I became an expert in modern space suits. I now knew how to make it ‘disintegrate’ away on command. The suits were similar to the shuttles in that they were energy condensed into a non- permanent configuration of matter, photonic matter. If you ask me how, I would explain ‘artificial’ matter resembled regular matter in every way, only it was missing a crucial particle which caused it to be unstable, giving it a predictable half-life. It could also be forced to decay more rapidly. After several weeks of recuperating and getting my mind over drowning, which would probably result in PTSD like symptoms if I could stop cycling and experience some nightmares, which is one of the criteria and one I couldn’t have because I wasn’t actually sleeping, I was ready to return to the Satellite of Love.
Once I was inside, I instructed my spacesuit to deconstruct. As soon as it was gone, I inserted a modern scuba regulator that took air right out of the water, so I didn’t have to carry my own supply. I also brought a mask, put it on, and filled it with air through my nose. I explored the habitat for hours, lost in turns, and the longer I stayed, the more claustrophobic I got, but I never found another level or an exit, or anything remotely helpful, and they only way out was to drown, or fall asleep with the breather in my mouth. I didn’t ever meet one of the occupants.
Reset. The next time, I bypassed the Satellite of Love all together, and headed for the planet. Yeah, it was surrounded by a shield, but I was curious if it would allow a person in a spacesuit to pass.
“John?” Sacagawea said. “You are off target.”
“On purpose,” I said.
“John, what are you doing?” Loxy asked.
“Just curious if the shield is permeable to objects, like our force fields for atmosphere containment,” I said.
“And if it is, wouldn’t it be nice to have told us so we could have given you a high altitude parachute?”
“Good point,” I said.
“Turn around, now,” Loxy said. “Sorry, you’re breaking up,” I lied.
“Don’t be stupid, I know you can hear me,” Loxy said. “Don’t make me send the shuttle in after you.”
“Hold your ground, Sacagawea. Even if you don’t get blasted, you wouldn’t get here before I hit atmo,” I said.
“Sac, override his suit and bring him back,” Loxy said.
“I am trying,” Sacagawea said. “I think he’s locked me out of my overrides.”
“John!” Loxy yelled.
“It’s okay, Loxy.”
“No it’s not. You can’t bring me into the world and then leave me alone,” Loxy said. “We’re going to have a baby.”
“I know,” I said. “How…”
“Penalty,” I said.
“Come and claim it,” Loxy said. “I will claim it tomorrow,” I said.
“And if I don’t remember?” Loxy said. “Do you trust me?” I asked.
“Pff, not in your life,” Loxy said.
“So, tomorrow when I say you owe me a favor and I want to cash in, you are going to deny me?” I asked.
“Probably,” Loxy said. “Even if I say ‘trust me?’”
“I will laugh in your face,” Loxy said. “You never laugh at my jokes,” I said.
“I will if you lead with trust me,” Loxy said.
“Too bad, you might have liked your penalty,” I said. “Come home,” Loxy said.
“I always do, love,” I said. “Really wish I had a surfboard.”
Loxy laughed. OMG, she was ‘cracking’ up. “That was an awful movie. I still haven’t figured out why you watched it more than once.”
“Because of the scene with the astronaut trying to talk the smart bomb out detonating, Awesome, existential dialogue,” I said.
“I am warning you, if we meet that ship in this universe, I am blowing it up,” Loxy said. “Fair enough,” I said. “Just had an idea. We could run through the lines from the Abyss, where Ed Harris is falling, and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio is trying to keep him talking.”
“Say -gain?” Loxy said.
“I think you’re really breaking up this time,” I said.
Nothing. Okay. Apparently the shield harmonics or the planet’s electromagnetic field was interfering. This was really going to hurt if this shield was as hard as the one in Star Wars Roque One. The planet loomed, filling the helmet so that no matter how I turned my head, I could not find space. I could feel my heart racing. I had to turn off the heads up display because it was reminding me that my heart was elevated and it was annoying me enough to be considered a negative biofeedback loop. Or is that positive feedback. Positive, because it was positively adding effect. I sometimes get that mixed up. Right before I smacked into the ‘wall’ of the shield, it opened, like the Nile parting ways so that a rag tag fleet of space explorers could escape the Cylon menace. Yeah, I know, I am butchering it. I had met Jim and Morgan and somehow I suspect they would appreciate my attempt at humor.
