It was eight-thirty in the morning as I sat down on the couch with a cup of strong coffee that Peter’s mum had handed to me. I dialled the direct number to detective McCarthy, the officer in charge of the search, for an up-date but they had nothing. The dogs hadn’t caught up Erin’s scent, which was hugely disappointing. He had asked about all the people in Erin’s life, who she was close to or if she had mentioned anybody we didn’t know of. They were on to the next part of the investigation where they went round interviewing all of them, asking about anything they could have seen or heard. They had already been to her pre-school and spoken with the staff who had insisted there had been no strangers at the pre-school that they knew of or had even suspected, but were now taking precaution nonetheless just to be on the safe side. This made me feel sick again. There was a possibility a bad person had taken her, kidnapped her and for what?
I felt gentle hands on my shoulders. Peter’s mum Julia had sensed my worry. I held the mobile to my ear only half listening as my imagination had taken over with images of horrible scenarios.
“Mrs Wallace-Walker?” I heard the the detective ask.
“Yes,” I answered.
“Good, you’re still there. Look, I need you to stay at home and keep track of the situation from there. Call everyone you know and please, if there is anything or anyone you can think of that may be of importance you call us even if it seems
insignificant.”
“Yes… Ok,” I answered, not knowing what else to say.
I lay the phone down on the cushion next to me.
Julia gave me a big hug and sat down by my side. She also looked sad but she was the kind of person that became stronger in tough situations. She would be strong for everyone else and only after the storm had settled she would have a possible melt down, either feeling low for a while, feeling depressed or just having a really good cry. It felt good having someone like that around. We had to take it in turns to look after each other. That’s what life was all about. Everyone had their ups and downs and we had to be there for each other to help one another up when the other one fell.
There was a knock on the door. Julia got up to check who it was. I heard Lisa’s voice and then footsteps, there was more than one person. Chris was right behind her. They both sat down on either side of me looking concerned.
“How are you feeling?” Lisa asked, putting her hand on top of mine.
I didn’t say anything, I just looked at her. I didn’t know how to respond to that question. How was I feeling? Terrified, distraught. I felt like a part of me had died and wouldn’t come back to life unless Erin found her way back to me. Lisa shook her head. “Sorry, that was a really stupid question,” she said.
“Agreed,” Chris cut in. Lisa gave him a dirty look. “Look, Alex,” Lisa continued. “We walked around yesterday to all the places we could think of. We’ve put out a picture of Erin on all the social media we know of, asking if they have seen her. We’ve had loads of shares so eyes and ears are out there.” We sat silent for a minute.
“We’ve taken the day off work, anything you need, just let us know,” Chris said. He said ‘we’ as if they were back together again. I nodded to let him know I had heard what he had said.
The mobile started ringing next to me. It was my mum.
“Hi mum,” I said with a huge lump in my throat.
“Hello darling, any news?” she asked.
“No,” I whispered defeatedly.
I heard her take a deep disappointed breath.
“I’ll be over later. I have to take your father to the hospital first. He has some tests that need to be done today.”
My dad…I hadn’t given him a second thought. He was getting tested for his cancer and in the chaos of it all I had forgotten all about it. Again, I felt sick. What was happening? Had I been too happy perhaps? Had my fortune with Peter and Erin been too much? Was there a sort of happiness pot of which we all could receive happiness from and if it got too filled something would have to give? Was that really the way the world worked?
“Alex…Alex?” my mum repeated.
“Yes I’m here,” I answered her.
“I will call you as soon as I can, I’m not sure how long this is going to take.”
“Ok,” I replied and hung up the phone.
A couple of hours later Peter walked into the living-room. Lisa and Chris were chatting quietly over in a corner. Peter’s mum was making brunch for all of us. I was looking through a long list of things that we had done so far, things yet to be done, names of everybody including the police, friends and family. I was also writing a journal of everything we had done the days prior to the disappearance. Thinking of anything at all that I could hand to the police that may be useful to the case.
“Why did you guys let me sleep?” Peter asked with a tone of annoyance as he stood by our hallway.
“Because you needed to sleep. Alex needs to sleep as well. We’re doing everything we can and you being exhausted means you won’t be able to think properly anyway,” his mum told him and walked up to him, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Now let’s eat some brunch and build up our strength and then get back to work, ok?”
Peter looked around, undecided what to do, but then agreed by nodding his head. He walked over to me and sat down. He put his arm around me. “Any leads?” he whispered. I just shook my head, refusing to mutter the word ‘no’. That would seem too harsh, as if there was no hope.
