Chapter 15
Horrible couldn’t resist putting Jon in the zero G environment and zapping him some, but when that only produced his own giddiness, and no discernable scientific results, which in itself is actually scientifically sound data, or results, he proceeded to have his lovely lab assistants strap Jon to a medical procedure table. Jon was very compliant with the lab tech, as he wasn’t sure they had anything on under their lab coats, and they were very nice about the whole manipulating and tying him down bit, asking if he was comfortable and then tightening the restraints further. Attached to the most forward part of the table was a miniature faraday cage, in which a Pikachu was stationed. The table was illuminated, and on the left side, seven depression, spaced evenly along the table, demarking division lines, and in the depression were Poké balls, each representing a color of the rainbow. The seven lab assistants stood next to a corresponding depression, their hair matching the color of their assigned Pokémon balls. In a way, he was reminded of race queens from Japan, ready to introduce you to the latest, most modern vehicles, spinning on a pedestal. Each of the Pokémon balls were illuminated upon being placed in the depression. The table’s surface was likely the brightest light in the room, diminished some by Jon lying on it, where everything else in the room was illuminated by ambient lighting, or the chance glow of monitors that cycled through various informational displays, or those circular lamps with lightening. Sometimes the lines of information and colors that flashed randomly over Horrible’s face made him seem all that more horrific. Doctor Horrible and Captain Friborg stood behind the panel. Jacky and Jacey were also present, standing back out of the way, quietly observing. To either side of the main station at which Horrible and Friborg were working were teleporters. One was a retrieving teleporter, the other was a sending teleporter.
“Nurse Joy, provoke the Pikachu,” Horrible said.
“I am sorry, Jon,” Joy whispered near his ear, but behind his line of sight, as she was at the head of the table.
Joy hit the faraday cage. The angry Pikachu unleashed his charge, which built up in the cage to a critical level, and only then, discharging its power through a conduit that connected to the table that eventually ran the charge through Jon.
“Ah, that’s more like it,” Horrible said. An image lit up on his screen, like an echolocation map that faded after the pulse was completed.
“Like smashing atoms in a barrel,” Friborg said.
“You mean a super collider,” Horrible said.
“No, I mean a barrel,” Friborg said. “Wait wait wait. What’s that?!”
“Aww! Yes,” Horrible said, modifying attributes of his screen through key strokes, and several analog dials. “Got it!”
“What do you got?” Friborg asked. His cat protested because his hugs were suddenly too tight, that, and it was way too close to Horrible for its comfort level.
“I have stabilized a connection to the alternate Earth’s World Wide Web,” Horrible said.
“More power, Nurse Joy!”
“You’re horrible!” Joy said.
Horrible looked at her incredulously. “Do we have to keep doing this routine? It’s my name!”
Jon cried out with the second jolt, of increased amplitude.
“This is going to be so much easier than I thought,” Horrible said.
“Is that a problem?” Friborg asked.
Horrible considered the question, reconsidered the complexity and the ease of the problem being in itself problematic: “Nah, it’ll be great.”
“Are you sure?” Friborg asked again.
“Well, nothing is ever a hundred percent pure, but I am confident enough that I have logged onto their antiquated computer system’s network,” Horrible said. “Compared to our computer system’s network, they may as well be using tin cans with strings attached, but we should have no problems interfacing, and upgrading is just a matter of switching out components and increasing bandwidth, using our multiphasic, inter-dimensional, Pokémonic signal.”
“Wait wait wait,” Jon interrupted. “Not to discourage you or anything, but you must have dialed the wrong Earth.”
“Sir, I have logged on, and have conformational return pings,” Horrible said.
“I am pretty sure my earth didn’t have the internet when I was young,” Jon said.
Friborg looked to Horrible.
“Maybe we dialed his future,” Horrible guessed.
“Or maybe it’s not his earth,” Friborg said. “I don’t want to end up in a world with rotary dial up, land line phones. Do a Pokémon search!”
“They don’t have a Pokémon search engine, which means, no Pokémon, which is exactly the kind of ideal world for us to conquer,” Horrible said.
“Does it have any search engines?” Friborg asked.
“Let’s see, something called Bing…” Horrible said.