And, in case you’re wondering, I had pre-arranged with Siri to have my spacesuit to have a high altitude parachute, without alerting the crew of my plan, because they get really stressed when I do something stupid like this. That, and falling to your death from orbit is a real bitch.
Well, in fairness, it was probably the same level of bitch from an airplane or a balloon, only, you have a lot more time to think about things and wonder, why the hell didn’t I bring a chute, but surprisingly, the belief that you would die of a heart attack before hitting is simply bunk. But I still couldn’t inform the crew what I was doing, because no matter how much they believe me when I tell them I am cycling, they just can’t mentally accept the reality of it, and so they were not going to allow me to throw myself in front of a train. Which was odd, they were okay with me visiting the space station, but not dive bombing a planet. If you want consistency, you came to the wrong universe.
I discovered falling from more than 50,000km out is not as bad as stepping out of a Cessna at 10,000 ft. Probably because the approach is so long and boring that by the time you start feeling the buffeting of atmosphere against your suit you’re ready for something, anything to happen. Emergency shields popped up, absorbing much of the initial heat and redirecting it around me. As soon as the re-entry burning part was done, and the air began to have a noticeable effect on my speed, an incredibly small parachute deployed, starting the first of a series of decelerations, followed by bigger and bigger chutes until I was going so slow I might have thought I was tethered to a dirigible. I landed without so much as thud on solid Earth, and my suit, and all the chutes dissipated like so much snow flurry of light around me.
I rolled over onto my back and looked up into the sky, laughing. Something new and different! I was breathing air on an alien land! I even laughed when the huge Tongan men and women gathered around me. I stood up to greet them. They appeared perfectly primitive, and friendly, but given the nature of the planetary shield, I would not allow myself to assume so.
“Good afternoon,” I said. “I am Captain John Harister, of the starship Enterprise.”
“The boss would like to speak to you now,” the closest male said. “This way.”
“Sure. And thank you,” I said.
“For?” he asked.
“Not killing me,” I said.
“We do that later. First, you must speak to the boss,” he said.
He led, I followed, the men and women surrounding me to keep me from wandering in a direction different than they intended. I am pretty sure the women were flirting with me, but that could just be me. In fairness, I think a couple of the guys were, too, but I passed it off as celebrity and novelty. How many people parachute in from space? We approached a small village with one anachronistic feature: a large, white, plantation style house. We approached the front of the house, passing through a picket fence, and on either side of the walk young women of every race danced hulu style, and there was singing and giggling, and many of the young ladies rushed me to put a lei over my head and kiss me, and this continued until I was even at the verge of going up the steps of the house. I heard female on the porch asking, “Why does he seem so happy? He does know understand we have to kill him, right?”
“I can hear you,” I said. Yeah, I was ogling women, but I could still hear!
The man on the porch clapped and all the Mardi Gras level of attention ceased and the people sat down where ever they were to watch the proceedings. The male and female on the porch were wearing matching, white suits, I mean pure white, with white jackets. They both had black ties, and the woman was wearing a skirt that reached her knees and black hose, and when I stopped measuring her legs and finally met her eyes, and the eyes of her friend, it dawned on me, I knew them! I knew him!
“Kahn!” I said.
“I go by Mr. Roarke here,” he said. “And this my lovely assistant, Julie. Perhaps you remember her?”
“Julie,” I said, nodding. “I would prefer Ariel”
“Of course, but you have not paid the fifty thousand dollars necessary for a fantasy,” Roarke said.
“Bunny Ranch in Vegas is cheaper,” I said. “You get what you pay for,” Roarke said.
“Nice,” I said. “Now, this banter is really fun, and I would normally like to see where it goes, but since Julie and your Tongan Oddjob, hitman want-to-be minus the hat have both hinted at my future demise, and I would like to maximize the time I have remaining with questions and answers.”
