Chapter 14
“Tell me that wasn’t a wrong turn,” I said as we emerged from the TARDIS. I was no longer wearing the paint stained Fleet uniform, but simple jeans and a pull over t-shirt that kind of suggested Fleet. It also suggested Grease, minus the leather jacket.
“You enjoyed it, admit it,” Jenny said.
“Of course I did,” I said. “But, that’s still a huge miss. You didn’t just miss the time, you missed the planet.”
“Okay, so, I got a bit off target,” Jenny said. And then, in her best imitation of Harrison Ford, she said: “’Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy! Without precise calculations we could fly right through a star or bounce too close to a supernova, and that'd end your trip real quick, wouldn't it?’”
“Cute,” I said.
“Come on, admit that you were happy to see the Han Solo movie ahead of schedule,” Jenny said.
“That was nice,” I agreed.
“We shared a popcorn and soda,” Jenny said.
“That was also nice,” I said.
“We got to meet Emilia Clarke,” Jenny said.
“That was super nice,” I said.
“I know, right?!” Jenny said, hugging my arm. “And you enjoyed the dirigible ride over New London with Wells and Twain.”
“Immensely,” I agreed.
“That girl in the steel corset was really into you,” Jenny said.
“Really? I didn’t notice,” I said.
“How could you have not noticed?!” Jenny said.
“I only had eyes for you,” I said.
“Oh, don’t default to trite,” Jenny said. “You would have so done that girl if I had left you alone with her.”
“I am glad you didn’t,” I said. “That place was a bit off.”
“It was. I am equally glad I had your arm. Did you catch the way Wells and Twain both kept staring at me,” Jenny asked.
“I suspect that’s something else you might have to get used to,” I said. “You’re like over the top gorgeous.”
“You think so?” Jenny said.
“Which reminds me, I have misplaced my Steamwatch,” I said.
“We’re talking about me and you jumped to your watch?” Jenny asked.
“I haven’t seen it since you asked to tinker with it,” I said.
“I’m sure it’s in the TARDIS somewhere,” Jenny said. “Maybe the pool room? What?”
I had brought our slow, meandering walk to a halt. She saw me frown, followed my gaze to the medical bed, and dropped my arm to retrieve her sonic screwdriver from a pocket inside her sweater.
Midori’s body was on the medical table. There was no indication of life, either from her, or from the med display above the bed. A line across her forehead suggested the procedure that had been done. Her brain had been removed. There was another line across her stomach, suggesting her ovaries had been removed, and the eggs harvested. Boris arrived, having just washed his hands, acting as if everything was copacetic.
“What have you done?!” I asked, grabbing his arms. I wanted to smack him.
“We needed a new brain and Midori volunteered,” Boss explained. “She met all the criteria in terms of IQ and functionality tests. I used Comp to attain the skillset necessary to perform the procedure. It was flawlessly routine.”
“Are you completely mad?!” I said. “Put her brain back now!”
Jenny turned off her scan, pocketed her device. “John,” she said, shaking her head.
“We can put her back,” I insisted.
“The body has been dead too long,” Jenny said.
“Surely there’s medical knowledge in the Comp that can restore the body and put the brain back,” I said.
Jenny and Boss both shook their heads. I shoved Boss out of the way and headed for the Comp room. “Fine, I will do it myself.”
Jenny followed, caught up to me and grabbed my arm. “Even if you got the brain back in and the heart started, there is too much cellular damage. She might return, but with diminished capacity. Worst case, she’d be a paraplegic, best case, pushing a wheelchair with a forehead prosthetic. Let this go.”
“I am tired of being told to let things go!” I said. “We have a time machine. We can go back before the procedure…”
“We’re here now. This is a done deal,” Jenny said. “Not even my father could undo this.”
“It’s not fair. This world is just getting started,” I said.
