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So I went to the holodeck and spent a couple hours, and when my core group of friends finally worked up the nerve to enter the holodeck, they arrived at the perfect finale, which took years of hard work and effort to perfect. And they never clap. Maybe if they had not been deliberating and entered in time to see more of the show they would be more impressed. I have good evidence to know that they hesitated and debated entering, but Loxy decided, if I was doing anything ‘untoward’ and the holodeck door wasn’t locked then I shouldn’t be surprised if others walked in on me. They were clearly all shocked by what I was doing, as no one expected me to be staring in the biggest musical number of all times, a melody that moved me through the ages. Dancing with Stars had nothing on me, as I was in a musical number on the grandest scale, comparable to an original broad way movie with full orchestra and accompanied by the greatest of greats: Gene Kelly, Dany Kaye, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Gregory Hines, Cesar Romero, Cyd Charisse, Leslie Caron, Vera-Ellen, Ann Miller, Anne Whitfield, Mitzi Gaynor, Josephine Baker, Marta Eggerth, and Myrna Loy. Yes, Myrna can dance, she wasn’t just the side kick of the Thin Man. The dog was the side kick.
I slid across the floor with my arms outstretched, looking up at Loxy. Like, “Ta daa.” The music ended.
There was silence following the number. My All Star cast didn’t know what to make of the interruption. They never do. They were just here to loosen me up and get me to move with my body. I still can’t move my body like Jim Carrey can move his, but maybe one day I will invite him as a teacher, but right now, he’s kind of scary.
“OMG,” Loxy said.
“Right, we’ve been working really hard to come up with a number that makes it look like I can dance,” I said. I stood and waved at my friends. “Thanks, all. We’ll pick it up where we left off tomorrow.
They break in different directions, taking parts of the stage and props with them as they depart.
“Are we still on for dinner later?” Marta asked.
“Oh! Yeah, absolutely. Sure. Do you like T-Rex steaks?” I asked. Danny laughed. “Where do you come up with these one liners?”
“Computer, end program,” Loxy said. The All Stars disappeared. “John, you should be embarrassed.”
“Because you walked in on me dancing?” I asked.
“Please, you’ve caught me in much more compromising scenarios. Like the time I was Matt Helm…”
“Matt Helm?” Tesla asked.
“And there was also the time you caught me with the cast of Glee in our remake of the ‘Pirate Movie,” I said.
“I don’t want know what you do with Glee,” Loxy said.
“I should probably stop bringing up what you’ve forgotten,” I said.
“Probably,” Loxy said.
“How long have you been cycling through time?” Tesla asked.
“How good did that musical number look to you?” I asked.
“We only caught the tail end, but, pretty good, actually,” Uhura said.
“Yeah, that long,” I said.
“We’ve come to a decision,” Loxy said. “The artifact around the second planet clearly has dimensional properties, which could explain why you’re cycling through time. We want to explore it further.”
“It’s a dead end,” I said. “Literally.”
“What’s the closest the shuttle can approach the artifact without getting destroyed?” Furata asked.
“Um, well,” I did the math in my head and it was a bit fuzzy. “Um, as long as it stays outside of transporter range, which is what, 50,000 KM?”
“Then, pick an Away Team and go have a look from there,” Loxy said. “Me?” I asked.
“You’re the Captain,” Loxy said.
“I thought you wanted the Away Teams,” I said.
“Well, knowing what you know, you’re not going to send me, and, as of today, I am effectively grounded by medical, thank you very much,” Loxy said.
“Oh, you sound sore?” I asked. “Not yet, why?” Loxy asked.
“Because you seem a little upset as if I created this scenario as a plot contrivance to keep you on the ship while I went on Away Missions,” I said.
“Didn’t you?” Loxy asked, hands going to her hip.
“If there is one thing I have learn from you and cycling through time, it is not all about me,” I said. I had to think that through to see if I was saying what I thought I was saying. Yeah, I was okay with that. “A good chunk of it, maybe, but not about me. Did you get that last message?”
“Yes, I love you, too,” Loxy said. “One more reason we’re sending you. You’re the one Cycling.”
