Chapter 4
If you thought the montage for the Rocky training session was harsh, it nothing compared to Jon and his Pokémon had to deal with. Loxy, Reese, and Mentos put him through grueling matches and scenarios as they tried to get him up to speed. They barely got their song going when his Evee laid down and went to sleep, and Bellsprout completely ignored him and got tackled.
“What the heck is wrong with you!” Jon shouted.
“Jon, don’t yell at them,” Loxy tried.
“But I have Sprout with ADHD inattentive type,” Jon said, waving at the Pokémon has it was knocked out. “OMG.”
“Jon, part of it is you caught a really high level Bellsprout, but the other thing is, you have very little experience,” Loxy tried.
“Oh, yeah, well, I will show you!” Jon said, releasing the Growlithe. Growllithe arrived on the scene, planted his feet solidly, growled, laid down, and went to sleep. Jon went and pushed on him. He pulled on his ears, forcing a grin that exposed teeth, but it fell right back into place as he let go. Pidgey came up and pecked on Growlithe’s head. Growlithe rolled over and exposed his belly and stretched. Pidgey jumped up on the belly and went to sleep.
“This can’t be the same Growlithe that came at us earlier,” Jon said.
“You’re lucky he likes you. He could have turned his attacks on you,” Loxy said.
“You should catch a Pikachu,” Mentos said. “Then you could never lose a match.”
“That’s not true, Mentos,” Reese said, with a tone in her voice that suggested she had said that for like the millionth times now.
“What’s a Pikachu?” Jon asked.
“Only the bestest Pokémon in the whole entire world,” Mentos said.
“You’re just saying that because you’re an Ash freak,” Reese said.
“I am not a freak!” Mentos snapped.
“You are so a freak, you little Ash kisser,” Reese said.
“You take that back!” Mentos cried.
Pidgey’s own snoring KO Growlithe. Mentos laughed.
“Want me to help you carry them back to Joy?” Mentos asked, snickering.
“Just wait here,” Jon said.
Jon returned to the fountain where they were waiting, discussing strategy. His Bellsprout was following. They were so into their strategizing that they didn’t seem to notice him or the Sprout, he had named Belle.
“Shouldn’t he have to go back Pewter city and do the gym’s in order?” Mentos asked.
“That could take forever,” Reese said.
“He started here,” Loxy said. “It’s safer staying here and rising to the level of where you are than chasing after perceived easier badges.”
Belle eased up on the Pidgey, back against the fountain wall, watching Jon’s hand signal, ‘a little closer, a little close, now.” Taken by surprise, Pidgey and Sprout both went into the fountain, and Pidgey, who hadn’t finished resting, coupled with the shock of going under water, fell unconscious. Mentos quickly fished his Pokémon out of the water whereas Belle pulled himself up on the fountain ledge, leaves up, victory dance ensuing. Jon froze in place trying to sort a feeling inside of him.
“Not cool,” Mentos said.
“Jon? You okay?” Loxy asked.
“I don’t know,” Jon said.
“You look like you’re on the edge of a seat about to topple over,” Mentos observed.
“Looks like the prelude to an orgasm face,” Reese said.
“What’s an orgasm?” Jon asked.
“You never had an orgasm?” Loxy asked.
“Of course I have,” Jon said, like a child arguing with friends to remain in the cool group.
“Have you?”
Belle suddenly burst into lights, throwing its petal arms into the air, jumping as if it struck by lightning, and when the light dimmed, it was no longer a Bellsprout, but a Weepinbelle.
“Oh!” Mentos said. “You just evolved your first Pokémon!”
John started shivering as if he were having an epileptic fit, making a startled sound. When the convulsing stopped, he felt overwhelmingly good all over, a warmth rushing through his entire body. A remarkable smile radiated a dazed euphoria, a spark flying from his eyes. He passed out. When he came too, he found himself surrounded by his new friends. Joy’s head hovered prominently over him, as she was kneeling beside him, holding a ‘revive’ spray potion. Her eye contact was so intense he looked down, and found his eyes in her cleavage; he felt even more embarrassed, and looked further down, where his eyes hit her knees, and traced her thighs up, where, due to her hovering position and his perspective, he could see her panties. Though he knew he should look away, he couldn’t seem to do it. Joy touched his arm and he realized she was aware, all his friends were, and he finally managed to break his eyes away. He could see Blissey holding a medical tray with samples.