Roarke nodded and gave a hand gesture. “By all mean, ask as many questions as you like.”
“Are you responsible for locking me into a temporal loop?” I asked. “We are not,” Roarke said.
“Really?!” I said.
“Sorry, we had nothing to do with that,” Roarke said.
“He seems really disappointed, Mr. Roarke. Maybe we should give him a free fantasy,”
Julie said.
“Ah, my dear, we never give fantasies to the fantasy prone,” Roarke said. “But why not?”
“Do you remember what happen to John Malkovich?” Roarke asked. “Oh, yeah, that poor man,” Julie said.
“What else would you like to know, Captain?” Roarke said. “Oh, please, call me Ishmael,” I said.
“Well, you seem to be as determined as Ahab,” Roarke said.
“Actually, I think Ishmael and Ahab are the same character, where Ishamel is Ahab reborn after smashing through the white wall,” I said.
“Very interesting,” Roarke said. “But I think I shall call you, John.”
“That’s interesting,” I said. “So, you’ve clearly been listening to my hails. Are you who you actually seem to be?”
“He’s very intuitive,” Julie said.
“Very,” Roarke said. “It’s probably why they gave him a pass?”
“Gave me a pass? What pass?” I asked.
“You’re here because you were given a pass,” Roarke said.
“Pass?! You guys have blown up my crew, my ship, and drowned me like over dozen times,” I said. “How is that a pass?!”
“Our employers needed you to understand how serious they are at enforcing this no fly zone,” Roarke said.
“So, the employers are responsible for my time loop?!” I asked.
“No. They were merely taking advantage of an opportunity to demonstrate their resolve,” Roarke said.
“That’s kind of screwed up, if you ask me,” I said.
“I am truly sorry for any discomfort you have had, but the employers believed it was necessary,” Roarke said.
“Are your employers the ones responsible for creating the Earth Cluster?” I asked.
“They are one of five races that have put substantial investments in the human venture,” Roarke said.
“So, if this world is so important, why put it right here, out in the open?” I asked. “It’s practically in the middle of a major traffic corridor between the Earth Cluster and the Milky Way!”
“I only work for them, Sir, I don’t understand or question their methods,” Roarke said. “What is this place? What is the shield protecting?” I asked.
Roarke stepped forward and down a step, sitting down on the porch. Julie emulated him, adjusting her skirt over her knees. God! Why am I so easily distracted by a skirt, even after all this time? It’s so annoying to be me.
“I have been authorized to answer question, John,” Roarke said. “My personal opinion is it would be better if you didn’t know. I would prefer not answering it. But I am authorized to answer anything you want to know and do my best to make sure you understand why this planet is off limits.”
“Why does that sound so ominous?” I asked.
“Because knowing could seriously impact your life, and the outcome of the experiment,” Roarke said. “Don’t assume for a moment that just because all five species put resources into this endeavor that they necessarily want it to succeed. Sometimes, success is proving something through failure. I am bias. I want it to succeed.”
“You’re human, then,” I guessed.
“Of course,” Roarke said. “And well respected. You’ll probably find me a dozen times over out there amongst the stars, variations on a theme.”
“I hope all the ones I encounter are so hospitable,” I said.
“Me, too,” Roarke said. “But if you find me in a black suit, run.”
“Oh,” Julies said. “You don’t think he’s out there, do you?”
Roarke patted her knee the way he would a daughter. If I patted her knee, it would be less innocent, even if it stopped at the knee pat and went no further. Roarke motioned for someone to bring Julie and him a lemonade.
“John,” Roarke asked. “Do you trust me?”
“I don’t know you,” I said.
Roarke accepted his lemonade from the young lady who fetched it for him. “No, John.
Not with your brain. Use your heart. Intuitively, do you trust me?”
“You’re kind of bigger than life, touching something archetypal…”
“Do you trust me?!” Roarke asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“Then don’t ask any questions. Go and play with the people. Make a new lady friend, any one here would be happy to play with you. Go to the shore and swim with the dolphins. Go visit with Koko the gorilla. Yes, she is here, too, and is the bridge between her kind and ours,” Roarke said. “Do anything you want, but don’t ask questions.”