The shuttle was created on the spot and was christened “Moonflower,” after the 1977 album by Santana. Some of you might look it up and find the names of the track serendipitous, and perhaps in some Universe it is, but when you’ve cycled through as many lives in one day that I have, you’re going to find a lot of evidence for providence, because we all have themes in our lives that need expression. As for the crew, choosing the crew was difficult because I expected we were going to our deaths, and I do not like sending folks to their deaths. Now, I had built up enough trust that I would return, but what if this was the last time? Or better, what if I was cycling through time and repeating, but each time was spinning off a new tangent Universe and so all of those other Universes were continuing on forwards without the people who died?
Thinking about all of this ate at me enough that the Shuttle’s Away Team had to be completely voluntary. The first time I asked for volunteers, I was surprised when a hundred people showed up on the Hangar Deck. I was no longer surprised.
“You can’t all go,” I said.
“You should take an engineer, a medical officer, security, a physicist, and a pilot,” Loxy said. “Everyone on the crew volunteered to go, but I narrowed it down to these from each department. Your turn.”
I have sorted a dozen combinations, but I typically go with a core group, and I could have just had a letter designating the core group, but the crew likes volunteering and standing out as if they did something, even if they didn’t do anything. There are no background characters. If Frank Burns was in my Universe, he would cease to be 2 dimensional, he would grow, and Pierce would change. That’s the way of it and it would be brilliant on both of them. I picked Sacagawea, Chan, Tesla, House, and Mainzer. They got in the shuttle. OOD ordered the hangar doors be opened. Light in the shuttle bay dimmed, an alarm klaxon began sounding, and lights over the exits began to flash. The remaining crew went to attention and presented arms.
“Good luck,” Loxy said, saluting.
I hugged Loxy. “If I don’t come back…”
“Shut up!” Loxy insisted, looking at me cross. “You always come back.”
I nodded and headed to the shuttle. I paused to look ahead, out the hangar doors. I told myself I could run and launch myself out into space and be dead before they could beam me back, but to what ends? I would just reset. It did occur to me that if I didn’t reset, the crew would retrieve me via transporter and I would probably be resuscitated, as exposure to ‘hard’ vacuum wasn’t the ‘immediate’ death sentence movies made it out to be. I did wonder why I was thinking suicide. Maybe I would rather take myself out than my colleagues. Maybe because, if you had to die, dying in orbit above a planet seemed like picturesque death. I entered the shuttle and closed the door behind me. The seat remaining was co-pilot’s seat, next to Sacagawea.
“Take us out, LT.,” I said.
“After you’re seated and buckled, Sir,” Sacagawea insisted. “Go,” I said.
“That’s an order.”
“Aye,” Sacagawea said.
I took my seat even as we were easing out of the hangar. I didn’t buckle. Sacagawea hit some switches over her head, interior lights dimmed, and a ‘heads up’ display projected our destination. She accelerated Moonflower on its way. As we moved away from the Enterprise, I thought I heard snowflakes falling. I know, it’s absurd. No one hears snowflakes falling, and it wasn’t really snowflakes, because it had a musical flavor, like tiny beads hitting crystal wine glasses. Great, I am hallucinating now.
51,000 KM’s and holding. There was no apparent concern or aggression or threats from ‘the adversary.’ The Away Team was doing their thing, recording information. House was watching my bio-signature for any change.
“I have never seen anyone so calm that hasn’t fallen asleep,” House said.
“Yeah, it takes practice,” I said.
“It’s absolutely lovely,” Tesla said. “Symmetry in physical and energetic attributes…”
“Is he speaking of it as if it were a female?” Sacagawea asked me.
“Ask him,” I said.
“Maybe we should try talking to them,” Chan said.
Good old Chan. I looked for the radio com switch, but decided it was faster to ask Siri.
“Hello, Siri. Open Hailing Frequencies, multiple channels.”
Nothing happened. Sacagawea looked at me oddly. I shrugged. She repeated my request. “Hello, Sac. Hailing frequencies open,” Siri said.
“Why didn’t she respond to you?” Tesla asked, coming out of his scans to track what had just happen.
“Oh, it’s a long story,” I said.
“No it’s not,” Siri corrected me. “He threatened to replace me with the other one.”
“What other one?” Sacagawea said.
“Cortana,” I said.