“That is really so cool that that works on you,” Joy said, and he was uncertain if she meant the potion or the magic under the dress.
“He stared down to China!” Mentos said, laughing.
“Oh, that’s okay,” Joy said, happily petting Jon. “If I had a Pokémon for every time someone did that, I would have them all. Jon, you should consider buying some of these revive potions so that the next time this happens, your friends can help you. Not that I mind helping you, but it is also healthy to have friends and be self-sufficient.”
“What happened?” Jon asked.
“You leveled up,” Loxy said. “Like three whole times.”
“Uh?”
“You are now a level three trainer,” Reese said.
“Come on, let’s get back to training. You got to be a minimum of a level 5 trainer to compete with Erika,” Loxy said.
“Yeah, just the right level so he can get his butt kicked by girls,” Mentos laughed.
“And what’s wrong with that?” Loxy asked.
“Sometimes a butt kicking is just what a person needs,” Reese said, agreeing with Loxy.
“Well, Jon must be the neediest guy ever, because he is about to have his butt handed to him a dozen times in a row,” Mentos said.
Jon frowned at Mentos.
“He’s just messing with you,” Reese said. “Which means he likes you.”
“Umph,” Jon said.
“I like you, too,” Reese said.
“He kind of grows on you, doesn’t he,” Joy agreed. “Like an aged Pokémon who just needs some love.”
“I think I might be sick,” Mentos said.
The girls ignored him, but his Pidgey mirrored his sentiment.
“Am I going to be okay, Nurse Joy?” Jon asked, sitting up.
“Aww, of course you are,” Joy said, hugging him. “Why would you think otherwise?”
Jon avoided eye contact.
“Spit it out, Jon,” Loxy directed, command voice.
He was compelled to answer. “Well, I never passed out before, and, well,” his eyes looked at his own feet, partly because Joy was stirring that feeling in him again, and partly because, he was genuinely embarrassed. “I think I peed my pants.”
Mentos laughed. Loxy and Reese looked the other way. Joy gripped Jon’s arms with compassion.
“Oh, Jon, that’s not urine,” Joy said, patting him the way she would any Pokémon.
“You’re perfectly fine. What you have experienced is what all boys experience at a certain age of evolution, and you are now on new road of self-discovery.”
“I am?” Jon asked.
“Normally, a person learns about this from the streets and experimentation, or during a dream; nocturnal emissions are generally the first experience,” Joy continued. “But you have friends who can help guide you. Though I am trained to educate you on such matters, I find my bias for wanting you as my own might unduly influence your development. So, if you have further questions, you could speak to your trainer, Loxy, or perhaps speak to your PCP. And if your parents didn’t teach you this, I highly recommend changing your underwear daily.” Jon blushed. Joy kissed him, then departed, a swing in her hips. Blissey blew a kiss at him, handed him a soft boiled egg, and then followed Joy. Jon sat there, watching Joy depart, seriously unable to look away from the swing of her hips, until Mentos got in his line of sight, crossed his arms.
“Are you just going to sit there and think about girls, or are you going to get back to training!” Mentos demanded.
“It’s almost night. Maybe we should consider setting up a campsite,” Loxy said.
“Aww! Some of the best training comes at night,” Mentos said.
“It sure does,” Reese said.
“We’ve done enough for today,” Loxy insisted.
“But, there are Pokémon that only come out at night!” Mentos said.
“There is wisdom in getting a goodnight sleep,” Loxy said.
“We could stay at the hotel,” Reese said. “My treat. I owe you for saving my Brother, Jon.”
“It’s okay,” Jon said.
“That just makes me more indebted,” Reese said. “I insist. And, if you and Loxy are open, I would like to tag along with you.”
“Really?” Mentos asked.
“Why not? I think we might advance a lot with Jon and Loxy as guides and friends,” Reese said.
Mentos looked suspiciously at his sister, traced her gaze back to Jon, and back to her. He crossed his arms. “We were doing just fine without them!”
“How is small time hustling just fine?” Reese asked.
“It’s character building,” Mentos said.
