“Oh,” Loxy said. “Was that hat bad?”
“It’s like starting over from scratch, only, there’s no scratch to make the universe and no
starting over,” Jon’s Doctor said. “How the hell?!”
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“Ask Amy,” House said.
“Why? Is she the seed the rebirthed the Universe on it’s on track? Wait, that would make
her the starting point and the universe filled in around her so that she had a past and a future.
Amy’s the one!”
“She was the one, now’s she not,” Angela said.
“It is its own new multiverse. Which means, we have parallel multiverses! OMG, this is
so cool, and I miss doing this, and I don’t see a way in hell, we’re going to get back to origin. It’s impossible.”
“It's not impossible. Just highly improbable,” Loxy said.
“Someone’s coaching you,” Jon’s Doctor said.
“It would be impossible for any one Doctor alone,” Hugh said. “But if we were to work
together. We could bounce to Origin.”
“Of course,” 13 said. “We each have a key. I have Angela. You have Loxy. And you
have Jon. We build a crystalline matrix in one of the unused control rooms, tie them into the
TARDIS, and our respective TARDISes will naturally be drawn directly to Ever, in Origin
because Angela and Loxy are anchored there. It’s brilliantly absurd enough to be plausible.”
“What good would that do? You’d only get to stay there for maybe 30 seconds?” Jon’s
Doctor pointed.
“Long enough for us to kick our guest out of the TARDIS,” House said. “They’ll be back
home where they belong. And if you make the modifications to your TARDIS that I will be
recommending, your TARDIS could stay. And, if Jon is the father of our grandchildren, the
TARDIS will find them and Jenny using your DNA and his as the measure to triangulate.”
“Which, means, you would need me to stay here,” Jon’s Doctor said. “I couldn’t…”
“If there is any hope to triangulate the precise location of our daughter in Origin’s
space/time, using the method I am proposing, there must be a component of measure that is
outside her space/time,” Hugh said. “We’d essentially be passing along the only heirloom worth
passing down, the TARDIS.”
“I wouldn’t be able to see her,” Jon’s Doctor said.
“No,” Hugh and 13 said.
“Yes,” Angela said. “I can make that happen, but only if we get back to Origin.”
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The 10th Doctor seemed to be brooding. “There are so many things I still wanted to show
Rose,” the Doctor said.
“I am sorry, Doctor,” 13 said. “Maybe we’re asking too much of you.”
“Maybe that is why your Universe’s last Time Lord gave up infinite regeneration and
took her last breath,” Hugh said.
“Maybe this is what we do for family, so they, too, may shine,” Angela said.
“This form of communication is taking its toll on Jon,” Loxy said. “We’re going to need
to end this transmission soon.”
“I am sending you the schematics to all the upgrades you will need to make, 10,” Hugh
said. “It will be necessary to upgrade each component in steps, in order to avoid the TARDIS
blocking you from making the upgrades. Travel backwards along your TARDIS’ real-time
world-line, introducing each subsequent upgrade to the TARDIS at the appropriate intervals.”
“Doctor,” 13 said. “This seems to parallel something I had to do recently to upgrade my
own TARDIS. It is paramount that no previous Doctor be aware of what you are doing, or it will
interfere with how the upgrades integrate into the system. The TARDIS should have enough
sense of you not to be worried by your presence, but if the Doctor at the time is concerned, it
might cause the TARDIS to be concerned.”
“If I don’t have the Doctor’s permission, how to you expect me to enter the TARDIS?”
Jon’s Doctor said. “My key only works on this particular TARDIS.”
“We trust you to figure that out,” House said.
“Oh, I have an idea,” Loxy said. “Just have Jon flirt with one of the companions, borrow
their key while he distracts them, and get it back to them.”
“That’s insane,” Hugh said. “Companions don’t fall for that kind of trickery.”
“It worked on me,” 13 said. “And I am not even a companion.”
“Seriously?” Hugh and 10 asked.
“Just spray some bubble love on him and he’ll be irresistible,” Loxy said.
“That actually explains a lot,” 13 said, musing about her past.
