Chapter 13
The artifact that had called to Thetis looked a great deal like Stonehenge, at least from where we lay, spying down over the ridge. It was perfect, not the broken remnants of a long forgotten ruin, but a complete, intricately set convergence of stone and science and art and spirituality, enclosed in a crystal clear dome of light that looked more like a slowly rotating diamond. It shot rays and was energized or connected to a steady beam that fell straight from the heart of the spinning iron core directly above it. Everyone simply called the light in the sky the sun, but I was reluctant to do because I knew it wasn’t a star. I had no clue what it was, and I did not understand the physics that held it together. I could imagine harmonics and energy carving out spaces in solids, because I have seen sound divide earth into pockets as perfectly spaced as a beehive’s honey comb. But neither the sun nor the artifact held my attention; I was interested in the campfire where a horse turned, speared all the way through. It was being roasted and a male giant waited for it to finish cooking. A little ways off a female was tied to a stake.
“Wow,” I said.
“Isn’t it absolutely wondrous?” Thetis said.
“Uh? Oh the artifact, yeah,” I said. “But you see that woman there. That’s my friend.”
“Your friend is done for if that horse doesn’t hold him,” Egecatl said.
“Hold up,” Thetis said.
We spied a second giant that was approaching the artifact. The first stood to meet the second and a battle ensued; they fought for ownership of the artifact or for the horse or the woman tied to the stake or maybe even all of it. It was really difficult to make out from here. I decided this was one of those Hollywood contrived moments where I might sneak down and untie the girl and escape unnoticed. I had barely got up to go when the fight was over. The first had won the battle, slaying the second giant. It hauled the giant carcass near the fire. It removed the horse from over the fire, removed the stick, cut the arm off the giant, threaded the arm with the stick, and began roasting this over the fire.
“They’re not a very nice,” I said.
“Oh, they’re absolutely horrific,” Coreen said.
I stood.
“Where are you going?” Thetis asked.
“Down to meet the enemy,” I said.
“Alone? Unarmed? That’s your plan?” Thetis asked. “The male giants will eat each other; it won’t hesitate eating you.”
“So, if I feel like things are getting dicey, I will just run into the artifact and end up elsewhere,” I said. “If the giant follows me, you guys can go untie my friend. And if it doesn’t, well, I will make my way back here as quick as I can.”
“And if it kills you?” Thetis asked.
“Then, I will hope to meet you in that other life,” I said.
“You’re the bravest man I think I ever met,” Thetis said.
“Pff, I am scared shitless,” I said. “But, I have a friend name Jung who says you should always meet your demons eye to eye without flinching. It’s the only way to overcome fear.”
“He sounds like a dream walker,” Coreen said.
“I would be surprised if we’re not speaking the same language,” I said.
Without further ado, I headed down to meet the enemy. The giant was either so into eating his horse that he didn’t notice me, or, he didn’t consider me a threat.
“John?!” Jenny asked.
“Hello, Jenny,” I said, giving a smile as I past. “Ho, giant.” How else does one address a giant? I was pretty damn giddy and flippant for a man who was about to die. I wondered if I would wake back up on Origin, and if so, well, this had all been worth it.
The giant killed a mosquito against his face with one hand, and pulled the horse’s leg bone out of its mouth, the meat all but gone. It tossed the bone. He scratched his head, trying to make sense of me.
“I wish to negotiate the release of my friend,” I said.
The giant stood, picking up its spear. In my brain, I heard Isis instruct me to use my second sight. It took a great deal of strength to close my eyes, even as I retreated, but I did. I found myself in a world of auditory artifacts, managing to dodge the thrusts and swings of the spear. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to catch a bat before, but they’re a damn nuisance if they accidentally get into the house. When I was a boy, we had one get in the house and kept going around the room, looking for an exit. I used a fishing net, my brother a baseball bat, and my cousin a tennis racket, and that flying rodent manage to dodge us every time as if it knew in advance what we were going to do. The roles were now reversed; I was the flying rat, jumping over the spear, rolling and coming up again. Contrary to what Chan thinks, I am very good at falling. The giant’s own sounding as he planted each foot updated and reinforced my auditory map. This dance we took on inspired my friends, and they came to untie Jenny from the stake.
