I cup my face between my open palms, my elbows propped on the granite counter top. My head nods absently to a Bob Marley in the background. Julian’s music choice. He came to join the gang that was already in the apartment claiming that there is more fun here than where he is coming from. I look at him as he grudgingly cut the onions Lawyer had him start chopping. He seem to be at ease with himself. Julian always is, I decide. Lawyer is slicing a piece of meat with a concentrated scowl on his face. He sprinkles, spices and salt and whatever with so much care like he knows what he is doing.
He does, sense decides.
Over at the stove, Taylor puts something into a pan of hot oil and the cracking sound of frying fills the entire kitchen. Julian walks to the fridge, opens it and grimaces before he turns to Taylor.
‘You don’t have any beer?’
‘He doesn’t drink.’ Lawyer says but doesn’t take his eyes off his art work.
‘I don’t like taking toxins into my body!’ Taylor says as he comes and takes Lawyer’s artwork of meet, Lawyer gives him a hard scowl, ‘it won’t cook if you keep caressing it here.’
Julian laughs as he pours a glass of juice and comes to place it in front of me with a charming smile, ‘for you senorita.’
‘Thanks.’ I say as I lift the glass to my mouth.
‘Why can’t you people be like normal people?’ Julian walks back to the fridge.
‘Taylor is a PK.’ Lawyer says as he starts on a bunch of leafy rape vegetables.
‘Can you cook that?’ Julian raises an eyebrow.
‘What?’ Lawyer manages to look offended. ‘They have these in Ghana as well.’
‘No they don’t.’ Julian takes the bunch from him, ‘I am not going to starve and watch you meticulously wash each leaf like my old mother, it would just kill me.’
‘What’s PK?’ I ask glancing at Taylor who is holding a spatula in his hand which pauses midway towards the pan as he meets my gaze with a raised eyebrow.
‘Pastor’s kid.’ Lawyer says with a grimace.
Julian snorts and laughs, ‘oh right—the clean popularity of Abiwu.’
‘Have you ever seen him preach?’ I ask Julian, because I have given up trying to get anything out of stoic Lawyer and impassive Taylor.
‘no.’ Julian pulls an apple from the fridge and plops down on the stool facing me, ‘I can’t risk losing my sanity by putting that image in my mind.’
No doubt they have seen up close and personal the extent of Mr. Abiwu’s brutal side. To have to see him act all holy and loving afterwards would be sickening.
A silence falls, only reggae music is filling the background and the sound of utensils as Lawyer snatches the vegetables from Julian and start cutting them meticulously. Taylor is putting another slice of beef into the hot oil. While Julian is nibbling at an apple his head bobbing at the song.
Why does everyone from Mr. Abiwu’s family have to be so attractive? Lawyer is the epitome of tall dark and handsome with mahogany colored skin and reserved dangerous secrets behind the brown eyes. Sharp chiseled features and this enigmatic aura around him that incurable romantics always fall hard for.
Julian has a happy-go-lucky thing about him. Cute, flirtatious boy next door kind of thing. His short dred locks are always pulled into a careless high pony tail, the dark brownish highlights in them as complimentary feature to his caramel complexion and soft looking features that could have any woman with eyes staring for hours. His dark eyes latches with mine and a silly grin stretches on his face.
‘I was beginning to think that you are immune to my charms.’ He says as he takes a deliberate slow bite of his apple such that my eyes involuntarily falls on his lips as he takes a bite. I feel heat go on my face before I snap out of it and look away, my face burning.
‘Outch.’ He looks behind him one eye pinched and his other hand touching the back of his head where Taylor launches another hard slap.
Lawyer sighs, ‘don’t flirt with Heather unless you have a death wish.’
‘I didn’t start it.’ Julian holds out his palm at Taylor, ‘and you all need a contrast from the masculine energy that is floating in this place.’ He winks at me
Yeah he’s a heart breaker. I roll my eyes and take a sip of my drink.
‘Why are you called the great uncles?’ I blurt out suddenly and just as the song ends, a dead silence follows three pairs of eyes that land on my face. I raise my chin wondering what is so odd about my question.