“Seriously, it’ll do loads for his esteem,” Loxy said. “If women really understood just
how vulnerable men are to self-esteem issues, they’re be much forgiving of promiscuity.”
“I am not sure I want to encourage him down this pathway,” Jon’s Doctor said.
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“Well, then, have Amy do the distraction,” Loxy said. “I am sure there is a male
companion in that time line somewhere. Maybe even another Rory. But, I bet she’d work on
girls, too, so don’t ignore that option. I wish I landed there. I could so do this.”
“What is wrong with you?” 13 asked.
“She is just a very loving woman,” Angela said. “An Avatar of Ever.”
“Oh, transmission ending…”
“10, go ahead and have the surgery performed on Jon. Just in a case we need a backup
plan,” 13 said.
Jon’s hands came off the console. His knees buckled under him and he fell. The Doctor
staggered into the control console, gasping for air.
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“No. Absolutely not. I am no longer a kiss-a-gram, I am married,” Amy said, and saw Jon
counting on his finger. “Just no is enough.”
Jon gave her three.
“It’s not going to matter if I can’t find a list of past companions, and places of interest,”
the Doctor said. “Why do I keep everything in my head?! I should write something down at least
sometimes.”
“Maybe to keep someone from doing what you’re thinking about doing?” Rose asked.
The Doctor stopped in his ransacking of the previous Doctor’s bedroom. She was more
organized than he ever was, and the bed was even made. “Possibly,” the Doctor said.
“Well, if we were in my Universe, I would know exactly who we should ask for details,”
Amy said. “She knows everything about the Doctor. She’s obsessed with you. She even has a
diary. But, it doesn’t matter. There’s probably not a counterpart in this Universe.”
निनमित
“Oh, hello, mother. Husband,” River Song said.
“Husband?” Rose asked.
“Who’s the floosy?” River asked. Her eyes widened. “Oh, hi, Jon. Is that Loxy? I thought
Loxy was a brunette. You aren’t stepping out on her again, are you?”
Rose stewed. The Doctor took her hand.
“Um, hi, um, River?” Jon said.
“Oh, you don’t remember me,” River said. “Not that I am surprised. Do you remember
any of the women you’ve slept with?”
“You slept with my daughter?” Amy demanded.
Jon wanted to retreat, but the Doctor put a hand on his shoulder and held him in place.
Rose’s anger went away, and she chewed on her lip.
“I can see this is really complicated,” the Doctor said. “And I don’t wish to impose any
more pain on you, but I am under the impression that you have a diary of sorts, and I need to get some very specific information…”
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“Sorry. Spoilers,” River said.
“This is important,” the Doctor said.
“It always is,” River said. “Is the Universe about to implode?”
“Maybe,” Rose said.
“Not ours,” the Doctor said.
“Seriously, she didn’t need to know that,” Rose said.
“I can’t lie to her,” the Doctor said.
“You really can’t,” River said.
“People should always know the truth and be allowed to make a choice,” the Doctor said.
“We do not know the true scope of the problem. We only know that the Continuity of One is in
danger unless we do something very specific. I need to introduce upgrades to the TARDIS in
increments, requiring me to navigate to very specific space/time coordinates to ensure that I am
meeting the TARDIS along its longitudinal, temporal axis, as opposed to random insertion points
in the timeline.”
“Sounds fun. It sounds like something only I could assist you with,” River said. “And I
am more than willing to help you.”
“Oh, that’s very kind of you,” Jon said.
Rose and Amy looked at Jon in disbelief.
“With two caveats,” River said.
“We’re not breaking you out, River,” Amy said.
“Oh, mom, I would never ask you to break the law on my behalf,” River said.
“What do you want?” the Doctor asked.
“First, I want a kiss,” River said.
“Um…” the Doctor considered.
"Um," Jon echoed simultaneously.
"Not you," River said to Jon. She pointed to Rose's Doctor. "You. Kiss me."
“What do you mean um?" Rose said to her husband. "Don’t even think about it,” Rose
snapped. To River, she said: “You’re not kissing my husband.”
“Would you consider Jon?” the Doctor asked.
“Absolutely not, I forbid it,” Amy said.
“This is not really your daughter,” the Doctor said.