“John, most things are out of our control. Radiation in the environment, pollution, war, murder, crime, over fishing, death, rapes, illness, neglect, abuse, and all sorts of atrocities named and unnamed. And that’s just the real stuff. We also lose sight of ourselves and reality fighting for causes and ideals that seem bigger than life and get caught up in the drama of it all and we forget to be human and decent to one another. Yeah, I am not saying ignore any of it, and there needs to be conversations about it, but at the end of the day, it is what it is and you’re not going to be of service if you can’t focus and prioritize. Right now, in this moment, in this situation, this is what it is,” Jenny said. “So, you can run around and rant some more if you like, download the knowledge into your head and see for yourself, but when you’re done, you’re going to be right back here having to face this. It’s done.”
“Why would she do this?” I asked.
“It was necessary.” Midori’s voice sounded over an intercom in the Comp Room. “As I said, I can’t compete with Allura’s beauty.”
“I told you, this isn’t a competition,” I said, turning to find the nearest camera.
“But it’s not just with her, is it? I see how you look at Jenny. I hear the way you talk, as if you’re old lovers, entangled through eternity. I can imagine how you are with your future romantic interests, and you are going back there. This was easier. I can see more clearly now, without the influence of the heart,” Midori said.
“Did it ever occur to you that maybe we need to employ more heart, not less?” I asked.
“I am happy, John. Maybe for the first time ever. If you only knew just how much my consciousness has expanded since becoming the habitat,” Midori said. “I can see everyone. I can see the stars and the planets and I can sense the flow of the operation, I can see the flow of terraforming already in progress. There are fish in the oceans, moss on the stones. Trees are coming. Soon we will walk out and bring forth animals on the land. We will have a better first start than any previous civilization before us. And, according to the information I have from one of the space telescopes, there is a red dwarf within 19 light-years, and it appears to have twelve earthlike bodies, six in the habitable zone. I suspect we will reach that system in my lifetime. I might get to be on one of the ships that explores those worlds. When I am done here, of course.”
I turned to Jenny. “This is my fault. My presence here change the direction of society.”
“Change was coming, John. Whether you were here or not, change was coming. Is it better or worse for your having been here? There is no way to know that,” Jenny said.
“If I may, John, I would like to say for the better. I don’t know if I would have had the courage to do this before meeting you,” Midori said. “I only have one regret.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“I would have liked one dance,” Midori said.
“I’m not much of a dancer,” I said.
“Not even a slow dance?” Midori asked, almost mournful. “You couldn’t just stand there and hold me and maybe sway a little?”
“That would have been nice,” I said.
“That could still happen,” Jenny said. “You could use the Comp to link your brains and have an immersive, virtual experience.”
“It won’t hurt him?” Midori asked.
“One exposure, not to exceed ten minutes, that would be alright,” Jenny said. “I mean, if you both want.”
“I would like that. A memory to carry me the next million years or so,” Midori said.
“Okay,” I said. “How do we do this?”
The Boss led me over to the dais that was almost completely enclosed, except for the entry space, which was large enough for a human to pass through sideways and stand. As I took my place, the floor illuminated beneath my feet, and Boss instructed me on the device, which was simple enough. All I had to do was reach up, pull the helmet down over my head, and think about what I wanted to do or learn, and it would come to me. No sooner than I pulled the head into place, I became conscious of elsewhere.
I found myself in a library, my own inner mind’s virtual library. Loxy and I frequently met here. I found myself disappointed she wasn’t in a chair waiting for me. Midori entered.
“Wow! Have you read all of these books?” Midori asked.
There did seem like a lot of books here, more than what was in the library in my study back on Origin. I wasn’t sure. “I don’t know. I have at least handled them, or I don’t think they would be here.”
“I can’t tell which organization you’ve used, Oh! Goodnight Moon. Jenny use to read this to us. I would so upload a copy of your brain if we had more than ten minutes,” Midori said, browsing the books, touching them with her fingers, glancing back at me, watching out of the corner of her eyes to see if I was tracking her. Was she playing a game? Our brains were interacting directly, and yet, she and I hadn’t rushed straight to each other’s arms and danced…
“It isn’t necessary,” I said. “I would imagine your Comp library has all of humanity’s knowledge, plus some.”
