Chapter 47
As the men drink, I feel the potion diffuse within me. A sound rises, suffused at first, then louder, and finally deafening.
I try to cover my ears, but my hands can’t move, as if someone were holding me by the wrists to prevent me from protecting myself against the noise.
It’s so loud I can’t decode it, I feel annihilated by it.
And yet, a bit at a time, I sense it change. Or perhaps I am changing. What seemed an incongruous brouhaha acquires meaning.
I hear, distinctly, a choir of voices. They are the voice of my men. The sound is all is left of them.
The philosopher said, know yourself.
The philosopher said, know yourself.
The philosopher said, know yourself.
The philosopher said, know yourself.
The philosopher said, know yourself.
Yourself, know, the philosopher said, know, know, yourself, yourself, yourself, know yourself.
The words echo, over and again, bouncing within me.
The book still sits on the table, in the middle of the room where there’s nobody but me.
I walk to it and open it.
Iris, the first page says.
I flip it, and on the second one faded words start taking shape.
Freedom, I read.
A chill run through my spine, but I keep turning the pages.
Loneliness, it says.
I start to cry.
With shaking hands, I flip the page.
Ruthlessness and destruction, I read.
Is this really me?
I turn the page, once more.
Reunion and love, the book tells me.
Discovery and curiosity, the next page recites.
A million bodies, follows.
A million bodies? What is this supposed to mean?
“That you cannot be one,” the book whispers, its pages flipping of their own will, before the book closes.
Silence.
I try to grasp the meaning of the words I’ve seen. Clasping my head between my hands, I sit on the table, with the book in front of me.
What is the key to opening the door? How can I find it through these words?
The hours pass till I lose the sense of time, unable to trace a path.
Crumpled in the net of thoughts woven by my unstable mind, numbed by the passing of time, I let my head drop on the table and close my eyes.
But as darkness dawns on me, a new stage opens.