Julia had made eggs and bacon, bread rolls, some fruit, tea and coffee. We ate in silence. Our minds however were not silent. I could tell everyone was deep in thought, trying to figure out how to solve this case, which felt like an unsolvable puzzle. There was a knock on the door and the police walked through. Peter and I stood up simultaneously. I tried reading the police officer’s expression. He looked serious but not as if he had bad news. Oh God please let it not be bad news. “Mr and Mrs Wallace,” Peter squeezed my hand. “I’m afraid we have no leads as of yet. We’ve spoken to everyone on your list. The dogs didn’t pick up on anything either. The surveillance cameras gave nothing. However, we are still looking. We really need your help now. We have a few more questions that we need to ask you.” He saw the worry on our faces. “Not to worry, we’re not giving up yet,” he added.
He pulled out his pen and paper and started asking more questions. This time it was more about our personal relationship with her. He even asked us about our sleeping patterns and if either of us sleepwalked at all. Was it possible that we could have sleepwalked and left the door open? But the door was locked that morning so we would have had to unlock the door and then lock it again…in our sleep…which seemed quite far fetched. As far as I knew I hadn’t sleepwalked ever and I had never noticed Peter doing it either. We were asked plenty more questions like that. The questions were a bit odd I thought but anything that could help was good and we didn’t want to leave any stone unturned so I answered every question he threw at us.
When the police had left, Peter pulled me aside. “Did you dream of Erin again?” he asked. I didn’t want to answer him, knowing he would only get disappointed.
“No… I couldn’t fall back asleep,” I said looking down, not wanting to look him in the eyes. He hugged me. I knew that he was disappointed but he also knew he couldn’t put that kind of pressure on me. For all I knew, it could have been wishful thinking that lead to my dreams. I wanted to believe that it was more than that, but I had no proof and Erin had given me no clues as to where she was, physically anyway.
The rest of the day we took turns being out searching and staying in the flat, as well as making phone calls and checking in with the detective in charge. He kept reminding us that he would call if they found anything but we kept calling once an hour or so regardless, leaving him slightly annoyed. He clearly tried to hide it but it was obvious. More policemen had been in the flat and checked for fingerprints and checking the windows. I had asked who’s fingerprints they were looking for and they had answered that it could be anyone’s that didn't belong there. They took our fingerprints as well so they would know if the ones they found belonged to strangers or not. It frightened me, the thought of somebody else having been in our flat.
My mum had arrived at the flat early evening looking very sad.
“Darling, I am so sorry it took such a long time,” she said.
I looked behind her.
“Where is dad?” I asked.
“He had to stay at the hospital. They ran some tests but have to run a few more and they want to start treatment straight away.”
“What…why?” I asked, not wanting to hear the answer.
My mum’s eyes filled up with tears. “Oh darling, I’m so sorry but your father definitely has cancer. The tests all showed it was certain and how far gone it was.” She broke down in tears. “I suppose I was fooling myself by praying that the first tests were faulty…and Erin…” She cried even more so and couldn’t say anything else through all the sobbing.
I was just staring at her. Peter came up from behind me and put an arm around my mum and led her to the couch. I followed shortly after.
My mum continued after a while.
“It’s aggressive, it doesn’t look good,” she looked up at me. “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this now with everything else going on…our little girl missing, but I need to be honest with you.” I couldn’t say a word. It was all too much. My mum looked around at the people in the room. Julia was still there and my brother Jason had come over only a few minutes earlier. He had been out putting up more posters. Lisa and Chris were out searching.
“Any new information?” she asked.
Julia was the one who answered.
“No, I’m afraid not.”
My mum looked down at the tissue in her hand and fell silent. I couldn’t believe the reality of what I was facing and just wanted to escape.
“I can’t stay in here anymore, I need to get out,” I announced. I got up and headed to the hallway, put on my shoes and hurried out. Peter came running down behind me. He grabbed me but it wasn’t gentle.
“You can’t just rush out without explanation,” he said angrily. “I don’t need one more person to worry about damn it.”
I looked at him in shock. He had never grabbed me like that before. He let go of me and scratched the back of his head whilst looking down. He was crying now. We didn’t say anything for a while. “I’m so sorry Alex,” he sobbed. “I just can’t loose you too. We are in this together. Stop running away like that. I need you,” he said.
He was right, I had been selfish. He had comforted me whenever he saw that I needed it but I had been too deep in grief to take his feelings into consideration. Of course he was distraught and terrified, just like I was. He needed me like I needed him. I put my hand on his cheek.
“I’m sorry Peter… I’m sorry.”
We embraced each other, holding on to each other tight. We were in this together. We had to be to survive this.
- Five Weeks Later -