“Bing Crosby?” Joy asked. “His music always helps Pokémon sleep better.”
“Whoever heard of a search engine called Bing. Surely there’s a Dexter, or a Siri,” Friborg said.
“Sorry,” Horrible said.
“How about a Cortana?” Friborg asked.
“Nope,” Horrible said.
“Dragon Go?” Friborg asked.
“Nope,” Horrible said.
“How can they be so advanced and primitive at the same time?!” Friborg asked. “How about a Speak TOIT?”
“Nope,” Horrible said.
“Are you just saying nope to say nope?” Friborg asked.
“Never!” Horrible said.
“Evi? Sara?!” Friborg asked.
“Nope, nothing,” Horrible said.
“We’ll change their world! Their whole paradigm! We can take over and they won’t even know what happened,” Friborg said. “I could establish my own search engine! Friborg search! I could become the sole source of information for the entire world! And they’re advanced enough that even without tech tweaks, we could colonize the other planets in their system, and we could occupy the closest star system within in several years.”
“Absolutely,” Horrible said.
“So, how do we get there?” Friborg said.
“I have located an ideal receiving site via their primitive search engine; a scientific facility capable of countenancing a resonant frequency interchange, allowing us to utilize our teleporters to send the first wave of Pokémon and their tracking devices,” Horrible said. “I have already linked to the facilities primary computer systems at the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider, Location: Brookhaven National Laboratory in some place called Upton, New York.”
“What a strange name for a city,” Jacey whispered to Jacky.
“Primitives are so absolutely primitive, even in their naming of cities,” Jacky agreed.
“Perfect,” Friborg said. “How long till we can go?”
“We can go now. In fact, we need to go now if we’re going to do it, because every zap to Jon scrambles his molecules even more, which is increasing the noise level on our side, making it harder to see the other side, that and I will not be able to maintain this level of continuity of signal strength.”
“Is it safe to proceed?” Friborg said.
Horrible shrugged. “Reasonably safe. I am confident enough to volunteer Nurse Joy to travel first,” he said.
“Send a Pokémon,” Friborg said.
Horrible called up one of the Pokémon stored in his system, planning to assign it to the Pokémon ball sitting in the console, but Friborg slapped his hand.
“Not one of ours, you dote! We need to keep ours in case this plan fails,” Friborg said.
“Log onto our world’s network and send somebody else’s Pokémon. And skipped the ball thing, just send it straight through to the other world.”
“Logging onto the network, I have randomly selected a Pokémon, yes, that should do just fine, hahaha, coupling a tracker identification tag, and transmitting now,” Horrible said. He sorted the information. “Accomplished. The Pokémon has arrived safe, tracking signature confirmed, signal strength has enhanced the continuity of our interchange signal. We got it! I can safely send people! Oh.”
“What do you mean, oh?” Friborg said.
“Oh, nothing serious. Maybe nothing serious. It’s just that someone is tracing our signal from the planet,” Horrible said. “It doesn’t matter. We can escape to the other world using our teleporter. Assigning… Oh.”
“What?!” Friborg asked.
“Pokemon are still being randomly dumped from the world’s virtual network to Jon’s world, and, their system isn’t designed to hold them. They’re manifesting everywhere,” Horrible said. “Umm, and I can’t turn it off without severing the link entirely.”
“How many are being transferred to other planet?” Friborg asked.
“Oh, maybe one or two, every ten seconds,” Horrible said.
“That sounds manageable,” Friborg said.
“No, that’s one or two, at ten to the power of eight, spread across a multiphasic bandwidth infrastructure not designed to handle this sort of…” Horrible noticed Friborg’s eyes were glazing over. “Basically, if we don’t terminate this signal, all of them!”
“All of them from this world system to their world system?” Jacky asked.
“Wait wait wait, so what you’re saying is, if we go now, we could have all the Pokémon to ourselves, because we will be the only ones with the tech and the knowledge to recapture them?!” Friborg said.
“Umm, sure,” Horrible agreed just to agree.
“This could be a real game changer!” Friborg said.
“Yep. Let’s go!” Horrible said.
“Jacey, Jacky, our gear!” Friborg said.
Jacey and Jacky grabbed their backpacks and headed to the pad.
“After you,” Jacky said.