I was doing just fine till I opened my eyes, and the side of the spear caught my leg and I went straight down to the ground. The giant rose his spear in anger to jab me full through, and might have had Thetis not ran up yelling and waving her arms at the giant.
“You blind fool, how could you have missed seeing us?” She demanded.
The giant turned to focus on her, confident I was KO, and she stepped into a sliver of the diamond energy field and was gone. The giant did not follow, nor did he notice Thetis had arrived back on the hill top behind us. He had probably learned the hard way not to enter the artifact, but he was still drawn to it, trying to understand it. It turned back to me and found Jenny standing in front of me, holding her sonic screwdriver up at him.
“Last chance, giant,” Jenny said. “Negotiate, or die.”
The giant stabbed at her with its spear, and she unleased a sonic blast that knocked the giant backwards, off its feet, and through the boundary of the energy field surrounding the artifact. It disappeared.
Jenny turned to me, falling on me, ecstatic that I was still alive.
“I am okay,” I tried to say, and she hugged on me and examined me and then slapped me. “What the hell was that for?”
“For shoving me,” Jenny said. Then she kissed me.
“And that?” I asked.
“Saving me,” she said, and then, angry again, she slapped me.
“I am really confused,” I said.
“I am a woman. Give me a moment to sort through my emotions,” Jenny snapped. “That was for being stupid enough to confront a giant.”
“But it saved your life,” I pointed out.
“Oh, I know,” Jenny said, kissing me again.
“Um, does anyone want to see the ghost?” Thetis asked.
“Ghost?” I said through the kiss.
“What?” Jenny asked.
Jenny turned to see the ghost. She knew who it was just as I knew who it was. She stood. So did I, and I took her hand in mine. She whispered ‘father.’ Thetis, Coreen, and Egecatl gathered near us. No matter which perspective we had, the ghost seemed to be looking at us.
“If you are seeing this, then I can only assume that I am dead, having spent all of my lives,” he said. “I am the Doctor. The Last of the Time Lords. You may ask questions.”
“Why have you called us?” Thetis asked.
“I have not. The TARDIS, however, is sentient,” the Doctor answered. The holographic image changed to reveal an older Doctor. The Doctor was in constant flux, progressing through its all its bodies in chronological order, and then cycling again. Only the Doctor speaking was constant, and as soon as it paused in speech, the progression began again. “I imagined the TARDIS might die in my absence, but if you’re here, it is possible it is seeking companions.”
“Champions?” Thetis said.
“Companions,” the Doctor said. “But a companion is not enough. There must be a Time Lord. That is the only reason it might call companions. There must be a Time Lord near.”
“I am,” Jenny said.
The Doctor addressed her, locking into the form she knew the best. Her father. “Who are you?”
“I am your Daughter,” Jenny said.
“Daughter who?” he asked. “I don’t have a daughter.”
“Search your memory, father. You did have daughter. You even had a granddaughter. Susan Foreman. Remember her?”
The Doctor changed again. “I remember Susan,” he said. The Doctor changed again. “I sort of remember a daughter. But she died. I, alone, am the last of the Time Lords.”
“Oh, Father, I didn’t die, or if I did, I regenerated, I don’t know, but as long as there is space and time there will be a Time Lord. There’s just no other way. There has to be a witness for the world’s to crystalize out of the quantum soup. And that’s the reason you couldn’t ever change the timeline once you experienced it a certain way. And it’s why there is always an overlap of Doctors. And our people, the Gallifreyans, they aren’t gone. They’re still here, in the universe. I feel it inside of me,” Jenny said.
The Doctor seemed to be considering. “If it’s true, that you are a Time Lord, then only you can save the TARDIS,” the Doctor said. “Either way, the TARDIS must have a companion, preferably someone who can endure many lifetimes. If you are a Time Lord, then you can find a way through the flux, to the heart of the TARDIS. If you are only a companion, there is a chance you might win the TARDIS’ favor. Either way, you must become one with the TARDIS.”
“One?” Jenny said. “I don’t get that.”
“When I first stole it, it resisted me. It took time to tame it. Or did it tame me? Semantics, probably not relevant,” the Doctor said. “Find your way to the heart. And good luck. This message will no longer repeat. The search for companions is done.”
The image of the Doctor faded away.
