believe no one should suffer these symptoms and everyone should be able to get the help they deserve. As a result, my company has donated over two million dollars to the foundation and we will continue to donate 10% of our annual profits from now on in.”
My eyes nearly bug out of my head.
Two million dollars? Oh my god.
“Furthermore, I know a lot of you, and a lot of companies have donated to this great cause, but I must also point out a client of mine, Mr Jason Harper, owner of Harper Advertising in New York who is here tonight, has also donated a staggering 3.5 million dollars to this event.”
The spotlight moves to Jase who is sitting next to me and people start clapping and cheering in his direction.
Already overwhelmed by Emmanuel’s generous amount of money to this event, I nearly go into shock when I realise that Jase has donated that much money to this charity. A charity Em and I built together. I clap slowly staring at him while he smiles to the crowd looking a little embarrassed.
My mouth hangs open and I look and see Mel with the same expression on her face. I didn’t think Jase even knew or cared about such a cause.
The crowd stands up clapping giving Emmanuel a standing ovation while he walks off stage and another presenter comes on letting us know tonight’s entertainment and that dinner will be served shortly.
The crowd continues the cheers and the music comes on from the live band whilst Emmanuel comes back around to our table and gives me a quick kiss and hug.
“Emmanuel that is so generous of you. I…I can’t believe you would donate all that money and those kind words you said about me makes my heart swell,” I stammer into his ear as I bury my face into his chest.
Emmanuel grabs both sides of my face, “You are stronger than you think. I never want to see you shed another tear or ever be unhappy. I never want you to feel the way you do. And I will do whatever I can to help those in need. You inspire me to be a better person Sophie.”
We hug each other once more before he sits down next to Frederick where they start cuddling and kissing over Em’s generosity and his wonderful speech.
I can’t help but turn towards Jase. “I didn’t know your company was such a large donator to this cause,” I blurt out.
He looks at me with hooded eyes. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me Sophie.”
The waiters come and begin to serve dinner and we all begin to make light banter of the night. I notice that Micah has removed his arm around me to eat, and Jase looks slightly pleased at that.
“So, have you thought anymore about letting me take you out?” Micah asks me, loud enough for everyone to hear.
I notice Jase has also heard what Micah said and is waiting to hear my response.
“Well –“. I stop abruptly has a I feel a strong hand on my leg, the side where my split starts and it slowly inches a little higher. I turn my head sharply at Jase who pretends like nothing is happening and pretending to be engaged in a conversation with Nate and Mel.
“Um…I um”. I try to talk, but the more I do, the higher Jase’s hand inches up my thigh. He’s inching closer to my sex and I practically jump when he squeezes my inner thigh.
Dear lord.
“Sophie?” Micah asks again.
“Um yes sure. I’d love to,” I answer breathlessly.
Jase’s hand moves even closer to my sex. My heart starts beating loudly in my chest. I can feel the blood pounding in my ears. I feel like I’m going to start panting. My private parts tingle and I can feel my breasts swell. I can feel myself getting wet. The whole scenario is driving me crazy.
“Okay great, well how about I give you a call tomorrow and we organise something sometime this weekend,” Micah replies, completely oblivious to what’s going on underneath the table.
Jase then turns to me and I want to swat his hand away but I’m so sexually turned on that for some stupid reason I don’t.
“Something wrong Sophie? You look a little flushed”? Jase asks smugly
That bastard
His hand grazes my sex, ever so slightly, just enough to apply the slightest pressure on my clit and I struggle to breathe. I know I’m wet. His fingers are so close, he could easily slip a finger inside, and I would probably come in a second.
“Excuse me,” I say abruptly standing up. Everyone from the table turns and looks at me. “I’ll be right back.”
I duck away from the crowd before anyone can tell me which way the bathroom is. The room is packed with people, but I bob and weave through them with ease. Stopping for a moment, I look around the room trying to find a way out. I finally spot the bathroom and rush inside and lock myself inside one of the cubicles. I lift my dress up and wipe the wet slick that’s built up inside me. My underwear is soaked and I’m beyond embarrassed. I decide to throw them in the bin. Luckily I brought my purse with me and I have one of those feminine wipes, which I wipe vigorously over the opening of my sex trying to erase all traces of stimulation from Jase.
I can’t believe he even did that.
I can’t believe I let him