“Why, thank you, but please, you first,” Jacey said.
“You always go first. Jacey before Jacky, that was your call,” Jacky said. “E before K.”
“Yes, but I’m feeling benevolent,” Jacey said.
“You’re always so nice to me,” Jacky said.
“We’re a team!” Jacey agreed.
“Go!” Friborg snapped.
“Team Rocket Blasting off,” Jacey said. “Goodbye cruel Pokémon world! Hello, Paradise world!”
Friborg pushed her onto the pad and she traveled. Jacky followed without being pushed.
“Wait for meeeee.” And traveled.
“Do we have time to transfer all our stored Pokémon to that world?” Friborg asked.
“No,” Horrible said. “We don’t even have time for me to sing a song, and I am feeling very sore about that.”
“Good, because I have news for you, you sing horribly,” Friborg said.
“Of course I do. I am Horrible,” Horrible said. “Best be going, now. Right behind you.”
As Friborg approached the teleporter, Friborg’s cat bit his arm and managed to free itself from his grip right before he stepped up on the teleporter. The cat ran towards the door, which opened for it, and it was gone.
“You can be replaced, you know!” Friborg yelled. “They do have cats on your world, don’t they Jon?”
Jon’s response was indecipherable due to weariness and pain.
“I told you, Pokémon are better than cats,” Horrible said.
“I’m allergic to Pokémon,” Friborg said.
“Really? You should have told me. They have shots for that,” Horrible said.
“I’m also allergic to needles,” Friborg said. “And averse to the idea of someone injecting Pokémon serum into my personhood to build up an immunity.”
“There is absolutely zero proof that it causes autism or turns people into Pokémon,” Horrible said.
“But you have zero proof that it doesn’t, either,” Friborg said.
“Just because I can’t argue with that statement doesn’t make it valid,” Horrible said.
“We’ll continue this on the other side,” Friborg said.
“We always do,” Horrible said.
And with that, Friborg stepped onto the teleporter and was gone.
Horrible took Nurse Joy’s arm, forcing her towards the pad. She resisted, kneeing him and as he doubled over, she shoved him, and he disappeared onto the teleporter. The seven lab techs saw how angry Joy was and fled the room, taking their balls as they did so. Joy ran to the table and started undoing the straps that held him down. She tried to get him off the table but he didn’t have the strength. She pulled out a potion of healing and sprayed him till he had enough of his strength back to assist her assisting.
“Come on, Jon, stand up,” Joy said. “If we get you off the table, maybe the computer will lose the link.”
Jenny and Chester arrived via the retrieving teleporter. “Stop, miscreants! We have traced you to your secret base, and now your criminal days are over,” Jenny said. “Joy?!”
“You’re too late! Help me get him off the table,” Joy said.
Jenny put Chester down and helped Joy move Jon from the table. He landed on his feet, assured them he was okay, and his knees gave way. They caught him as he went down, and brought him back up. Joy surrendered him to Jenny, ran to the computer to turn it off, and began to cry. Jenny came to her, bringing Jon with her.
“It can’t terminate the link!” Joy said. “It’s still dumping the Pokémon into an environment without any natural defenses against Pokémon, and the rate is increasing! It will be a disaster for everyone involved. I told you I wasn’t good for these spy missions! Why did you send me?!”
“They needed a Joy, not a Jenny,” Jenny said.
“Tell me you have a ‘revive’ on you?” Joy said.
Jenny pulled out a full ‘revive’ from her pocket. Joy grabbed it and administered it to Jon.
Jon stood tall, suddenly very alert.
“What happened?” Jon asked. “Where am I! Joy! Jenny! Did you two just level me up?”
“We need to shut down this connection to your origin world,” Joy said. “Do you have any ideas?”
“How in the world would I know anything about turning off your tech?!” Jon asked.
“You can’t turn off our tech, but what about your tech?” Joy asked.
“You can’t turn off your tech?” Jon asked.
“We have multiple, interlaced redundancy systems that guarantee minimum service provisions so that no one ever loses a Pokémon,” Joy said.
“However, maybe, if we took enough memory chips off line, the ship’s computer might be forced to shut off the power to the antenna array, and shunt all transmissions back to the planet,” Jenny said.
“Where are these memory chips?” Jon asked.
