The following week I put my head into work which was still at the Golden Art Gallery, the only difference being that I was now part owner of it together with my former boss Christine. She was only there a couple of days a week and I took on the responsibility of the gallery running as it should with exhibitions, clients and artists. I had even sold a few paintings of my own over the years but I didn’t make a lot from it. I kept on painting because I loved it. The fact that a few people had been interested and wanted to buy my work was a plus and it warmed my heart, knowing that I had touched them through my art. I expressed a lot through my paintings which was an amazing outlet for my emotions. Butterfly themed paintings was my new interest lately. I had always loved the journey of a butterflies life. How it turns from a caterpillar with a huge appetite into a beautiful butterfly. It was certainly one of natures great beauties and it made me wonder, was humankind a sort of caterpillar and would we eventually turn into something more beautiful. Would there come a time where we weren’t greedy and war didn’t exist? A lot of these questions coloured my paintings of late.
I had been trying to numb out the thoughts of my dad being so ill, perhaps even deathly ill. It worked for parts of the days but the second I was inbetween clients or admin work I felt that horrible lingering feeling of not knowing what was going to happen, although he might very well get through it. Maybe a year from now he would be one of those miracle success stories you hear about, how the cancer just disappeared through positive thinking and we would all be enjoying another summer, birthday or Christmas together and it would be all but forgotten.
I had told Lisa and Chris about it briefly on separate occasions. Lisa had hugged me and we had spoken about it for a couple of hours whilst Chris had bought me a drink at the pub when we met out for lunch one day. He wasn’t that into deep talking about things. His mantra was ‘most things can be fixed with a pint of beer and a good laugh’. Even though I appreciated his efforts I needed Lisa’s way of comforting me as I was unable to push my feelings aside.
I only sipped half of the beer slowly as I sat with him listening to his jokes and trying to act like I normally did when we met. Drinking would only make me more upset at this point, although I appreciated the gesture and the company. I tried focusing on Chris and his life instead of the thoughts about my dad.
“So, what’s happening with you and Lisa? I saw the way you looked at her at Erin’s birthday party. It’s pretty obvious that you still have the hots for her,” I said mocking him slightly. He frowned and waved off my comment whilst looking away.
“Yeah right. More like she is the one that is into me. I mean, come on,” he said looking at me with mixed emotion on his face but clearly trying to hide whatever he was feeling. I knew him all too well.
After a few seconds he took a deep breath. “Look, it really sucks seeing her get all physical with some guy that stays fit for a living you know. I mean, I know I’m hot and all but it’s just weird you know.”
He looked down at his beer.
“I know Chris, had it been me I would’ve felt the same. But you have to remember, it’s all acting. They are expressing a feeling on stage, that’s all. And besides…he’s gay so what do you have to worry about?”
He nodded his head slightly as he was sitting like a little lost puppy with is shoulders hunched down. “Is he really gay though?” He said looking up at me.
“Yep, think so,” I took a sip of my half pint of beer, “but you gotta know she adores you right? I mean let’s face it, neither one of you are any good at hiding your emotions," I said raising my eyebrows.
Chris just looked away not wanting to admit anything.
I glanced at the time.
“I’d better get going, we have paintings being delivered this afternoon.”
“Yeah, I’d better get going myself, someone’s gotta charm our buyers or no one’s gonna want to buy our crap,” Chris said jokingly.
“Yeah, because vitamins are so bad for you” I said mockingly.
Chris used to work for a bank but he hated it. Nowadays he worked for a company that sold all kinds of vitamins, minerals and other healthy options, all organic and fair trade marked. He held up the relationships with the shops and other online companies wanting to sell those types of products. I personally loved him working with it as I always got a discount. Lisa would always ask me to buy some for her, with the discount, during any of their little break-ups as she was too embarrassed to ask for it herself. This job was much more up his street as being social and charming were his talents and he enjoyed it a lot.
As I walked back to the gallery I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I got the distinct feeling that I was being watched but as I turned my head to see who or what it was, it was gone, as was the creepy feeling I’d had. I got back to the office feeling slightly uncomfortable but I shook it off fast, letting my logical brain tell me that I lived in a city with a lot of strange people. Maybe a weirdo was looking at me but turned a corner just as I looked over. I decided to get stuck into work and forget about it.