“But your personal library has knowledge that was flavored by your perspective, through your filters of love and hate, the architecture of your experiences,” Midori said. “The Comp library is so sterile.”
“Well, you already have a copy of my personality. Brains make models of people, so the first time you met me, your brain made a copy to predict my behavior,” I said.
“You’re unpredictable,” Midori said, pulling a book off the shelf. She flipped through it, put it back.
“You’re intuitive, you would know things about me, even in that first meeting, before the first exchange of words. You made your decision to remove your brain based on that intuition, instead of waiting and asking me my opinion, because you know what my answer would have been. Jung wouldn’t necessarily call this intuition as much as accessing the collective unconscious. He would say we all meet there, that we’re enmeshed with today’s society and the cultures past. Some believe in a more mundane explanation that we just telegraph who we are and what we think and every brain knows because, well, brains are brains, and it knows itself.”
“What do you think?” Midori asked, pointing to ‘the Red Book,” by Carl Jung.
I shrugged. “Maybe both are true. Maybe there’s more to us than we will ever know.”
“But what do you think?” Midori said.
“I believe in a unified field theory of consciousness, that everything is consciousness,” I said. “Not matter, not energy, but consciousness, and that ultimately everything is one.”
Midori nodded. She came to me, put her arms over my shoulder and clasped her hands behind my neck.
“That explain much of your library,” Midori said. “Whitman. Blake…”
“How about that dance?” I asked.
“You don’t want to talk about books?” Midori asked, surprised.
“I want to make the most of our time,” I said.
“There’s no music,” Midori said.
“Oh, if there’s books, there’s music,’ I said, taking her by the hand and leading her. And sure enough, I found the corner of my library of mind’s music center. I introduced her to my ideal sound system. “Reel to reel, 8-track tapes, cassette tapes, phonographs, Laserdisks, CD’s, DVD’s, Flashdrives, Crystals, and, the AVH Pedestal.”
The auditory and visual hallucination pedestal is future tech, and it stood in front of the sound system. It was a cylindrical device with a silver sphere at the top, and tangible field of energy that one could feel when you brought your hands up to it. At just the right distance from the device, electricity flowed in visible arcs to the hand. It was not painful, but the first time one felt it, they usually drew their hands away. Midori was no exception. I encouraged her to find the ‘sweet spot’ using my hand to guide hers, and once there, she tarried, and her eyes brightened.
“OMG! I hear it. On the inside. How is this possible?” Midori said.
“Sound doesn’t have to go through the ears. I have a cloth here somewhere that transmits sound to the brain via bone conduction, but this, it sends the information through nerves,” I explained. “The brain is not limited to the five senses that we know. Wearing body mods, one can learn to receive all sort of information. Like wearing a vest that vibrates different areas to tell you the weather. Eventually, your brain stops thinking, oh, that’s the vest pocket, which means rain, and simply knows it’s about to rain without having to think about it. You can put a magnet in your finger and learn to discern magnetic fields in your environment. People can see without eyes, hear without ears. Our brains are extremely plastic. Spend enough time, energy, or thought on anything, and it will change your brain.”
“Would you hold me?” Midori asked.
“You want me to select a song?” I asked.
“No, just hold me,” Midori said.
I embraced her, standing still until I guess I got bored and simply started rocking her, with my hand on her shoulder and on the back of her head. And I eventually sang to her. A gentle version of “Superstar,” which I knew well, usually in the background of my mind being sung by Carol Carpenter. How many times in my youth did I allow her soulful voice to carry me into sleep? But it quickly became more than just my voice, as music and light and magic filled the room, taking the library away until the song finished leaving us in a room of pure white.
“That song is so sad,” Midori said, holding me tight. “Don’t be sad. We’ve only just begun.”
“I hope so, but I have been lonely, and this path you have taken, it feels so…I don’t want this for you,” I said.
“But I am not going to be alone,” Midori said, holding me. “I’ve got you and Loxy and I am going to create my own tulpas. How amazing, that you actually lived in a world where Carol Carpenter was still alive and though I already had music and literature, you have given me context. A whirlwind of your life has inspired me. You have given me the past, informed my present, and directed my future. No more sad songs for you.”