There was an earnestness in his plea. I think I have made the same request of my crew, not to ask me questions. But I still hadn’t learned to trust. After all these years, I still haven’t learn to trust. I song played on the periphery of my mind: ‘How many roads must a man walk down, before you call him a man…’
“Even after all this time,” Roarke said. “The sun never say to the Earth, you owe me.
Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky.”
“I get that. I love that. But I really want to know what’s going on here,” I said. Roarke nodded, sipped his lemonade and then set it on the porch.
“Okay,” Roarke said.
“Are you sure, Mr. Roarke?” Julie asked, holding her glass.
“It will be what it will be, Miss Julie,” Roarke said. He measured his response thinking it through, even looking up into the sky as if seeking answers from another source. And then he committed. “Imagine, if you will John, the entirety of the human race, from the very first human, to the very last, existing all in one place and time, together. Altogether, there were more humans living on Origin in the last days than all the humans who ever lived previously. Spread through the earth Cluster, everybody got brought back at least once. Many people got brought back two or three times. People like Mark Twain, well, he was so well loved by any who knew him, every age of him exists, almost every hour of him, somewhere, out there, you will find lots of him. But there were some who were so hated, considered so vile, that if people knew they, too, were brought back, there would be war and rebellions. Even people who have had their memories wiped or altered will have visceral, strong reactions to this knowledge, maybe even to the point where they would rage or murder or suicide. Ask yourself, if you arrived at Heaven and were a given a place next to the greatest man you ever imagined, and on the other side of you was the worst man you ever imagined, could sit down and dine? Even if God himself asked you to sit down and commune, would you be able to let go of all your preconceptions of love and not feeling worthy to sit next to one and the fears and hate of the other, and still sit down next to your perception of either? And I do mean your perception; what you know is limited, and what God knows, well, that’s beyond us. If I told you baby Hitler was alive, on this planet, would you blow this planet up?”
I didn’t answer. I sat down on the ground. Roarke waved and someone brought me a coconut water. I looked at it skeptically.
“I assure you, it is not poisoned,” Roarke said. “You have not answered my question.”
“They brought back Hitler?” I asked.
“Everyone got brought back at least once. There was no other fair way to sort it,” Roarke said. “This planet we are own, it is paradise. Every human that was ever born, some that weren’t born, due to abortions or medical issues, every human ever conceived, even some fringe non humanoid people, everyone sentient being born on Earth is here, right now, as infants. The adults you see here, my friends, my staff, Julie and myself, our purpose is to help care for these children, raise them to adults, and when they are mature enough, present them with life reviews so that they can understand the how and the why behind their life on Origin. And why they are here. Everyone here will have a new life, a new perspective, an opportunity to serve the whole of humanity in a positive way, but if they decide they can’t, or won’t, they will likely remain planet bound here until the end.”
Julie got up and approached me, kneeling to scrutinize me closer. “You’re crying,” she said. She looked back. “He’s crying.”
“No one left behind,” I whispered.
“No one left behind. What else would you like to know?” Roarke asked.
“I am overwhelmed at the moment and can’t think,” I said.
“There is no rush. You may stay as long you like, but you will not be allowed to return here again. You got one pass, learn what you can,” Roarke said, standing. “Julie, give the good Captain a tour or our immediate facility.”
“Certainly,” Julie said standing. She offered me a hand and a smile.
Julie led me to the back of the house and to a vehicle, basically a flying car, and she took me into town. Town! This was going from a pocket farm community near the shore with no roads all the way to Emerald City! It was a city that made the Logan’s run city seem quaint. It was bigger and grander in scale than any city on Earth, and most likely the most well thought out city, in terms of meshing nature with modern building, and it may well have been made of gold and silver and diamonds and was just spectacular from any perspective. There were parks and bike cycle pedestrian paths and public transit. The only cars were flying cars. We landed on a helipad and descended into an office. The only ‘furniture’ in the office was the AVH pedestal, very much similar to the one from the Safe Haven adventures, and which were available to the ship’s crew just outside of Xanadu. Julie started to explain the device.
