CITIZEN CAT
My parents and I were getting ready to take our annual vacation. My dad, Carter Williams, and my mother Andrea Sumner- Williams are very successful civil attorneys, and that’s not all, they have their own law firm. Thank goodness we’re millionaires.
I’m a beautiful Canadian Tabby. My name is Toby Williams.
It was a beautiful sunny Sunday morning in the month of June. My parents and I were happy but also anxious about our long vacation. Our starting point was Belmont, Ontario, located 50 miles northwest of our beloved nation’s capital (Ottawa); we were going out west, first stopping in western Ontario, then onto Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta, and British Columbia. As agreed upon, we weren’t going to leave Canada. I’ve always been adamant about that. My parents know that if they decide to vacation outside of Canada, they can’t bring me along. I’m a Cat from Canada.
Our plane was scheduled to leave from Murdoch Airport at noon. It was 8:30 A.M., we were getting ready to eat breakfast, and although we were happy, vacation day is also full of stresses. We were seated in front of our kitchen table getting ready to eat a hardy breakfast. And gosh, I knew something was going to happen.
“Toby, don’t pour ketchup on your omelette. I demand that you put down that ketchup bottle right now.”
“Mom, why are you being like that? You know that I always eat my eggs with ketchup. Why are you so up-tight all of a sudden?”
“Toby, we’re going on vacation. I don’t want you to embarrass your father and me by eating like a peasant. You know very well that we’re an uppity family. Just look around you. We live in a dreamy white mansion with a beautiful spacious lawn landscaped with scattered flowerbeds, and we have a white picket fence, a swimming pool and patio, and a play ground for you. And let me not forget all the beautiful amenities that go along with a mansion.
Your father and I agreed that you must correct your behavior during our vacation. When we return the three of us will have a nice long talk about some of your peasant-like behaviors.”
“Do as your mother says, okay, Toby, c’mon, the three of us need to get along, especially now. We’re going on vacation.”
“Mom, dad, listen up, okay, I promise not to put ketchup on my eggs for the duration of our vacation. However, the bottle is already in my paw and the cap has already been raised.”
“Okay, go ahead just this once. And by the way, that’s so disgusting,” said mother.
We dug into our breakfast like a family of lions chomping down on a wild-beast carcass. Following breakfast we packed our things and then waited anxiously for time to pass.
At 10:30 A.M. my father called for a cab. My mom and I stood nearby, ears cropped up and very excited. The speaker phone was on.
“Hello, Belmont Cab Company. How may I help you?”
“We’d like a cab to be sent to 1550 Park Boulevard. We want to go to the Belmont Airport.”
“How many passengers in the cab, please?”
“There will be three persons in the cab including me, my wife and our beloved cat son.”
“Your cab will arrive in about 10 minutes. Please have your baggage in front of your house before the cab arrives. It’ll make things a lot easier.”
“Don’t worry madam we go through this routine every single year. I guarantee that we’ll be ready before the cab arrives.”
“Thank you sir, and have a beautiful day.”
“Mom, can I bring along some Gummy bears?”
“Toby, you can on condition that you apologize for being
nasty to me and your father.”
“Huh, Okay, mom, dad, I’m sorry for misbehaving, and for umm, being nasty.”
I grabbed a couple of boxes of gummy bears and then put them in my shoulder bag. Following a minute of silence, my parents asked me to take one last look at the interior of our mansion. I was under the assumption that it was going to be a long time before we were coming back home. There was something peculiar, but I couldn’t quite put my paw on it. My parents were hiding something from me. Anyway, I went ahead and obliged them on this issue I knew they were correct.
Gosh, was our mansion beautiful. Our kitchen table was larger than most peoples’ dining table, not to mention the numerous other amenities therein. I was going to miss it all, even the giant HD television in the kitchen and in my bedroom too.
I made it clear to my parents that I couldn’t bear it any longer. I had to leave the mansion; I loved it so much, perhaps almost as much as my parents. Cats are like that. We love to live in large homes and mansions, wherein we have full and easy access to many fun things.
Shortly thereafter, we crossed our lawn and then stopping on the sidewalk. Technically, we began our vacation.
“Toby, I put several oatmeal cookies in your shoulder bag because I love you so much.”
“Dad thanks a million. Umm, can I eat a cookie right now?”
No son, you better not. Wait until after we check our baggage in; I mean, when we’re in the waiting area. It would be impolite if you left crumbs in the cab. Though even if you didn’t, cabbies don’t like it when people eat in their cabs.”
