Chapter 8
There was a knock on the door, or more like a bulldozer through the door as my mother stormed in with my dad right behind her.
She looked frustrated and she had tears in her eyes.
“Where is she?” she demanded.
“Kirsty”! my dad said with a dominant tone, letting my mother know that she was crossing a line.
My mother looked at my dad and then back at me. She then burst into tears and wrapped her arms around me. I had gone stone cold. Her reaction made it all the more real. I couldn’t blink. She let go and looked at me.
“We’re going to find her, mark my words, we are going to find our little girl,” she said as she took out a tissue to blow her nose with.
“Go get dressed and I’ll make us all some tea. You are going to need some breakfast if you’re going to have the strength for the search party.” Food…I couldn’t eat. What was she thinking. I looked down and realised that I was still in my kimono. I took a couple of steps back and walked like a robot down the hall and into my room. I got out a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, the first thing I could find. I wasn’t sure I had blinked yet. I felt as if my emotions had paused, not being able to or perhaps refusing to accept what was going on. I walked into the bathroom and looked at a person in the mirror. I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I splashed my face with cold water, trying to wake up from the nightmare surrounding me but nothing changed. I dabbed my face with a towel and walked back out to the livingroom where I saw Peter’s mum and dad talking to him. They saw me and immediately rushed over to give me a quick hug. They were talking but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. There were so many people in the flat now but where was Erin? I found myself still looking for her as if she was still there.
My mum handed me a cup of tea which I automatically took in my hands. I looked down at the black tea and it’s calm surface. I wanted to scream. I had to get out. I put the cup of tea that I was holding, on the counter next to me and walked quickly to the door without a word.
“Alex?” I heard a couple of people behind me say but I didn’t respond. I had to get out of there, I opened the front door and continued walking down the stairs, faster and faster until I ran out of the main door and onto the street, nearly getting run over by a car. It screeched to a halt and I heard someone yell something angrily. I felt grass beneath my feet as I entered the Meadows, then I felt a hand on my shoulder which I angrily showed off, and then I heard a familiar voice. “Alex!?” Peter shouted with concern as he grabbed me, holding me tight as I stopped in my tracks. I felt his embrace and fell to my knees, he came down with me, not letting me go. I was shaking. I felt like I was going to erupt but nothing came out.
“Alex, we’ve got to keep it together if we’re going to do this…we’ve got to be strong for her,” he whispered gently in my ear. I was panting, after a couple of seconds I nodded. I knew that he was right. I couldn’t freak out. I needed a clear head if I was going to find her. We stayed there for another minute or so and then he loosened his grip. “I’m going to go get you some shoes and then we can go look for her ok?” he said looking at me.
“Yeah ok,” I answered, nodding my head. “I’ll get our parents to call everyone else and stay at the flat in case they hear or see anything and then I’ll be right back down.”
I nodded my head and sat down on the grass. After a while Peter was standing in front of me with a pair of sneakers in his hand and a bottle of water.
“Here, you need to drink something.” I put on my shoes and drank some water before standing up.
“So where do we start?” I asked him.
“How about the park?” he suggested.
I agreed and then we started on our way. We kept shouting out her name and asking everyone we saw if they had seen a little girl describing Erin. Peter had his mobile with him so that he could show them pictures of what she looked like and gave them our numbers so that we could be reached if they heard or saw anything. We got to the Park, her favourite, which was also pretty close to our flat. I looked around and saw a bunch of kids but none of them was Erin. I was also looking for her friends but saw none of them either, as it was a Wednesday most of them were at preschool. A mother in her early forties walked over to me. I had seen her a few times before at the park with her toddler.
“Hello,” she said smiling. “Are you here with your girl today? Erin is it?” she asked, but as she was talking to me she read the look on my face, it must have been so obvious that something was wrong.
“Is everything alright?” she asked.
It took me a while to get the words out and as I said it, it lay in the air as more of a whisper. “She is missing…we can’t find her.” The woman looked taken aback.
“Oh my, I am so sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help? Please give me your number and I’ll let you know if I see her.” Peter had heard our conversation and had written down his number on a little piece of paper that he had also brought along.
“Please… let me know if there is anything else I can do?” she said as she took the little piece of paper that Peter handed to her.