“We’re going with Loxy and Jon,” Reese insisted, in a very maternal sister’s voice. “That is, if it’s okay with Loxy and Jon. The caveat being, Mentos comes, too, as we’re package deal until he becomes more self-sufficient.”
“I am self-sufficient!” Mentos insisted.
“I would love for you both to accompany us. Jon is going to need all the help he can get to meet our level of proficiency,” Loxy said. “And I definitely accept the offer of the room, as Jon needs a showers and fresh clothes.”
“Room 6 and 7, here we are,” Reese said. “Are you sure you don’t want your own room, Loxy?”
“No, that would be so extravagant. Jon and I will be good,” Loxy said.
“I bet,” Mentos said. “Come on, I want to order a pizza.”
“I really need to use the bathroom,” Jon said.
Reese gave Loxy the card key and the door opened for her. For Jon, this room was extravagant, having never been to a hotel before, much more a hotel like this before. As he emerged into the room, he was startled by a statue in the corner. It was a human, with Pokémon at her feet, and he touched her to make sure it was indeed a statue, tossed his Pokédex to the bed, and then rushed to the bathroom. He closed and the locked the door, dropped his bag on the counter and his jacket to the floor even as he proceeded to the toilet, and then tentatively unlocked and opened the door. He emerged, peeking out at Loxy.
“Problem?” Loxy asked, about to order room service.
“Umm, I don’t know how to use the toilet,” Jon said.
“Really?” Loxy asked. “They don’t have toilets in your world, either?”
“Not like this,” Jon said.
Loxy cradled the phone and entered the bathroom. She went through all the toilet options. Seat warmer. Bowl freshener. Water jet. Lower back massager. Water rinse. Blow dryer. Adult mode.
“What’s the adult mode?”
“If you have to ask, you’re not ready for it,” Loxy said.
“Where’s the toilet paper?” Jon asked.
“That’s what the rinse is for,” Loxy said.
“And, where’s the flush?” Jon asked.
“It does that automatically, but if you want it to do it sooner, just ask it,” Loxy said.
“You mean, like, speak, out loud, to the toilet?” Jon asked.
“Yes,” Loxy said. “Don’t you talk to your tech at home?”
“No,” Jon said.
“Weird,” Loxy said. “You got it from here?”
“Yeah,” Jon said.
“You’re sure?” Loxy asked.
“Yeah,” Jon said.
“Okay, go ahead,” Loxy said.
“I got it from here,” Jon said, indicating he wanted privacy.
“Oh, okay,” Loxy said, leaving and pulling the door shut.
“Do you want a pizza?”
“Yes, please,” Jon said, dropping his pants and sitting on the toilet. He accidentally pushed a button and screamed.
“You okay?” Loxy asked from the other side of the door.
“The rinse is freezing!” Jon said.
“Temp control is on the side,” Loxy said.
Jon finished his business and timidly started the clean cycle. He let out a yelp, but held onto the seat.
“You okay?” Loxy yelled in response to his yelp.
“I feel like I am going through a car wash!” Jon yelled back.
“Is that good or bad?” Loxy asked.
Jon didn’t answer. He was embarrassed that it felt better than he imagined. He got up, pulled his pants up, and went to wash his hands. He reached for a dispenser.
“Ahhh!”
“What now?!” Loxy asked.
“Spiders!” Jon said.
Loxy entered, and found Jon holding a floss dispenser, still ejecting floss. Jon was struggling, tangled, and fell over.
“Stop wasting floss!” Loxy said, taking the dispenser away from him. As soon as the button was undepressed, the floss stop dispensing and was severed.
“Help,” Jon said, struggling to untangle himself from the floss.
“Where’s the knife I bought you?” Loxy said.
“In my bag,” Jon said.
“Lot of good it’s doing you in the bag,” Loxy said, undoing her knife from the Pokémon ball colored sheaf.
“Easy!” Jon said.
Surprisingly she cut him free from the floss without shedding blood or cutting clothes, flipped the knife, and returned it to its sheath, where it buckled itself. After disposing of the floss, she went over the remaining items in the dispensing tray. “Hand soap, toothpaste, shaving cream.” Each item was distinguished by color and pattern. “Floss,” she said, putting it back in the tray.
“Thank you,” Jon said.
Loxy once again departed the bathroom.