“You start messing with those chips, and this starship could blow up!” Joy said.
“It’s going to blow up anyway!” Jenny said, pointing at the computer monitor. “You can’t push that many Pokémon through this tight a system without consequences. Power failure is eminent.”
“So, you’re saying, blowing up the ship is preferable to sending all the world’s Pokémon to another world, and we need to accelerate the process by turning off the memory!” Jon said.
“Exactly, but I can’t authorize that,” Jenny said. She picked up her radio. “Base, I need direct contact with the Chief.”
“Hey, Jenny. This is Jenny, we’re having a big crisis down here. I am afraid reinforcements will be impossible at this time. Please stand by your radio for future updates, thank you,” Jenny said.
“There’s probably a mad rush of people trying to get their Pokémon out of the computers before they get beamed to another world,” Joy said.
“I don’t know what to do,” Jenny said. “I never been in a crisis this big before.”
“Me neither,” Joy said. “This is a real game changer!”
“Ladies,” Jon said. “This is one is easy. We blow the ship up, ending this part of the crisis.”
“It will kill people and Pokémon!” Joy and Jenny said.
“Not doing anything will Kill people and Pokémon,” Jon said. “Look, I will take full responsibility. I appear to be the oldest one here at the moment, so go with me on this. Joy, take me to the computer room. Jenny, you get as many people to abandon ships as you can.”
“I don’t know…”
“Jenny, listen to me,” Jon said. “As you pointed out, this ship is probably going to blow up anyway. It’s just a matter of time. Go save as many people as you can.”
Jenny nodded, turned to go, but he grabbed her arm. “Promise me, you’ll save my friends. They’re being held in security.”
“I promise,” Jenny said.
“Will you be able to find them in time?” Joy asked.
“Chester can find them,” Jenny said. “Can’t you boy?”
Chester barked.
“Thank you Jenny, Chester. Joy, take me to the computer!” Jon said.
Joy and Jon proceeded down a corridor, turning left, then right, until Joy hesitated at an intersection. “This way. No, this way,” Joy said.
“Joy?”
“They don’t let me wander too much,” Joy said. She took his hand. “This way, I am confident.”
Jon followed.
Crew continued going about their daily routines, not really concerned with Joy, or her Pokémon, either too busy with work or too involved in their own conversations with each other, or their own Pokémon. One girl seemed as if she was just staring at a wall, doing nothing, like an abandoned Avatar. Various Pokémon were being directed to perform certain tasks, such as plant Pokémon helping to purify the air. Still, to stay in character, Joy bossed Jon around when directly in front of people. On the occasion that someone in security colors hesitated, Joy would shout: “Hurry up, slave!” and then shove him. She would then turn to the security officer and say: “These Pokémon are getting harder and harder to tame these days.”
Most of the crew seemed to sympathize with her. A couple of the girls seemed envious, and one even demanded Joy stop and allow her Pokédex to be updated; she even went as far as checking Jon’s teeth. “Would you be interested in swapping him for a Weavile?”
“Oh, Bianca, that is so nice of you, but I already have Weavile,” Joy said.
“Well, if you bring him by my quarters later, I could breed him with my Lilligant,” Bianca said. “I have a new incubator and very eager to see what kind of egg would result between the pairing.”
“Oh, that would be an interesting pairing,” Joy said.
“I would say let’s do it right now, but I just started my shift, and it looks bad if I am playing with my Pokémon during work,” she said.
“Yeah, that can look bad, which is why I am became Pokémon nurse, so that I can could play and work at the same time,” Joy said. “By the way, if our pairing results in two eggs, may I have one?”
“Sure, I only have the one new, unoccupied incubator,” she said. “You probably have several in Sickbay.”
“Indeed,” Joy said.
“Oh, and is it okay if I invite Dawn over, too?” Bianca asked.
“The more Pokémon the better, I always say,” Joy said.
“We can dress up our Pokémon. Maybe Dawn will want to pair yours with one of hers. I so love breeding Pokémon and dressing them up. And the accessories these days are so cool, and Team Rocket pays well enough that I have been able to splurge. Between you and me, it’s the only good thing about this job.”
“I can’t wait to see your collection,” Joy said. “See you later, Bianca.”
