SIX
Today is Saturday and one thing that makes me happy these days about Saturdays is that, I have enough time to write my story. Though it‘s just like another boring day getting me closer to my end time but at least I get to write my story. I remember every single moment in my childhood. I don‘t know if that‘s a blessing or a curse but I guess I choose blessing especially when there are some things you‘d love to remember over and over again.
I‘ve had my breakfast with mom and dad and now, standing at the entrance of my room, looking at my table, I can‘t help but smile to myself, flashes of that evening came to me; it was the evening that touched my soul. I had invited Clyde and I never regretted it and I couldn‘t help but think I would have regretted it all my life if I didn‘t invite him or I would never have known how much he really meant to me.
We went out that evening to the amusement park and the four of us really had great fun. Clyde was free and fun to be with and he didn‘t make me feel my brother‘s absence. Much more, my parents loved him just like their son.
We played games together and of course I was winning all of it when my dad gave me a glance and I knew what he meant then I started losing to him. Clyde looked happy and I enjoyed watching him laugh at his winnings and at the end of the game he looked at me and held my hands.
'I know you let me win; you didn‘t have to do that but thank you anyways for not letting me cry home today Sheila.‘
That touched me, I could not utter a word, I stared at him speechless. On one hand I was happy someone finally understood me even though he‘d always bragged about it and on the other hand he said thank you for letting him win. No one had ever said that to me, thank me for letting them pass, they thought it‘s their ability and that no one was worthy of the grades but them. And what Clyde just did, meant a lot to me more than anyone could ever imagine. And right there and then, he touched something in my heart. He smiled staring at me while I just looked on dumb at him, his smile was so sweet. Clyde was known to have a very sweet and soothing smile that made girls fall for him. I never put much interest in noticing it before, even though I knew girls fell for him too much but that day I saw what they saw. That smile, woke something in my heart. And for a moment my mind was blank, all I could see was his well-arranged white teeth grinning between his gaped sexy pink lips at me but oh, my dad interrupted my envision. 'Common guys, you don‘t wanna spend all your evening playing computer games. Who‘s up for some snooker?‘
'I‘m so up for it,‘ Clyde jumped and followed them leaving me to my dawdle. 'Oh oh Clyde, so you are up for it?‘
'So so up Mr Ted; you don‘t want to dare me,‘ he said in a funny bass voice.
'Oh really, we shall see,‘ dad bass voiced back. They all laughed.
I smiled and looked down just then Clyde ran back to me and pulled me in a flash and ran after mom and dad, I followed obediently.
Throughout that evening I was only staring at Clyde any moment I got. We moved to the snookers and truthfully Clyde was good but my dad was better, he had a slim chance defeating Clyde. I and mom watched in amazement and anxiousness. It was fun and interesting. We went to the ice-cream parlour, had some ice-cream then we went for a movie. The movie was more of a comedy than an actual film. Everyone in the auditorium laughed their hearts out all through the movie. I watched mom, dad and Clyde laughed while they ate their popcorn and their laughter just made me smile as the movie was not much fun to me. Whenever they laughed, I furrowed at the screen and wondered what made them laugh while tucking my popcorn in my mouth slowly one after the other, then I looked at my family laughing and I smiled at their laughter. That night was fun swelled. Just looking at them laugh, I was happy.
We got back home and could not have dinner. We were so filled with the junks we had out and so tired from the fun that we went straight to bed.
I entered my room and fell asleep before I realized it, and that night, my sleep was a sound one. I was not the sleeping type, I always had trouble sleeping because my head was always so filled that I found it difficult to sleep then I would end up reading or dismantling things and arranging it back, mostly phones, laptops, anything technology. The moment it had light or sound or anything so weird that its secret was not in the open, I always wanted to find out what made it work, hence the beginning of the dismantling. My mom was always keeping her phones so well at night.
It was Sunday afternoon. Church was interesting that day. Another thing my parents taught me, was never to joke with God and church services. They felt for me to be able to love people and not look down on them, I must love God first and I guess they were right because when I look at how much I love Him, I couldn‘t bear to hate anyone.
We were having lunch and I still hadn‘t discussed with my parents about what my friends said. I knew they would never allow me but I was bent on telling them anyways; though I never really knew it would end up that way, guess everything just went crazy.
'You know you can‘t go,‘ mom said. 'Why mom?‘
'Because you simply can‘t,‘ my dad replied.
'But I want to,‘ I said pleadingly.
'We will talk about this when we‘re through eating,‘ mom concluded.
'I want to go mom… daddy…‘
They ignored me and that got me upset, I pushed my plate forward and strode inside.
'Sheila!‘ mom called but I answered not.
I was angry. I sat up in bed, resting my back on the board with my legs coiled up in bed and my arms folded under my breasts. I heard a knock but I refused to answer. Seconds later the door opened, my mom entered followed by my dad. I looked up at them. 'Sheila, you didn‘t finish your food,‘ mom said with her gentle voice and I looked away.
They looked at each other and back at me.
'Sheila I‘m talking to you.‘ They sat with me.
'Mom I want to go for it.‘ 'You can‘t Sheila,‘ she said.
'Why?‘ I was getting furious.
'Okay, you will go, only if you promise me one thing,‘ I looked at my dad, 'promise me you won‘t answer all the questions.‘
'I knew you would say that, I‘m going there to win not to play, what the hell do you want from me!‘ I snapped.