He turned to the shaving cream and packaged razor and decided to give it a go. As he lathered, he stared at the stranger in the mirror. He dried his hands and ran a finger across his stubble. He took up the blue, complimentary razor next to the complimentary tooth brushes. He exposed the blade and ran it across his face. He halted all motion as he saw a line of blood appear, curious about it. Then it hit him.
“Fuck!” Jon said, dropping the razor and dancing in place.
Loxy knocked the door. “Jon?”
Jon opened the door to reveal he had cut himself.
“OMG, Jon, how old are you?” Loxy demanded.
“I cut myself,” Jon answered.
“I see that!” Loxy said, pulling a quick heal from her pocket and spraying his face.
“Fuck!” Jon said, slapping his face
“Stop being a baby,” Loxy said.
“That fucking hurts!” Jon snapped.
“The Pokémon never complain,” Loxy said.
“I am not a Pokémon!” Jon said.
“My Pokédex says otherwise,” Loxy said. “Have you ever shaved before?”
Jon looked at the floor.
“Jon,” Loxy said, drawing his eyes back to him by gently pulling up on his chin. “Don’t be embarrassed by first times. There is always a first time for everything. Didn’t you watch your father shave?”
“I never knew my father,” Jon said.
“Oh. I am sorry,” Loxy said. “Was he out catching Pokémon?”
“I wish!” Jon said.
“Oh, I forgot, your world doesn’t have Pokémon,” Loxy said. “Here, sit on the counter.”
Jon did as she instructed and she began to show him how to make lather with the supplies, removing the lather he had used in favor of hers. She then took the razor, and gently started his shave. She rinsed the blade. She noticed Jon was shaking.
“Are you cold?” Loxy asked.
“Never had anyone with a something sharp come at me so gentle,” Jon said.
“Oh,” Loxy said, sadly.
“And I have never had any one scrutinize me so closely,” Jon said.
“Would you like me to stop?” Loxy asked.
“We should probably finish what we started,” Jon said.
“Probably,” Loxy agreed.
“How do you know how to do this?” Jon asked.
“I went to nursing school, and then followed it up with a masters in emergency care, and I have even earned an emergency field medic license,” Loxy said. “Sometimes, we have to shave Pokémon to perform medical procedures. That’s how I became friends with Joy. We were in class together.”
“Why aren’t you a nurse, then?” Jon asked.
“Becoming a nurse is easy, finding the field you want to practice in, that’s tough,” Loxy said. “I am still looking for my place in the world. I was offered a position with national forestry service, but I have decided to pursue my own field studies. Who knows, maybe I will go and earn a PhD and become a professor.”
“You’re really smart,” Jon said, staring intently at her.
“Thank you, Jon,” Loxy said. “You’re smarter than you give yourself credit.”
“I wasn’t looking for a compliment,” Jon said.
Loxy considered. “Maybe you need a compliment,” Loxy said.
Jon frowned. “I am very uncomfortable hearing nice things about me.”
“Then I should praise you until you are more comfortable,” Loxy said.
“Why are you so nice to me?” Jon asked.
Loxy shrugged. “I like you. All finished. You have extra clothes in your bag. Put the clothes you’re wearing in this washer, and they should be dried and folded in a couple hours. And, by the time you finish your shower, the pizza should be here.”
Loxy rinsed the razor, put it back in the cradle, and departed, pulling the door to, looking one more time to Jon to see if he needed anything. He was fishing out a change of clothes from his bag. He pulled out a Poké ball and set it on the cabinet. The next item he pulled out was a flask, of unknown contents, which on sampling proved to be water, the best water he had ever had, actually, and just the right temperature. He dropped it back in the bag and rummaged deeper, pulled the flask out again, and set it on the counter. He pulled out the pinecone holding his Growlithe, which had to go in the bag because it didn’t connect to his belt the way modern balls did. Loxy took the bag from him, reached in and pulled out clothes suitable for sleeping in and clean underwear and set them on the counter She handed him back his bag.
“How do you do that?” Jon asked.
“You’ll get the hang of it,” Loxy said. She touched his head and left the bathroom.
“Tom Hanks made being big seem so easy,” Jon muttered to himself.