“I’ll make tea for us while our Pokémon play together,” Bianca offered.
“Sounds lovely,” Joy said. “Bye now.”
And once out of ear shot. “OMG, that was close,” Joy said. “But I am curious that pairing, now.”
Before Jon could say something, security officer Tecia interrupted her. “Joy!” she called out. “I am getting complaints that you’re too soft on your Pokémon. You got to show them who’s boss.” Tecia said, demonstrating a technique called a joint lock, even as she was speaking to Joy: a simple thumb grab and twist sent Jon whimpering to his knees. “Notice how he is completely powerless to resist or fight back. Now, granted, you couldn’t do this to an electric Pokémon, unless you have gloves on, but don’t let this one intimidate you. If you come by my office, I can show you tons more useful techniques, which would actually make it easier for you to administer cures. Take this joint lock, for example. I find this one very effective, and I can have a Pokémon licking my toes in no time,” Tecia said. “I said lick my boots!”
Jon complied, licking her boots.
“See?”
“Very effective,” Joy said.
“Here, let me show you,” Tecia said, transferring Jon’s thumb to her. “No, bend it back a little… That’s it!”
“She said, lick my toes,” Joy insisted.
Jon complied, licking the toes that spilled out of her open toe nudist Goose bump Napa Sandals.
“Oh, and may I say, though your shoes are seriously not appropriate for work attire, they are extremely smashing,” Tecia said. “Where did you get them?”
“Oh, these old things?” Joy asked. “Did I tell you to stop licking!”
“The way you handle him and wear those pumps just gives me chills,” Tecia said. “I don’t care what the others say about you. You should come by after hours and we have some drinks while he licks our toes. I will show some special moves I don’t share with just anyone.”
“That sounds awesome,” Joy said. “Please, forgive me. Got to get this one back to Sickbay.”
“Of course,” Tecia said. She gave a serious determined looked to Jon. “You behave for her, or I swear you will be licking more than my toes.”
“Thank you! I bet he gives me no more trouble,” Joy said.
“Yeah. Usually, once you get them licking your toes, you can get them to do anything,” Tecia agreed.
An alarm klaxon went off, giving both Joy and Tecia a start.
“Warning, a Jenny Officer has been spotted on board. All personal, abandon ship, fall back to your assigned secondary, planet side posts,” came the voice. “This is not a drill. Selfdestruct sequence will be initiated. Abandon ship!”
“Come, I will get you to a life pod,” Tecia said.
“No, I got to go check the Nurses Station, just in case,” Joy said. “Go save as many as you can!”
“You’ve always inspired me, Joy,” Tecia said. “Here we go, Team Rocket, blasting off again!” Tecia took the arm of the girl just standing there and got her to a life pod, where she handed her off to one of the occupants, before running to her duty station.
As soon as she was gone, she said: “Good old, Jenny. Oh, that tickles…You can stop licking my toes now… Oh!” She let go of his thumb, drawing her foot up and away, her knees turning in.
Jon collapsed to the floor, grabbing his thumb. “That hurt!”
“Sorry, just playing the part, come on!” Joy said. “I will kiss it and make it better later. Promise.”
Jon and Joy arrived at the computer room, clearly marked ‘computer room’ in Pokémon script, and entered. They slid to a stop. Terror looked up. She pulled a weapon. Jon stepped in front of Nurse Joy.
“This is all your fault!” Terror cried.
“My fault? I was the one tied up, and you were in charge of torturing me,” Jon said.
“You gave in way too easy!” Terror said. “You tricked me into a false sense of confidence.”
“Or, I gave in cause I like you,” Jon said.
“You won’t trick me again,” Terror said.
“I am not trying to trick you,” Jon insisted. “If I could save the ship, and all the Pokémon and all the girls, I would so do that, but nothing is going to stop this ship from blowing up, and time is running out to save who we can.”
“If this ship self-destructs, thousands of Pokemon will be lost forever,” Terror said.
“The situation is worse than that,” Jon said. “Help me and Joy and I will help you save as many of these Pokémon as we can.”
“I don’t believe you,” Terror said.
“Tell me what I can do to convince you, and I will do it. I will say anything, promise you anything,” Jon said.