“Father!” Jenny said, reaching out for him.
“I am sorry, Jenny,” I said, squeezing her hand.
Jenny kind of shrugged. “It is what it is,” she said.
“No, Jenny, process this,” I said.
“There’s nothing to process. I’m not grieving,” Jenny said, as matter of fact. I searched her eyes. Her hair blew in the wind. We were surrounded by fields of grass that might have been trimmed by a lawn service, standing before a rotating energy field that churned sections of space time like taffy, with each section a window to another place and time. One of the places offered the ‘wall’ built by the Hath. One was the crashed UFO on the surface. But I only had eyes for Jenny, and the artifact’s light was bright in her eyes. “Honestly, John, I am okay. I didn’t really have time to connect with Father on a grand scale. And when I woke from death or slumber, I jumped straight way on a rocket I stole and headed out to the stars. Didn’t ask if he were still there. I just left.”
“Kind of like your father,” I pointed out.
“Only, I didn’t steal a time machine spaceship,” Jenny said.
“But if we can find our way in there, you might inherit your father’s ship,” I said.
“There’s no way in,” Thetis said. “Every window sends you outwards.”
“Not every,” Jenny said. “I am a Time Lord. I can feel my way through.”
“So, it’s like a maze?” Egecatl said.
“Yep,” Jenny said, her eyes bright with determination.
“You could theoretically become lost in space and time,” Coreen said.
“Yep,” she said.
“You could be tossed anywhere and any-when with no way back?” Thetis said.
“Yep,” Jenny said.
“You could end up lost and alone,” Egecatl said.
“Yep,” Jenny said, simultaneously with my “No.” She gave me a curious look.
“Never alone. We go together,” I said.
“It could be risky,” Jenny said.
“We’ve done that bit,” I said.
“Might need to get use to that,” Jenny said.
“Nice,” I said.
“So, if you’re ready, I see no point in delaying,” Jenny said. “To somewhere or nowhere or beyond.”
“I think it’s to infinity and beyond,” I said.
“Oh, well, I figured that’s taken,” Jenny said.
“How about, ‘take me to the volcano,’” I said.
“Oh, that’s lovely. Tom Hank’s right? Joe Vrs the Volcano?” Jenny said.
“You have seen a lot movies,” I said.
“No, my father did,” Jenny said. “He had a time machine, and he saw all the movies. Opening day, first in line.”
“Next time I stand in line for a Star Wars movie, I’ll be looking for him,” I said.
“Or you could go with me,” Jenny said.
“I would like that,” I said.
“Anything else clever to delay our entry as an artificial contrivance to build up suspense?” Jenny asked.
“No,” I said. We stepped forwards. I stopped just before pushing through the veil. “Wait, how about ‘have fun storming the castle.’”
“That would make sense if you weren’t going with me,” Jenny said.
“Are they going?” I asked, pointing to my new friends.
“No, they should wait here, as I can’t guarantee their safety,” Jenny said.
“You can’t guarantee my safety,” I said.
“Good point,” Jenny agreed. “But we’ve already come to terms with the risk equation. We’re going to save the planet.”
“I agree. So, as I was saying, they could say it as we depart,” I said.
“Are you both always like this?” Coreen asked.
“A bit mad, aren’t we?” Jenny said. “Alright, enough. We’re off.”
“To see the wizard?” I asked.
“Okay, enough, really, here we go save the world,” Jenny said.
“I thought we were saving the TARDIS,” I said.
“Save the TARDIS, save the world,” Jenny said.
“Is the world in danger?” I asked.
“You kidding? Do you know what happens if the multiple dimensionality envelopes implodes and the contents of the pocket spaces between the layers leak out?” Jenny asked.
I shook my head.
“Bad, very bad,” Jenny said
Jenny stuck her free hand in, and space/time streamed around her hand like luminescent water spinning bubbles and stars. She looked back and me and smiled. Oh, she was enjoying this. I was having second thoughts. Like, the first time I jumped out of an airplane and I was looking down out of the open door of a Cessna, thinking fuck, I am not doing this, but the decision was made for me by a friend who pushed me…
“Whatever happens, don’t let go of my hand,” Jenny said, drawing me back to the present.
“Copy that,” I said. Like that was going to be a problem.
