Chapter 7
Waking up alive
Six months shot past them like a hornet passing your ear; and everyone was getting nervous. They all knew the Oscar nominations were tomorrow; and it was all anyone could talk about-or lie about the fact they weren’t talking about it -all day long. Ben and Jim had both won: Golden Globes, Screen Actor’s Guild awards, and every other award there was. Jen had won only the Screen Actor’s Guild award for best actress (she said that was the only real award) and she was happy. The sun was hotter than new tar under your bare toes; and they were all heading to Laron’s for a party.
Ben and Julie had moved in with Laron; Ben’s need to live a certain life often made it hard to live with people; meaning they were eager to move out. Of all the mansions-that aren’t made of plastic and have Barbie living in them-Laron’s was posh and untouched by the flames. Even his front yard was untouched due to the lack of vegetation (and the tall concrete walls surrounding it helped too). It stood there some 8 stories high; jutting out like a fat kid’s head at lunch. The night was beginning to sneak into everyone’s pants, and the house was filled with all sorts of colorful people (not necessarily clean though). Laron didn’t mind anyone who could gab; regardless of how much money they had in their pockets (he just wanted his hand in those very pockets).
“So…I guess we should accept we’ll never win anything,” Jim used a garrulous tone to see if anyone would buy it. “I mean awards, the ones you win, they’re for other people, not us, Jen,” Jim put on his best sad face, but Jen wasn’t buying it “People like us do our best acting at the bottom end of the porn industry. Hell, that’s where we’re headed, and I don’t like it!” Jim said sarcastically as he strutted around bumping into every chair in the room (even though he was not drunk or high) and then tripped himself on a sock. “What, oh this is funny to you. Great, I’ll be knee deep in knees, Baby, and you’ll be spending my loot. Still laughing huh, well aren’t you a bad friend. Couldn’t you at least consider prostitution?” Jim went on sarcastically as he sat down in the upstairs den (with one leg draped over the armrest of a 14th century antique chair). Jen was laughing her head off; and wondering how Jim could be calm and cool as the Marlboro man with the nominations looming.
“Because she’s already won,” Ben said as he rose to his feet and finished his glass of Cognac. “Hey, Jim, how’s the waiting treatin’ ya?” Ben asked as he breezed into the room, and went right for the Cognac.
Jim grinned at this, and got up and walked over to get his own glass of Cognac. Jim didn’t feel so bad about taking a glass since Ben was already drinking it. Jen took note and gave Jim the” Don’t get drunk and arrested look” he knew that one so very well.
“I could be better,” Jim replied, as he grinned like he’d stolen your last piece of cake. “My neck hurts from fidgeting. My mind just wants to joke the whole time, when I know I should be serious. It hurts, it really does,” Jim rubbed his neck and pinned his eyes on the ceiling. “I’ll tell ya though, this has been the tornado of odd days. Oh, I forgot to tell you. I talked to this director named Hemly Askcott. And Hemly wants me and Jen to be in his new epic. I could pass your name along if you’re available,” Jim said as he watched Ben pour his a cup of cognac, Jim knowing Ben was dying for a role like that. Why wouldn’t he, it was the script that would bring home Oscar glory, and everyone knew it.
Ben looked at Jim and saw he was serious about helping him-and it was some kind of role to be offered. Ben handed Jim his green goblet of Cognac and asked,” Really?” Ben decided to be coy and throw a nonchalant look to Jim. “Yeah I guess, I mean I would indeed, and it would be worth your while.
Look what we just did with this last picture together, ya know. We could do it all again, Jim, one more hayride. Yes I say, please tell him I’m interested. If he asks, very interested o.k.? ” Ben asked slightly anxious, using his breathing techniques to stave off the jitters. Jim looked around like he hadn’t heard him, but he just wanted to torture him a bit.
“O.k., I’ll take care of it,” answered Jim with his goblet under his nose. “Jen here didn’t believe me when I offered her the hooker role. But she believes me now, don’t ya?”