A deafening silence followed our conversation. I scanned the neighborhood admiring the other mansions, the beautiful tree-lined streets, and the sound of water splashing from the Albertson’s swimming pool.
I noticed a lone squirrel diagonally across the street from our location. He was perched on a Maple tree on the Edison property. The squirrel was chomping down on a walnut and eyeing us ever so intently.
“Oh gosh it’s Randy! Mom, dad, that’s my friend Randy! Can I say goodbye to him?”
“No, you can’t! There’s no time for that! Besides, your dad and I don’t like the looks of that Randy fellow. He’s staring at us with those dark, beady eyes. And besides, he’s always eating something he’s a bit pig-like.
I lowered my gaze to the ground fixing my eyes on the curb. I had to show my parents the resentment I felt. I wasn’t even sure if I was ever going to see Randy again.
“Toby, okay, you can say goodbye to Randy, but be brief and quick. The cab will be here any minute,” said mom.
I looked both ways and then ran to Randy reaching the Maple tree in a jiffy. I looked intently at Randy. He was roughly 10 feet off the ground.
“Toby, I have something to give you, okay?”
I nodded my head indicating approval then waited for Randy to act.
Randy further scaled the Maple tree until he was roughly 20 feet off the ground; he snatched something from a hidden spot and then proceeded to descend the tree using 3 legs. I could see and smell the large banana-flavored lollipop he was cupping with his free paw.
As soon as Randy descended unto the ground he grinned at me and then said, “Toby, the talk in this neighborhood is that you’re going on vacation. I want to give you this lollipop as a going away present. I hope it suits your taste.”
I was flabbergasted. But that feeling didn’t last long. My feline senses alerted me that trouble was looming nearby. Not only that, but Randy was also giving me his own signals. His eyes kept shifting back and forth in a nervous manner. Whenever his eyes shifted away from me he was gazing at my parents.
As soon as I turned back to look at my parents all hell broke loose.
“Toby, come back here right now, your mother and I don’t want you to talk to that squirrel anymore.”
My father was a very large man, standing at six feet and six inches, large-boned, with a squared off chest and jaw, with large biceps, and he weighed about 250 pounds. My mother was six feet tall and had an athletic-looking body. Together, in their enraged state, they appeared quite menacing to Randy.
“Randy, what’s going on here? Why do my parents hate you so much? You haven’t done anything to them, right?”
“Toby, the mayor of Belmont along with the city council, and the majority of influential members of the community are
calling for a drastic reduction in the number of pest-like animals in Belmont. They say we’re bad for the town’s image, beg too much, and steal caches of food stocks from supermarkets, grocery stores, and homes.
Your parents are at the forefront of this wicked witch hunt.”
Unfortunately, Randy was unable to finish his statement. He soon froze in fear. He seemed to be gazing at my parents. So, I turned to see exactly who he was looking at.
My mother was talking to someone on the phone. I found that quite odd considering it hadn’t been too long of a wait for the cab. So, I cropped up my ears and eyed my mother’s lips intently. I had to know who she was talking to. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to fully utilize my hearing abilities. I didn’t want Randy to feel that I’d forgotten about him. However, I did take in some of my mom’s message.
“Yes, the will, family, okay, moving away forever, and the legal matters have been taken care of. Thanks, Oliver, you’ve been a great help to us.” Oliver, hmm, there was only one Oliver that our family knew. Oliver Daniels was a probate attorney. Why would my mom be speaking to him at this inconvenient time? I wondered. Randy nudged me, indicating that he wanted to have my attention. But as soon as I turned to look at Randy my mother threw a fit.
“Toby Williams, you come here right now! And don’t you dare stall for time!”
“Randy, I can’t comprehend why my parents are freaking out. Initially they told me that it was all right to speak to you. Maybe, they have the jitters; the cab will be here any minute now.”
“Toby, enjoy your lollipop. Actually, I was saving it for you. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I knew your family was scheduled to leave sometime today. Anyway, I guess we won’t be seeing each other again.”
“Huh, Randy, what are you talking about? Please don’t scare me.”
At the very moment Randy was about to answer my question the cab arrived. We embraced and then said our goodbyes. It was truly a sad moment for both of us. Worst yet, as soon as I returned to my parents I noticed an awful angry expression on their faces. And they were eyeing my lollipop too.
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll put your heavy baggage in the trunk of my cab,” said the cabby.
My father sat in the front passenger seat, my mom and I sat in the back. There was a deafening silence until the cab driver entered the cab.