The hours past and it was time to go fetch Erin from preschool. I locked up the gallery with it’s golden frame surrounding the door and hopped on a red double-decker bus. Peter and I use to take turns using the car. It was easier for me to take a bus nonetheless due to the gallery being so central. It wasn’t easy finding somewhere to park and buses were so frequent anyway so most of the time he had the car. Since it was a company car I wasn’t really meant to use it anyway but it was handy having it at times.
Today I wish I had taken the car though, just so I could have used the AC. I wouldn’t normally complain but I was wearing my work clothes which were tight fitting with a fitted jacket and my feet were killing me since I had been standing up most of the day in high heels and the bus was packed with commuters. It felt like there was no air and it was making me feel a little sick. I took a tissue out of my bag and dabbed my forehead with it. There were no seats available so I hung on to a little handle hanging down from the roof to keep my balance. I got an uncomfortable feeling in my gut. I looked up trying to figure out why I felt off, besides the slightly nauseating feeling from the stuffy air. Someone was looking at me but I couldn’t see who it was. There was a black blur at the corner of my eye. I froze. I wasn’t sure why and I didn’t want to turn my head out of fear of what I might see. I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped. A lady in her sixties was looking at me with concern in her eyes. “Are you ok there lass?” she asked in a broad Scottish accent.
I looked around, the fear had passed and I found myself feeling foolish. My nerves were on edge today. I shook my head before turning back to look at the lady.
“I’m fine, thank you” I said, trying to convince myself as I said it. She smiled a little, knowing that I was lying about being fine. I smiled back hoping that she wouldn’t push the matter and she was kind enough to read the situation well and went back to looking out the window.
I got off the bus at Erin’s preschool a few minutes later, feeling a huge relief as the outside air hit my face.
Erin ran over as I walked through the doors of the preschool.
“Mummy,” she said with a big smile. She handed me a drawing of a huge butterfly that she had drawn. The body of the butterfly was a girl. To anybody else it would look a bit messy and you could clearly tell it had been drawn by a young child, but to me it was a masterpiece. Seeing her joy in having created it warmed my heart beyond words.
“This one is getting framed,” I said proudly. “Yay,” she said clapping her hands and jumping up and down.
“And do you know why?” I asked her bending down with a smile.
“Why?” she asked with anticipation.
“Because I can tell how good you feel about this and how proud you are and I always want you to remember to focus on happiness in life. Do what you love.” I paused for a second, “and this my girl… is a masterpiece,” I added.
Erin jumped for joy.
“I love it,” she said.
“Me to,” I told her.
“Mrs Wallace, may I have a word in private before you go,” one of the teachers said as she came up to me.
“Yes of course,” I answered her.
I told Erin to play for another five minutes before following the teacher down the hall and into an empty playroom filled with drawings, books and big comfy-looking pillows in bright colours made to sit on. I guessed it was a sort of storytelling room, which I loved.
The teacher, miss Cooper, a pretty woman in her thirties, looked up at me.
“You didn’t tell me you were going on holiday?” she said.
I frowned.
“I’m sorry?” I asked, feeling confused. “Erin has been telling her friends that she is leaving. I assumed it was for a holiday. I thought it was strange that I didn’t know about it. I trust you know the policy of the time required to know about the absence of a student in advance don’t you?” she said questioning me. I looked away frowning.
“Why would she say that?” I asked myself as well as miss Cooper. She laughed a little, trying to lighten the mood, clearly understanding that she must have been mistaking the situation. “Well you know children, they have a vivid imagination don’t they. Especially your Erin. She has the most amazing stories to tell. It’s quite fascinating really. She gets everyones attention.
Her friends love it,” she said smiling. “Yes, I know. She does, doesn’t she," I said nodding.
“I’m sure it was all part of one of her stories,” miss Cooper added whilst leading us to the door. “Yes, I’m sure it was. I can assure you, we have no planned holidays ahead yet, although now that you mention it, it sounds like a lovely idea. Maybe she is trying to hint something,” I said lightheartedly, thinking that it had all been a misunderstanding. I did indeed know how Erin’s stories could pan out.