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“Hold up. Your husband? I thought you were Jon’s wife. This is really confusing,” River
said. “But, let’s assume you’re telling me the truth. Most people tell the truth. Mostly because
people are too stupid not to do anything but tell the truth. You married a time traveler. On
marrying a time traveler, you realize you have the potential to meet future past wives, right?
Wait. You could also meet future present wives, and even just present wives. Which means, you
should be okay with me kissing our husband.”
“That makes a lot sense…” Jon started.
“Shut it,” the Doctor, Rose, and Amy said simultaneously.
Jon crossed his arms and retreated. The Doctor turned to Rose. “This is just a kiss. It
doesn’t mean what you think it means.”
“It means exactly what it means,” Rose said.
“There are lots of cultures that use kissing as ritual greetings,” the Doctor said.
“I am sure. There are probably cultures that use ritual sex as a formal greeting, and we’re
not engaging them. Ever,” Rose said.
“Oh, it’s just a kiss,” River said. “A little, little kiss. On the lips. Tongue if you want.”
“I will slap you,” Rose said.
“What happened to the…” Amy began.
“I am struggling,” Rose snapped.
“Fair enough,” Amy said. “River, come up with another request. Maybe ice cream.”
“I love Ice cream. Jon? Don’t you love ice cream?” River said.
They all looked to Jon. Jon chewed on his thumbnail, blushing.
“Oh, they don’t know?” River asked. “He uses it as a euphemism for oral.”
“Seriously?” Amy asked.
“Loxy and I use lots of code phrases for sex,” Jon said. “It makes it kind of fun, and safe
for double talk in public.”
“Loxy, Loxy, Loxy,” River sang. “I am so looking forward to killing her.”
“River! We’re not killing people. And we’re not killing Loxy. I like her,” Amy said.
“Until she sleeps with your husband,” River said.
“Like you haven’t slept with a married man,” Amy said.
“That was business. Business is business,” Amy said.
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“Until it’s your husband?” Amy said.
“Exactly, and this is business, I want a kiss, or we’re through talking,” River said.
“Fine. Get it over with. But don’t you enjoy it,” Rose said.
The Doctor and River drew closer together, only the bars keeping them from full on body
contact. The Doctor was moving too slow, so River reached through the bars and brought his
head forward too fast he bumped his forehead on the bar, and would have said ‘ow’ but she
planted her mouth on his. There was resistance, then surrender, and the Rose demanding it be
finished. River laughed into the kiss, and was laughing when she separated.
“You’re not my husband,” River said.
“There’s no way you could tell that from a kiss,” the Doctor complained. “Can you?”
“It’s okay. I will help you as if you were,” River said. “Now break me out. I am going
with.”
“Mother,” Amy said.
“I am not asking you to break me out. I am asking the Doctor who isn’t the Doctor to
break me out,” River said.
“I’m sorry, Doctor. This was a waste of time,” Amy said.
“It’s okay, Amy,” the Doctor said. He turned to the guard. “Let her out, please.”
“I am sorry, Sir, but I am not authorize…” The guard read the psychic paper. “Oh, of
course, Sir, right away.”
“This is not a good idea,” Amy said.
The jail door hit the guard in the head and he was falling even as River was extracting his
sidearm and rushing past. She had one hand to Jon’s neck, shoving him up against the far wall,
with the gun to his temple.
“I told you, you home wrecking piece of shit, that I would kill you the next I saw you, and
I don’t care that it appears that I am doing it before your actual transgression, in fact, I love it!”
River said.
“Mom, put the weapon down,” Amy begged.
“Jon and I were intoxicated. Your father will understand,” Amy said.
“OMG, you slept with my mother, too!” River demanded, bringing her knee up into his
groin, but not allowing him to fall.
“You didn’t know about that?” Amy asked. “What you did you mean by home wrecker?”
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“He slept with my wife!” River said.
“You have a wife, too?” the Doctor asked.
“Doctor,” River said, her eyes not leaving Jon. “You are the only person I ever married.
Let me restate that. You’re the only person I ever legally married. Let me restate that, you’re the only person I married that I love. When you marry the Doctor, you get what you get. Sometimes
it’s a short fat man, sometimes an old man, and sometimes a woman. And I loved her to death.”