“How are you guys doing?”
“Oh, everything’s just fine. We hope you’re doing fine too?” replied dad.
“Fine, you’re going to the Belmont airport, right?”
“That’s correct,” replied dad.
And whoosh, we were on our way. For the following 20 minutes no one in the cab uttered a single word. I’m certain the cabby sensed my parents’ anger.
As soon as we arrived at the airport parking lot the cabby slowed down to a halt and then spoke to the parking lot attendant in the booth.
“Hey Steve, it’s a nice day, sunny and hardly a breeze, and minimal traffic.”
“Phil, you really know how to raise a guy’s spirit. You’re dropping off your passengers and then exiting the parking lot, right?”
The cab driver nodded his head indicating an affirmative response. Then, he began his drive to the airline parking area. “Sorry, I forgot to ask what airline terminal you wanted to be dropped off at.”
“Please take us to Canuck Airlines,” responded dad.
The cab driver grinned and then proceeded to drive to the Canuck Airlines terminal parking section. We arrived shortly thereafter. The cabby removed our baggage from the trunk of the cab. My father then handed the cab driver a 50 dollar bill. As soon as the cab driver drove off my parents directed their gaze at me. I knew they were up to something.
“Toby, your dad and I want you to toss that lollipop into the garbage can just behind you. The Williams family doesn’t accept charity from homeless people, especially when they’re squirrels. Toss it into the garbage can right now, without any delay.”
“Mom, dad no way, this is my lollipop and I refuse to toss it into the garbage can. Besides, it’s a present from my friend Randy.”
My father glared at me, puffed out his chest and then clenched his fists. It looked like he was readying himself for an attack.
I did what any brilliant Canadian cat would do under the circumstances. I spoke my mind.
“Mom, you weren’t exactly born with a silver spoon in your hand. You’re not really a Williams; you’re only a Williams by marriage. You’re a sumner. Your parents were hard-working middle class folks.”
“Cat bit your tongue! How dare you speak to your mother in that manner? I’ve got something else to say to you!”
At that very moment my dad placed his hand over my mom’s mouth. He kept it there for roughly 10 seconds before letting go. Somehow, my mother was going to throw a horrible bombshell on me. What was it? I wondered.
Seeing that my parents weren’t going to budge, I opened my mouth as wide as I could and then stuffed the lollipop therein. Assuming the worst, I reached into my shoulder bag, withdrawing both packs of gummy bears. Without any delay, I ripped both boxes and then shoved the contents into my mouth. With cheeks the size of grapefruits I looked like a chipmunk.
By now, many of the passersby stopped walking and then backtracked to see what was going on. Then, more people began to converge upon the scene. Noticing this, my parents squirmed then turned red-faced.
“Let’s enter the airport terminal, okay, I don’t like it when peasants stare at me,” said dad.
Belmont Airport is one heck of a beautiful site; something of a very proud Canadian achievement. It’s humungous, clean, and has a beautifully decorated interior.
As soon as we entered the terminal I felt a rush of cool air, not the kind that emanates from cold temperature. I sense something sinister going on. Furthermore, my parents were too quiet. It’s like they were conspiring against me. Really, I’d never been paranoid before.
We walked to the baggage check-in line and waited attentively. There were roughly 20 persons in front of us, but luckily the airline workers were fast and efficient.
I couldn’t help but notice that most of the people in line appeared anxious. Although vacation time is very joyful standing in the check-in line can be quite stressful.
When it was near our turn to check our baggage in I went ballistic. I simply couldn’t hold myself back.
“Mom, dad, are you holding up your end of the bargain, or are you being deceitful to me?”
“Honey, what do you mean by deceitful?” asked mom.
“Are we leaving Canada or not? Don’t give me the run-around give me a straight answer, okay.”
“Honey, your father and I aren’t, I mean, the three of us aren’t leaving Canada, really. Why are you so paranoid?” asked Dad.
Something was up. I couldn’t quite zoom in on it but I instinctively knew that something terrible was looming on the horizon. My incredible feline senses were alerting me to eminent danger; but from where? I wondered.
Just as I was about to go ballistic again the airline worker, a beautiful blond in her late twenties motioned us to come forward.
“Please move forward. Are these all of your bags?” she asked.
“Yes, here are our tickets.”
“Okay, you two are going on vacation?” she asked.
“Yes, umm, uh, yes, we’re heading westbound, we’ll be stopping in every province on the way until we reach British Columbia,” responded mom.
