The rectory was quiet on Saturday morning. Alexi was watching her favorite character, Opie, in a black-and-white family sitcom. Paul worked on his Sunday sermon at the small, well-worn pastor’s desk in front of the window. His fingers rested on the keyboard. He gazed with a blank stare past the panes of glass. The screen on his laptop had two draft paragraphs to show for an hour of work.
Alexi watched the gentle interactions of Andy Taylor and Helen Crump on their small television screen.
“Dad, Gabriella hasn’t come around for a few days. I miss her. You guys used to be like them on the TV.”
“Honey, it’s only a TV show. You know that, right?”
“Yes, but you were still like them. Why doesn’t she see us anymore?”
How do I explain the person I fell in love with was a fraud? That she wasn’t even a person.
“Alexi, it didn’t work out between us, that’s all. It simply didn’t work out like we hoped it would. Can you understand?”
“No. She felt almost like my mom. She loves me and used to comb my hair, do my nails, and play with me. Dad, you could have fixed it. You can do anything. Why didn’t you fix it, Dad?”
Paul let out a deep groan and held his head in his hands, shaking it slowly.
I almost wish I would die. But what would happen to Alexi?
“Sweetie,” he said tenderly to a young girl who couldn’t understand, “I’d lov…” Paul caught himself. “No… sometimes things can’t be fixed. I wish it could be different, but it isn’t.”
“But you told me God could fix anything. You said it. Isn’t it true?”
The words hit Paul like a board to the side of his head. His mind reeled for a moment.
“Yes, I did, Alexi, but some things are not to be, and that’s all there is to it.”
He stood and headed for the kitchen to prepare dinner.
There was no one awake late at night to hear him cry.
***
The next Monday, while Alexi was in preschool, Paul wandered towards Bryant Park on 40th Street to find a coffee shop he and Gabriella had never been too together.
He wandered into BP Coffee and ordered the house blend with cream, no sugar. There was an empty bench across the street in the park, so he sat with a blank mind looking in the direction of the traffic. Before long, a tall, trim woman in her late 20s approached Paul and asked if she could sit at the other end of the bench.
“Sure,” said Paul, “there seems to be plenty of room. Have a seat.” He continued to stare out into the traffic without turning his head towards her.
“It looks as if you could use some company,” the young woman said. “What brings you out here this morning?”
Paul turned to look at the young woman. She had straight, shiny brown hair flowing almost to her waist. Her lightweight black leather jacket sparkled with silver studs around the collar, lapels and shoulders. Silver studs decorated each cuff. A white satin midriff shirt was low cut to reveal and accentuate the artistic work being performed by her push-up bra.
“I wanted coffee and time to think,” Paul said without emotion.
“Would you like to go someplace and talk about it?” She smiled at Paul. Shifting her weight, she crossed one long leg over the other, allowing the barely mid-thigh length leather skirt to ride up and display more of her toned, tanned legs. She wore low-cut black and white laced sneakers.
Paul realized this was not a casual conversation. The woman was a lovely hooker.
Paul looked at her for a moment, it flattered a small part of his mind that such a good-looking young lady approached him. “No, thank you,” he replied. “I have a better place to be.”
The woman shook her head for a moment and breathed. “No, you don’t. If you had a better place to be, you would be there now and not sitting all alone on a park bench with me. You look like a straightforward guy. So why are you here alone looking so sad?”
Paul sighed and looked into her eyes. “I fell in love with someone and later found she wasn’t what I thought she was.”
“And that’s why you are sitting here all alone? Look, honey, it’s hard enough to find someone you can fall in love with, let alone find someone who’s absolutely perfect. They don’t exist!”
“Yes, but…”
“Shut up for a second,” she interrupted. “If you could find someone nice enough to fall in love with, I’d say you should hold on to them. Everything can be worked out if you both want it.” She paused for a moment. “Until then, though, you still have me,” she purred as she leaned towards Paul, flashing her smile and revealing more of her cleavage.
“Thank you very much,” said Paul. “Your wisdom is exactly what I needed right now. The relationship can’t be fixed, but I do have a better place to be.” Paul stood, tossed his paper cup along with its remaining ounce of coffee into the trash bin, and walked away.
“I have to go home and hug my daughter for a while,” he said aloud as he set a course back to the rectory to await Alexi’s return from preschool.