'Sheila!‘ mom screamed. 'Don‘t talk to your father like that,‘ she said gently.
'Why is it you hate me so much?‘
'No,‘ mom shook her head.
'Yes! yes you do,‘ tears started rushing down my face as I screamed at them, 'my mates pray to be like me! Parents pray to have a child like Sheila! But you—you have me and you hate me!‘
Baby, please don‘t scream,‘ mom tried to calm me, 'it‘s bad for your health.‘
'Now that‘s it! You are not going and that is final!‘ my dad snapped. 'You can scream for all I care,‘ he started to stride out of the room. He had never raised his voice at me.
I started crying bitterly, collapsing in my mom‘s arms, 'why, why do you make life unbearable for me? Why are you making me live a fake life? You make me pretend I‘m a dull student, like I know nothing—‘ 'No honey,‘ mom patted me shedding tears and holding me tight to herself.
I snatched myself from her suddenly, 'I‘m Sheila!‘
I screamed angrily that it startled my dad and he stopped in his steps instantly.
I normalled my voice, 'I am not that someone else you want me to be. Sheila is a brainiac! She is brilliant! She is intelligent! Shouldn‘t you be happy to be the parents of the most intelligent girl?‘ I screamed shedding tears.
My dad did not turn back, his eyes were filled with tears.
'Shouldn‘t you be happy to be Sheila‘s parents?‘ I broke down, 'why do you shield me from being Sheila? Why don‘t you want me to make use of my brain the way I‘m supposed to? God gave me this brain and you are stopping me from using it, isn‘t that a sin you are committing?‘ I wept bitterly.
'Every time you stop me, Sheila don‘t do this, Sheila don‘t do that; Sheila pretend you don‘t know; why? Even at that, people still know me. Isn‘t that enough for you to know that I cannot be shielded?‘
My mom was crying bitterly beside me. I looked at her then I cleaned my face and sighed with stern expression.
'Till now I‘ve been listening to every word you say, doing everything you want me to do but now… I‘m done with that.‘
'No Sh—‘ mom wanted to stop me.
'Henceforth, I will start using my brain the way I‘m supposed to, I will read what I want to read, solve what I want to solve; I will go back to being myself, I will be Sheila again!‘
'No Sheila, you can‘t do that,‘ my mom blurted.
'Watch me mom.‘
My dad strode out of the room in anger and I slept back in bed, backing my mom. She started crying and trying to convince me.
'My love, everything we‘re doing is for you. The world you see is not the way you see it. The moment they know what you can do, they will use you, manipulate you and we don‘t want to lose you darling,‘ her breath hitched, 'please my love.‘
I frowned at what she said but then I was bent; I made my decision. 'Sheila, Sheila,‘ she called but I didn‘t respond.
My dad entered his room and burst into tears. He roamed on a spot crying bitterly then he sat in bed, buried his head in his palms and cried. My mom entered the room in tears and my dad stopped crying instantly, wiping his face immediately.
'Ted, you‘ve got to do something. She must not do what she threatened to do, you know it‘s dangerous for her,‘ she cried. 'You‘ve got to do something; you just have to do something.‘
My dad rose and walked to her.
'You have to talk to her Ted, I cannot lose my baby I don‘t want to lose my baby,‘ my mom cried on.
Dad pulled her into his arms and she wailed in his arms.
'Don‘t worry my love, everything will be fine, she will be fine,‘ my dad consoled.
'You have to talk to her.‘
My dad was awkwardly silent.
'Ted, Ted?‘ my mom was confused at his silence. 'Are you listening to me? You have to do something. She can‘t—‘
'She‘s right.‘
'What?‘ my mom frowned. 'What are you saying?‘
'She‘s right Thelma, we‘ve been too harsh on her.‘ My mom watched dad in confusion.
He continued, 'we‘ve not been fair to our baby, it‘s time we let her be Thelma.‘
'Oh Teddy,‘ she burst into strong wails, collapsing her head into my dad‘s chest, my dad held her tight.
'It will be alright darling,‘ he pat her.
And that was how it all started. My life changed. I became Sheila again and my life got its meaning back. That was when I read the encyclopaedia and some other giant books. I was on a fast track and my brain got back on track.
Everything changed at home. The once happy home now became a home you wouldn‘t be happy going to, because I changed totally. I was mad with my parents that I found it difficult playing with them. I became so quiet and they weren‘t happy about that.
They were tired of watching me unhappy and they decided to talk to me. We just finished dinner and I was about standing up when mom stopped me. 'Sheila,‘ she started.
'Mom I told you I‘m done listening to you.‘ I looked at my dad who just frowned at me and I walked away.
I was in my room reading and my dad entered. 'Sheila, I know you are still mad at us but I want you to know, we agreed we‘ve been harsh on you and we decided that it is fair if we let you be who you want to be, you are free to be Sheila again my love.‘
I ignored him, didn‘t even look up from the book I was reading. He looked at me and left the room quietly, closing the door behind him. I looked up and tears clouded my eyes. I love them so much but I was so bitter they could do that to me. They hate me; how could they do that to me? They knew how much I love them and they decided to take it for granted. I closed my book and lay sober in bed till I slept off.