She pushed through, dragging me with her. I think I heard Thetis saying “have fun storming the castle.” Coreen asked: “Do you suppose there’s a castle in there?” “I’m sure it’s a metaphor,” Thetis said. Egecatl closed out the conversation, the voices fading like dreams after waking: “more than a metaphor, more than a castle, it is the heart of everything, and bigger on the inside…”
There’s a phenomena known as frame dragging, where chunks of space/time are pulled around an object, usually a massive object, but it can even be detected around planets the density and size of Earth, given the right instrumentation. For a moment I thought I was separated from Jenny, but the current caught us up into the same bubble of space/time and we found ourselves slightly above Stonehenge. Each of Stonehenge’s doorways were open portals to other places. The sceneries unfolding in each revealed a variety of strange planets and stranger times and as far as I could tell, none of them were earth. One of the portals caught my attention due to a double sun sunset. I so wanted to go there! The portals themselves reminded me of Kirk and his landing party standing before the ‘Guardian of Time,’ only with a lot more portals. Was the TARDIS the guardian?
“Right and then down,” Jenny said, guiding me. She was sliding her feet, as if we were on the ledge of a building. I imitated her, gripping her hand when buffeted by the space/time vortex, a breeze that might blow us off the ledge of whatever was holding us up.
We passed through a larger vortex that encapsulated us. Jenny froze us in its epicenter, trying to orientate herself. A whirling of possibilities flowed around us, with just the slightest movement of eyes causing the scene to shift forwards or back. Jenny and I growing old. Jenny and I holding a child. Jenny and I on adventures. A candle lit dinner with Jenny nearly had me walking towards the scene.
“No, it’s a distractions,” Jenny said. “Stay close to me.”
I looked to her and back, but couldn’t find the scene again, forever gone lost in the haze of possibilities. I saw my ship, but more importantly, I saw Loxy embracing me. That’s when I realized I wasn’t just ‘watching scenes unfold, I was participating in them, like a point of view youtube movie, where I never saw myself, but I was imbedded in the scene. I knew intuitively, if I stepped into Loxy, the embrace would become tangible, and I would solidify into that world line, become forever embedded into it. But Jenny pulled me onwards. A t-rex reared its head and came chomping down at me and I nearly flinched but it was gone. I continued to follow Jenny’s lead, ever mindful of just how precarious this was. There were scenes with people and places that I could only wonder what would happen if I went there. Would I be me or someone else? All the worlds were ‘point of view’ but whose view were they? Would I become John Malkovich? If I let go and merged with the reality, would I be assuming the place of someone else’s lover, like a spirit possession, and would the other know, and would I be able to get back here? We stepped down, as if proceeding down a shallow stair case, and then suddenly we were in the dark. All the lights and sounds and smells and choices that had been bombarding us, tempting me, were suddenly gone and there was quiet. It was just me and Jenny. No, there was a third presence, but it wasn’t visible. This place was a strange dark, because we could still see each other, as if multiple spotlights were on us, but the rest of the universe was black.
Jenny froze. She thought about it, stepped back, stepping into me and forcing me backwards, as if trying to feel her way back. She spun us around. In her panic, she tried letting go of my hand, but I held firm. He turned to me, the only thing in her present reality that she could discern.
“I am such a fool,” Jenny said.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“I am sorry,” Jenny said. “I can’t do this.”
“Talk it out, Jenny,” I said.
“Talk it out?! There’s nothing to talk out. I am blind here. I can’t see. I can feel up and down in space and back and forth and sideways through time, but I can’t see anything but darkness in all directions, and it’s distracting me,” Jenny said. “I was so tempted to stay there and hold our child.”
I was relieved to hear I wasn’t the only one tempted. I again found myself thinking of my own son. He would be three soon.
“Would that have been so bad?” I asked.
“OMG. You’re the distraction,” Jenny said. “Let go.”
“You said don’t let go,” I said.
“I was mistaken, let go!” Jenny said.
“No,” I said, pulling her towards me, letting my other hand go around her waist. “We will figure this out, together.”
“No, we can’t,” Jenny said. “I am sorry I brought you here, but I can’t go forwards with you, and I can’t take you back. It is what it is.”
“If you give up now, you will be setting a precedence for the rest of your life,” I said.