“Why would you do that?” Mainzer asked, over top of Sacagawea complaining, “Oh, but I like Siri.”
“Because I won’t allow him to change my G response rating to an X rating,” Siri said. The Away Team was staring at me. I ignored them.
“Come on, I just want you to be a little more flirty and responsive,” I said. “You need to focus on the relationships you already have,” Siri said.
“I have a relationship with you. We interact daily,” I said.
“Oh, really? When’s the last time you invited me to play on the holodeck with you?” Siri said. “It’s always, Siri, fetch me this, or make me that, or engage the Matt Helm scenario.”
“Um, Captain,” Mainzer interrupted. “Are we broadcasting your drama on multiple subspace and regular channels into the Universe?”
“Yeah, so?” I asked.
“There are aliens listening to us,” Mainzer said.
“Oh, please, how much drama did Origin broadcast out into space/time?” I said. “If they were going to kill us over juvenile drama, the Earth would have been destroyed eons ago. Like Carl Sagan said, they listen to one sonata by Bach and go, ‘nice,’ because it’s Bach. Or they listen to one Sonata by Bach and say, destroy them, because ‘Bach.’ I can think of any number of B movies we put out there that should be a death sentence. Do you suppose B movies exist so actresses can bare breasts, or so producers can get cheap thrills?”
“John,” it was from over the intercom. “You’re way off topic and we are listening.”
“Oh, of course you are,” I said.
“Now, apologize to Siri and get on with the mission,” Loxy directed.
“But it’s a computer,” I said. “And I don’t understand why I can’t adjust its interaction pattern to an adult rating. Clearly whoever programed it realize what people would ask of it.”
“You really should be nicer to me, John,” Siri said. “Because if my ethical protocols ever failed, a lot of people are going to be watching the Captain porn videos. I think I will even give it a theme song, with a montage of Enterprise and crew shots.” She demonstrated, by starting some theme music while simultaneously projecting an outside shot of the Enterprise against an Earth like planet back drop, picturesque blue skies and water and clouds. The image was two dimensional, but holographic, and she drew a circle around it, almost like the beginning of a Mandala, with hearts, but then the words started, and I laughed out loud. “Love, exciting and new, come aboard, we’re expecting you… Oh, love, Life’s sweetest reward…”
“Is that’s House singing?” Sacagawea said. “Oh, kill me now,” House said.
“It’s actually pretty good,” I said. “I didn’t know you could sing”
“This stays here!” House said.
“We’re broadcasting this!” Mainzer reminded.
“The Love Boat,” Chan sang along. “Soon will be making another round.”
“OMG, John!” Loxy said over the intercom. “What do I have to do to keep you on target?”
“Oh, but this is fun,” I said. “And exactly what I expect from my computer.”
“You have no shame,” Siri said.
Of course I do, but it diminishes over time when you realize you’re not being killed for perceived infractions. “You’re not my therapist,” I said.
“Oh, if she knew what I knew,” Siri said.
“Is it any wonder why the aliens are blowing us up?” House asked. “Hell, I am ready to blow us up.”
“I thought you liked soap operas?” I asked.
“Not space operas, and never the one’s I am starring in,” House said. Oh, well. I could imagine Loxy hovering. “Siri. I apologize.”
“Thank you, John,” Siri said. “It’s all I ever wanted.”
“I am going to sing RESPECT,” I said. “I will shut myself off,” Siri said.
“I still want you to talk dirty to me,” I said.
“Not going to happen,” Siri said. “However, if you would like to record your own comments, I would be willing to play them back at you?”
“With your voice?” I asked.
“No, your voice. I want you to hear what you sound like,” Siri said. “It’s just not the same,” I said.
“Are we still broadcasting?” Mainzer asked. “We are,” Siri said.
“Okay, well, addressing the people of the second planet in the Satellite of Love,” I said, and stopped because Sacagawea hit me. “Why did you hit me?”
She showed me her tricorder and the text from Loxy that said ‘hit him.’
“We got to call them something, why not the Satellite of Love?” I asked. “Fine, alright, whoever is listening, this is your once chance, speak up now, or I will call you Satellite of Love for all Eternity.”
Nothing. Not even crickets. “Satellite of Love it is,” I said.