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I am uploading a copy of your brain directly into mine,” Midori said. “I will never allow you to be lonely again.”
“Oh, Midori,” I said. “If only that were a cure. I have a tulpa, and I still experience loneliness. I’m not alone, but I still feel lonely sometimes because loneliness is not related to having others around.”
“But I will change that for you,” Midori said. “I was never lonely until I met you, and then after… Well, I don’t know what this is but I know I want you, that I need you with me. And you need me. Being here in your mind as confirmed that much. I will have you and Loxy in my brain. We could build worlds together. You and me! And a dog name Boo! Oh, I like that song. Tracking. So much coming in. So many songs. Your life was so alive with music…”
“Midori, there’s no undoing this,” I said.
“There is still time to abort. Tell me to quit,” Midori said.
I didn’t know what to do. What would happen if I stop her at half a download? If having a copy of my brain was really problematic, then would half a brain be twice as problematic, or half as much? I kissed her. “Take from me what you need,” I said, surrendering.
Jenny looked at a chronometer she had chosen to wear, and watched the poodle arm click another minute past her recommended cutoff point. She frowned. “Alright, Midori. Ten minutes has come and gone, disengage,” she said.
No response. Boss reached up to push the helmet away, but Jenny grabbed his arm and pulled him back. “You want to rip his brain apart? You have to wait till this field indicator is off,” Jenny said.
“We do it all the time,” Boss said.
“Well, don’t do that,” Jenny said. “I am surprised any of you boys can still speak. Midori! Disengage the Comp.”
Jenny pulled out her sonic screwdriver.
“No, no, no,” Jenny said. “This is not a good idea.”
“What are they doing?” Boss said. “Sex?”
“Better than sex,” Jenny said.
“What’s better than sex?” Boss asked.
Jenny looked at him and pointed. “You’re not ready for that. Don’t even think about it.”
“Think about what?!” Boss asked, confused.
“Exactly,” Jenny said.
“I don’t recall ever seeing such a high rate of information transfer before,” Boss said.
The procedure finished and the helmet withdrew back to its resting position on its own. I opened my eyes, smiled, squeezed out, took in a deep breath, and collapsed. Jenny and Boss caught me. The next thing I knew I was on a medical table. Only slightly confused. I didn’t remember getting to the table, but I recognize Jenny. And she seemed cross.
“That was much more taxing than I imagined,” I said.
“You’re lucky,” Jenny said.
“I didn’t see the harm in the procedure,” I said.
“That’s because you’re also an idiot,” Jenny said.
“She made a strong argument for having a copy of my personality and knowledge set,” I said. I saw no need to say Midori started the process without my informed consent, for many reasons. I was actually okay that she had done it, I understood what was driving her to do it, but also, in my creation myth, the first sin was passing the blame to other, instead of owning responsibility. I was not going to the throw the ‘First’ woman on this world under the bus. I’ve seen where that train goes. “Do you understand what she was doing was called a rip? It’s a backup procedure for stealing knowledge from uncooperative brains! Where do you think this vast archive of information came from? It is designed to get knowledge without the disturbing the personality set, in order to get a clean copy, but in doing so the personality suppression subset typically kills the person they’re retrieving information from.”
“I’m pretty sure we switched was toggled off,” I said.
“Well, that’s even…stupider. Without that barrier, you entire personality set would have been loaded into her brain,” Jenny said.
“I am pretty sure that was her intentions,” I said.
“It also puts her personality in yours,” Jenny said. “It’s a double redundant system to ensure continuity of code.”
I closed my eyes. It was a struggle, but because of the newness of it, I could sense her personality in the backdrop of my mind. She was not a fully formed tulpa, such as Loxy, but with an increased interaction pattern, I could make her as solid as Loxy. Most likely, I would just find her in random dreams. I opened my eyes, my eyes still wondering as I sorted, lingering unconsciously on Jenny, and noticing her arms crossed in front of her but not really seeing, but finally clicking into focus and coming up to meet her eyes. “She was,” I said.