“This is not an intellectual problem, John,” Jenny snapped. “You can’t reason yourself out of an illusion. This is a trap. We’re going to crash. It’s not the songs of Sirens that drive men mad. It’s their beauty…”
“If we’re destined to crash, then we will crash together! We agreed to the risk, we took each other’s hands and with purpose stepped forwards into this,” I said. “There are times to let go, Jenny, but this is not one. Even I can see that.”
“I can’t see!” Jenny said.
“Then close your eyes, let me guide you,” I said.
“No, I can’t,” Jenny said. “It’s so empty.”
“There has always been darkness. There’s always been light. We are in a between place,” I said. I felt a strong urge to quote Doctor Seuss, ‘Oh, the places you will go,’ and maybe Jenny needed that, having been born straight into adulthood as a warrior. Was that a metaphor? How many of us are born into war and immediately take up shields and arms. I spoke gently: “Close your eyes and let me teach you to see with your heart.”
“You’ve already gone mad, the darkness has made you mad,” Jenny said, trying to get free.
Still, I held her firm to me, as if we were about to dance. She was hardly struggling in truth, she could no more let go of me here in this nothingness than a person could walk out over and abyss. “Jenny,” I said, firmly. “What’s the worst that can happen if you close your eyes?”
“More darkness,” Jenny said.
“Right, so close your eyes. I got you,” I said.
“I am afraid,” Jenny said. “What if you disappear, too? My father left me. You’re going to leave me, too. I can’t do this.”
I kissed her, proving to her I had no intentions of disappearing. Our eyes held during the first moments of the kiss, as if she was resisting. But in this dark moment of reduced sensations, the kiss became everything. Her eyes closed as she surrendered to the moment, and for her, as soon as her eyes closed, there was an explosion of inner light that filled the void, while for me, there was only her. I held firm, unable to stop the kiss, but wondering where she had gone, but she returned, she returned with a vengeance, doubling the passion in her response. She quivered in my arms. I withdrew my lips, but stayed near. I could see us, perhaps with second sight, but my eyes were wide open and it was just us in a void. Looking into the darkness gave me vertigo, as if we were falling, but looking at Jenny anchored me in place, in this moment, in this chunk of space/time, in this reality. We were lit by a dozen spot lights, and it was warm, and there was no shadows, just the blackness and the light. The light was in the blackness! Without an object to reflect it, you just couldn’t see the light. We were the objects that reflected light, gave it meaning. We were immersed in light! I think I was on the verge of an epiphany. Tesla was right! Everything was light.
“OMG, John,” Jenny said. “It’s changing so fast. Oh! Of course. We’re thinking about this all wrong, John. Imagine the TARDIS is permanently fixed in space/time. The ship itself wouldn’t be moving, we would be moving! All of space/time moves around the ship! Oh, yes! Of course! I should have known! It called for us, but we didn’t have to go to it. We’re already there!”
She spun me around, dancing, and now I understood the stairs we had proceeded down. I closed my eyes and used my second sight, and sure enough, we were in the control room for the TARDIS. I opened my eyes, and the world was still dark. I closed my eyes again, and the TARDIS control room was back. I could see shapes and sense textures, but I didn’t trust the color schemes, and I got the sense that it was changing, creating itself, adapting to the needs of the pilot: the TARDIS was imprinting itself on Jenny. The light traveling up the central column around the control station was lavender.
“The TARDIS has been talking to us,” Jenny said.
“Does the TARDIS have a name?” I asked. “I mean, other than TARDIS?”
“Oh, indeed,” Jenny said. “Hello, Sexy. I think Dad left me the keys, assuming of course, you’ve still got life in you? Care for some more adventures? What do you say?”
“What took you so long?” I asked.
“What?” Jenny asked me.
“I’ve been calling you for ages, now,” I said. “I’ve sent champions to wake you from your slumber. I had almost given up hope.”
“I am sorry,” Jenny said. She touched my face, searching my eyes for me or for TARDIS, I am not sure. I was beside myself, watching, very similar to when we were in the vortex of temporal and spatial probabilities.