Julian is the first to start laughing followed by Lawyer and then Taylor. I blink at them trying to look serious. I don’t know what is funny but their laugh is infectious.
‘I can’t believe Taylor said that seriously to Alex’s face.’ Lawyer clears his throat when he is done laughing, ‘great uncle is a mocking nickname they have as Mr. Abiwu’s brothers.’
I scowl, ‘you don’t look like brothers at all.’ I look at Julian
‘Honestly we are not—but our father is one.’ Lawyer says.
Julian rolls his eyes, ‘our father liked to sow his oats in different categories.’ He resumes nibbling his apple.
‘Oh!’ I bring the glass to my lips—didn’t need to know about the grandfather’s promiscuous ways.
‘It’s a thing as a leader of the clan.’ Julian goes on absently, ‘if you manage to sow oats with the right woman and you have a promising heir, it works out well for everyone.’
I take a big gulp. Then why does Mr. Abiwu only have one son?
‘Oh he is on his way towards the goal—he did right with the first--.’ He pauses and stares wide eyed at Taylor whose expression is ice. He chokes on his apple and blinks, ‘uhm-.’
‘You just don’t know when to stop.’ Lawyer glares at him
‘She asked.’ Julian gestures at me with his head while both his hands rise in the classical surrender manner.
What? I said that out loud?
Tension fills the room and is cut short by the knock on the front door. I leap from my stool and I don’t make it a step before Taylor stops me and Lawyer strides to the front door.
‘Smells great in here!’ that’s Celine. She saunters into the living room with a paper bag she hands to Lawyer and a bottle she shakes a little as she proceeds farther into the room.
‘Good evening to you too.’ Lawyer mumbles irately as he steps away from the door to make way for someone else who happens to be Judith.
I rush to her with a huge surprised smile on my face, ‘oh my god you are here.’
She hugs me back equally excited to see me.
‘I had to blackmail her to come here.’ Celine states with a raised chin, ‘now there are three females to equally dilute the testosterone around here.’
‘You don’t say!’ I snort.
‘You are looking good.’ Judith blurts out.
‘For a person who just came from a funeral you mean?’ I raise an eyebrow.
Judith blinks, ‘uh I didn’t--.’
‘Oh don’t sweat it she does look great.’ Celine says as she makes her way to the kitchen, ‘I would too if I had two men to pamper me all day.’
‘Hello Judith it’s nice to see you again.’ Lawyer smiles politely.
‘It’s nice to see you again Lawyer how have you been?’
‘Great.’
‘Hello Judith.’ Taylor says as he comes to wrap an arm around my waist.
‘Hello Taylor—how have you been?’
‘Great, glad you could join us for dinner.’
‘I am Julian.’ Julian comes and takes Judith’s hand, ‘and I think there is something here—Julian and Judith what do you think?’
Lawyer gives him a disapproving look.
‘Nice to meet you.’ Judith says shaking his hand, ‘unfortunately I am not an incurable romantic.’
‘Just my type.’ He grins.
‘Must you flirt with everything that has a skirt?’ Lawyer mutters, Judith scowls at him.
‘Come on,’ Taylor takes Judith’s hand and lead us both to the kitchen, ‘don’t mind these two they are grumpy and hungry.’
‘What did Celine blackmail you with?’ I whisper to Judith as we sit where Taylor shows us on the dining table and Celine emerges from the kitchen with her beloved bottle—what is that anyway?
‘If I tell you then it wouldn’t be a blackmail anymore.’ Judith says wistfully.
My lips form a frown, ‘why would you make deals with quack woman and not tell me?’
Judith smiles, ‘quack woman seem to have a soft spot for you—she said you needed a little distraction.’
I roll my eyes, it’s hard to believe that the first time I met her she called me a gold digging whore. Julian comes to sit next to Judith. He plants his elbow on the table facing her his face rested in his open palm. Judith shifts to face him fully and returns his gaze.
I blink in surprise actually, I never met Judith’s flirtatious side before. This is going to be interesting. I watch their exchange with interest as Julian is being Julian and Judith is laughing at his jokes.
