Geekier than thou
“No, I am not at all sure you can draw the conclusion that golden showers are a subset of BDSM. I know lots of people who for some reason like pee but wouldn't be seen dead with a riding crop or cuffs. I've never really understood that one myself, I assume it is Freudian. I can understand why they want to improve the circulation to the bottom, but not really why they want to smell like a toilet.” Cynthia was examining Asher's records.
“So it is an overlap, you think?” Asher queried.
“Yes, I would say so. There also seem to be lots of them. Scat fans, you don't see many of them, but pee is very popular.” Cynthia continued to ponder. “I am glad to see face-fucking is so in vogue. I horrified one of the more adventurous exs when I came up with that one.”
“Face-fucking was your idea? You must be really old?” Asher laughed.
“I didn't mean it like that. I didn't watch porn at the time, and I dreamt it up to deal with the unpleasant gagging noises.” Cynthia wrinkled her nose.
“The gagging noises are adorable!”
“Seriously, why?”
“Ah I think it is between the fact effort is being made to give pleasure, and the thought of one's giant member being stuck in your throat so that you are forced to swallow.” Asher was again laughing. “Nobody told you the gagging noises were nice?”
“I was always rather confused that they weren't mentioned at all? I always insisted on the safety pillow though. I'm very health and safety conscious.” Cynthia assumed a prim expression at her computer. “A handy pillow is always useful for elevating different bits too.”
“I will have to think about that. So, what did you think of today's videos?” Asher looked at the lengthening list of statistics. “BBW Janet?”
“I think a nice lathery scene with a pot scrubber or large sponge of some sort for her bottom. That was most unfortunate.” Cynthia pictured herself chasing porn stars with a large fluffy powder puff to present pretty bottoms to the world. Why did they all insist on shaving everything? She had never seen so many pimples. She could wear her Victorian underwear for that job, she thought. “So pretty, and yet so sulky.”
Asher was in stitches. “I'm not trying to make art movies.”
“I want to see luxurious soapiness on Janet's bottom. A pot scrubber, because it would make for imaginative domination. A slow dribbling of lather, followed by patting dry and a good firm pussy spanking.” Cynthia was adamant. “And longer videos to attract more girls please. Ladies need 30 minutes.” She remained firm. “Maybe a compilation or two? Just for the length of video I mean? Perhaps a longer one of Cheating Milf Mila? She was unusually talented.”
“I'll see what I can do.” Asher chuckled and signed out to go to the theatre with his mother So odd and yet so affectionate. What a strange lady? So intense.
“I saw you, the other day. In Amersham. What were you doing there?” His mother looked at him closely.
“Ah the walk of shame, I suspect.” Asher was only half lying, as he had been there for a morning appointment with one of his ladies, but he felt the idea that he had stayed the night following a date might be easier to explain. He was by no means a natural liar, but one had to make some concessions for the sake of peace, he felt.
“You are seeing someone? Is she nice? Is she a good Hindu?”
“No, no, and no. It was a one-off. Do I have to date only good Hindu girls?” Asher looked despondent.
“No, of course you can date whomever you want. Just be careful, you don't know who's out there.” his mother fretted.
Asher laughed. “I'll be careful, mama, don't worry. How is father?”
“A bit subdued, since the trip. Thank you for coming tonight, he doesn't want to go out much these days.” his mother frowned. “I don't know what's wrong with him. He is not quite depressed, but he is certainly not engaging well with me.” Being a psychiatrist, Asher's mother was very on top of all problems relating to mental health.
“Perhaps you should take a holiday. The uncertainty might do him good.” Asher sensed that his father was restless. Perhaps it was he who was having the affair, since she had been so quick to suggest it as the reason for his divorce.
“Would you want to come with me? That might be fun. We could go to Paris.”
“We could, but it might be better if he thinks you are with someone else?” Asher gently pushed the point home to her, looking at her.
“I see what you mean, yes. I could hedge my bets and take Vibhuti?”
“No mother, really. Take some time for yourself. These things are important. Why not try somewhere more exotic and unexpected?”
“Aha, yes I see where we are going with this. I should book a suite in the Maldives or something.”
“Yes, mother. You could go the whole hog and book a whole house somewhere random.” Asher's idea was growing. “Meet some new people, live it up a little. Buy some inappropriate clothing.”
“You are so much fun Asher. I will let you know where I'm going.” his mother smiled.
“It is better than a divorce, if you want to avoid it.”
“But it's OK for you?” She teased her newly chilled out and wise son.
“Different situation. I am not splitting with Vishaka because I am bored, or because there is anything wrong with her. I am splitting with her because I am not the right man for her.” Asher only realised this as it came out of his mouth. He almost felt noble.
“What about Cape Verde?” his mother had apparently not noticed his nobility. “It is full of huge black men. That will shake him!”
“Fabulous, a Tuesday flight from Manchester, rarely full. I happen to know that.” Asher smiled. “As soon as possible, whilst he cannot complain because he has just spent a month in India.”
“I shall get onto it as soon as I get home!” she appeared to have cheered up markedly.
“Sometimes it is better to take action rather than wait for other people to do it, mama.” Asher felt very old and clever as he kissed his mother goodbye.
Cynthia had left a message, when he returned to his computer. She was not online.
“Perhaps a logo and some butt plugs. It will make it much better with the mothers and solve the thumb issue for the moment. I can make you a logo if you want?”
“Affectionate, and thoughtful! You are a charming lady.” Asher wondered whether he should say it, and smiled as he decided against it for the moment. He had another long day tomorrow.