He sat his bag on the counter. He felt suddenly compelled to brush his teeth and did so with the only tooth paste available. “Wasabi toothpaste,” Jon read, applied it, and began brushing. He cried, gagged, spit it out, rinsed.
“Jon?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you people?” Jon asked.
Loxy opened the door. He held the toothpaste up at her. “Is this for Pokémon or humans?”
“It’s for both,” Loxy said.
“Where’s the bubblegum flavor?!” Jon asked.
Loxy blinked. “I will see if the front desk has any,” she said, retreating, trying not to laugh.
Once the door was closed, he committed to getting a shower, and unfastened his belt without removing the two attached Poké ball. Both hit the floor and rolled, but one landed on the button, grew to full size, and then deployed Belle. Belle arrived, leaped up on the counter, and attacked its mirror image, knocking stuff over.
“Jon, are you okay in there?”
“Um, yeah,” Jon said.
Jon considered locking the door, but then just got undress, fed the washer machine on the cabinet, with Belle’s help, if you could call it help.
“Belle, I got it,” Jon said.
“Weepinbelle,” it said.
No!” Jon, Weepinbelle, and the Pokémon ball looking clothes washer all pulled on the shirt. Jon let go, and Belle let go right before the machine pulled it in as well.
“Weepinbelle, belle,” it said.
“That’s going to be so annoying. Say my name,” Jon said.
“Belle,” it said.
“No, my name,” Jon said, slower.
“Beellee,” it said slower.
“Are you playing with your Pokémon, or getting a shower?” Loxy called from outside.
“Getting a shower,” Jon said to the door, and then turned back to Belle, giving him the look that said ‘behave,’ which was his best Loxy imitation, and then turned back to the mirror.
Belle picked up a floss dispenser threatening to use it on him, a mirror image of a Pokémon trainer threatening to ball its Pokémon.
“Put that back,” Jon said. “It’s not a toy.”
It threatened to dispense the floss at him.
“Don’t you dare,” Jon warned.
It picked up toothpaste and threatened to dispense toothpaste and floss simultaneously.
“I’m seriously warning you,” Jon said.
It seemed to smile.
“Don’t make me count,” Jon said.
It raised the items together, menacingly.
“One,” Jon said.
It backed up towards the mirror.
“At three, I am going to put you back in your ball,” Jon said. “Two.”
Belle shot a segment of floss through the toothpaste, making sticking string. It stuck to Jon’s face. Wasabi got in his eye. Jon yelled, and Belle shot more, driving him back against the tub, where he fell in. Belle jumped to the floor, pursued, not easing up. Loxy entered.
“OMG, do you think you’re both rock stars or something?!” Loxy demanded. “Stop tearing up the bathroom! I want to use it when you’re finished.”
Belle pouted, as if it were a child being scolded. It turned to Loxy, its hands slowly bringing the dispensers to bear. Loxy’s arms went akimbo. “Don’t you even think about it!”
Belle lowered its hands and Loxy took the items from him. “There is very wasteful,” Loxy said. She removed the shower head from the cradle and turned the water stream against the wall, getting it the right temperature before turning it on Jon. Water washed the paste and string away.
“That’s freezing!” Jon snapped. “It’s in my eyes!” He rubbed his eyes as she sprayed his eyes, and then eased off his face, and she gave him a towel to dry his eyes. He touched face and his chest. “Where did all the string go?”
“It dissolves in cold water,” Loxy said. “A biodegradable feature so that wild Pokémon don’t get entangled with waste.”
“How does it do that?” Jon asked.
“I don’t know,” Loxy said. “Do you have to know everything?”
“Yes!” Jon said, pouting. “Why not warm water?”
“Because, if it disintegrated with warm water, you wouldn’t be able to floss your teeth,” Loxy said. “Better.”
“My eyes are still red,” Jon said.
“You’ll live,” Loxy said. “Do I need to bathe you, too?”
“No,” Jon said, sullenly. “I don’t know why you’re mad at me. He started it.”
“OMG,” Loxy said, retreated from the bathroom. “Hurry up and finish.”
Belle gave Jon a mischievous glanced, realized Loxy was looking at him, pointing at him, and returned to being a ‘good’ Pokémon. She cradled the shower head, took the dispensers from Belle and put them back in their spots, and gave them both a warning look. “You guys better not get us banned from this hotel. I like this hotel.” She left the room, closing the door.