We got ready to leave and waved goodbye to the other kids and mothers in the hallway, all getting ready to go to their homes.
Luckily we had managed to find a good preschool close to our flat so it was just a short walk away. Since the weather was so lovely we stopped for icecream on the way home. Erin told me all about her friends and what they had been playing today whilst we licked our chocolate sauce covered ice creams. I had to remind her to eat faster as she was talking so much that the ice cream had begun to melt and run down her hand. We both got a little messy and sticky from it but it didn’t matter. We were having a lovely time. Sometimes we would have to hurry back home if it was raining a lot which, let’s face it, wasn’t exactly unusual in Scotland. But today was beautiful so we took our time walking back. I needed that. I needed to focus on the good things in life. I always loved our little talks as we walked back home. It was like our little time together. I cherished those moments.
Peter had managed to come home a little earlier and was waiting for us as we walked through the front door. He had started making dinner. I smelled salmon.
“Well you two look like you’ve been having a lovely time,” he said walking up to us. He gave me a kiss and then bent down to Erin. “Is that ice-cream on your nose.” He asked suspiciously.
Erin giggled.
“Someone needs a bath I think,” he said raising his eyebrows. Erin looked up at me.
“Ops, we’ve been caught I’m afraid… Go on, off to the bathroom. We’ll need to clean up before dinner.” I said smiling at her. She dropped her bag and rushed over to the bathroom. I followed her after giving Peter another kiss. He had a tea-towel over his shoulder. He occasionally did the cooking, about once or twice a week and when he did he really put an effort into it. I was thrilled every time I saw him cooking because I knew that he put his heart and soul into it and it always tasted amazing.
It also gave me some time to wind down. “Dinner will be served in approximately thirty minutes,” he announced.
“Well, suppose we’d better get the show on the road,” I said and walked through the hallway to the bathroom.
“Mummy, do you know where my crayons are?” she said looking confused with her little duck bath towel around her.
“Have you looked in your room?” I suggested. “They’re not there," she said sounding quite upset about it. I knew how much she loved those pens. They were the kind you could paint in the bath with. She would paint her whole body and the bath so most of the time she would need a shower after as well, but seeing her happiness in painting was well worth it.
“I’ll have a look sweetie,” I said walking into her bedroom and looking in the place where they normally lay and then looking elsewhere. After a short look I walked through to Erin again. “Sorry honey. I can’t find them. Shall we have bubbles instead?” I asked.
That seemed to cheer her up.
“Yay, bubbles!” she said as she jumped up and down a couple of times.
I wondered where the crayons had disappeared to. It wasn’t the only thing that had gone missing recently. We had assumed that it was Erin that had put them somewhere whilst playing and forgot about it but it was starting to get ridiculous. Our flat wasn’t that big and we kept it fairly tidy. We should have found them sooner or later but we didn’t. It was always things from her bedroom as well and it had started about three or four months ago. I could count at least ten things that had gone missing.
After Erin had taken her bath we had a lovely evening together as a family. Peter told me about his day and we all decided to watch a Disney film before bed, Beauty and the Beast. The three of us snuggled up together under a blanket on the couch. I looked at Erin and wondered if she knew how much we loved her. It is such an overwhelming feeling, the love you have for your child. It is the true definition of unconditional love.
It drew close to bedtime and I was tucking in Erin and reading her a story. It was about an elf who lived in a tree. Very magical, I loved it myself. Once I’d read it she naturally wanted me to read it again, so I did, although she wanted a third time after that.
“Erin sweetie, I think twice is enough,” I said and kissed her on the forehead. “Tomorrow is a new day and you need your sleep.” “But mum…the song…the song.” I smiled at her.
“Ok…but then it’s sleepy time, ok?”
She nodded her head and closed her eyes. I began singing her favourite lullaby as she held my hand. Her grip grew looser as I sang softly to her. She was getting sleepy now. I gave her an extra kiss on the cheek and walked out of her room. Good night sweetheart I whispered before closing the door.