I wake up late the next morning, only to find myself entwined in Jase’s body. His legs are wrapped in mine and my head is in his chest, with his head resting on my head and he smells like heaven.
I slowly peel myself out his grasp, careful not to wake up, deciding to head straight to the shower. I take one last look at Jase, entangled in my white bed sheets. He really is the sexiest man I have ever laid eyes on.
I quickly head into the shower and scrub myself vigorously, washing away all of Jase’s ‘markings’ on me. I look down to my chest and see teeth marks ingrained into my skin. Damn it Jase! But Images of him inside me flash through my mind and I have to count to ten just to get my mind off it. If I go there, I’ll only get turned on again. And even though I had the most incredible sex with him, doing things I have never done with anyone else, things I’ve only ever read about, I can’t figure him out.
He fucked me like I was his, like he was claiming me. And I vaguely remember him whispering to me last night he’s falling for me too. But now I can’t be so sure. I was tired. And it could just be my imagination. Maybe it was something I wanted to hear. And maybe it’s time I put my heart on the line and tell him how I really feel.
Yes, that’s what I’ll do.
After scrubbing myself senseless, and shampooing my hair at least three times, I grab my towel and wipe myself down and head back out to Jase. I expect him to still be asleep but he’s grabbing his clothes and is slowly getting dressed.
I stop dead in my tracks.
Was he trying to do the runner?
Before I can think any more negative thoughts, Jase strides over to me and kisses me hard on the mouth. He pulls away before smiling at me. “I don’t want to go Sophie. I want to stay here all day with you. But my flight is in a couple of hours and I have to pack and head home.”
“Oh,” is all I can manage.
He did tell me he was leaving today, I just didn’t realise ‘us’ would be coming to such an abrupt end.
“I want you to come back to the hotel with me, have some brunch with me before I leave,” he pleads.
I nod slowly and he kisses me on the forehead again holding me tight in his arms.
*******
We arrive back at Jase’s hotel in two separate cars, leaving the room only to eat and then heading straight back so Jase can pack.
“What time is your flight?” I ask tentatively.
“I have to be the airport in an hour,” he says while grabbing his clothes off the floor and folding them in his suitcase.
I nod and sit on the bed silently. Anxiety creeps into the pit of my stomach as I contemplate telling him how I really feel and the outcome of his response.
He notices my sudden shift in mood and stops packing, walking over to me sitting on the bed.
“What’s wrong Sophie, you’ve been so quiet this whole morning?” he says looking up at me.
I think about how ironic this situation is right now. Me sitting on his bed, him leaning down in front of me- isn’t this how it all started in the first place? And yet the same scenario is being played out but I don’t know what the ending will be.
I put my head in my hands. I can’t even look at him. I feel like an insecure pathetic mess.
“I can’t, I know you just want to keep things casual,” I mumble in my hands before I pull them away and look down at him. “But I can’t Jase. I can’t do casual with you. And I know you never promised me anything, I don’t even know what this was between us. But I have found myself falling for you,” I say with hopeful eyes.
Jase’s face turns serious. “What exactly are you saying Sophie?”
I breathe out slowly and say the words that could make or break me.
“I’m falling in love with you Jase.”
Silence.
My heart stops beating. This can’t be happening. Silence was not the response I was expecting.
“Jase?”
But he doesn’t look at me. He slowly gets up and walks away, continuing his silence.
My heart silently breaks. His silence towards me tells me everything. I can’t believe I read him so wrong. I want to leave, but I’m frozen in place. My heart is in the pit of my stomach and the nausea is building up inside me, you know, that sick feeling you get when you know you’re about to hear bad news.
“Sophie,” Jase says abruptly turning back to me. “I’m…I’m not the guy for you. I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
I look at him in despair.
“What do you mean you’re not the guy for me? What does that mean Jase?” I practically scream.
“It means you fell too fast too soon. I had a good time with you, and that’s all I wanted, a good time,” he says coldly.
“A good time? A good fucking time? Are you bullshitting me?” I was about ready to slap him. “Is that why you fucked me last night and told me you wanted me to be yours? Is a good time telling me you ‘really really like me’? Is a good time telling me no other guy is good enough for me, but yet here you are, telling me you’re not the right guy for me, are you serious?”
I’m baffled. Is this a joke? Is this really happening?
“I never expected it to go this far. I didn’t realise you were falling for me like that,” he says looking at the ground
I’m horrified at his reaction. Who is this guy? This was not the guy I fell for. No, this guy is an asshole.
‘So that’s it then? You’ve just blitzed into my life, fucked me, and now that you got your dream home, and got what you wanted off me, you’re telling me to fuck off. That I mean nothing to you?”
I cannot believe this is happening!
“Sophie, it’s not like that. You’re a great girl I just—“
“Stop. Don’t even continue that sentence. I know what you were about to say. Save it. I could’ve sworn last night you said to me you were falling for me to, when you thought I was asleep. And that’s the only reason I’ve come out and said what I did today. But clearly I’m the fool. You know what Jase, you’re nothing but an asshole.”
With that I grab my bag and high tail it out of there, slamming his door on the way out. I can hear Jase yelling my name for me to come back, that he’s sorry but I don’t stop. I keep running and tears start streaming down my face.
Fool.
I stop dead in my tracks when I see Tracey walking towards me, blocking me from my path.
“Oh so you finally figured out you meant nothing to Jase after all this time? I’m surprised you lasted this long,” she says smugly.
“Fuck off,” I say angrily to her. The last thing I want right now is to be having a conversation with Tracey, especially after what just happened.
I walk around her, but she blocks my path again.
“I said move,” giving her a death stare.
Thankfully she slowly moves out my way allowing me to walk away from her. But not before she utters words that completely shatter me.
“You know he’s always going to love Sarah. It’s always going to be her.”
Who is Sarah? What does she mean he loves Sarah?
I look at Tracey sceptically. She’s probably only saying this to twist the knife deeper in my back.
But she continues. “Look you don’t have to believe me, but you can ask him for yourself. Look, here he comes,” she says looking behind me.
Sure enough, Jase is striding towards both of us. He takes one look at Tracey and then at me, seeing the tears streaming down my face. I see concern etched all over his face.
“Who is Sarah?” I lash out angrily to him
He stops walking and stands frozen in place, all the colour draining from his face.
So it is true. There’s been someone back in New York all along.
“Do you love her? God Damn it Jase, who is she?” I practically shout that everyone in the lobby turns to our direction, watching the drama unfold like a scene out of Days of Our Lives.
“What did you say to her Tracey?” he asks angrily
“Nothing. Only the truth,” Tracey says smugly before walking off, obviously achieving whatever it was she set out to achieve.
I turn back to Jase and demand an answer. “Tell me Jase, who is Sarah?”
He looks back at me with sorrow in his eyes.
I caught him. And he knows it.
“Sophie, it’s not what you think—“
“If you had of just said no, it’s not the truth. I would listen to what you have to say. But those weren’t your first words. So just save it. Stay the hell away from me,” I say bitterly to him.
I couldn’t care less what the other guests here at the hotel think of me right now. I run from Jase, run from the people in the hotel, run from the revelation that Jase has had someone all along. I run with tears streaming down my face until I reach my car.
I can’t believe I was so foolish. I can’t believe I let him into my heart and he used me like that. I finally reach my car and I climb inside resting my head on the steering wheel and let the tears pour out. I feel utterly broken. And used. And I feel like this biggest fool. I sit there and cry until there’s nothing more left.
He always loved somebody else.