“Auditory and visual holistic virtual interface that offers direct computer brain interaction,” I said.
“Oh, you have access to the Tech. So, you understand, the inhabitants of this city will have complete access to any experience they want to have, whether it is virtually contrived or actual, re-experienced memories from people long past,” Julie explained, inviting me to place a hand on it and join her in a virtual experience. Her expression suggested she understood my hesitation. “It really is the fastest way to learn all about us in the time you have.”
I brought my hand up to the top of the pedestal, pushing in towards the ‘sweet spot’ that wasn’t quite touching it, but the connection was as palpable as touching a vibrating plate. I was suddenly standing next to Julie, in the same room, looking at ourselves touching the AVH pedestal.
“Pretty cool, eh?” Julie asked. “All of history can be accessed at one of these stations. All knowledge is knowable. Not Just Earth’s history, but all of Cosmic History is knowable. But mostly, we focus on Origin. Earth. Everything knowable about earth is available. If you wanted, you and I could conduct a life review right now, and we could re-experience your entire life from cradle to grave, from first person, from second or third person, and even several perspectives simultaneously. We can experience your direct impact on others, and you can finally understand what others really thought and felt about you.”
“Why would I want to do that?” I asked.
“It isn’t a requirement, just an offer,” Julie said. “It is also possible for you to experience any person’s life you want to experience. Would you like to be Marilyn Monroe for the day? Or, you could live her whole life, experiencing it as if you were actually her, taking on the memories and feelings and thoughts, as if it were really you, or from an observer point of view.”
“How is that not an invasion of her privacy?” I asked.
“People from your point in history have the greatest hang up with that,” Julie said. “Privacy, as you have come to know it from 21st century doesn’t exist in Space/Time, and the sooner you get over your concepts of privacy, the better. There is no absolute privacy. You might as well ask the sun not to shine, keep its light hidden. Human lights are the same. Everything you think and feel and do is radiated out into space/time like stars in the night, and that information can be recorded. Your light has an impact on others, and you have always known that. Don’t you recall don’t hide you light under a bushel? But even if you don’t accept that, a fourth dimensional being sees through your fabricated walls and pockets of time and are completely amused when you believe you’re alone. You’re never alone. Ever. Everyone has a fan somewhere. You may not have the status of Roarke, but you have fans, Sir. All things in the physical realm are knowable. There is no loin cloth big enough to hide you from God, or closets sturdy enough keep skeletons bound for eternity. Whether you learn to tap into the Akashic Records directly, or Remote View, or Astral Travel, or experience a past life regression under hypnosis, or cycle through time until you experience everything directly first hand, all knowledge is knowable.”
I didn’t have a response to this. Maybe I was still processing it, or maybe it’s something I agreed with intuitively. One of the things people ask me in regards to my ability to astral project, is how to I protect myself from the ‘entities.’ Entities is my word. Most people that ask that question use the word demons. I have yet to meet a demon that was not the shadow aspect of an angel. But anyway, my response is, how do you protect yourself when you can’t astral project? I mean, if they are really out there, and you can’t see them or interact with them when you’re in the body, but they can interact with you, wouldn’t you want to have your eyes opened to what’s really going on?
“We are not physical beings, John. This is not you having an out of body experience, this is you, spirit, having a physical experience. We are being of light. Energy and information is synonymous for light,” Julie said. “And the only goal of spirit is to know and learn and increase love. That’s why we are here.”
Julie took my hand and led me out of the room, into a corridor, and quickly enough brought me to a ‘nursery.’ It was one of what, over a billion nurseries? If everyone ever born, plus some, were here, how many people would that be? 100 billion? But it was unlike any nursery I had ever seen or imagined. Even with all the sci fi fantasies I have viewed, this was… different. The nursery was a huge open space, like maybe a warehouse, but clean, and dimly lit. There was a thousand columns of light, perfectly interspaced, and in each column of light, floated a baby. Julie brought me up closer to one of the columns to examine the baby. I had only thought the baby was hovering. It was actually cradled in the arms of a woman. Her light of the column faded to off, and the ‘ghostly’ woman holding the baby solidified, smiling at me.