Celine brings wine glasses and her precious bottle to the table the same time Lawyer and Taylor bring the food. ‘Non-alcoholic wine.’ Celine catches my eye as she explains and at the same time tilts her head a little at Lawyer who is standing beside her his eyes narrowed at Judith who is laughing at Julian’s jokes. I raise an eyebrow at her and she presses her lips together suppressing a smile. I look back at Lawyer who gives an unnoticed evil eye at Judith and Julian before pulling a chair a little too noisily and sit on it.
Taylor pulls a chair beside me and plants a kiss at the side of my mouth before sitting down. Celine takes her chair as Julian and Judith snap out of their own-world reverie and blink simultaneously when they meet Lawyer’s gaze.
Celine snorts and chuckles as she finishes to pour what she said was non-alcoholic wine into the glasses, ‘let’s have a toast.’
Julian takes his glass, ‘don’t start.’ He mutters before taking a sip, ‘I need real beer.’
‘A toast to what?’ Judith asks.
‘Who cares?’ Lawyer mumbles, ‘I don’t want to know what’s about to come out of your mouth.’ He glances at Celine.
Celine grins, ‘he’s the grumpy one in the house.’ she explains to Judith with a straight face.
I bite my lip not to laugh. Seriously what is wrong with these people?
Lawyer turns to Judith and the rest of dinner is question and answers and suppressed chuckles.
‘This place is straight out of a movie screen.’ Judith sighs as she looks down from the balcony
‘It’s a little too quiet.’ I say
‘Better than my noisy neighborhood.’ Judith scoffs, ‘those people never sleep I tell you.’
I scowl, ‘I thought you were planning to move out this month.’
‘I was.’ Judith shrugs then turns to face me, ‘but my mother is pretty down right now—.’
‘Headaches?’
She nods, ‘we are going to do a scan next week.’
I place a hand on her shoulder, ‘how is she now?’
‘The same—the headaches come on and off—I just couldn’t leave the house like that.’
I feel so bad I have been drenched into my life so much the past three months and a half I forgot that Judith’s mother had headaches that were scaring the entire family.
‘It’s frustrating sometimes how she is so relaxed about the whole thing. I know she has great faith and all that but I just wish I had the chance to squeeze my eyes shut and scream.’
A small smile from me, ‘I know that feeling.’ I find myself saying
She looks at me her gaze loaded with unsaid questions, ‘I’m sorry but I have to ask—I didn’t see any of your family at the funeral, you were so distraught that day I didn’t have the heart to ask you.’
That’s because they ran from my psycho in laws who want to kill them, who are also after my unborn baby that hasn’t been acknowledged by the rest of the world yet—even his/ her father. I slam the dark feeling that is rising and give Judith a half smile.
‘It’s very complicated—nothing to discuss just complicated.’
‘It must be hard on you.’
I shrug, if only she knew, ‘it is.’ I admit softly.
She nods thoughtfully, ‘what are you doing this Sunday?’
‘Why?’
‘It’s been a while since we have seen you at Church.’
Oh no—I am not going to go stand in the middle of those precious children of God with all my baggage and horrible things I have seen that world and the one I live in just don’t mix up. Back then I was still trying to find a footing in anything that could offer me some form of normality. Something and some place to forget my past dark existence. Now I have no idea.
‘It’s been a while,’ my mouth has a mind of its own, ‘I think I will come.’
What?
Judith smiles, ‘great then.’
And for a brief moment I wish Judith knew everything about me. I don’t think she’d still be my friend if she did though. I don’t think she would even be here sharing pleasantries with all the people in there if she saw what I saw and learned. But it is refreshing to have her here at the moment.
Besides, I don’t want her to be mixed up in any of this. All these uncertainties, all these fears, all the secrets.
Okay stop the sadistic poetic dance, logic rolls her eyes. Nothing will change. Sense says. At least tonight for a moment things seemed normal, emotion nods, I can’t believe Julian and Lawyer were among the men who chased me with guns. Even Judith wouldn’t believe me if I were able to tell her.
‘I am so glad you came.’ I give her a brief hug before we get back inside where Celine has just put a new playlist.
Time flies by with more jokes from Julian, grumbling from Lawyer while Celine pull sheepish sly smiles behind his back. I just roll my eyes and chuckle most of the time. Taylor doesn’t say much, he just sits silently by my side except the time that Julian starts interrogating him and Judith about them being in the church youth group together.
