Chapter 3

Casey was late to first class. The teacher didn’t make too much of a fuss, a bit of a look and then just nodded to her seat and continued lecturing. It was a combo class that combined social studies with history. She ignored Heath catching up to her as best she could. She did pause when he caught up to her, mostly because he arrived in her periphery vision with dramatic flare, trying to stay upright. His previous momentum, juxtaposed to her change in speed and direction likely had something to do with I instability. She was becoming less startled by the fact he literally jumped from room to room. His arrival point seemed to be relatively close to her, adjusting for obstacles. In this case, the teacher’s desk was fairly close and so he arrived a bit closer to her than her comfort space allowed for. There was room for them both between the teacher’s desk and the student’s desk to her left. She found herself looking at her shoes. Heath was still barefoot. Her periphery vision suggested the student to her left was looking at her.

“Is there a problem?” the teacher asked.

Casey couldn’t see him due to Heath standing between them. She stepped forwards, Heath stepped forwards. She mouthed the word ‘stop it’ to Heath, then leaned forwards to make eye contact with the teacher, looking around Heath. She tried to smile. It did not feel like a smile.

“With me or the Universe in general?” she asked.

“What?” the teacher asked.

Casey was perturbed by his ‘what.’ Was he surprised she had a response? All those years of sitting on the back row was now resulting in confusion for others. ‘Yes, I am smart. I am here.

I am woman. Here me roar.’ “I am particularly perturbed by the island of trash in the middle of the Pacific which is now larger than the state of Texas and think we, humanity, should be trying to fix that.”

“That’s actually a fairly good cover,” Heath said.

      “Thank you,” Casey said.

“Please take your seat,” the teacher said.

Casey took her seat. There was no seat for Heath. He went over to the window and looked out the window.

“This is a really nice campus,” Heath said.

His observation was delivered at normal sound level, but she heard it louder than it was.

She tried to tell him with her eyes to be quiet, but he didn’t keep eye contact. He ran his hands down the blinds, making a noise.

“Oh! That’s cool,” Heath said. “I can touch the blinds, look!”

“Casey?!” the teacher said.

Casey looked to the teacher and back to Heath and back to the teacher. “Um, yes?”

“If you’re not going to join us, you can go back into the hall,” the teacher said.

“Oh, thank you,” Casey said, standing. “Sit down!” the teacher said.

Casey sat down. “But you just said…”

“I was being facetious,” the teacher said.

“I didn’t hear humor,” Casey said. “In hindsight, I hear sarcasm, but sarcasm is not facetious. That was an anger response. Are you angry?”

“You’re really smart.” Health observed, sitting on the inner window ledge. The blinds got squashed behind him. He held the ledge and slighting kicked his feet in an alternating rocking rhythm.

Casey smiled. A real smile that had touched her eyes. Heath had called her smart. She covered her mouth.

“Office, now,” the teacher said.

“Seriously?” Casey said, tears in her eyes. She didn’t even bother calculating the distance from joy to where she landed. “I have one bad day and you go straight to punishment? Are you even human?!”

The teacher capped the dry erase marker and set it on the board. He came around to the front of the desk, crossed his arms, and leaned on the desk.

“If we teachers stopped instruction for every student who is having a bad day, we wouldn’t get any teaching done,” the teacher said.

“Then maybe we should do that,” Casey said.

“This is fun,” Heath said. “I so wish I had your balls when I was in school.”

“Very well, Casey. What’s going on?” the teacher asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Casey said.

“You just said…”

“I didn’t say I wanted to talk about it. I just don’t want to be called out and humiliated in front of my peers. Why the hell do I think I sit in the back?” Casey said.

“Office,” the teacher said.

 

Health arrived in the office, spun about, orientated on Casey, and sat down next to her. Casey hugged her bag, not looking at him.

“This feel familiar,” Heath said. He looked to Casey. She stared ahead. “Good idea. Just listen. You’ve never been to the office before, have you?”

“Casey?”

The principal was a tall woman, a little on the thick side, but a was nice looking woman. Casey thought she seemed thick in all the right places. Her tennis shoes looked out of place with her dress, ankle socks hardly rising out of her shoes; she had well defined shin bones fronting her calves. Her name was Mrs. Ellis.

“We’ll wing it,” Heath said.

“Come on in,” Mrs. Ellis said.