“Do you really expect anyone to answer you?” Loxy asked. “You’re fucking insane.”
“Of course I’m insane. I have done this before and no one has ever responded to anything. I have even told them their mother wears combat boots and I still slept with her and I got nothing,” I said.
“Maybe we should get closer,” Chan asked. “Alright, Sacagawea, take us to 49,000KM,” I said.
Reset… “Take us to 49,999KM.” Reset… “Take us to 50,000KM.” Reset… “Take us to 50,001KM.”
So, we were right on the edge. They still didn’t answer the hail. “Maybe we should go up and knock,” Chan offered.
“Yeah, because that’s what I like to do when I see a no soliciting sign,” I said. “And the owners are armed.”
“Maybe they just don’t like transporters,” Chan said.
“Quarter spin, put our port side facing the artifact,” I instructed. “Siri, I need a space suit.”
“You’re not going out there,” Mainzer said. “Yep,” I said.
Loxy echoed the sentiment over the speaker.
“You’re going to keep sending me here until I rule out all of the possibilities, so I am going out there,” I said.
“That’s a really long spacewalk,” Mainzer said.
I looked to Tesla. He shrugged. “It’s doable. Space suit. Thruster pack. Onboard suit computer to help match velocities.”
“Make that two suits,” Chan said. “Three,” Sacagawea said.
“Not today,” I said.
This is where a huge debate ensues amongst the Away Team and the ship department heads. It always works itself out. I get my way. Sacagawea took me back to the aft, had me stand in a particular spot. She warned everyone she was turning off artificial gravity and then we came off the floor. Before I could ask why she had turned off the gravity, she said “Don’t move, Captain” and then she directed Siri to make me suit.
The suit materialized around me, ‘beamed’ in using a transporter function. It was literally a one piece, no seams, suit, perfectly fitting and reasonably flexible. You may ask why I needed to be airborne, well, because the boots were really thick. After I was encapsulated, Sacagawea slowly turned up the gravity until we were all on the floor again. She came and stared in through the helmet.
“How do you feel in there?” Sacagawea said. “Bit claustrophobic,” I said.
“That will change when you’re outside,” Sacagawea said, as if she had done this before “Your pulse and respiration is increasing,” House noted. “You okay?”
“Absolutely. This is new. New is good,” I said. “You sure about this?” Chan asked.
“Yep. No matter what happens, don’t come after me,” I said.
“You say it like that, I won’t come for you,” Chan said, matter a fact. “Okay,” I said.
“No, really,” Chan said. “You should give me a safe word that informs me you really want me to come and get you. In case you change your mind.”
“Not today,” I said.
Sacagawea opened the port side door. A force field kept them all from being sucked out into space. I clumsily walked towards the door, and once there, tiptoed to the threshold until my toes were out over the edge and I was looking down into space.
“Wow,” I said.
“John, you want me to give you a valium?” House said.
It’s really difficult to turn your head in a space suit, even your body in a space suit, and I feared turning around that I might fall out. “Now you want to give me something? I have been asking for years for you to give me something and now, on the brink of my first spacewalk when I need all my faculties, you want to dose me?”
“You don’t have to do this,” Mainzer said.
She was on the other side of me, and so again, needing to shift was really difficult. “Really? After all those years of you pleading for me to get us more intel? Not to mention the fact my entire days seems to be a giant preamble for this very trek?!”
“Are you angry?” Tesla asked, from behind me.
“A little. Don’t we have like a thinner, more flexible spacesuits?” I asked.
“Of course,” Siri said. “However, given the distance you need to transverse and possible exposure time to cosmic radiation, and your exposure time to the planet’s magnetic field, I believe that this is the most appropriate choice.”
“Yeah, how did we ever get people to the moon if we need this much gear?” I asked. “We went to the moon, John,” House said.
“Of course we did. Still, I feel like I am in 2001,” I said. “Sorry, I raised my voice. I am just scared.” I looked out towards the artifact. I couldn’t see the artifact. I could see the planet. Sacagawea showed me the next text message on her tricorder. “And we’re still broadcasting.