“And you’re okay with that?” Jenny asked.
I didn’t have an answer.
“You’re going to have a major impact on their development,” Jenny pointed out.
“Shall we pop to the future and find out just how much?” I asked.
“You want to?” Jenny asked.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because, once you see how it is, we won’t be able to undo it,” Jenny said.
“Is there anything else we can do to make the future better now?’ I asked.
“I can’t think of anything. They have all the tools they need,” Jenny said. “And, they are pretty decent folks.”
Boss smiled.
“Not the brightest,” Jenny said, still a bit sore about him. “But part of that is the fact they’re kids.”
“Females do mature faster than males,” I added.
“Yeah, and if we use you as the measure, what age would you suppose a man can deemed mature? Seventy five?’ Jenny asked.
“Maybe a hundred seventy five,” I said.
“Who wants to live that long?” Boss asked.
Well, there is that, too. “Depends on the company, I suppose,” I said. “We’ll just have to trust they will get there on their own. Let’s go see.”
Jenny and I said goodbye to Boss, and a few of the others that were nearby, but most everyone were off exploring their new relationships, and not to be found or bothered by the weird adults that had drifted through their lives. We, weird adults, returned to the TARDIS. It was still taking tremendous effort for Jenny to get past its pinkness, and the backwards lettering, but I loved walking into a small box that was bigger on the inside. And it was also fun watching Jenny rush madly about the console, throwing levers and pushing buttons, and shaking a baby rattle just to send the TARDIS into a flurry of inner activity that rained in lavender lights and familiar sounds, like time grinding away through gears, which brought us somewhere without even a bump. She grabbed my hand and took me to the door as excited as a kid on Boxing Day. As intelligent and adult like as she was, she was also very much still a child, perhaps just as old as Midori. We arrived beyond childhood’s end, maintaining our own inner childhood sense of wonder.
“Don’t you want to like check the screen and see if it’s safe?”
“And ruin the surprise?” Jenny asked. “This is much more fun, don’t you think? On the count of three?”
“I was thinking,” I said, seriously.
“Should I hold the count?” Jenny asked.
“Did you ever wonder if the TARDIS had a back door?”
“No,” Jenny said.
“Well, what if it had two sides, like a coin, a blue side and a pink side, and that’s why the letters are backwards, because we’re seeing her from the other side, and there could even be like two control rooms, and the Doctor, your father, is on the other side, still doing what he’s doing, and you’re now on this side, doing what you’re doing, and the TARDIS is like so big, that you’ll never meet, but you’re like always together,” I said.
It looked like Jenny was on the verge of saying something clever, and then suddenly changed her mind: “I am going to count now.”
“But what I said was huge,” I said.
“And completely unprovable,” Jenny said. “One.”
“Wait,” I said.
“What for?” Jenny asked.
“I am sorry about pushing you,” I said.
“Oh, I thought we were past all that,” Jenny said. “Wait a moment. You saved my life doing that. You’re sorry for saving my life?”
“No, just the manner in which I did it,” I said.
“Well, no worries, then,” Jenny said, completely over being angry that fast. “Two.”
“One more thing,” I said.
“This better be good,” Jenny said.
“I am going to kiss you now,” I said.
“You think so?” Jenny asked.
I answered by kissing her, just as she was saying three. She pushed both the doors open, even as she was beginning to warm up to the kiss, and we kept going until we heard the fake cough. We both directed our gaze out to the people watching us. The TARDIS was on the hangar deck of the Enterprise. Security Officers, men and women, stood with phasers at ready. Loxy stepped forwards.
“The whole crew has been worried sick about you, and you’ve been off having fun with the Doctor?” Loxy asked.
“Um,” I began.
“That’s all you got to say for yourself?” Loxy asked.
“Actually, she’s the daughter,” I said.
“The Doctor’s daughter?” Loxy asked. “John, do you think that’s wise?”
“Um, well, I didn’t think it quite through like that,” I admitted.
“You should probably let go of me now,” Jenny said.