I pulled on my father’s pant leg, trying to get his immediate attention. With a grin on his face my dad said, “son, don’t worry, I’ll explain later.”
I didn’t want to talk too much while my parents were checking our baggage in. I assumed Canuck Airlines was having a ‘cats board for free’ special. That raised my spirits.
After checking our baggage in we were instructed to go to Gate #9.
“Toby, you know something. We have a lot of free time to spare before our flight leaves. Why don’t you sit over there beside the pay phones, your mother and I will walk to Gate #9, then sit and stretch our legs. We’ll be back in about 30 minutes. Thereafter, we’ll eat at that restaurant over there, the one beside the shoe shines.”
Shocking indeed, there was no restaurant ‘over there’.
Furthermore, my father would never point at something that quickly and then leave. I tried to stop him but he wouldn’t listen.
“Dad, wait a minute! Why can’t I go with you and mom? And another thing, there’s no restaurant ‘over there’.”
My dad was lying, but I didn’t know why, at least for the time being. Our flight was scheduled to leave at noon. It was 11:00 A.M.
I sat all alone on a typical uncomfortable airport seat. I guess airport management doesn’t want travelers and visitors to get too comfortable in their seats; no one will use more than one seat or decide to sleep in the airport.
Pedestrian traffic in Belmont Airport started to pick up at 11:15 A.M. I saw travelers from different parts of Canada and the World.
I enjoyed myself so much time flew by at lightning speed. As I happened to glance up at a nearby clock I was shocked to realize that it was already 12:05 P.M.
Oh gosh! What happened? Did my parents forget get about me? Were they so deeply ingrained into their vacation travel? Or maybe something terrible has happened to them? Other terrifying thoughts raced through my mind. I leaped onto the floor and then ran to Gate #9.
No sooner had I begun to run I heard a sharp voice calling out to me.
“Hey kitty, stop right there! Don’t take another step, or else you’re going to be in very big trouble!”
I stopped in my tracks then turned to see who was shouting at me. It was a tall, burly tanned man whose head was shaped like a cantaloupe. He was wearing an airport security uniform an official looking badge on his shirt, and was grasping his holster.
“Kitty, it is absolutely forbidden to run in this airport, or any other airport for that matter! Listen up, next time we’ll have to take you in for interrogation.”
I nodded my head indicating approval and then apologized for my actions. Luckily, it was enough to get him off my back. I proceeded to walk to Gate #9, arriving there in a relatively short period of time. Shockingly, the seating area was empty. I couldn’t understand what was going on.
I scanned the entire area, but didn’t see my parents. I directed my gaze to the long corridor leading to the other terminals. After a brief pause, I continued walking through the corridor until I reached Gate #14. I saw a large congregation of people waiting for the door leading to the skywalk to be opened by airline personnel. Three Canuck Airlines personnel were standing behind a counter.
As soon as I approached them a slim, middle-aged woman grinned at me. Then, she waved me over. For a brief moment I assumed that my parents were redirected to this gate.
Unfortunately, I was in for the shock of my life.
“Honey, I’m very sorry. I forgot about you. I have a letter for you ... I was supposed to give it to you at noon, I should’ve had you paged.”
“Miss, please tell me where my parents are, where did they go?”
“I’m sorry kitty I don’t know where your parents are at the moment. However, I do know one thing Mr. and Mrs. Williams left this letter for you. They told me that it was imperative you receive it.”
I leaped up onto the counter, snatched the letter from the woman and then thanked her. By then, the entire congregation of people in the terminal was gawking at me. I felt like they knew something about the contents of the letter that I didn’t.
“Wait honey,” said the woman.
“What relation are you to the couple that gave me this letter?”
“Huh, I mean, umm, they were just friends, nothing special.”
I felt blood rushing to my head and face, so much so I actually changed colour. I know this because a little girl who was standing near me said “mommy, why’s that cat’s face as red as the inside of a watermelon?”
It was time to leave. Although I sensed the woman had more to say I didn’t care to hear it.
I leaped back onto the floor. After folding the letter and then placing it in my shoulder bag I proceeded to walk away, not looking back even once. I was acting out of instinct.
As I walked away I pondered about what the contents of the letter were. And where did my parents go? I decided that the best place to read the letter was in the restroom. I passed several airport restrooms until I reached the one furthest from the most congested areas.
I entered the restroom took several steps towards the sink and then leaped onto it. Thankfully, this particular restroom was empty. I removed the letter from my shoulder bag, unfolded it and then unsealed it with one of my claws. I removed the single piece of paper in the letter and then unfolded it. I took several deep breaths and exhaling, bracing myself for the worst.
