Chapter 4
They made it to third period without big incidents. During math she discovered Heath was actually helpful. He knew the answers before she did. He got them right even when she hadn’t. The algebra heard her talking under her breath, arguing, then apologizing. He looked at her paper over her shoulder, saw her working the proof and then reluctantly re-worked her problem finding her mistake. The teacher applauded quietly, his hands in the small of his back, as he pushed on to observe others. Also, she discovered she could tight beam direct thoughts to Heath in a sort of telepathy, but found she made herself better heard when she subvocalized.
Brenda was in third period. Casey made eye contact. She nodded to Casey as she passed.
“Wow,” Heath said. “Brenda’s cute.” Casey frowned at Heath as she took her seat.
“What? I can’t think she’s cute?” Heath said.
“You’re a grown ass adult and it’s kind of creepy,” Casey said. “Don’t creep.” “I am a guy. Guys are just more observant,” Heath said.
“Guys creep, women are observant,” Casey argued.
“How can you be observant when you walk with your eyes to the ground?” Heath asked.
“Women have great periphery vision,” Casey said. “Don’t creep.”
“Wait wait wait,” Heath said. “So, you know we’re looking at you as you pass on a sidewalk or in the hall.”
“Yes, it’s called creeping,” Casey said.
“Why don’t you look back?” Heath asked.
“Because, that would be an invitation we want more. We don’t want more. We want you to leave us alone,” Casey said.
“Wait wait wait,” Heath said. “Girls dress to attract attention, but you get mad if we look at you…”
“We want who we want to look at us. Anyone we don’t want to look is creeping,” Casey explained.
“How am I supposed to know if you want me to look if I don’t look?” Heath asked.
“Did Brenda make eye contact with you?” Casey asked.
“She can’t see me!” Heath said.
“That’s how you know,” Casey said.
Heath stood there, pouting, his arms crossed in front of him. The teacher was discussing
‘Great Expectations.’ “There is a flaw in your logic somewhere,” Heath said.
“Work the math, this is a constant,” Casey said.
“The variables aren’t constant,” Heath said. “I’m famous. If I look, girls make eye contact and swoon.”
“I am sure that happened a lot for you. I am not so easily impressed,” Casey said.
“You didn’t just summon any Joe blow, you summoned me,” Heath said. “But that’s my point. Joe would be dismissed because he’s average or not dressed right or some contextual thing that you decide is a thing which may or may not be a thing… How is that fair?”
“How old are you?” Casey asked. “Life is not fair.”
‘Life is not fair’ came out a little louder than it should.
“I am sure Charles would agree with that,” the teacher said. “Would you like to expound on your observation?”
“Not really,” Casey said. She had everyone’s attention. Heath was staring at Brenda.
“I think there’s a squirrel in her lap,” Heath said.
“I don’t think it matters,” Casey said, suddenly as if recovering from a distraction. “Pip likely would have been impressed by any girl, so the fact that the benefactor in this case is rich and powerful is just a plot contrivance that reinforces a misconception that youth are necessarily and easily mislead. Further, I don’t think we’re supposed to be analyzing this so deeply. Dickens didn’t sit down and say we need this many metaphors and this many illusions. He sat down and wrote a story, which had enough generic truth in it that it held appeal for multiple generations, but that appeal is declining because society is changing. This book is only helpful for letting us know where we were. We are much more sophisticated now.”
“Really?” the teacher said. “Explain Pip would have been impressed by any girl.” Heath comments that the teacher looks like Miss Honey from the movie Matilda.
“Boys are easily distracted. They’re fickle as the wind. Anything in their environment that’s breathing is good enough,” Casey said.
“Girls aren’t distracted?” the teacher asked.
“Of course we are. We are just as afflicted, but we have to be more practical because there are more consequences. And not just the obvious physical consequence, but serious social consequences. There continues to be a double standard in terms of exploration. This book exemplifies the double standard. Pip is Charles Dickens exploring himself through the lens of a child. Had Pip been a female, and Miss Havish a Mr. Havish, we wouldn’t be reading this… In fact, it would be considered something else altogether. The word they use for this stuff today is
‘grooming.’ This book is not about Pip. It’s about Charles exploring how his life would have been different if he had been better influenced. He secretly yearned for a Miss Havish to spin him. We all want to be guided by someone older, respectful, knowledgeable, caring… He couldn’t make her that, because they didn’t believe in that kind of adult then, and they don’t want those kind adults now.