“Thank you,” Peter and I both said in unison. She looked over at her toddler. A gorgeous little boy with light blond and curly hair who was playing with a toy car by the swings close to us and I could tell that she was imagining how hard this must be for us. She looked back at me with a huge sympathetic look. I nodded at her, acknowledging her empathy.
We walked all around the park shouting out Erin’s name and handing out our number just in case anyone saw her. When we felt certain that she definitely wasn’t there we continued on through the entire meadows. We split up and met further down but there was no sign of her. Peter called home a few times checking if they had made any progress but they had come up with nothing.
It was getting close to lunch as we got to the preschool. A few kids ran up to me.
“Where is Erin?” one little girl asked. A boy next to her rolled his eyes.
“She was going away remember,” he said. I stared at the little ginger haired boy. I bent down fast and grabbed hold of his arm, perhaps a little too hard.
“What do you mean?”
The boy was shocked at my reaction and looked close to tears so I quickly loosened my grip, realising how harsh I must have seemed and tried to smile a little, compensating for my irrational behaviour.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Do you know where Erin is?” I tried. The little boy swallowed hard.
“She only said it was time to leave, she said some angel had told her so.”
“Did she say where to?” I asked him, feeling hopeful.
“Nope, she just said that she was leaving,” he said as he took off towards the swings.
I stood up looking at Peter.
“Why would she say that?” I asked both Peter and myself. Peter just shook his head not knowing what to make of it.
We spoke with the teachers and asked them to contact all the parents that had children at the preschool and inform them. Maybe someone had seen or heard from her.
We continued our search as Peter talked to his sister Dana on the phone and she in turn went out on social media and put the word out.
We had gone to all the places we could think of when we decided to head back and check up on the progress back home. My feet were aching as we hadn’t stopped all day but the adrenalin had done its magic so I hadn’t noticed it until we got back. It was five in the afternoon as we walked through our front door. My mum and dad were sitting on the couch looking at some list they had written whilst Peter’s mum was in the kitchen making some food and his dad was standing by the window looking out onto the street. They all looked up as we walked in.
“Anything?” Peter asked them, looking around. They all shook their heads apart from his dad who just turned back to the window and continued staring out onto the street.
“You need to eat something. You’ve got to keep up your strength,” his mother said looking at us both.
“I’m not hungry,” I replied weakly.
“You’ll be good for nothing if you don’t fuel up,” she insisted.
I had to be strong for Erin but the thought of eating just made me feel sick. Saying that, I hadn’t eaten all day and she did make a valid point. I nodded slowly.
“Maybe just a bite then,” I said feeling my stomach turn.
I grabbed my phone on the counter. I had forgotten to take it earlier when I had rushed out of the apartment, not thinking straight at the time. I looked at the screen and saw that I had thirty-five missed calls and twenty-one texts.
There were calls from my sister Emma and brother Jason, my boss Christine, Chris and Lisa and other acquaintances. I had a few voicemails as well. They were all from concerned family and friends who wanted to help in any way they could. All apart from Christine’s first voicemail where she was wondering where the hell I was. I had forgotten to call work in all that had been going on. My mum saw me on the phone listening to voicemails. “Oh by the way we answered your phone when your boss tried calling for the third time. She is doing everything she can to help as well.” I nodded just as I listened to yet another voicemail from Christine. She was extremely apologetic and insured me that she would do whatever it took to help in this awful situation. I read the rest of the text messages before putting the phone down next to me as I put on my computer.
Peter’s mum had put out a couple of plates of spaghetti carbonara on the counter for us. We sat down on the barstools and started eating in silence. It felt so wrong taking the time to eat when I should be looking for my little girl but I was lost in what else to do. We had searched all the places we could think of. The police were on it. All our family and friends were doing everything they could. I decided that I would eat just so I could get some strengths in me and then I would head out again. There was a knock on the door and I flew out of the chair knocking it to the ground and ran to the door hoping with all my heart that it would be Erin, but as I pulled open the door with unnecessary force my heart sank. It was the police. They had a couple of bloodhound dogs with them. “Mrs Wallace, these are our tracking dogs. We need something that your daughter has worn that hasn’t been washed that the dogs can smell. If her scent is out there there is a big possibility that they can pick up on it.”