“And that’s the problem with men! They will do anything and promise your anything,” Terror said. “That’s why I have joined with Friborg, the one last honest man.”
“The one who just jumped to a new world without you?” Jon asked.
“He wouldn’t do that,” Terror said. “He promised me a world of my own. For me, our Pokémon, and future children!”
“Yeah, well, he and Doctor Strangelove just shipped out, together, actually, which, is kind of gay, come to think about it, like Bert and Ernie kind of gay,” Jon said.
“Doctor Horrible,” Joy corrected.
“I was making a joke,” Jon said.
“I don’t get it,” Joy said.
“Yeah, well, Maybe Loxy is right about me. Forget the joke. Terror, please, I want to help you,” Jon said.
“I don’t believe you’d work with me after what I did to you,” terror said.
“Saving lives is more important than any personal grievances,” Jon said.
“Please, people still hold grudges,” Terror said. “You’re trying to trick me.”
“I’m not trying to trick you. Yes, people hold grudges, but I am really not holding any, but assume maybe there’s something, hidden in my unconscious that needs working out between us, we can pursue that later, right now, this moment, saving as many people and Pokémon as we can takes precedence. Saving our worlds trumps anything you and I hold. The fates of two worlds depend on what you and I choose to do in this very moment.” He moved closer to her.
“Look into my eyes. You were already there, you know the landscape, I’m pretty simple. Look into my soul. People like you and I, well, we’re usually background characters that don’t ever get any play, never get a chance to shine, but this is our moment, and we need to take it. This is an Ash Pikachu moment. This is a Captain Kirk or James Bond moment.”
“There is only one way you can convince me,” Terror said.
“Tell me!” Jon said.
Terror drew a pastel, pink Pokémon pencil out of her pocket. The next thing Jon knew was that he was kissing her as if there was no tomorrow. Terror ended the kiss, looked him in the eyes, convinced, touching his face, breathless.
“Oh, I am like so convinced,” Joy said.
“I will help you,” Torror said. “I will follow you to the ends of the earth and beyond and spend a life time or more to compensate for any harm I might have helped caused.”
“First things first,” Jon said. “Computer chips?”
“Jon, put me on, you need me,” Siri said.
“Oh, awesome!” Jon said. All of his Pokémon supplies, as well as his friend’s stuff, were on the table. Jon grabbed up his bag and swung it over his neck, letting it hang on his right side.
Joy secured Siri Pokédex arm bracelet to his left arm, while Terror secured his Pokémon holding belt to his waist.
“Terror, take these supplies to my friends,” Jon said. “Joy, help her carry things, and go with her.”
“Are you sure?” Joy asked.
“Oh, yeah,” Jon said.
They both cleared the table together, and each had a hand full of gear, and still both took the time to say, simultaneously by chance, “Jon, I love you,” they both said, then looked at each other, seriously determined to quarrel.
“I love you, both, too, now go, go, go, Siri and I got this,” Jon said. They departed, seriously determined to their bit. “Siri, instruct me.”
Siri directed Jon to stand on the ‘circle,’ in-floor trampoline. Walking onto it was kind of fun, because the floor was soft, and gave way to his weight. Once in the center, he was directed to look up. Above him was a long, cylinder like room stretching up as far he could see. It was honeycombed in a hexagonal pattern, with each hexagon holding a pocket, and in each pocket was an illuminated Poké ball like object. At the upper, far end was a solid terminal.
“How do I get up there?” Jon asked. “Wonka’s Fizzi lifting drinks?”
“Jump,” Siri directed.
Jon jumped. He didn’t cross the threshold of the ceiling until the third bounce, and when he did, he shot like a rocket to the ceiling due to the fact that beyond the threshold of the ceiling, he was weightless, having entered a zone of completely zero G environment.
“Whoa!” Jon said, flying straight up to the top. He braced, blocking with his hands as opposed to grabbing on, and sent himself just as fast straight back down the way he came. When he dropped past the opening in the ceiling, gravity took him and he fell straight into the trampoline, and then shot back up.
“Touch the wall, slow yourself,” Siri said.
“Oh way better than Wonka’s fizzy lifting drinks!” Jon said.
“I am sorry, that reference is lost on me,” Siri said.
Jon slowed himself down and too