Casey complied. She sat where she was instructed to sit. Ellis didn’t retreat to behind her desk, but took an opposing chair, sat down, and crossed her legs. Heath arrived on the far side of the principal’s desk. There was a potted tree which he nearly toppled but he got it steadied and sighed.

“That was awkward,” Heath said.

Ellis eyebrows went up inquisitively, and she smiled. “It’s actually a real tree. Do you like it?”

“Uh?” Casey asked.

Ellis pursed her lips, musing, and leaned forwards, her elbow supported on her own knee.

“Where are you today?”

“Your office?” Casey asked.

“Is that an answer or a question?” Ellis asked.

“Can’t a person just have a bad day without being called out on it?” Casey asked.

“Absolutely,” Ellis agreed. “That’s perfectly reasonable. I hate that Mr. Shire escalated this to me. Perhaps he is also having a bad day? I have found he is usually pretty patient.”

Casey frowned. That seemed true. Or, because she had never caused a problem they wanted to squash her before she got her bearings, she mused. She tried to invalidate that as paranoia, though it does seem there are people that can push through boundaries without any reprimands. Why was she so heavily policed?

“She is really nice,” Heath said. “None of my principals were this nice.” “So, I take it you don’t want to talk about it?” Ellis said.

“I do not,” Casey said.

“Alright, well,” Ellis said. “Let me ask you a few direct questions…”

“I am not pregnant. I am not having sex. I am not doing drugs. I am not suicidal, I have never been suicidal, I have never attempted suicide. I am not homicidal. I am not depressed. I am not bipolar. I am not on the ASD spectrum, per the assessor. I disagree. I am not being bullied.

Did I hit all of your cover your ass points?” Casey asked.

“Actually,” Ellis said, amused. “That’s pretty good. And you’ve never been in trouble before? Never been hospitalized before?”

“My mother’s a mental health professional,” Casey said. “I am not having a crisis. I am having a bad day, and acclimating to a life change.”

“I’m for life?” Heath asked.

“Your first period?” Ellis asked.

“If I had suggested that, I would have been smacked,” Heath said.

“No. I am regular. I do not experience any mood changes during that time of the month, and it doesn’t slow me down physically,” Casey said.

“Can we talk about something else?” Heath asked.

“Mrs. Ellis, I am really okay. Just a little distracted, that’s all,” Casey said.

“Alright,” Mrs. Ellis said. “You know where my office is. Take the remaining of this class time at the library, and try to have a better rest of your day.” Casey got up to leave.

“Oh, Casey?” Ellis said.

“Emily told the counselor you helped her,” Ellis said. “That was actually pretty nice.

Good job.”

Casey didn’t know how to respond. It really wasn’t just her; Lisa helped, too. She simply nodded the proceeded to leave. Heath was going to follow but paused at the door, not wanting to smack the barrier. The principal called out again. Heath gave one of those exaggerated ‘I don’t know but oh no’ looks shrugging his shoulder.

Casey stopped. Heath shifted, and for a moment, he was on both sides of the door, not fully formed, almost translucent. When she committed to returning to the principal’s office, he returned to the door space. Casey squished a little closer to the door frame due to Heath’s proximity, technically back in, but her feet out.

“You left something off the list,” Ellis said.

“AVH,” Casey said.

“Auditory and visual hallucinations,” Ellis said. “Having any of those?”

Casey blinked. Heath seemed concerned about what she was going to say. There was a small face mirror on the wall behind Ellis that she could see him in. If she permitted herself to study it, she suspected she would find the present perspective off, as the sideways casual glanced suggested he was much more prominent in the mirror than he likely should be.

“You mean like a six foot rabbit named Harvey or an old childhood friend like Drop Dead Fred, or the hot, magical jinn created by two misfit teens in Weird Science?” Casey asked.

“I am impressed with your allusions,” Ellis said.

“My half-sister is an actress and my family is fairly movie crazy,” Casey said.

“Interesting,” Ellis said. “Also, interestingly, you didn’t really answer the question.”

“Hypothetically speaking,” Casey said. “How would you feel if you won a magical celebrity date and got to spend the whole day with Heath Ledger?”

“Hypothetically? Well, I would probably be in seventh heaven,” Ellis said. “Speaking of heaven, you know…”

“He killed himself, Jan 22, 2008,” Casey said.

“How do you feel about that?” Ellis asked.

“I remember being very sad,” Casey said.

“Yeah, me, too,” Ellis said. “What about now?”