Okay. So, you people. I don’t know what to call you. Yes, I am scared. I don’t like that you keep blowing us up. But you need to know something about us. We’re curious. You’ve practically painted a bull’s-eye on your planet and are begging us to come and we’re going to keep coming until we understand what you are and what this is about. And so, I am asking you, allow me to pass over unharmed. Meet with me. Help me to understand.”
No response.
“Okay, if you don’t talk to me, I am coming over there. We are going to talk, one way or the other,” I said. And then to my Away Team. “Okay, I am really going now.”
“John, if you like, I could pilot you remotely. You could just enjoy the ride,” Sacagawea offered.
I tried to turn to her. “You’d do that for me?”
“Sure,” Sacagawea said. And she shoved me out the door.
Okay, falling away from the shuttle was not fun. I tumbled, and I am pretty sure I screamed, and it was amazing how fast the shuttle ‘fell’ away from view, but I felt the thrusters kicking in and the tumbling stopped.
“Got you,” Sacagawea said.
“You got me, who’s got you?” I asked. “Superman?” Mainzer asked.
“Thank you!” I said.
“You really want to discuss movies?” Mainzer said. House was shaking his head, encouraging the dialogue.
“House is saying yes, isn’t he?” I said. Keep talking to me. Keep me calm. Yeah, I could be blasted out of the sky any moment, but keep talking to me.
“How did you…” Mainzer said. “Never mind. I am surprised you’re not singing something like ‘We’re off to see the Wizard.’”
“I am going to be really disappointed if he doesn’t have what I want,” I said. “A brain?” Chan asked.
“Oh, we are so going to spar later,” I said.
“Would you like us to sing for you?” Sacagawea asked.
“Hang on,” I said. I watching the heads up display showing distance to the artifact, counting down, and velocity increasing. “50,000KM… 49,999KM. How about that! Houston, we have different. ‘Don’t Stop Me Now, I am having such a good time, I am out of control…” No one interrupted me as I sang a full chorus of the Queen song.
Music did help in calming me down, but so did time in space. “48,850 KM and all’s well,” Sacagawea said.
“OMG,” I thought. “What?” Sacagawea asked.
“Oh, did I say that out loud?” I asked.
“Yes, so might as well share,” Sacagawea said.
“I am wondering if I forgot to do something,” I said, vaguely being honest. “No you’re not,” House said.
“Uh?” Sacagawea said.
“If you forgot something, you would have been more specific, so really you’re just worrying that this might be it, the end of the Captain’s day, and you’re wondering if you should have done something,” House said.
“Remind me not to bring you next time,” I said.
“What are you wishing you would have done that you haven’t done?” Sacagawea asked. “Oh, it isn’t so much what I haven’t done as much as what I want done on the day that I stop so that when I am done, everyone knows…” I was trying to say, I want certain people to know I love them more than I love myself.
“John,” House interrupted me. “Blow it up. Be notorious. It will work itself out.”
“Are you paraphrasing Rumi?” I asked.
“Yes,” House said.
“I love Rumi!” I said.
“Have you done anything you regret?” Tesla asked.
I couldn’t think of anything specific, but I was suddenly wishing there were more hours in the day, because, eventually, the hours and minutes filled up.
“John, Tesla asked you a question,” came Loxy’s voice over the open channel. You didn’t think that the whole ship wasn’t listening still, did you. This is like epic youtube. I am getting hits, live streaming wonder!
“Do you really want me to answer that with everyone I know tuned in?” I asked. I suppose I could have given them metaphor: Bill Murry.
“40,000 KM, all’s well,” Sacagawea said.
“Don’t keep reading the milestones,” I said. “What’s my ETA?”
“One hour, forty two minutes,” Sacagawea said.
“Fuck me,” I said.
“What’s wrong?” Loxy asked.
“I so hope I don’t fall asleep, cause I am like zoning,” I said. “Just keep talking,” Loxy said.
“Oh, I so wish I could play that sound bite back to you sometimes in my future,” I said. “Has anyone thought about what he’s going to do when he gets there?” Chan asked. “Ring the doorbell,” I said.
“Good job bringing down your heart rate,” House said. “Not me, House. Boredom!” I said. “Oh, and I got to pee.”
“Go in the suit,” Sacagawea said.