“This book is about sex, all hidden in metaphors. You adults don’t believe in teaching sex or more emphasis would be made on making safe pathways for us to explore this fundamental aspect of our being beyond the intellectual aspect, hidden in the guise of books and metaphors. If you learned at all, you learned from the streets. We’re more advanced. We have cell phones. If you think we’re not being cultivated and groomed for a certain mindset, then you’re just as bad as every other adult who is not paying attention or refusing to address reality. Live-streaming is pushing the boundaries of what it means to be publically pornographic, turning girls of all ages into prostitutes, only we’re dancing for bitcoin and virtual hearts. It’s not love, but it’s the only attention we get these days.
“Live Streaming is pimping out so many girls these days, no one has to groom anyone for prostitution. We’re ready to sell our souls for a gaming console and shoes. Sex is the most important thing any of us will ever face and you side step it at society’s peril. Even if you wanted to teach us or help us, you’re blocked by laws and parental committees from speaking truth. There’s more money to be made off us by keeping us in the dark. If we explore it on our own in privacy, we’re given disparaging labels. If we utilize the tech available to us, we risk being exploited, sometimes by not nice people and sometimes by immature people, or worse, charged with criminal activities for sharing ourselves or for just having fun…” Casey stopped. “I don’t understand that look and I am seriously disturbed by the level attention on me…” Casey slapped the desk. “Stop looking at me!”
Her peers found other things to focus on. Casey returned her gaze to the teacher.
“What?”
“You’ve seriously been underperforming in your class work,” the teacher said.
“Or, we’re not playing the same game,” Casey said. “‘Duck and cover’ is a perfectly reasonable strategy for getting through life. Most people don’t want to be in the lime light.”
“You just want to muddle through?” the teacher asked.
“Muddled is an extremely charged word,” Casey said. “You’re measuring my value as a human being based on today’s standards. Those standards are changing. They need to change. A human should not be measured on productivity levels.”
“How would you like to be measured?” the teacher asked.
“What I want is irrelevant,” Casey said.
“No it’s not,” the teacher said.
“Nothing I say is going to make a difference,” Casey said.
“Yes, it will,” the teacher said.
Heath was now kneeling in the empty seat in front of Brenda, admiring her, and still trying to see if there was something in her lap. The squirrel came out onto Brenda desk, looking at Heath sideways, the ways squirrels do, looking all innocent. “Oh, look, it is a squirrel,” he said, going to pet the squirrel. The squirrel bit him and he jumped and waved his hand about trying to dislodge the squirrel, yelling the whole while.
“Fine! I want the adults in this world to start acting like adults. I want people to better police their straws and come up with environmentally friendly glitter options because I like glitter but would gladly give it up if it comes to that and less packaging material in general. I would like to put less emphasis on competition and more on cooperation, no more shows like Survivor where people have to pretend to be nice before they stab you in the back, and fewer shooter games, fewer guns in general, get rid of borders and passports and treat the world as if everyone is a citizen of something bigger than your neighborhood block party,” Casey said. “Yeah, not going to happen. Bigger, better, brighter, and more talented people have been pushing that message, but unfortunately, humanity is in its adolescence and it’s going to take hitting rock bottom before we mend our ways. Rock bottom may allow for most people to continue, but you can say good bye to the dolphins, whales, most the fish, elephants, rainforests, and penguins. Tell me again why you’re pushing Dickens when the whole world is an upside down pyramid about to tumble?”
The teacher had no response. The squirrel had been thrown off and scurried right back to Brenda where it climbed up on her shoulder and chattered angrily at Heath. There was no evidence that Brenda was aware of the squirrel
Casey got up. “I am going to vomit,” she said, heading for the door.
“Brenda, go with her,” the teacher said.
“No!” Casey said, almost too quickly. She couldn’t help but see the hurt look on
Brenda’s face but even as she realized it she was saying “Anyone but Brenda.”
“What’s wrong with me?” Brenda asked.
“Angry squirrels aside? Nothing, Veronica,” Heath said.
“Nothing. Everything. You’re too perfect,” Casey said, and stormed out.
“Nancy, go with her,” the teacher said. “And both of you come back…”
The restroom was directly across the hall. Heath arrived in the hall even as the door was swinging shut and then bounced forwards into the bathroom. Casey hadn’t thrown up, but she cried in the sink. Heath touched the back of her neck, conveying concern.