“I was with him when he used the last of his life to save humanity, once and for all,” I spoke for the TARDIS. My hand gripped tighter. I tightened my eyes, too, trying to keep out the images, but they kept coming. “I was with him when he and Clara met you and John. No, it was he and Peri Brown. Maybe it was both. Yeah, maybe, so much to sort. I was there when he gave you your first birthday present. You did find your sonic screw driver, right?”
“John?” Jenny said.
“John? Sexy. Sexy. John…” I was singing. “OMG, this is new. Whoa! So that’s what it’s like. Oh, Jenny. This wanting is unbearable. Wanting to be inside. Oh! A metaphor? It mirrors my own wanting. Wanting you inside me, wanting to travel. Oh, it’s unbearable, this loneliness between, and our times together too quickly spent.” My body began to gasp for air. “Not enough, can’t breathe. OMG, Jenny, I want to merge with you as I have with him…”
“I think you’re hurting him,” Jenny said.
“He needs to understand,” I continued to speak for the TARDIS. “He has been touched by others, and everything is changing so fast. I won’t often get a chance to speak like this. The Doctor didn’t always understand, but he and I had a relationship. And he’s a part of this newness. I am not through understanding him yet. I am wanting…”
“Are you saying you’re lonely?” Jenny asked.
I laughed. “Never. The Doctor is always with me. Time and space is the great illusion. Maybe you will understand this after you’ve been with me ten thousand years. You may have skipped your childhood, but you are still a child. I accept. We need to know more about this mystery.”
“Sounds great, but you’re going to have let go of John,” Jenny said.
“Oh, but not yet, please, there is still so much to sort,” I continued.
“And we will, together, but you have to let him go,” Jenny said.
“But this connection, it’s so rare,” I said. “It’s beneficial, to me, to him, to you, to us, the worlds whizzing by faster, and faster, and faster, OMG, I think me fly again!”
“Let go,” Jenny said, patiently.
I looked very serious. “You’re right,” I said. “But one more kiss. I need to know. We need to know together.”
Jenny hesitated, and in that moment, the TARDIS decided for us. We kissed. When I realized I was kissing, the only thing I could recall was the very last kiss, and I only intuited that it had gone on longer than it should and was puzzled by the missing time quality. Had I gone into a trance? Had her sudden eagerness transported me? The explanation I came up with was that I had passed out; I was gone for a moment, and now back, worrying that maybe Jenny was mad at me for going away, and gazing into her eyes looking for any evidence that she was mad, and we were still engaged in a kiss. We had gone from darkness to a well-lit, fully operational TARDIS control room.
“Wow,” I said.
“I concur,” Jenny said.
“Were you kissing me or the TARDIS?” I asked.
“I am not real clear on that point,” Jenny said. “You okay?”
“I’m not sure,” I said. “Kind of dizzy.”
“Well, the TADIS did hijack you for a moment,” Jenny said.
“So, that was like a threesome?” I asked.
“You can let go now,” Jenny said.
“You told me not to let go,” I reminded her.
“Well, it’s okay, now,” Jenny said.
“How do we know everything is okay?” I asked.
“Because, um, well, we don’t, but this is one of those moments where let go and see,” Jenny said. “I think its okay.”
“Then why is everything still moving?” I asked.
Jenny slapped me. I blinked. From my new perspective, the world was no longer moving.
“Better?” Jenny asked.
“Yeah,” I said grudgingly.
“Then what’s wrong?” Jenny asked.
“I’d really like you to stop hitting me,” I said.
“Is everything still moving?” Jenny asked.
“I think so, but you can let go of me,” I said. Then I realized I was holding on to her. I let go and I tried to walk, but stumbled. Jenny reached for me but I waved her off, grabbing the rail. “Are we on a ship? How did we get here? When did we get here? Wait! We made it! I am the TARDIS. No, I was the TARDIS, now I am in the TARDIS, we are in the TARDIS. How hard did you hit me?!”
I walked around the console once and then ran around the console once, spinning and taking it in, and then ran for the door. Jenny shouted and rushed after me but I was already past the brink and if she hadn’t grabbed my ankle, I might have shot off into the emptiness. She held the door frame with one hand and my ankle with another. I was looking down on galaxy. I am pretty sure it was considered a ‘sombrero galaxy,’ and the center bulge was incredibly bright, and I thought I could touch it, but even with my hand out towards it, it was clearly beyond me. There is just really no way to conceptualize the i