“Yes I do, and it’s stellar, Ben, you’ll love this one,” Jen said as she bent over backwards and did a handstand to get out of her chair. She walked over to the Cognac and poured herself a glass (a healthy glass at that).
“Good, very good then we’ll be back in the free macaroni,” Ben said optimistically with his eyes preoccupied with the TV; it was showing the racetrack results from the day before-and he thought he might have won some scratch (but he didn’t know anything about the ponies).
“And chives,” Jim said. “No, if they didn’t pay me for acting, I’d be the richest poor guy ever. I might even collect cans, and STEAL nickels. Hey, I was destined to be rich,” Jim said sarcastically as he sipped his Cognac; and he watched the hallway as people walked past naked as a jail shower. He started to feel the weight of the day (and the debauchery yet to come) with his eyes wide open.
“I mentioned the macaroni, what are you getting real money?” Ben asked sarcastically as he leaned in close to Jim and Jim mouthed the words” hundreds, 2 or 3” “Wow, they’ve been scamming me all this time, how could they?” protested Ben as he loosened up and forgot the nomination for a moment (close to 2).
Jim and Jen laughed like study hall at this; and then they heard the familiar sound of Laron entering the house with his usual flare. ” Who’s fucking on my CARPET?!” yelled Laron as he kicked a nude-red haired on top and black down bottom-women off his couch. “OH, I did invite you didn’t I. Where’s my Cognac?!” growled Laron as he pushed a tan skinned young actor out of the kitchen.
Jim, Jen, and Ben could hear this; and they downed their glasses of Cognac and hurried to the back end of the room. Each picked up a book-from the 5 story Indian village shaped bookcases-and then reclined on the red silk covered couches.
“Isn’t Moby Dick spectacular,” remarked Jen as she counted the droplets of blood on the wallpaper-unaware they were in fact that (and her count was 27). “I could read it all day,” Jen said sarcastically with a Cheshire cat smile; she had the book Pride and Prejudice in her hands unbeknownst to Jim or Ben.
Ben glanced at his book; and he saw it was sex positions involving 10 people at once. He raised his left eyebrow like a suspicious cop, and continued reading. Jim laid back and hid his face under the opened version of Les Miserables. Jim knew he needed to catch some sleep-and a few moments to himself- and drink some Cognac to clear out the history of the moment that he couldn’t escape.
“Oh god, the people I hang out with, ATROCIOUS,” Laron snorted sharply as he entered the room holding a Poodle (colored purple and named Sacky). His eyes darted to where the Cognac was supposed to be; and he felt his collar getting sweaty when he saw it had been moved. “Where’s my COGNAC?! Oh, there it is, there’s my baby. 500 year old Cognac, the finest,” Laron muttered with his hands caressing the bottle-as he often did in his or anyone else’s home-and then he drank directly from it (another habit formed by sheer laziness). Ben saw this and grimaced-to drink after Laron was to drink from a toilet, but filthier-as he knew Laron wasn’t the safest or cleanest of people.
“Is that you, Laron?” Ben asked coyly with his eyes pretending to be engrossed in the written word.
Laron nearly choked on the Cognac when he heard this; he was like a drunkard eating week old moldy bread and drinking stale milk by accident. Laron set down the bottle of Cognac, and waved to Ben. ” Yes it is, Ben, how’s being the best treating you?”
“Fine question, you are wise,” Ben agreed cheerily. “Well, better than humping brick and sailing a canoe. So, the usual, oh is that Cognac?”
“Yes, but I can’t spare a spec,” Laron said hollowly as he had 3 more bottles downstairs (he was just too lazy to go get them). “If anyone had DRANK any of this, I would have been RAGING Laron. We both know raging Laron, and we don’t care to see him again. God, delicious Cognac, and may there always be some,” said Laron then he took another drink (from the bottle again). “And, may I always own it. Where’s everyone else?” Laron asked as he took several pulls from the bottle of Cognac-with burps suitable for anywhere people aren’t. Laron could feel his party buzz coming on, and that meant horny.