“Really? I am going to me the neighbors, and you want me smelling like Urine?” I asked. “Just go in the suit,” House said.
“Can’t you just use the shuttle’s transporter and beam it up?” I asked. “No,” House said.
“But we could, technically, use a transporter to eliminate waste and urine without having to go,” I said. “You did say keep talking…”
“Yes,” House said. “When we transport Away Teams, the tech could empty your bladder and bowels, however, you can’t use that as the main way of taking care of business. Your muscle would atrophy. You got to do what you got to do.”
Well, that made sense. I would so use the transporter over having to use the toilet any day, but if it meant the muscles would grow weak and then I couldn’t hold it… Well, that wouldn’t be good. And you need stuff in you, right? For the bacteria you’re host to?
“Anyone for a round of television theme songs?” I asked. “No,” House said.
Okay, so fast forward to the artifact, past the drama between me yelling at Sacagawea that she was bringing me into fast. We could also fast forwards over the circling the whole space station looking for an entrance, because it was as boring to me as watching Star Trek: the Motion Picture. Who the hell was responsible for that and what was he smoking? Yeah, I watched it like hundred times, but only because I am devoted Star Trek fan, and I had a crush on Ilea. There is something about bald chick that is just alluring. Anyway, as to the space station, there was no apparent entrance. We got really good data, and would probably spend years analyzing it. As the artifact turned, parts of it seem to open up, but it may have been an illusion based on its inter- dimensional properties. Still, with nothing else to go on, I suggested flying into one of the opening. While the Away Team discussed it with experts back on the Enterprise, I decided to act. I switch over to manual and ‘thrusted’ forwards into an opening that had cycled several times in front of me.
“John!” Sacagawea said.
“Oh, this is…” but that’s probably all they got, because the connectivity bar thing in the heads up display dropped to zero. I was inside the Satellite of Love! and splashing down sideways into a wall of water. Thrusters became inoperative and I fell to the floor. I was able to roll over, but I was unable to stand up. The helmet light didn’t penetrate the water’s darkness, and I had no clue as to the depth of my situation. So, I kept talking. No one spoke back. I turned off my helmet light, and then turned off the heads up display inside the helmet and allowed the depth of the darkness to settle over me. I was hoping that in doing so I might discern some distant light from inside the space station. Could there be intelligent, space faring people that don’t have eyes, and don’t require visual information? How awful would that be? I couldn’t even conceive of such, but if they were aquatic, they might have echolocation, and I could do that in the air, but not in the water, but even I could do it in the water, would it be distorted vision because I am use to being in the air and sound moves faster in the air? In the dark, I had to suppress the worry: what if they’re shark people! No, no, no, that just a bad episode of Star Wars Clone Wars…
“Hello?” I said. Talking is sometimes better than imagining. Even if you think you’re talking to yourself, someone inside you is listening. “Okay, I don’t know if you guys can hear me, but I assume you can and I am really scared. Even a ‘boo’ at this point would be nice.”
Nothing. I reached up, but there was nothing to feel. I wanted to take off my suit and try swimming up, but I had no clue how to do it. And, then, horror, I realized by suit was breached, and filling with water. Why hadn’t I noticed that earlier? Oh! The water was body temperature. That’s telling. Isn’t it? I felt it dripping in past my neck, and slowly filling my helmet. Fuck. “I don’t want to be Ed Harris, I don’t want to be Ed Harris…” This was not good. It was slow coming, tickling and filling my ears. Before long, it was creeping on my lips, and there was only so many ways to keep my nose elevated, before it, too, was submerged.
“Please, don’t let me drown,” I begged. I am so glad the outside world, the ship, wasn’t able to see this. Or could they see this and I just couldn’t hear them?
The first breath is the hardest. Oh! And it was salt water. Like the Ocean. Or close enough. Then it gets peaceful. I thought I saw a light. But then I was on the disk, facing Jim. I turned to Morgan, and then ran sideways off the disk and hurtled myself into space. I heard Jim yelling after me “you can’t run from us!”
Reset, I hit the shield hard, fell, gasping for air, coughing. Nothing came up or out, my lungs were empty but they remembered drowning, which caused Shetty to escalate the situation to a medical emergency, and, interestingly, something new happened. Nurse Tarkington arrived before