Jon touched his chest, there were red sticky lines where the wasabi toothpaste had been. He also had hair on his chest and he wondered if he should shave his chest, too. Then his eyes fell lower. He wondered if he should shave his hair everywhere. He was kind of disgusted by all the hair, but asking Loxy to shave him everywhere felt like too much. He stood up, glowering at Belle, who looked up innocently enough. Loxy knocked on the door.
“Are you okay if I come in and pee while you’re in the shower?” Loxy said.
“Um, not comfortable with that yet,” Jon said.
“Okay,” Loxy said. “Could you hurry please?”
Jon opened the door, holding the towel he had wiped his eyes with around him. “Go ahead,” he said.
Loxy entered. “Thank you,” Loxy said. “Belle.” She went right to the toilet to do her business, not even closing the door.
Jon turned and looked away. “We’re not married!”
“You have to be married to pee near someone?” Loxy asked.
“Um, no, but it helps,” Jon stammered, listening, and grimacing, to the flow of water.
“Everyone pees, Jon,” Loxy said.
“Yeah, but I don’t have to see it,” Jon said.
“But, what are you going to do when we’re out camping in the wilderness?” Loxy asked.
“I don’t know, never been in the wilderness, never been camping, and never had a friend like you before,” Jon said.
The sound of Loxy washing her hand suggested it was safe to turn around. She dried her hands and petted Belle. “And tell me again why you took Belle out?”
“I dropped the ball,” Jon said.
“Oh, that makes sense,” Loxy said. “But adds a nice smell to the bathroom, though.”
“Belle,” it said.
“All yours again,” Loxy said, going by him, amused by how he was holding the towel.
“Okay,” Jon said, closing the door.
Again, he considered locking it, but decided it wasn’t necessary. I mean, once a girl has peed within ear shot of you, you must be pretty solid, he guessed. He went to the shower, messed with the water controls unsuccessfully and returned to the room. Loxy was just pulling a slice of pizza free from the circle.
“Sorry, I couldn’t wait for you,” Loxy said. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know how to work the shower,” Jon admitted.
“How old are you?” Loxy asked.
“I never seen a shower like that before!” Jon said.
Loxy got up and went to the bathroom and turned on the water, got it to a temperature he okayed and then turned on the shower. She motioned to the shower.
“Okay?” Loxy asked.
“Okay, I think I got it from here,” Jon said.
“Are you sure? Maybe I should lather you up and then rinse you and dry you?” Loxy asked.
Jon blinked, biting his tongue. “That’s strangely appealing but I am going to say no.”
“Okay,” Loxy said, returning to the other room, pulling the door closed behind her. He opened the door back up. “You’d seriously do that?”
“Sure, why not?” Loxy asked, folding the pizza and pushing it into her mouth.
“I don’t know, we just met, and, people don’t do that?” Jon asked.
“I wash my Pokémon all the time,” Loxy said.
“I am not a Pokémon,” Jon said.
“The water’s running,” Loxy pointed out. “And I can’t promise there will be pizza left if you don’t hurry.”
Jon returned to the bathroom, closed the door, hung the towel and jumped in the shower.
It was cooler than he expected and made a sound.
“Jon?” Loxy asked.
“Just adjusting to the water temp,” Jon said.
He turned his back to the shower and in doing so saw a man in the curtain and screamed. Loxy came running in.
“What?!” Loxy asked.
“The man in the mirror is in the curtain!” Jon said.
“Jon, you scared the shit out of me!” Loxy said.
“It scared the shit out of me!” Jon said.
“OMG, Jon, you’ve never seen a smart curtain?” Loxy asked.
“A smart curtain?” Jon asked.
“Curtain, teach, Jon,” Loxy said, and left the room.
“Hello, Jon,” the curtain said. “I am your helpful shower curtain. I detect know specific areas that require special attention, so have remained in general reminder mode. The illuminated, highlighted areas on your mirror image still need to be washed. Are you aware that many people forget to wash behind the ears, but that the feet are equally ignored and require a good scrubbing. Simply allowing soapy water to run over your feet is not sufficient to call them clean,” flashing arrows pointed behind the ears at it rotated the ‘Jon’ image around to reveal the most often missed places.
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