“Aahh Jim and Jen are sampling your book collection,” Ben barely looked over as he sold the scene from all angles. “See, Jim liked that book so much, he fell asleep inside it. And Jen looks to be engrossed in some fine fiction,” Ben said as a murderous black bear smirk crept across his face. He spun his finger in a circle-seeing as Laron would think it meant something and try to solve it, but it really didn’t mean anything-giving Jim and Jen some precious time to get ready.
Laron walked over and spied Jim sleeping; and it made him feel a whole lot better. He had a thing for award winners at his parties; he knew he’d be laughed out of town if they didn’t show up.
“Good, good then, are they staying?” Laron asked.
“Yes, Laron, I’ll be here all night,” Jen answered as she sat forward and pretended to hold a sneeze in. “Jim here will be eating your tofu as well. Great seeing you again,” said Jen, and she stood up and discretely pushed her Cognac glass under the couch, with her foot. Then she walked-smiling brightly and showing no fear-over to Laron.
“Thank you, Jen. Is Jim asleep?”
“Yeah, he’s been going right out since yesterday,” Jen confessed, as she stood there with her arms behind her back; and her neck was cocked like a chicken. “So he has to be pretty tired by now, thus slumbers. Hey, I heard there’s supposed to be a band here tonight. Hmm, did I hear right?” asked Jen as she hugged Laron with her right arm. Jen was hoping to see this hip new band called Hey Pop, because she loved their hit single, Glue is love.
“Well, I shouldn’t say, but you are an award winning actress,” Laron beguiled her with a childlike giggle. “I’ve got the band Hey Pop coming at one. Don’t tell anyone, I don’t want the bad party people in here to ruin our time. Now, about Jim there, is he up for some drinks? Maybe a movie or something else?” asked Laron coyly as his eyes undressed Jim’s crotch; and hoped for a night alone with Jim.
“I really don’t know, he said he’s been changing his views on the world,” Jen said hollowly as she felt her own left hip; but she looked for a place to go and laugh after she was done talking. “You might have a chance, Laron, but I’m not sure. I’ll ask him when he wakes up. Which, should be, right about, now,” said Jen as she started swinging her fist back and forth at Jim’s crotch. “HEY, JIM NUTS, ARE YOU HORNY?!” yelled Jen as she slid on top of Jim and kissed his forehead like a squirrel kissing a sunflower seed (as they often do before they eat them).
He was annoyed by this and let his angry eyes do the talking-they told Laron he was a rough ride and he liked that-and Jim nodded once.
“Not at the moment, but maybe later,” Jim considered. “I need to lay here for awhile, my head is spinning like junior high prom,” said Jim as he yawned. “Oh, where are Jack and Scott? They said find them at eleven, and its 11:10 now,” Jim spoke as if he had found a new reason to breathe. He slid back onto the bed like a tired woodchuck on his dam; and hoped Jen would go look for Jack and Scott for him-even though he didn’t want to be left alone with Laron.
Jen straightened up on the edge of the couch. She rolled her eyes at Jim and asked,” Really? You want me to go looking for them?”
“You’re right, I brought it up,” Jim said. “Alright fine, I’m up and I’m ready to go in search of Jack and Scott. Oh hey, Laron, how’s it going?”
“Great, Jim, you look amazing!” Laron replied quickly, his smile looked like he’d just had some chocolate cake-with cake all through his teeth and some frosting on his lower lip like a middle school tyke- and he had pink ribbons in his hair (that made Jim nervous and think about all the sexual acts Laron had done routinely, that would make Jim hurl to do or see).
“Thanks, it’s nice of you to say,” Jim agreed as he forced a smile. “Well, I sure could go for a nice glass of wine, Laron, and more than a whole whale to eat. Is there some booze anywhere close?” Jim asked coyly as he set his book on the table and lifted himself up like a champion powerlifter (from the hips first).