“You killed this timeline’s Doctor?” Jon asked.
“I would never do that. It’s a euphemism,” River said. “What do you mean, she’s dead?
Something happen to her?”
“The Doctor is dead,” the Doctor said. “There is growing evidence that maybe she gave
up her life to save our daughter. If you were married to me, her, any of us, then it is in your best interest to help her protect the continuity of the Doctor’s line. Please. Don’t do this.”
“I am not going to kill him today. But, before we do anything else, we are so going to get
him doctored,” Amy said, coming away from Jon. She flipped the weapon over and offered the
hilt to Amy. She took Jon by the arm and directed him towards where the Doctor always parked
the TARDIS when he came to visit her in jail. “Come on. We need to go before they realize I
knocked their guard out.”
“Don’t we need a key?” Rose asked.
River held the guards card key up for them to see.
“What do you mean by doctored?” Jon asked. "Is that like UK vernacular for fixed?"
“Shut up,” River said, pushing ahead of her. “And don’t look back.”
“I am not enjoying this,” Rose said.
“Just like old times, eh?” the Doctor tried.
“No,” Rose said.
निनमित
New New York, on New Earth, on the 13th floor, in an office looking out over a luscious, green
park, with the water way just beyond, seemed like a very pleasant place. There a statue of in the distance, reminiscent of the Stature of Liberty, only a humanoid cat in a habit. The Doctor and
121
their companions were waiting an insufferably long time, and River was talking about killing people, when three Sisters of Plentitude entered.
“Sorry for the delay,” said the lead. “I am Sister Argle, and my colleagues Sela, Taffy.”
Sela was the shorter of three. Taffy was a little more ‘plump,’ especially at the hips. She
winked at Jon. It wasn’t lost on River, or Amy, and they did a double take. River stepped on Jon’
toe. “Stop flirting,” she said, aiming for a whisper, but alerting everyone in the room to what was going on. River smiled pleasantly, as if there was nothing going on.
“I wasn’t, honest,” Jon said. “I was just…”
“Staring?” Amy said.
“Staring is the primary form of foreplay amongst Catkind,” the Doctor said.
“Follow by growling,” Taffy said. “I really love a good, solid deep growl that goes up in
several octaves, and crashes back down. Followed by some slapping. If the slapping’s good,
anything’s game. Go ahead, growl for me.”
“Taffy!” Argle said. “Be professional.”
“Intimacy can be professional,” Taffy said. “I am a licensed sex surrogate.”
“He’s all played out today,” River said.
“Oh,” Sela said. “I herd he was insatiable.”
“I am sorry,” the Doctor said. “Do you know Jon?”
“We know of him,” Argle said. “It’s why we took to so long to join you. We were hoping
to find someone to serve you who wouldn’t be, um, biased.”
“Biased how?” Jon asked.
“You ever heard of Bliss?” Argle asked.
“Loxy?” Jon asked.
“Um, no, they’re referring to a mood altering drug that was sold on New Earth,” the
Doctor said.
“Well, actually, the compound was discovered while doing a medical procedure on
Loxy,” Argle said.
“Explain that,” Jon said.
“You brought Loxy to one of our medical clinics. She was suffering from acute
appendicitis. Normally, a quick round of light therapy accompanied with antibiotics is enough to
remedy the ailment, but because she was not fully human, and due to the progression of the
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disease, we removed the appendix. You’re no doubt wondering what does that have to do with the mood altering drug, Bliss. Well, no excised tissue is ever thrown away. It was sent to the lab.
Cultures were made of the healthy cells, which were really curious, like a blend of human and
plant. This is how we discovered the compound Bliss, and this also influenced its name. A
portion of all pharmaceutical proceeds derived from a specific genetic line were put into an
account for you and Loxy. You and Loxy are, by any measure, the wealthiest people on New
Earth. Probably the richest in this sector of the Galaxy.”
“Seriously?” Jon asked. “I am rich? I must be dreaming.”
“Seriously? You finally get your twenty dollars, and you still think you’re dreaming?”