“Don’t touch me,” Casey snapped.
“Okay,” Nancy said, still lingering close to the door.
Casey frowned. “Sorry,” Casey said.
“Why?” Nancy asked. “That was the like most impressive thing ever. I wish I had your voice and insight. I may have to actually read Great Expectations, now.”
“How can I help?” Heath asked.
“I just want to be left alone,” Casey said.
“I think I am supposed to stay with you,” Nancy said.
Casey sighed. She collected a towel and dried her face. She nodded to Nancy. They returned to the class together. Nancy went right to her seat. Casey stared at the floor.
“May I return to my seat, please?” Casey asked.
“Eyes,” the teacher said.
Casey raised her head and made eye contact. “Thank you for coming back. That, too, is brave. Go ahead. Sit.”
“Thank you,” Casey said.
Casey stepped slightly away from Brenda’s desk because the squirrel was chattering angrily.
“I am so not perfect,” Brenda said.
“I am sorry,” Casey said.
The teacher continued her lecture. Heath and the squirrel had a staring contest but it finally settled down. Heath crossed his arms and leaned against the wall.
“I don’t believe you,” Heath said. Casey looked at him.
“Eyes forward,” Heath said.
Casey returned her eyes to the front of the room.
“Listen,” Heath said. It was gently spoken. “You say you want to be alone, but you summoned me. You’re lonely. You’re also smart. Almost all the smart people I know, they suffer with loneliness.”
Seven minutes before the bell, the teacher said: “If you can leave quietly, like for real quiet, no partying or ratting me out directly or indirectly, you’re dismissed. Casey, tarry. I want to speak with you.”
The class took the option and departed. Once the class was empty, the teacher took the seat in front of Casey and turned it about.
“Would you like to talk?”
“She reminds me of Honey,” Heath said. Casey frowned.
“No, Miss Honey, from Matilda. A little older, but that’s Miss Honey,” Heath said. Casey saw it, tried to hide a smile, bit her lip.
“Care to share?” the teacher asked.
“Do you really suppose we can solve the world’s problems in less than six minutes?” Casey asked.
“Maybe not the world’s,” the teacher agreed. “How about yours?”
“There’s really nothing wrong with me, Miss Honey,” Casey said. She closed her eyes, ignoring Heath’s laughter. “Sorry.”
“I get that a lot,” the teacher said.
“There’s nothing wrong with me that isn’t wrong with all of us. I am just human,” Casey said.
“Sometimes being human is hard,” the teacher said.
“Yeah,” Casey said. “It’s not for the weak of heart…” “Your heart okay?” the teacher said.
“Yeah, why?” Casey said.
“Well, you brought up a pretty heavy subject,” the teacher said.
“What subject? You mean sex?” Casey said.
“Are you thinking about…” the teacher asked.
“No!” Casey said. “Yes. But no!”
“Are you having…”
“No!” Casey said. “I am so not ready.”
“Sometimes our bodies tell us we’re ready before we’re ready,” the teacher said.
“My mind and body are on the same page,” Casey said. “I am really uncomfortable with this conversation.”
“Well, that’s because you’re right, we don’t allow for this conversation,” the teacher said.
“Can you discuss this with your parents?”
“Who discusses this with their parents?” Casey said. “Good point,” the teacher said. “Everything okay at home?” “Yes,” Casey said.
“Casey, you’ve spoken more today in this class than you have spoken all year,” the teacher said.
“So?” Casey asked.
“You’ve offered more substance today than in all previous classes combined, including your assignments,” the teacher said.
“Yeah, well, now I am all substanced out,” Casey said. “Seriously. You’re not likely to get another peep out of me so please don’t call on me.”
“That’s not the way it works,” the teacher said. “My expectation for sophisticated peeps is high.”
“It’s good to want things,” Casey said. The teacher didn’t get it. “That’s a movie quote.”
“Sorry, I don’t know it,” the teacher said. The bell rang.
“May I go?” Casey asked.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” the teacher asked.
“This is not 3 o’clock high. There is no bully waiting for me at the end of the day to smash my brains in. There are no storms on the horizon. It’s just another day,” Casey said.
The teacher folded her hand and nodded. Casey hurriedly departed, oblivious to the music that just started in her head.