“Yes, just a second.” Laron blushed as he hurried over and poured a glass of Cognac. He checked his pocket for a good knockout drug, but there were none-this infuriated him beyond belief-and he walked over to Jim and sat down beside him. Laron handed him the glass. Laron smiled,” There you go, Talent.”
“Thank you, now to go find the knuckleheads,” Jim answered as he took a small sip-knowing there were floaters in the Cognac he didn’t want to drink-and he looked around like a bored bounty hunter in the cold. “And I bet they’re in some remote corner of the house. Which means a good long hike,” Jim said sadly. “Laron, this is great Cognac by the way. Great girth and meaty quality to it; tastes perfect for me right now,” said Jim hollowly as he drank the Cognac carefully. He had his suspicions Laron was thinking about some sort of tryst; and Jim REALLY wanted no part of that. He stood there looking at Ben, as Ben leaved through a book near the doorway (How to keep a lover without CHAINS, was the title).
“My, the worm is fat and squiggly wiggly now,” Jen said slyly as she stared at Jim’s crotch. “I think that means something, I don’t know,” Jen got up and waltzed through the room like a ballerina of a bygone era.
Jim smirked, and as he did Laron quickly stood up like a firework into a Fourth of July sky.
“Going somewhere, Jim?” Laron inquired coyly-knowing he needed to bed Jim down before he was whoring himself all over town; and he lifted his hair into Jim’s peripheral vision.
“Yeah I gotta take a shit,” Jim declared flatly. “And then I’m going to find some friends. Thanks for the Cognac, I’ll see you a bit later,” Jim said with his legs walking casually over to Ben and Jen.
Ben chuckled into his book; and he made sure Laron couldn’t see him. Ben knew this story all too well-everyday in Hollywood it happened hundreds of times-and he wasn’t going to be surprised when something happened between them.
“YES!” Laron said enthusiastically as he clapped his hands together 5 times. “Later, I’ll be waiting,” Laron said and he waved with just the fingers on his right hand (and smiled like Hell’s last doorman).
Jim looked at him perplexed; and then waved once with his left hand.
“Jim, don’t drink anymore of Laron’s wine,” insisted Ben as they walked down the hallway. They saw a pair of naked men run past covered in glitter (Jim knew he could have missed that memory and been happy with his life) then a 500 pound white woman wearing only heels and nothing else, came meandering out of one of the rooms like a dying elephant and she made a “Can I bum a smoke” gesture and Jim shook his head no.
“That was odd, why shouldn’t I drink his liquor?”
“You’ll wake up a changed man, that’s all I can say,” Ben said. But he wondered. Was this the beginning of Jim’s downward spiral (as naiveté was seen as weakness and soon corrupted in L.A)? “Just stick to beer, but not his. Oh, the press found their way in, here we go, Jim. You either win it or lose it right now. Hello, Heath, Mitchell party, how are you?” asked Ben smoothly as he walked up to a pair of reporters-sharing a smile he saved for real life-who were from the Hollywood Insider and the L.A. Times entertainment division.
Jim saw this and made sure his chest was flexed-to show strength and fine breeding-and his jaw line at an angle for pictures (and he wanted many of those taken or what’s the point). Jim walked casually over to them. He said coyly,” Oh hey, great seeing you guys. What sort of mischief are you into now, Heath?” Jim went on. “Come on, there’s always something.”
“Ben, and lovely, Jim, great seeing you both,” Heath said as he grabbed both of Ben’s wrists and caressed them. “So, Ben, what would it mean for you to win the Oscar? Taking into careful consideration it’s the last mountain that needs climbing,” Heath said coyly-knowing he could ruin Ben if he said the wrong thing during the interview, and half hoping for just that-as he held his wrist implant recorder to Ben’s mouth.