“I don’t know how to feel,” Casey said, honestly.

“I don’t understand that,” Ellis said. “Isn’t it still a sad thing.”

“People, perhaps society, they tell us how to feel about certain things, but I think that is a staple answer just used to keep things reasonably stitched together. I personally don’t have enough information to know how to really feel about it. Also, time has passed. I am not stuck where I was, but I still don’t know that I arrived at any conclusion. I do like things to make sense. It’s not like I am family, or even a friend. I am not anyone special that deserves closure and even if I were someone special, how do you have closure over something so big? There are some things that simply defy explanation,” Casey said. There were tears in her eyes.

“Yeah,” Ellis said. There were tears in her eyes. “How old are you again?”

“Not old enough,” Casey said. “And maybe too old.”

“Yeah, or, just the right age,” Ellis said. “Casey, my door is always open to you.” Casey cried. Ellis got up came closer. They hugged.

“What is up with all the crying today?” Heath asked.

“People cry,” Casey answered.

“They do,” Ellis agreed. She retreated, went to one knee. She had to adjust her dress to do so, but her eyes were now on Casey’s level. “Do you know why you’re crying?” “Yeah,” Casey said, wiping her eyes. “Today is catch up day.” “I don’t understand,” Ellis said.

“Today is for all those days I should have cried but didn’t cry and when it’s over and I am all caught up, I think I will dedicate this day to all the people that chose not to cry, when they should have just let it pour,” Casey said.

“You are so well adjusted,” Ellis said.

“No,” Casey said. “Today is just really weird. May I go now?”

“Yep, you’re cleared,” Ellis said.

Casey departed. Heath caught up to her in the hall. When they were out of eye sight of the office he stopped her.

“Casey,” he said. “Stop, please. Casey!”

Casey turned to him. “What?”

“I wanted to say I am sorry,” Heath said.

“For what?” Casey asked.

“For…”

“You didn’t,” Casey interrupted.

“I’m pretty sure I…”

“You are not Heath Ledger,” Casey said. “I don’t know who or what you are but you are not him.”

“I am pretty sure I am…”

“You look like him. But you can't be him. You're something my mind created. You sound like him. You smell like… You smell really good, actually,” Casey said.

“Thank you,” Heath said.

“You smell like chocolate chip cookies packed in popcorn,” Casey said.

“Oh, that’s what that is!” Heath said. “No wonder I am starving.”

Casey drew her phone out to check the time. She went outside and found a quiet place to vape and do research on her phone.

“Can you give me a moment without distractions?” Casey asked.

“I can try,” Heath said.

She sat in the grass while Heath walked the perimeter of the court. Even while trying not to be, he was a serious distraction. She found she liked him. Can one like an hallucination? He tried balancing on the curve, arms outstretched. He tried picking up a cigarette butt but failed. He was able to pick up a leaf, and he held it up to the sun and allowed the light to shine through it; it came through a speckled pattern like water through a partially blocked sieve. He smiled at this. Casey realized something. He had not picked up the actual leaf. It was still on the ground. She took note of this, wondering if it meant something. She had so many questions. She googled

‘Loxy Isadora Bliss.” She found her name and picture attached to an events page. She offered regular meditation classes at a used book store called the ‘Discovered Alcove.’ The write up on the book store was bizarre; it was directly connected to a coffee/tea shop. The only way to get to the books store was through the tea store, through a glass airlock, and up a winding stair case.

The beverage shop was called ‘Tea Cats.” It was a beverage shop where people could come and have a cup of Joe or tea, and pet cats. The cats were rescued and retired support cats. All revenue from the drinks went to local animal clinics. There were several alternative revenue streams, like the tea cat cams that allowed people to follow the cats. Apparently, there were five owners, one of which was Loxy. She took a screen shot of the address, then used google maps. It was twenty seven minutes from the school.

The bell rang. People began to emerge from classroom and building and she decided to go to her next class.

“You good?” Heath asked.

“Yes,” Casey said. “Thank you. I feel bad asking you this, but can we make it to lunch with minimal distractions?”

“Sure, why not?” Heath said.

They went to the next class together. Casey felt a little bit better about the situation. Hallucination or ghost, Heath was at least willing to work with her. That was meaningful, too, right? She assumed that most hallucinations due to psychosis were less helpful in general. Even though he didn’t have to, Heath tried to avoid running into students. It only now occurred to her that he might also be having a difficult time acclimating to this situation.