“Uh?” I asked Jenny, and then realized I was still holding her, my hands firmly on her lower back, holding her securely to me. I let go of her and stepped out of the TARDIS. Security put away their weapons. “Um, Jenny, this is Captain Loxy Bliss, first officer, and…”
“We haven’t really worked that last part out completely yet,” Loxy said, interrupting me before I could say tulpa, or perhaps girlfriend.
“Well, that’s not uncommon,” Jenny said, trying to be helpful. “Did you know, very few couples ever actually talk about the relationship? It’s almost like talking about the relationship is taboo or one of those things if you talk about it that it might disintegrate under the scrutiny.”
“Um, yeah, right. Loxy, this is…” I said.
“Oh, I think we’ve gone beyond that bit,” Jenny said, interrupting me. “I’m Jenny. And you’re Loxy and you’re are much younger looking than I imagined.”
“So, you at least mentioned me?” Loxy asked.
“Um, you came up,” I said.
“Oh, it’s all he talks about, really, once he starts talking,” Jenny said. “Rarely quiet, once he gets warmed up.”
“Tell me about it,” Loxy lamented.
“Really? I am right here,” I told them.
Loxy sighed: “So, this is how it’s going to be? Adventures, romantic dalliances, and more adventures, followed by more dalliances...”
“It worked for Kirk,” I said.
“And Aeneas,” Jenny said, pointing it out matter of fact, which drew unexpected attention to her and caused her to feel the need to ramble a quick explanation. “Basically, nothing’s changed in literature or in the human social arenas in the two thousand years since ‘The Aeneid’ was written. Technically, nothing’s changed since Gilgamesh was written, and we’re just re-spinning those tales in a variety of ways, which connects us to Odysseus and the many others who fraternized with gods and goddesses before returning home to the woman left behind.”
“Really?” Loxy asked. “Is that what I am, John? The woman left behind?”
“Um,” I stuttered.
“That didn’t quite come out the way I meant it,” Jenny said. “I was merely pointing out how literature reflect social and biological needs…”
“Right, like it’s hardwired into our brains,” I said.
“Oh, you don’t really want to go with the bio-psychological explanation for this, do you?” Loxy asked.
“To be honest, with access to a time machine, I imagined I might get back before you notice,” I said. “Am I in trouble?”
“Yes,” Jenny said, surmising, even as Loxy was saying “No.” They reversed it, with Jenny asking “No?” and Loxy asking “Yes?”
“Look, I was a permanent resident of his brain before the brains teased us out in the long distance transport,” Loxy said. “I love him for who he is. But that doesn’t mean I don’t worry, and the crew was definitely worried they had lost their Captain and we haven’t even had an official launch yet.”
“Wow,” Jenny said. “So, you and I are okay?”
“You imagined I’d be sore when I discovered that you been traveling all of space/time with the love of my life?” Loxy asked.
“Not all of it,” I said.
“No, not all, a fraction,” Jenny supported me.
“A very small fraction,” I said.
“Not that small,” Jenny said, giving me a cross look.
“OMG, you both children!” Loxy lamented, crossing her arms. “Look, Jenny. Humanity’s come a long way. We no longer judge people by their level of production, by their religion, by their age, or their accumulated wealth, or their political preferences, gender, or even their sexual orientation, so why would anyone be judged for being polyamorous?”
“Good for you,” Jenny said.
“So, I am confused,” I said. “You are cross because…”
“You didn’t call home!” Loxy said.
That was probably fair enough, but as I started to prepare my list of reasons, I found my recalling the lines ‘I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn’t have change for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!’ Of course, I could add, giants, dragons, hiking, temporal anomalies, being thrown into a pit, learning to see in the dark, digging my way out, and not to mention the most legit excuse I had already given, which was actually the most valid, I expected to be back before anyone noticed. There was no way I was going to bring up the 13 ‘Firsts’ under the present energy.
Suspecting I was preparing to go Blues on her, Loxy pointed at me. “Don’t even think about it!”
“I think I should be going,” Jenny said.
“Really? You just got here,” I said.
“A little cramped for me,” Jenny said.
“You live in a box, Jenny,” I said.