All in all the evening descends well, and also not really well when Celine tells me that Lawyer is subconsciously in love with Judith.
‘There is a difference between infatuation and actually liking someone. You are an infatuation, Judith is like a hard slap in the face.’
When did Celine become a romantic? Wild wonders. She is many things you don’t know. That’s sense and logic. I just nod mutely and watch as Lawyer demands to give Judith a ride home because it is eight pm and that’s very late for her to catch a taxi home by herself.
Julian announces something about going to get a real drink as he leaves and Celine is right behind him.
In the silence that follows the people’s departure I suddenly realize that I am tired. I need a cup of coffee before fainting in the bed because that’s exactly what I would do when I get there. Pushing all the nagging thoughts of Lawyer and his strange behavior towards Judith—my only friend. My innocent friend who has normal problems of her own—he wouldn’t go after her would he? Surely he knows better. He seems level headed.
My brain companions stare at me with raised eyebrows. Oh yeah, a man who claims another man’s wife is nowhere near being level headed than the next mad cow. It’s been exactly five days since all the drama started unfolding and it already feels like a year. How could everything just change in such a small matter of time?
I take the mug and start the preparations for coffee, absently putting the ingredients together while my mind wonders down the depressing lane. I wonder where my family are hiding... are Mr. Abiwu and his cohorts after them. Is he after me? Well no doubt, I still have nightmares about that knife on my throat.
Explains why Taylor and Lawyer have been meandering in this apartment all day as if they are waiting for a war or something. Taylor and I haven’t really spoken much since our last argument. They spent most of the time making calls and talking about things I couldn’t understand anyways. I had long given up trying to keep up with them. At least tonight was a welcome distraction.
I let out a huge sigh as I wrap my fingers around the mug inhaling the sweet aroma. My almost closing eyes snap wide open when his fingers traced mine around the cup before he started unplucking them one by one. I blink and watch as he finishes to remove all my fingers and eventually takes the cup from me.
I slowly turn to scowl at him as he takes a sip and places the mug back on the counter.
‘You shouldn’t drink coffee!’ he states seriously.
I blink again as my brain companions and I try to figure out what he is talking about. Then it dawns on me and I blink again ‘what?’ I breathe out before my mouth drops open.
He is watching me a little too contemplatively for the situation at hand. I press my lips together.
‘When did you become the good knowledgeable doctor?’
‘Come.’ He takes my hand and leads me to the couch. We sit facing each other just like before. I have a feeling we are about to have the same argument.
‘It was nice of you to invite Judith—tonight was great.’
He shakes his head, ‘it was nice to see you relaxed, but it was Lawyer’s idea.’
‘I should just thank Lawyer then.’ I deadpan.
‘Don’t even think about sweet talking with him he didn’t do anything great—it was dangerous to have Judith come here when things are like this.’
‘You are the one who let him stay here and Lawyer did nothing wrong.’
‘I hate this arrangement, even though it is necessary.’ He mutters
I sigh, ‘is there any reason you confiscated my coffee and dragged me here?’
‘You shouldn’t drink coffee it’s not good for the baby.’
I gape at him, ‘since when did you start knowing about what’s good or not for the baby and – in fact since when did you suddenly thinking about the baby at all.’
My brain companions and I fire him with fiery glares as a scowl slowly forms on his face before his eyes blink and his mouth forms a perfect o is shock.
‘Why do you think I never thought of the baby?’
‘Seriously? You never said a word of it and you had this expression,’ I wave a hand over my face for emphasis, ‘I know it was unexpected but your silence only mean you were trying to live as if he/she didn’t exist… it’s been five days since this issue came up and did I mention that your psycho uncle knew enough about the baby to want to get rid of it,’ I take a deep breath and start talking before he says a word, because I am so mad—at the emotional rollercoaster that he put me through and now he just waltz in easily like he knows what he is talking about, ‘so do tell me either it slipped your mind and you had better things to think about.’