“Hello, John,” she said.
“Who are you?” I asked. Very Jungian of me. Yes, I have taken Jung’s advice to heart and have been asking agents their names. I probably should have asked how she knew my name.
“Mary Poppins,” she said.
“Cute, no, really, who are you?” I asked.
“I am, we are, the caretakers. We are artificial intelligence and we will be the life time companions of the children we care for. Here, on this planet, humanity’s children will never know loneliness,” Mary said. She had a wordless, private exchange with Julie, and nodded consent. “Would you like to hold him?”
I accepted the baby, gently cradling him. Yeah, I was in the AVH, but the baby felt real.
My response to it was real. “So, is this baby Hitler?”
“If I said yes, would you drop it?” Mary asked. “No, a baby is a baby,” I said.
“I would not have handed it to you had I thought you felt otherwise. You need to know, we will hold that secret, John. If your kind comes here to destroy this baby, you will have to destroy all babies, because we will jealously protect them beyond all reasonable limits. We will protect their identities.”
“Look closer, you will recognize him now,” Julie said.
I looked closer, imagining that they were going to say this was me, as a baby, and somewhere on this planet, I as a baby existed, but when it clicked, whether it was due to the AVH switching babies, or because I was finally allowing myself to ‘see’ it dawned on me I was holding my son, from Origin. OMG! My son, six months old son. I didn’t need an AVH or the Akashic Record to tap into my memories, sitting alone in my grandfather’s chair holding him. He was delivered by emergency c-section, and mother was so out of it due to meds and procedures that I spent the first three days of his life holding him and feeding him. I was so full of emotions that both Julie and Mary put their hands on me to steady me. It was not out of fear I might drop the baby, but out of love.
“You understand,” Julie said.
“I am not leaving without him,” I said, very clearly.
“There are over a hundred billion babies on this planet, do you really think you will find this one?” Julie asked.
“If it takes the rest of my life,” I said.
“John, he can’t leave here with you. We can’t make an exception for you. You’re not special. Everyone will want their babies, and it’s just not going to happen,” Julie said. “What we are doing here is that important.”
“I’m not leaving without him,” I repeated.
“How long can you stay awake?” Julie asked. It was a matter of fact, blunt, in your face ‘you are impotent’ statement.
OMG. “I hate you,” I said.
“I did say we were going to kill you,” Julie said. “And I didn’t mean, directly. This will feel like a hundred thousand deaths. Maybe more. I get the sense that you’re pretty stubborn sometimes. A lot like Roarke in that sense. You can stay here as long as you like. As long as you are able you can stay. But once you cycle, you will not return. Not physically. And probably not energetically. We have a deal with the Sumerians to distract the curious and offer them Astral tangents. What we are doing here is important.”
“I will keep coming back until I get my son,” I said.
“I assure you, this is your only opportunity to be here,” Julie said. “Learn what you can, because you’re not coming back.”
“You can’t stop me,” I said.
“No, I can’t,” Julie said. “Roarke can. You’re not the only one cycling. How do you think he knows all he knows? How you suppose he is able to provide fantasies that causes everyone to grow existentially to a new level of awareness?”
“OMG,” I said. That actually made a lot of sense, too. “How can you expect me to just walk away knowing what I know?”
“You can. You will. Walking away will be the easiest thing you do, in time. Convincing others, that might be a challenge,” Julie said.
“So, you’re just keeping everyone prisoner here?” I asked.
“No,” Julie assured me. “Anyone can leave at any time, provided they meet minimum criteria. They can even teleport away and rejoin their families as babies.”
“They? The babies?” I asked. ‘How can they decide?”
“Yep, the babies will become adults and they can decide if they want to be reunited with their families as babies, or as young adults,” Julie said. “Stop thinking so literally about time. But consider this, imagine growing up in the arms of a caretaker, never once being sat down on a crib or a floor for your first year. How healthy and loving do you imagi