Amy asked.
“I only asked for twenty, and technically, I still haven’t seen a twenty,” Jon said.
“At least we have enough to pay for the procedure,” Rose said.
“Whatever medical procedure you’re wanting done will be done for free, courtesy of the
hospital,” Argle said.
“Well that’s nice to hear,” the Doctor said. “I thought I was going to have to ask you to do
it for me as a favor, but free is good. So, no hard feelings towards Jon and Loxy for the Bliss
drug being indirectly responsible for killing most of the inhabitants of New Earth?”
“The virus wasn’t their fault,” Sela said. “That was completely a failure with
manufacturing the drug. Still, when that many people die, people get a bit spooky and look for
conspiracies, even with medical staff.”
“So, people don’t want to serve him because they want to kill him,” River said.
“No,” Argle said. “But, things happen. People die during procedures. Sometimes they die
with even simple procedures. That would look suspicious. It results in investigations. Jon is a
celebrity. That means greater levels of scrutiny. It also means greater liability. And well, people are spooked easy. Even medical people. The three of us, we’re not easily spooked. Coincidences
happen, but the odds of something bad happening today are astronomical.”
“I am having a change of heart,” Jon said.
“No you’re not,” River said.
“It’s brain surgery,” Jon said.
“Really cool brain surgery,” the Doctor said.
“We can’t force him to do a procedure he doesn’t want done,” Argle said.
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“We’re not forcing him,” River said, with a very pleasant smile. “He’s volunteering to
help us out with a very peculiar mission.”
“I am still confused as to why you’re so game for me to have this done,” Jon said.
“It’s what my wife wanted,” River said.
“You didn’t tell us that,” the Doctor said.
“I don’t tell you everything. Spoilers," River said.
“You can’t just keep saying spoilers every time you don’t want to divulge something,” the
Doctor said. “And besides, that rule only applied for your Doctor, not me.”
“Why did your Doctor want him to have this surgery?” Rose asked.
“She didn’t tell me,” River said. “She said it was a spoiler.”
“When did she tell you?” Amy asked.
“After she slept with Jon,” River said.
“More precisely,” the Doctor said.
“I am sorry I didn’t write it all down. I was distracted. Angry actually, kind of like now. I
think we were in Rome at the time. She said she ran into her granddaughter, which also made me
angry, because I didn’t know she had a granddaughter.”
“Susan?” the Doctor asked.
“I guess, how many granddaughters does she have? At first I was like, I haven’t even
given birth yet, how could I have a granddaughter,” River said.
“But you can’t get pregnant,” Amy said.
“Funny thing happened on the way to Rome,” River said. “Turns out, I was pregnant.”
“Really?!” the Doctor asked. “We have a child together?”
“It’s complicated,” River said. “A TARDIS human hybrid can actually get pregnant,
given the proper conditions, and well, a particular type of human. A human who has mind
melded with a TARDIS.”
“Oh, I had my mind merged with the TARDIS,” Rose said.
“Did you now? How nice for you,” River said. “Must be more common than I thought,
Doctor.”
“Wait wait wait,” Amy said. “Jon was in telepathic contact with the TARDIS. And you
said he slept with you. He’s the father of my grandchild?!”
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“And you were going to kill him?!” Amy said.
“Yep,” River said.
“But he’s the father of your child, and my grandchild! Don’t you think the child will want
to know its father?” Amy snapped.
“Probably,” River said. “I don’t always think clearly around him.”
“He’s the father of…”
“I know!” River snapped. “He’s also the father of my wife’s son! We gave birth at the
same time.”
“OMG,” Amy said, and then looked at Jon. “You seriously need to control yourself.”
“Jon?” the Doctor asked. “This could be really important. Who took the photo of you and
Jenny and the babies?”
“I don’t know,” Jon said.
The Doctor nearly walked away, the Sister were feeling very awkward and wanting to
retreat, but he turned back. “Think, Jon! Not with your present brain, but with your
subconscious. Access whatever future or past brain has that information set and tell me who took
the picture. Was it Loxy?!”
“No,” Jon said.
Rose and Amy clinched when they doctor yelled.
“W