Chapter 46
The men follow me, once more obedient, trustful. They look at me, holding the ampoules filled with potion.
They appear solid, nearly invincible.
We will succeed, I think, and my thoughts reverberate through them. I sense their bodies tend, their eyes glow.
And yet, for a flashing instant, through the blink of my eyes I see their sturdy bodies turn transparent, dissolve away leaving nothing but a silhouette drawn in fine ink, an inconsistent profile.
I am petrified.
“Don’t stop, Iris. This mission will be what you make of it,” Arthur prods me, gripping my wrist so strongly that it almost hurts.
I nod to him, to my army, one more comprised of corpulent men.
I start marching towards the library, when I sense a flow, blowing from my back. It’s pushing me forward, its pressure seems light and yet I am aware that it would not allow me to stop even if I wanted. Its intensity increases at every step I take, the gentle flow becomes a torrent, and the torrent a sea. A deep blue atmosphere swallows me, propels me forward. I want to turn around to see if Wilhelm is by my side and if my army is behind, but I cannot.
In the blue immensity surrounding me I simply exist, without conscience of my breathing, without will.
But then, suddenly, the flow subsides, and I find myself in an atrium, alone, dripping the odd liquid that brought me here.
I look at my drenched body, trying to decipher the meaning of what happened. As I observe my wet sleeves I notice subtle whiffs of smoke exuding from my clothing. I study the phenomenon, mesmerized.
And at once I am dry.
Why did I get here? What was I doing before an unknown current wrapped me and deposited me in this spot?
I shake my head, struggling to remember.
I walk ahead, hesitantly. And there, around the corner, a library opens before me.
The library, yes. That’s what I was looking for.
There’s a book on the table.
Beside it stands a girl. She looks like me. She is me.
“You’re so forgetful Iris. Why are you scared to remember?” she asks me.
I am silent.
“You and I had a conversation some time ago,” she continues.
“Which conversation?” I want to know.
“These were my words: Father would recognize the exceptional circumstance when it happened, grandfather said. The book was stored in a safe, and nobody but father knew the code to open it. One night father sought refuge in the library to clear his mind. He noticed the book on the library’s table, right in front of the chair where he usually sat, and he knew the time had come”, she says.
“The time for what?” I ask, but the other me dissolves away.
“The time for what?” Arthur voice echoes at my back.
I start.
“Don’t play tricks with her. She needs help, can’t you see she’s overwhelmed?” Matt and Wilhelm reply in unison.
I turn around with a jerky twist. Arthur is in one corner of the library, Wilhelm and Matt are in the opposite side, eying him angrily.
“You placed Ludwig inside her, how could you?” they address him accusingly.
“My intentions were good, and you know. It was a joint decision between Iris’s mother and I, and you know this too. It was a mistake, but not all is lost. Ludwig is not inside Iris anymore, and our goal is to rid ourselves of him. Right? The future is in Iris’s hands, and we are here to help. I am here to help. You should be here to help too, not to point fingers,” Arthur retorts.
“We are here to help,” Matt replies, and Wilhelm nods.
“We are certainly here to help. All we ask you is to stop assuming Iris is invincible, because she clearly cannot find all answers alone,” Wilhelm continues.
I cannot tell if I am relieved or insulted by the statement.
“When you told me not to trust Arthur was this the reason?” I ask, addressing Wilhelm.
“You told her not to trust me?!” Arthur exclaims, and I see the anger in his eyes.
“Of course I did. You burdened her with a weight she cannot carry, you’ve made poor decisions,” Wilhelm replies, the anger in Arthur’s eyes reflected in his.
“Time out, guys,” I interrupt, and they drop their accusations, their attention suddenly on me.
I pause for an instant, smiling at each of them.
“This is time for what? That was my question,” I remind them.
And at that instant an army appears. I remember them. These are supposed to be my men.
They carry ampoules in their hands. I know they’ll drink the content for me, and then something will happen, even though I am no longer sure about what.
Am I scared to remember? Or I am scared to know the future?
I don’t have the time to ponder, because at once my men bring the bottles to their lips, and drink.