It’s the same thing, but I don’t care right now. And he has the audacity to look annoyed as he takes a deep breath and replies me;
‘it didn’t slip my mind.’ he snaps, closes his eyes and lowers his head, ‘I’m sorry I didn’t mean for it to seem like that—I just,’ a sigh, ‘I felt overwhelmed by the fear – that something would happen to you… you almost got shot – and then now there is junior.’
I scowl, ‘junior.’
He raises his head, ‘let me finish.’
I purse my lips but don’t say anything else.
‘I was so lost in my head trying to figure out how I can keep you out of this part of my life—and it’s not just you anymore. I didn’t mean to seem aloof I’m sorry.’
Okay maybe he has been overwhelmed and stressed out, the drama has been grueling and unrelenting but I am not ready to forgive him yet.
‘Fine.’
‘Fine?’
‘So that’s your excuse for adding another worry on top of everything else I already have going on. It’s not like I would easily forget the life growing inside of me.’
He threads a hand through his hair and I clench mine not to reach out and do the same. Why can’t I get over that hair?
‘You can’t throw that in my face Heather… what have I ever done to show you that I wouldn’t want our child?’
A lot. You never said a word about it since the news came. All my brain companions yell with raised posters written in red.
‘I wanted you to tell me that very first day that you are happy about the news before the entire population which is your family and the great uncles that a child from an unsuitable union is abomination.’
‘It doesn’t matter what they say, I am not letting you go and I am not going anywhere. And that morning I was still in shock about everything that had happened I couldn’t dance for joy like you expected.’
I glower at him, maybe his side of the story is reasonable even understandable but my point is why did he behave like the baby didn’t exist? Truth is I don’t know exactly what I wanted him to do… but his behavior still irked me and I spent five freaking days trying to figure out what was happening in his head, I simply can’t take his excuse or explanation and rest it at that. There must be an equivalent sensible reason that matches the emotional agony that I went through and his is just not enough. I start to get up from the couch and he pulls me back down
‘We are not done talking Heather, no walking away remember?’
Yeah unofficial motto. My brain companions and I recall with rolling eyes,
‘I am done talking.’ I pull my hand from his and I’m on my feet before he has the chance to restrain me again, ‘I’m sure you have other urgent matters to think about.’
We stare at each other for what feels like years crammed in seconds. I jump when the front door bursts open followed by Lawyer who has a strange expression that quickly vanishes when his eyes settle in the room and he quickly takes in the situation at hand. The atmosphere is charged, he came at the point where one of us was about to breathe fire—and that would be me.
Taylor rarely ever breathes fire, at least not with me because why else would his employees and those who know him out there be petrified around him.
‘Did I come back too early?’ Lawyer darts eyes between me and Taylor’s faces, and when he is answered with hard scowls he easily saunters into the house closing the door behind him.
‘No we are done.’ I turn on my heel and start towards the bedroom.
‘I left you guys to talk not for you to piss her off.’ I hear Lawyer scolding Taylor.
I don’t hear what Taylor says next as I enter the bedroom and shut the door behind me. I take deep even breaths. Scientific scheme to calm myself. How dare he pull the I-had-a-lot-in-my-mind card on me when I spend five excruciating days on top of everything else going on thinking that he didn’t want this pregnancy?
I feel my tired angry self from the door as walk to sit on the bed. Life feels tiring right now. Just facing another day is a dread I can’t bear. I would never have pictured myself here. Afraid of stepping outside because of the danger that is around. Taylor and Lawyer are always on guard. Sometimes they have this silent dreadful dialogue while I try to look like I am not noticing.
All in all, none of us have discussed the events that took place on the day. Even if I know that it was Charlie who shot father, the fact that Lawyer was among them doesn’t make him any safer to be around. I practically ran for my life back there. I saw that one picture that would never leave my memory for the rest of my life. For the second time. Blood, so much blood. Life leaving a person’s body. Pain agony and death. And the cherry on top of the cake—the merciless people behind it.
The million dollar question now is—what does that make me? I am no victim or innocent person accidentally involved. I could do something cant I? twice now I have watched injustice an di have never been able to do anything about it but try to erase it from my memory. What does that make me?
I close my eyes slowly lie back on the bed face up. How could the universe trust me with another person to let me have a child? How will I get them away from all this? Everyone deserves a happy childhood—why would they choose me when I can’t offer it.