“Yeah, sure, hang on,” I answered before I turned and walked to Erin’s bedroom. I looked at her bed and felt my whole body ache. I walked over and lifted up her cushion holding it to my face and breathing in deeply. It smelled just like her. My Erin, my sweet little girl. My beautiful girl. My knees gave in as I fell to the floor. The eruption I had felt before now heading fast to the surface and I screamed. My face felt wet, I couldn’t stop screaming. I was terrified. Peter had rushed into the room and put his arms around me. I quieted down but tears were flooding from my eyes. I felt a few drops on my head and noticed Peter also crying heavily.
We just sat there for a while embracing each other, knowing what the other one was feeling. Someone, perhaps one of our parents, I wasn’t paying attention, had come in, picked up the cushion and handed it to the police. I wasn’t sure how long we sat there but we didn’t have much of a choice. My knees simply weren’t working. It was as if all the energy that I had was going into crying.
There was none left for the rest of my body.
After a while we calmed down a little.
“Ok… let’s head back out… if you’re ready?” Peter said.
“Yes,” came my weak reply.
We got the saddest looks from our parents as we headed back out. I could see my mum and dad had tears in their eyes. We didn’t exchange any words, they knew where we were going. I grabbed a thin jacket and my mobile, Peter did the same and then we were out again.
We saw the police and the dogs over in the meadows. We headed over to them to check if they had picked up on anything. One of the police officers had something in his hand. Something pink. He held it out for us to look at.
“Do you recognise this.” In his hand was a little pink hair accessory in the shape of a butterfly. It was Erin’s. I stared at it and gently took it from his hand as if it was an actual butterfly.
“Yes, this is Erin’s.” I paused briefly. “We go to the park a lot, she could have dropped it I suppose.”
I put the hair accessory in my back pocket and looked at the dogs, who seemed to be going in no particular direction.
“What are they doing?” I asked.
“They are searching for your daughters scent. They haven’t picket up on anything apart from that hair-pin so far,” he said pointing at my pocket, “but these things can take time.”
‘Time’, I thought, we don’t have time. Erin doesn’t have time. What if some bad man had taken her? What if she was being taken away somewhere and we were looking in all the wrong places? What if she had fallen down somewhere and she was too weak to call for help? A thousand more ‘what if’s’ were racing through my mind. Peter put his hand gently on my back.
“Let’s do a wider search. I’ll get the car and we’ll drive around town and make stops all over…ok?” I couldn’t think of anything better to do and besides, the dogs were taking care of this area.
“Yeah, let’s do that,” I agreed.
We both got in the car and started the search. It was around six pm as we took off.
We didn’t get back until eleven, having stopped at every supermarket, every park, all her favourite shops, the swimming pool and around my mum and dad’s house. After all the places we could think of to look for Erin we thought it was time to go back and see how things were going back in the flat. Nothing much had changed back home either. The police had nothing to report but were still out searching. Chris, Lisa and our siblings had also been out searching and told all their friends about it and were putting up pictures of Erin with the heading ‘Missing child’ with our phone number at the bottom. Our parents thought it best to head back to their houses incase she found her way there.
“Call us for any reason, ok? We’ll be back sometime in the morning. One of us will stay at the house just in case,” my mum said as she got ready to leave with my dad.
Peter’s dad went home but his mum stayed. She thought it would be best that someone was here incase we wanted to go out searching again. She didn’t mention it but I got the feeling she felt the need to look after us as well. She knew we would forget to eat and drink. Besides, we needed the extra support and she was such a sweetheart. Very motherly in a nice and warm way.
She put out some teacups as we started talking about what we had been doing all day, mainly to check off a mental list in our heads. My brain was emptied. I felt so powerless not knowing what else to do. I felt as if I was looking for a needle in a haystack, although had it been a haystack I would at least know to look in it. Erin could be anywhere in the world. How did she even get out? There was no way she could have gone through the window, they all had safety locks on them and she would have fallen, unless she had a ladder. The front door needed a key which we still had and the door was locked when we had gone up in the morning. Peter and I both remembered putting her to bed. It was all so strange.
I walked into her bedroom looking around for some sort of evidence but it all looked as it normally did. No sign of forced entry and nothing out of place.
‘Erin, where are you?’ I thought as I closed my eyes and got a flash of her beautiful eyes and a feathery warm touch to the cheek like a little palm. A memory perhaps, but it was as vivid as if I had opened my eyes and seen it for real. I gasped. I looked around but all was still. I felt it then. She was alive, somehow, I wasn’t sure how or where or why but I felt her. I felt my girl.