Dear Citizen Cat:
My husband and I have left you for good. Please read the entire content of this letter before you judge us. You are not our biological son. We adopted you when you were very young. Mr. Williams and I had been married for 5 years, unable to have a child we decided to adopt a cat.
We purchased you from The Belmont Puppy Mill. None of the puppy mill staff knew what your real name was or who your biological parents were. Apparently, you were either stolen from a human family or snatched from your biological mother. Therefore, the staff referred to you as Citizen Cat. You were certainly born in Canada making you a citizen and obviously, you belonged to the cat species.
My husband and I tried ever-so-dearly to raise you as a genuine Williams, but for some reason you couldn’t make the grade. Furthermore, on numerous occasions you were nasty to us, argumentative, insolent, and aggressive, not showing us the kind of love that we needed.
Last night while you were sound asleep we inserted 500 dollars into your shoulder bag. This money should get you off to a good start. We had to empty out your checking account; it was really our money.
Don’t wait for us; don’t even fantasize about us or imagine that someday we’ll return. We’re not trying to be abrasive we’re trying to save you a series of headaches and let-downs.
The Williams name isn’t cheap. And as for some of your peasant friends, especially that Randy rodent, our neighbours were starting to talk about us.
We had all of the names on your I.D.s in your shoulder bag changed; the name on them now reads Citizen Cat. We didn’t want you to run into any legal problems.
One last thing you are forbidden to use the Williams name, even in your fantasies or in your dream states. My husband and I want the very best for you. Please believe us, we like you!
Best of Regards,
Carter and Andrea Williams
What the hell is going on here? I asked myself. I’m not me, I’m someone else. 500 dollars inserted into my shoulder bag plus the one thousand that I already had on my person; although that seems like a lot of money it’s not even enough to sign your average lease. I had no bank account, no assets, and absolutely no references.
Suddenly, I felt a powerful pulsating feeling in my temples. I figured it was anxiety, stress, and confusion, a normal response considering what I was going through.
“Excuse me, are you done with your business in this airport? Or do I have to call for backup!”
I turned to look at who was speaking to me, and lo and behold it was the burly airport security guard. He seemed to be a lot angrier than our first meeting. I wasn’t in the mood to take anything from anyone.
I crouched down and then leaped onto his chest grasping his shirt with my hind-legs. I began a horrendous assault on him, throwing every kind of punch in the book, and some. I finished off my assault by giving him a powerful head-butt. He fell backwards unto the marble floor. He was out cold.
I’d never really been a physical cat, but under the circumstances I had to shut that guard up. I scanned the area, noticing 2 cameras in the restroom, worse yet both lenses were aimed right at me. The cameras moved by remote control. I figured that backup was on its way. It was time for me to make a lightning-fast exit, and just in time may I add.
As soon as I exited the restroom I saw about 20 armed men and women running towards me; worse yet, they were coming at me from the right and the left. There was nowhere to go.
Travellers and visitors alike began to converge upon the area. This is normal behaviour for humans. They have this urge to want to know what’s going on. And they say cats are curious.
I only had a few moments to spare. Worse yet the armed men started to draw their weapons. I scanned the entire area up, down, left and right but found no viable option. Then, I heard a honk of a car horn. It was from outside, I saw a cab. An escape plan dawned on me. Without wasting a moment I ran to the nearest window and then leaped through it, smashing it, catapulting myself along with countless shards and bits of glass onto the outdoors.
No sooner had I landed on the ground I heard an alarm and the voice of a stern sounding man on the intercom.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain John Baron speaking. I am the director of Airport Security. We have a situation; please stay calm, do not run, stay where you are and then immediately lie on the marble floor. Please DO NOT say a word until you get an okay from airport security; it will be conveyed through the intercom.”
Not a single person listened to Captain Baron. Incredible chaos ensued people were running in all directions, some were screaming, others were shouting. I took advantage of the commotion, running across the street and then through the parking lot.
Like a big cat eyeing prey I zoomed in on one particular vehicle. It was a police car. Now, who would ever suspect that a cat on the run would leap into a police vehicle?
I stayed very low, not wanting anyone to see me. The car was parked roughly 50 yards straight ahead. As soon as I got to within 10 feet of the police vehicle I zoomed in on an open window. With incredible accuracy and athletic prowess, I leaped into the car landing in the back.
The sun was shining on the car